CHAPTER 4
THEN
DAPHNE – Age 9
“Daphne!” My mother shouts, pulling my gaze to hers in the rearview mirror. “Are you even listening to me?”
I want to tell her no since I’m not big on lying. By now, she knows I try to block her out as much as possible. But today’s different. Today I’m scared if I give her an attitude, she’ll change her mind and take me back home. And I desperately want to hang out with my new friend.
Joanna Hunter—or Jonsie, as I learned she likes to be called—joined my class this year, and she’s freakin’ amazing. She was in public school before, but her mom got married, and her new stepdad wanted her to transfer to Queen City Primary. I guess he wanted her to make the change last year, but Jonsie said her mom wouldn’t let her switch in the middle of the year.
A part of me feels bad for her. If she was lucky, her mom would’ve convinced her stepdad to let her stay in public school. Parents think our private schools are so great just ‘cause they cost a buttload of money. Truth is, they suck. Well, at least Queen City Primary does. I don’t know what the middle or high schools are like, but if the kids I’ve been stuck with since kindergarten are this mean now, it’s hard to imagine they get better as they get older.
Everyone at QC Primary is just as stuck up as their parents. I once watched a kid make their friend cry just because their parents had a newer model Mercedes than the other. Jonsie’s different, though. I could tell the very first day when she didn’t let Stephanie Fink tell her where to sit in the lunchroom. The idiot waved Jonsie over and said she was letting her sit with her, like she was winning a contest or something. I’ll never forget the look on Jonsie’s face. She just stared at Stephanie like she was insane before turning away from her and sliding into the seat next to me.
“Hey, I’m Joanna.” She waved. “But everyone calls me Jonsie.”
I stared for a minute in shock, eyes pinging between Jonsie’s smile and Stephanie’s reddening face in the background. The awkward pause only lasted a minute before I pulled it together, my smile spreading wide to match her own.
“Hi,” I said with maybe a bit too much excitement. “I’m Daphne.”
“Nice to meet you, Daph.” She opened her lunchbox and began pulling out her juice and containers while asking me questions about why other fourth graders thought they could assign lunch seats. But I wasn’t catching most of what she said. I was still stuck on one word—Daph.
A nickname. She’d given me a nickname.
It might sound stupid, but I’ve spent my life constantly being told I’m not good enough. It was nice to be gifted something that I didn’t have to work for. Something that just… fit.
So, like I said, a part of me feels bad that someone as nice as her was forced into this nightmare, but now that she’s here, I pray she never leaves. We’ve been inseparable at school since that first day, and now my parents have finally agreed to let me go hang at her house. I think about how kind she is, and I wonder if all public school kids are like that. If I thought it would do any good, I’d beg my mother to let me go to public school, but she’d never allow that. Even asking such a question would earn me a slap to the face. I can practically hear her voice now. Public school is for trash, and Burkes don’t associate with trash.
No, apparently, we only associate with snobs. I scoff at the thought.
“What was that, young lady?!” she snaps from the driver’s seat.
“Nothing,” I respond. “I’m listening.”
She mutters something to herself about me being useless before continuing. “As I was saying, you are to be on your best behavior today. Not that that little ragamuffin you’re spending time with would know what civilized looks like.”
My back stiffens, my posture straightening as I sit all the way upright in my seat. “Do you have a problem with Joanna? You haven’t even met her.”
“I don’t need to. Her mother was a nobody who got lucky when her car broke down on a road that the right man just happened to drive down. Honestly, it’s downright shameful how fast she sank her claws into poor Mitch. All the suitable matches he could have had his pick of.” Her tongue makes the clicking sound she only does when she’s disappointed. “Just goes to show he hasn’t been in his right mind since he lost his wife. I’m sure he ate that damsel in distress act right up.”
“Maybe her mom’s just a really nice person, and her stepdad liked that about her.”
