Chapter 17
17
CALLUM
It’s the Sunday after I got back from France, and I’m standing with Thea in a beautiful old church in a chocolate-box-perfect Cotswold village, about to take part in the christening of my soon-to-be god-daughter Rose, Azim’s baby girl. Azim’s wife, Becca, grew up in this village, and wanted to have the christening here so that her elderly grandparents could come, so most of us have come here from London, and a few from other parts of the country.
I’m extremely honoured to have been asked to be godfather to Rose, and I’m grateful to be here in the Cotswolds. It feels such a world away from Italy and France that it’s almost easy to pretend that my trip with Emma never happened, or that it was a very long time ago, so overall I’m feeling a little better than I was.
‘Hugely relieved that you could make it,’ Azim tells me. ‘We were having nightmares about having to postpone it. You wouldn’t believe how chocka this church’s christening schedule is. When’s Emma getting here?’
‘Emma?’ I query, confused. Is he talking about Emma Emma? He must be. But why? Why would he think that I would bring her? Or that she would be coming at all?
‘Emma Milligan. Emma who you have just driven across Europe with.’
‘She’s coming?’ I ask. ‘To the christening?’
Damn. Damn . I should have thought of this. Azim is after all the person who put me in touch with Emma for the lift.
Azim doesn’t have a chance to reply, because, as he’s about to speak, Becca screams, ‘Ems,’ in a particularly piercing voice, thrusts Rose into Azim’s arms, and sprints (as fast as someone can in a very tight knee-length dress and skyscraper-high heels) down the church path to launch herself into a huge hug with… Emma.
Emma Emma.
For the second time in under two weeks, I’m standing staring in her direction with no ability to think anything other than what the actual …
I feel as though fate’s having a laugh at my expense right now. A nasty laugh. Or Azim is.
‘How did you two get on?’ Azim asks me. ‘Becca and I thought you might… you know.’ He does an exaggerated nudge and wink as my jaw hits the ground.
I’m pretty sure that he’s just effectively told me that he and Becca tried to set me and Emma up. Owing to my mind being too stunned to work properly, I can’t work out the implications of that, but my gut tells me that it really can’t be good, given that she’s here . I kind of want to discuss what he said with Emma, and dissect it with her, but of course I can’t do that, because Emma and I aren’t going to see each other ever again.
Except, here we are. Here Emma is.
She’s now standing in front of me, her mouth in an O shape, staring at me just as much as I’m staring at her.
All of a sudden, I’m incredibly tired. I can’t think beyond the very basic. In this case, the basics are that Emma has very nice shiny orangey lipstick on her O-shaped mouth, and she must be wearing heels as high as Becca’s because her head’s higher than usual. Oh yes, and she’s here . That’s the biggest basic.
‘So Emma, you obviously know Callum,’ Azim interrupts my thoughts. He indicates the other two godparents, who he introduced me to a few minutes ago. ‘This is my friend Rob and I think you know Izzy, don’t you?’
Emma closes her mouth, a little too hard – I worry for a second that she might have bitten her tongue – and says, ‘Yes, I know Izzy, hello,’ and kisses Izzy on both cheeks, before saying, ‘And it’s so lovely to meet you, Rob.’
She puts her hand out and Rob shakes it, and then he says, ‘Hey, we’re bound together for life now as fellow godparents. We need to hug.’
Emma laughs politely and says, ‘You’re right,’ and they share a hug, while I stand there holding Thea’s hand, and do my best to arrange my features into a smile.
After Emma and Rob finish their hug, Emma says, ‘Hi, Callum. Lovely to see you again so soon.’ She looks at Thea and says, ‘Hello.’
‘This is my daughter, Thea,’ I say. ‘Thea, this is… an old friend, Emma.’ I glance at Emma and see that her features have gone a little taut. Yep. Old friend is a weird description, given the reality.
Then Emma smiles brightly and says, ‘Hi, Thea. It’s so nice to meet you.’
And then she moves herself so that Izzy is between us, and we all hover for a moment, and then Azim says, ‘Becca, shall we go in?’
By unspoken but clearly mutual consent, Emma and I arrange ourselves so that Rob and Izzy are between us, and then I apply myself very hard to concentrating on the service; I don’t want to be disrespectful to anyone. It’s very difficult not to be hyper-aware of Emma three people away from me but I focus and say all the words in the right places and I’m pretty sure that no one will have noticed the tension between us.
After the service, we walk to the village pub for drinks and a lunch in an upstairs room.
It’s easy for me to avoid Emma as we walk over en masse, because it’s natural for me to walk with Thea, who has lots of questions about the christening as we wander along holding hands.
I avoid Emma very satisfactorily during the drinks, still talking to Thea plus the parents of another girl of similar age to her who she’s been talking to very seriously about horses, and – as I try hard to produce some pony knowledge and not track Emma out of the corner of my eye – I’m beginning to think I’ll get away with not really speaking to her.
Hopefully, on future occasions that we’re both invited to, we can continue with the not-really-speaking thing until eventually the memory of this past week has receded enough into the background for us to feel moderately at ease around each other, but for now it’s kind of torture.
I see Emma properly chuckle at something Rob’s saying to her and feel a twinge of something that I have to admit is jealousy. I should get used to it; when and if she meets someone else, there’s every chance she’ll bring them to one of these occasions and I’ll have to meet him and see them together.
‘Daddy.’ Thea’s sounding stern. ‘I can tell you haven’t read the horse book we bought.’
‘Sorry, darling. It’s right at the top of my to-be-read pile.’ I turn so that I can’t see Emma at all and won’t be distracted any more.
When Becca claps her hands and tells us it’s lunchtime and that there’s a seating plan, we all make our way over to the tables.
Azim and Becca have – of course – placed Emma and me next to each other.
Fortunately, Thea’s on my other side, and it’s always a pleasure to talk to my wonderful daughter, and Rob is on Emma’s other side and seems more than delighted to spend the whole meal talking very animatedly with both Emma and Izzy, his other seat neighbour, but mainly Emma.
If I’m honest, I find Rob a little dislikeable.
The lunch is a long one.
Afterwards, we all stand up and mingle and I take Thea to chat to Becca’s grandmother, before making the excuse that I promised Thea’s mum that I’d get her back to London in good time so she isn’t too tired before the sports camp she’s doing tomorrow morning.
I say goodbye to everyone, and with Azim and Becca’s eyes on us, I realise that I’m going to have to go over to say goodbye to Emma.