Chapter 12 #6
The brightness that filled the room made Joshua’s eyes seem luminescent.
His embrace had loosened so Leo could turn, but he tightened his arms again as he shuffled closer to cage Leo’s feet with his own, voice low.
“Have you thought about… When we go public, you’ll be famous.
There’ll be things you won’t be able to do anymore.
Like, of course you can still do investigations for James, but undercover work when everyone knows your face—just, that doesn’t make much sense.
And regularly trespassing on private property is also…
not good. Your work with those kids, it would need to be turned into something more…
” He bit his lip and shrugged, appearing helpless and a little sad. “Something more official, I guess.”
Leo exhaled around the tight pressure that radiated out from behind his sternum.
Joshua was right: Leo’s life would change—but it would be his life, more so than the half-arsed game of hide-and-seek he’d played before.
While there would still be aspects of his past that he’d keep away from the public eye, he’d reclaim his name, his heritage, would own up to the years he’d spent scrounging for food and a safe place to stay, never knowing whether he’d wake up to torchlight shining into his eyes or where he’d end up the next day.
Those experiences had shaped him just as much as the times he’d negotiated the price of a blowjob or a fuck. Probably more.
And whatever the future held, Leo would face it with Joshua right by his side.
“I know things will change,” Leo said, only just a whisper. “It’s not like I haven’t thought about it before I came to Brazil, you know?”
“You have?” Joshua asked, a glint of relief shining through the question.
“I’m not stupid, Princeling. Of course I realise that things will change.
Massively and in ways I probably can’t even imagine.
” Leo lifted a brow and shot him a smile that felt foreign on his face, not fully at home in the serenity of the moment.
“But I picked you anyway, which should tell you something. Remember what you told me, that day in my flat?”
I’m scared, but I’m doing it anyway. You’re just scared.
While Joshua didn’t repeat the words out loud, Leo could tell that he understood.
His nod was faint, and they were quiet for a short while, simply watching each other, pressed together and so close that details were beginning to swim in front of Leo’s eyes.
He was the one who picked the thread of conversation back up.
“James already mentioned redefining my role, making me the public face of the team or something. And…” He pressed his lips together before he continued.
“Well, yeah, I suppose I couldn’t be as directly involved with the kids anymore.
It would have to be Kylie running the show, maybe with Carole’s help.
Or we would need to find a place that tolerates us. ”
Joshua dipped his head to nose at Leo’s cheek, his breath fanning out in a warm gust of air.
“I could help,” he offered. “Not, like, buy you a place because I know you wouldn’t let me, but…
I know people. And obviously, I can do something with my name, so if I declare myself a patron, there’s a good chance some businesses would offer up their premises for the great promo.
Win-win.” A second of silence followed, then Joshua chuckled, the sound so quiet it hardly registered.
“Actually, as my boyfriend, you’ll probably have the kind of impact that means you can be the patron yourself. You don’t need my name.”
That was…
Kind of true. Huh.
The sudden onslaught of possibilities made Leo’s head spin.
He could use this, take advantage of the connections that came with his new role—not only to procure a place for his kids, but also to provide James’ team with direct insight into opinions and rumours circulating within high society.
It would be a different kind of undercover work, something like recon in plain view.
Leo would have to discuss it with James, but even more importantly, he’d have to discuss it with Joshua.
Later, though. They didn’t need to have all the answers just yet.
Angling himself so his lips caught the corner of Joshua’s mouth, Leo brought one arm up around Joshua’s back and pulled him in. He kept his voice low. “That’s a good point, but how about we postpone this? Right now, I need you close and with me all the way.”
“I am,” Joshua murmured, turning further into Leo’s touch. His mouth curved up, and Christ, Leo hoped he’d never get over the raw punch of want just at the sight of him.
“Thank you,” Leo said quietly, and Joshua’s heavy gaze fixed on Leo’s face. His words were slow, but firm.
“No, thank you.” He paused, expression smoothing out into something calmly hopeful. “Hey, we can do this, right? We’ll get through this. Together.”
“We will,” Leo whispered. Most of him believed it.
Their remaining time in Brazil rushed by in a blur.