My mother’s shrill laughter echoes around us. “Oh, my poor na?ve daughter. You don’t know the first thing about how the world works. That woman weaseled her way into quite the setup using methods not suitable for discussing in the presence of children, and now look at her. She’s got that poor man eating out of the palm of her hand. He gives her anything she wants, including letting her run his office.” She flicks her blinker, making a right into a neighborhood with houses easily two times the size of ours—and ours is pretty big. “If she really had his best interests at heart, she’d be home wrangling those two feral beasts they call children. But no, instead they let them run wild in that mud pit.”
“It’s not a mud pit, Mom.” I rush to defend my friend. “Jonsie and her brother ride dirt bikes. Her brother’s like really good, and she said he’s been teaching her how to ride since she was six. She even said he’d probably be willing to show me how—”
“Little girls do not ride motorcycles!” she shouts, cutting me off. “If I find out you climbed on one of those things, I swear to Christ, Daphne, I will spank you so hard you won’t be able to sit down for a week. For God’s sake, have some class!” She makes a left before turning down a long driveway lined with large trees.
“Why are you even letting me go?” I regret the words the second they leave my mouth, suddenly afraid she’s going to throw the car in reverse. Surprisingly, though, she doesn’t. Instead, she slows to a stop in front of the house, which she stares up at through the windshield with jealous eyes.
“Listen to me, Daphne.” The ice in her voice sends a chill down my spine. “Mitch Conners is the wealthiest man in Dutchess. Maybe even Queen City. That means that even though I don’t agree with his life choices at the moment, it would be foolish not to seize an opportunity for our families to align for the time being. Your friendship with his stepdaughter provides your father with the opportunity to potentially partner with him on some investments. Do you understand?”
I blink a few times, allowing her words to sink in.
“You want me to be friends with Jonsie so Dad has a reason to spend time with her stepdad?”
“For the time being, yes.” My mother nods, completely unbothered by the tears I’m clearly fighting back. I was stupid to think they were letting me come here for any reason other than one that would help them.
“I’m not going to let you use my friend.” My fists grip hold of the fabric along the hemline of the dress. My mother made me wear it, complete with tights. I hate when she makes me wear dresses. I mean, it’s freaking November! Everything about this situation is making me angry.
“Stop being dramatic, Daphne! I’m not asking you to spy around their house. I’m asking you to maintain a friendship for a few months. You’re getting off easy. It’s not like we’re arranging a marriage between you and their son.” She forces a shudder. “Thank God. I don’t know if I could bring myself to accept Daniel as a son-in-law.”
“Nick.”
“Hmmm?” She glances back at me.
“Jonsie’s brother’s name is Nick. Not Daniel.” I huff in annoyance.
“Jonsie,” she scoffs. “What a ridiculous name. Joanna’s stepbrother—” she emphasizes both words “—is Daniel Conners. It is his legal first name and, therefore, the only thing I will refer to him as. I remember the birth announcements his parents sent out the day after Mitch and Gabriella brought him home from the hospital. Honestly,” she mutters to herself as she opens her door to climb from the car, “if Gabriella wanted to everyone to call him Nicky so bad then she should have made it his first name.”
My mother hops out of the car and slams the door when everything suddenly clicks.
Oh. My. God.
My head whips to the side in a panic, looking out my window at the same time the front door of the house swings open. Jonsie comes running out toward the car, while a really pretty blonde woman follows not far behind.
And then I see him. He’s older now, eleven or twelve, but I am one hundred percent positive it’s him. I could never forget that face.
Nicky.
Joanna’s brother is Nicky. The boy from the funeral my mom took me to when I was little.
The boy I’ve thought about every day for almost four years. Oh my God, and I’m wearing a dress?! With tights?! I look like I’m ready for church, not to hang out.
I bury my face in my hands. I think I’m gonna throw up.
My car door opens, and I glance over to find my mother sending me one of her famous death stares.
“Get out of the car,” she hisses out in a low tone. “What is the matter with you?”
Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I unbuckle my seatbelt and come to stand beside my mom.
“Hey, Daph!” Jonsie bounces over to me, tossing her arms around my neck and pulling me into a hug.
“It’s Daphne, sweetheart,” my mother corrects, slowly pronouncing my name like Joanna’s an idiot. She releases me, all the while eyeing my mom.
I shuffle my feet several times before finding the courage to glance up at Jonsie’s brother. I’m being stupid. He probably doesn’t even remember me.
