Chapter 19 Roxy
Roxy
Ryan walks out of the master bath dressed and ready for the day. It’s annoying how much he’s avoiding me. I’ve barely had a chance to wake up.
“See you at breakfast,” he says, headed for the door.
“Wait, honey. We’ve hardly had time to talk since I got here the other day. Stay a minute and catch up with me. Didn’t you think last night’s dinner was beautiful?” I say, wrapping my robe tighter around my waist.
“Sure, dinner was great,” he says.
“Isn’t it nice for all of us to be together again?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “I guess.”
“I think what you’ve done architecturally here and what I’ve done with the accessories and the tablescape really complemented each other. We’re the perfect match, as always.”
“I’m hungry. I’m going to breakfast,” he says.
I walk over and kiss his cheek. He’s still as handsome as the day I first laid eyes on him during college.
“So, who looks the best of all the girls?” I ask. “Not Beth, of course; she still looks like, well, Beth. But am I still the prettiest?”
“You know,” he says. And then stops.
“What?” I ask. “Did you want to tell me something?”
“No,” he says.
“OK, great. Let’s enjoy today with our friends, celebrating Zach, in this beautiful architectural treasure you’ve restored. We’re so blessed.”
“So blessed,” he says. “I’m going to go eat breakfast. I’m assuming you had the staff prepare a feast.”
“I did. Can you wait for me? I’ll be a minute,” I say and hurry into the large changing area and bathroom. It will take me more than a minute to get ready; we both know that.
Ryan peeks his head into my closet. “Look, Roxy, we’re over. You know that, right?”
My heart pounds wildly in my chest. This cannot be happening. I can’t move my mouth, I can’t speak. I drop the silk dress I held in my hand and watch as it slumps onto the floor. My hand shakes.
Ryan says, “I’m only staying through the wedding, for Zach. I’ll see you downstairs.”
“What?” I stammer, finally finding my voice.
This isn’t happening. I won’t allow it. “No. We’re perfect together.
I love you. You love me. It’s been the two of us since college,” I say as panic washes over me.
He can’t leave me. I can’t be alone. I can’t be one of those women everyone talks about.
Oh, she’s so lonely and over-the-hill, what will she do?
I don’t want that pity, those stares. I’ll never be in the social pages again.
Oh my God. I hurry to Ryan and throw my arms around his neck.
I have built my life around this man. What about our dreams, our future?
Our past. “We’re good together, great even. ”
Ryan takes my hands and pulls them off his neck like I’m a fly and he’s swatting me. “I know what being great with someone feels like. And this, us, this isn’t it.”
He starts walking to the door again. I will not be treated this way. I mean, look at me. I could have had anyone back then, and I chose him. He won’t leave me. I won’t allow it.
“Stop right there,” I say, my voice calm but dark and filled with rage. “She’s always come between us, and she still is. Isn’t she? Twenty-five years of marriage, and she still has your loyalty.”
Ryan shakes his head, but he doesn’t deny it.
“That’s right, Ryan. I know why you bought this godforsaken place—the state of ruin it was in when you saw it reminded you of her.
You wanted to re-create that place, the Desert Sunrise, so you could be closer to your college sweetheart, the love of your life, right?
I mean it’s eerie, Ryan, how much this place resembles that old hotel. ”
“This isn’t about Sunny,” he says, but I watch his face flush with color. I don’t know if it’s embarrassment or rage. “This is about us. You never loved me, not like she did. You loved my family’s money. You loved what I could provide.”
I burst into tears. “That’s not true, Ryan. I loved you then, and I love you now. I always have.”
Ryan shakes his head.
I’m crying harder now, giving it all I’ve got. He’ll change his mind, he’ll stay, he always does. I let the conversation get out of control this time. I’ll do better. I have to do better.
His hand is on the doorknob. I’ve failed to convince him. He’s unmoved.
“Roxy,” he says, his voice calm, devoid of emotion.
“What?” I manage, shakily.
“I mean it this time,” he says, opening the door. “After the wedding, I’m gone.”