23. Joy
JOY
“Maybe she is a Sorcerer, maybe she is not. It is not my business, and it is not yours.”
- JOY WHEN ASKED ABOUT FLORENCE
“Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?” My voice came out harsher that I intended it to. I walked to the bedroom door, shaking the handle, checking we would not be disturbed.
“This is why I didn’t tell you, Joy,” Florence whispered through her teeth, pulling me down to sit on the bed beside her. “I wanted to tell you but…” Florence fought the words in her mouth, opening and closing it until finally finding the words. “I did not know who I could trust, after what happened to Jameson…” She scrubbed her hands over her face. “After what I did to Jameson, I didn’t know if you would use this against me.” The words hit me like a fist to the gut. She was scared, I had caused her fear.
“But when I saw how open and accepting you had been towards Jodie and Erin…” She trailed off, her words lost.
She believed I would have sold her out, she believed I would have given her up to be slaughtered.
Disgust balled in my stomach.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered lightly, “I’m sorry.” More words threatened to flow from my lips, but my mouth refused to form them. I knew her pain, I knew her fear and loathing and self-hatred.
But through all of it I had Jameson by my side, telling me every day, even when I refused to listen, that I was loved.
That I was safe with him.
That I was enough.
I reached toward her, tugging on her shoulder until she let me wrap my arms around her.
Silence radiated around us as we embraced. I forced all the safety into the hug, hoping my clinging arms radiated how sorry I was. My shoulder started to feel damp as Florence began sobbing.
“I miss my brothers,” she said softly. “I miss them so much.” She crumpled as she finally let a few tears fall. Guilt burrowed into my chest; Florence had lost everything. Her family separated just because of their ancestors.
“Do you… have your… do you know?” My words failed me, yet again.
“Do I know what I am?” She lifted her head so our eyes could meet. I nodded, my nose grazing slightly over her cheek. She sighed, her breath causing goosebumps along my skin.
“I am a ‘SkyChanger’.” Her eyes darted around the room as she spoke.
A SkyChanger. I moved back from her and crossed my legs beneath me.
“What’s it like?” I whispered, unsure on how to ask such a question. She pondered the question for a moment, then smiled deeply.
The smell of the ocean breeze, fresh washed bedsheets and brewed coffee filled my nostrils. Light rain knocked against the windows around us, making the world both loud and quiet at once. She released a breath.
“It’s like being away for so long, and then coming home.” Her eyes fluttered shut as the rain continued its steady beat against the windows. Her power bringing rain to our part of the world.
“You make it sound so good,” I whispered.
“It is,” she opened her eyes to look at me, a grin splitting her face. “It is unlike anything else in the entire world. I would let myself be hunted a thousand times over, just to feel this power once.” Mesmerized by her words, I reached out to grab her hand.
“I am not sure, I think I might’ve made it rain when Harlow crashed into our ship.” She clasped her hand around mine, soft calluses and scars sliding over my own.
She smiled softly. “So I can make it rain and use my power in combat but that’s the extent. How can I help us get to Jameson? Start a sandstorm?” She rolled her eyes.
“You’re more help than I am, I can’t do anything.” I smiled as she squeezed my hand.
“You’ve brought us here, you saved Erin and Jodie, you’re travelling across continents to save your family, you’re saving everyone.” Her voice was soft like velvet. “You’ve already saved me countless times,” her whisper blew hot air against my cheek and, in that moment, I realized how close we had become. Thighs pressed flush together, arms brushing, hands still firmly encased in the other’s.
“You saved…” my voice broke, I heaved in a deep breath and blew it out. “You saved yourself.” My whisper barely made it past my lips. She reached out, twining one of my braids between her fingers. Staring at her now, really staring, the breath was knocked from my lungs at her sheer beauty.
“You are beautiful, Joy,” she spoke, as though taking the words from my mouth.
A blush crept from my neck all the way to my cheeks. In that moment I knew that I could not stay angry at her, I could not blame her for Jameson’s kidnapping any more than I could deny the feelings blossoming in my chest. Despite all of this I had to be smart. Jameson was still at large, and my crew were waiting for me back on Dayra. I rested my hand on her cheek, my calluses slipping over her smooth skin.
“I should go,” I said, even though the words begged to stay in my mouth.
“I know,” Florence nodded. But we didn’t move, we stayed still, staring at one another. I knew I couldn’t stay in this moment, but I also knew I didn’t want to leave, so I was stuck. Stiller than the waves on a calm day.
“Mooooorrrningggg!” Jodie yelled, wooden planks creaking beneath her feet as she made her way to the deck. I moved slowly, letting Florence rest her forehead against mine for a fraction of a moment, before heading for the door in only the old t-shirt.
Erin joined me in the hallway, opening her door as I did mine.
“How did you sleep?” I asked, pulling her in for a hug, she resisted at first, only to wrap her arms around me a moment later.
“Not bad,” she smiled to herself. “This ship is a hell of a lot quieter than Harlow’s.” She glanced up and down the corridor as if looking for the rest of her crew.
“I miss the noise too.” I nudged her softly with my elbow. “On the loudest nights, when the crew sung drunkenly or Jameson brought home… company for the night, Lolita and I would bring our blankets and sleep on the deck, just staring at the stars.” I laughed softly.
We walked onto the deck, stomachs grumbling as Jodie tore at hunks of bread and cracked open cans of peaches.
“Lolita, she was your partner?” Erin asked as we sat on the warm wood next to Jodie.
“Oh yes, I’m sorry I thought I mentioned her before.” A blush crept up from neck. “She was my partner, she was my everything.” For once I felt like smiling at her memory rather than crying.
“She passed last winter.” I nodded to myself, plucking a peach from the can.
“Oh, Joy, I’m sorry,” Jodie said softly, resting her arm on my knee momentarily. I smiled back at her, resting my hand on top of hers.
“I hope to someday love someone the way you love her.” Erin clasped my other hand, and maybe it was the way she said ‘love’ instead of ‘loved’ or maybe it was the unbelievably sweet gesture the sisters were showing me, but love burst within me and the words fell from my mouth.
“I don’t think I could ever love anyone as much as I love Lolita, that kind of connection… it is not severed through death.” A creak on the boards behind us sounded as Florence approached us warily.
Guilt rushed through me, but I didn’t know why, I was not ashamed of loving Lolita, but a part of me didn’t want Florence to know that. I cringed.
“Hungry?” I asked by way of greeting, shielding my eyes from the sun as I looked up at her.
“Starving,” she replied, plopping down on the other side of Jodie.