We lock eyes and, yeah, no, he definitely knows who I am. Nicky stands beside Jonsie’s mom, which makes me realize how tall he’s gotten. Geez, he’s her height. Aside from the growth spurt, he looks just like I remember. Same messy blond hair. Same light blue eyes. Even the look on his face is the same—head tilted slightly to the side, eyeing me suspiciously.
God, I’d been such a weirdo that day. Constantly bringing up that his mom was dead, then going off about unicorn wishes. It wasn’t weird to me at the time, but looking back? Ugh. Kill me now.
How long have we been standing here like this? It can’t be more than a few seconds, right? Crap. This is so awkward. Say something, idiot. Anything!
“Hi, Nicky.” I offer up a halfhearted wave.
“Daphne?” he whispers, eyes narrowed like he’s wondering if I’m really here.
“It’s Daph.” I’m quick to correct him.
“No, it isn’t,” my mother butts in.
Nicky stares at me a few moments longer, his gaze shifting between me and my mom. When his eyes make their way back to mine, his mouth twists into a wide grin. Oh, God. I’ve never seen Nicky smile. At least not like that, and I’m not ready for the butterflies it sets loose in my stomach.
“Hey, Daph,” he officially greets me, and I feel my face grow hot.
“It’s Daphne,” my mother insists once more.
“No, it isn’t,” Nicky and I answer at the same time, eyes still locked on one another.
“Okay!” Jonsie’s mom claps her hands together with a cheerful smile while approaching my mother. “I am Shannon Conners. Welcome to our home.” Mrs. Conners politely extends a hand to my mom. She takes it, though eyes Mrs. Conners’ jeans and hoodie combo in a way that lets me know she’s judging her hard.
“Oh, I’ve been here before.” My mom gives her hand the girliest shake I’ve ever seen before dropping it like she’s diseased. “Back when the original Mrs. Conners lived here.”
Nicky’s head snaps to the right, hands fisting at his sides like he’s trying to resist hitting my mom. For a second, I worry he might actually do it, but then his stepmom’s hand comes to rest on his shoulder. He’s still angry, for sure, but her touch obviously settles him.
The sight makes me happy. For years I worried he was all alone. But seeing them together makes me realize that’s not the case.
Mrs. Conners smiles warmly, showing my mother more kindness than she deserves. “You knew Gabby? That’s lovely. Were you close?”
“Gabriella was a dear friend,” my mother lies. My parents don’t spend any real time with me, but judging by how desperate she is for this connection to Mitch Conners, I know there’s no way she had any real friendship with Nicky’s mom.
Nicky scoffs, and I don’t miss the reassuring squeeze of Mrs. Conners’ hand on his shoulder as she continues. “I have to tell you, I’m embarrassed to admit I think I messed up when talking to Mitch before. He asked who was coming over, and I must have told him the wrong name. I thought it was Burke. How embarrassing.”
“No. No,” my mother speaks up. “You got it right. Burke. Christopher and Belinda Burke.”
“Hmmm.” Mrs. Conners seems confused for a moment. “That’s strange. When I told Mitch your name, he said he had no idea who you were. Nicky, did I say Burke, or did I mess that up?”
“Nah, Ma.” A mischievous smirk spreads across his face as he leans into his stepmom, allowing her to wrap her arm around him. “You said Burke. I was there.”
My mother’s face turns red with anger, and I can practically see the smoke coming out of her ears. There’s not a doubt in my mind she’s never going to let me stay now, and though that kills me, it’s worth it to see what a real family looks like.
I understand now why Jonsie isn’t like the other stuck-up kids at school. It’s because she’s just like her mom. And her mom is obviously incredible.
I look to my friend who must catch on to the fact that my mom’s two seconds away from tossing me back into the car, because her face suddenly falls. My lips curl up into a small reassuring smile as I mouth the words, “it’s okay.” Shoulders slumping, I don’t wait for her to cause a scene. Instead, I turn to make my way back toward the car.
“I don’t know, Nick.” Mrs. Conners’ words stop me in my tracks. “I’m thinking I got it wrong. I originally thought I said Burke, but I really think I said Brooke.”