The five of them visited subterranean lakes of an iridescent blue and stared at the astonishing natural spectacle that were the Iguazu Falls; they hiked through a tropical rainforest and bathed in a plunge pool, water the colour of Pepsi rushing around them; they canoed through black-water-flooded Amazonian forests and jumped into one of the lagoons hidden between the sand dunes of the Lencóis Maranhenses National Park.
“This is our intermission,” Joshua had murmured one night, low like a secret and brushed against Leo’s skin. While Leo had teased him about his posh choice of wording, he couldn’t help but agree. This was their time to learn each other by heart and touch, before the world would come crashing in.
Fourteen days. It would have to do.
Leo spent most of the flight back with Joshua curled into his side and dread a bleak weight in his bones. Fortunately the others were in a bantering mood, and Leo was jolted out of his anxiety by Tristan bragging about having taken the lead in their tipping game a couple of matches ago.
“Brazil will kick Germany out in the semis,” Leo told him, “and you’ll be done. No wine for you.”
“It’s going to be Brazil against Argentina in the final,” Mo said, not even bothering to open his eyes. “Political reasons. Just wait for it. And then Brazil will take the Cup.”
“Argentina,” Nate argued.
“Brazil,” Mo repeated.
Tristan shook his head, perfectly content. “Nope. Germany. Adidas already printed the jerseys.”
“Who even cares?” Leo asked. “And anyway, if it’s like that, I’m going to go with the Netherlands.”
Nate scoffed. “That’d be a first.”
“Not sure you have room to judge when your country is already out,” Tristan said, grin wide.
“Not sure you have room to judge when your team didn’t qualify,” Leo shot back. He was rewarded with Joshua giggling into his T-shirt, a warm puff of air, and immediately found himself distracted from the conversation. Grinning at Joshua, Leo tugged on a curl and watched it spring back into place.
By the time he tuned back into the conversation, the topic had moved on to sea serpents, of all things. Resting his cheek on Joshua’s head, Leo took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar mix of cologne, shampoo and Joshua, Joshua, Joshua.
“Hey,” he whispered, so quiet it wouldn’t travel over the roar of the plane’s engines. His stomach quivered through a turbulence. “We can do this, right? We’ll get through the shitshow that’s about to happen? You won’t regret it?”
Joshua lifted his head. “I won’t,” he said. “I won’t regret you, okay? Never.” There was no trace of doubt in his features, just calm certainty. Leo took another deep breath and nodded.
“Me neither,” he replied. “No way could I ever regret you.”
Joshua remained silent, but his smile bloomed true and bright. He dropped his head back down onto Leo’s shoulder, and Leo wrapped an arm around his waist to pull him closer. Always closer.
In the rear-view mirror, Carole’s eyes were worried. “Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked.
“Actually, I’m quite sure I don’t want to do this at all.” Leo adjusted the cuffs of his leather jacket, then looked up and set his jaw. “However, this very thing is my speciality. So.”
“I could do it alone,” Nate offered from the passenger seat. He sounded unconvinced, and Leo sent him a smile, shaking his head.
“You really couldn’t, mate. You’re not ruthless enough.” With that, Leo threw open the door and squinted up at the unfamiliar building.
Six years. It figured that both René and Jake would have moved in that time.
The latter was now married to a woman who was blissfully unaware that her husband’s weekly outings with some mates for a round of bowls were, in fact, Jake meeting another boy just like Leo in a hotel that rented out rooms by the hour—Carole had procured the pictures to prove it.
Just in case Jake happened to be obstinate.
But first off: René. Funny how Leo wasn’t the only underage prostitute the guy had picked up. Funny how it wasn’t funny at all.
Oh God.
They didn’t deserve you.
Joshua’s voice a soft echo in his head, Leo sucked some air into his lungs. They still felt punctured, like a flat tyre that had collapsed into itself, but when Nate stepped up next to him, Leo squared his shoulders. Without a backwards glance, he set off for the front door.
He let Nate do the honours of fiddling with the lock until it sprang open, then he took the lead up to a door on the second floor. Karl Nible. His finger on the doorbell, Leo paused to collect himself. Nate’s hand came to rest on his shoulder, heavy and right there.
Leo pressed the button.
His heart rate cut each second that they waited into three hectic slices. Then there were footsteps, and Leo moved slightly to the side so he wouldn’t show through the spyhole. He rapped his knuckles against the wood, just once.
It took a moment, then the door opened by a cautious crack. Nate shoved it open the rest of the way.