I glance over my shoulder at them, my gaze shifting from Jonsie to her mom before coming to rest on Nicky.
“You know…” Nicky’s head does that puppy dog tilt again, only it doesn’t make him look sweet and innocent. No, it makes him look like he’s scheming. “Now that you mention it, Ma, I wasn’t paying close attention this morning. You very well could have messed it up.”
Mrs. Conners tsks, pulling Jonsie into her other side before continuing. “Welp, there’s only one way to solve this. Belinda, I know we originally scheduled an hour playdate but I must insist Daphne stay for dinner so Mitch can meet her. That way she can clear up any obvious mistakes I made earlier.”
My heart leaps into my throat.
Who is this woman?
A saint. An actual freakin’ saint.
I turn toward my mother just in time to see her familiar fake smile slip back into place. It doesn’t matter that Mrs. Conners offended her a minute ago. There’s no way she’s passing this opportunity up.
“Of course, Shannon. And don’t worry, mistakes happen all the time. Anyway, I’m sure with how close our girls are, we’ll be seeing plenty of one another.”
“I don’t doubt that.” Mrs. Conners’ smile looks frozen in place as she waves to my mother, who’s already getting back in her car.
“Daphne, be good, sweetheart!” She forces the last word out like it physically hurts her. It’s not a term she’d ever waste on me if there were no one around to witness it. “Shannon, just give a shout when you’ve had your fill, and I’ll send someone to fetch her.”
And with that, Mommie Dearest disappears down the driveway faster than you can blink.
I slowly turn, nervously picking at the skin around my thumbnail. “Thank you,” I whisper, shuffling my feet. “I’m so sorry for her… for how she—”
“Hey, now.” Mrs. Conners steps forward, cutting me off. She drops down to one knee, placing a steady hand over my anxious ones. “I think now’s a good time to go over the rules in this house. Rule number one: We don’t apologize for the actions of other people. You hear me?”
“Yes, ma’am.” I nod.
“Oof.” She snickers. “Rule number two, lovebug—I am Shannon, Shan, Ma, Mama. Hell, I’d take ‘Hey, you’ before I accept ma’am. Okay?”
An unexpected chuckle slips from my throat. “Yes, Shannon.”
She smiles, and unlike the ones she’d been forcing for my mother’s benefit, I can tell this one is real. It warms me from the inside out, making me feel safe. Making me feel like I matter.
Shannon pushes up to stand, and Jonsie rushes to my side, looping her arm with mine. “Okay, what are you wearing?” She giggles as she swats at the skirt of my dress.
“Trust me, I didn’t pick it.”
“It’s ridiculous,” Nicky states matter-of-factly, and I fight the urge to wince.
“What Nicky means to say—” Shannon hops in “—is that while it is a beautiful dress, it’s probably not very practical for an outdoor autumn hangout session. Right, Nick?” She arches her brow at him.
“I’m assuming anything other than ‘yes’ is going to result in a foot in my butt?”
“Yes.”
“Then yes, that’s exactly what I meant.”
“Still rude, I see.”
Nicky turns his attention to me. “Always.” One side of his mouth tips up into a crooked grin and, crap, those stupid butterflies are back.
Jonsie squeezes my arm as she looks between us. “How do you guys know each other?”
I try to think of the best way to answer, but Nicky beats me to it.
“We met at my mom’s funeral. And contrary to your mother’s lies, that day was the most time she ever spent in the same room as my mom.”
“I figured.” My voice comes out lower than I intend. “I’m sor—”
“Uh uh!” Shannon pipes up. “Rule number one, remember?”
I bite down on my lip to stop the words I feel like I’m supposed to say. Words that are ingrained in my mind as a result of being told everything is my fault. It feels strange… to suddenly be told I’m not the problem.
“Come on.” Jonsie tugs on my arm, pulling me from my thoughts and toward the house. “I have stuff you can wear.”
“J!” Nicky calls out as we climb the stone steps to the front door. I stop. Looking back, I’m surprised to find him staring at me. “Dress her for the track. Let’s see what the princess is made of.”