Chapter 13
Ispend close to an hour down in the kitchen getting to know the group.
I learned long ago that there aren’t friendships in Morathka’s court, but there are alliances born from a need to gain power or in a desperate bid to hold on to it.
Right now, I’m in the former camp. If Jonas and I team up with the Eastern Isles group, we could be a damn strong team, although I’m uncomfortably aware that I’d be the weak link within it.
‘Got your dress ready for the ball?’ Benny asks his friend, shooting Llinos a smirk. ‘I heard your Carys packed some stunners.’
Llinos scowls back. ‘I don’t mind how they look,’ she says in an aside to me. ‘I just hate how I can’t move properly in them. Honestly, I’m tempted to take a pair of scissors and cut some damn slits up the side.’
‘Then why don’t you?’ I shrug.
She purses her lips, as though the thought hadn’t even crossed her mind. ‘I guess I could,’ she says slowly, tapping her lip. ‘It’s not like my family is going to see me. Maybe I will.’ She brightens. ‘What about you? Have you got anyone to fix your hair, or do you need help?’
I frown. My hair is not something that is easily ‘fixed.’ My white strands are currently loosely plaited and fall down in front of my shoulder, and there’s not much else that can be done beyond that.
The strands are that irritating type of waviness that frizzes at the first sign of dampness in the air and mats the minute you rest your head against a pillow.
‘Oh, I was just going to do it,’ I reply. But even before I’ve finished speaking, an expression of excitement twists Llinos’s lips. ‘Or you could help me?’ I offer, extending a hair-related olive branch. When she flashes a smile, I know I’ve said the right thing.
‘I’d love to!’ She beams. ‘We should get going now though.’
En route to my room, we stop at Llinos’s dorm, which she’s sharing with the other members of the Eastern Isles group.
There are six single beds, but there are now only five people in the room following Suan’s death.
For a second, I consider asking if I can take the spare one – after all, if Llinos is offering to do my hair, she’s probably hoping a friendship’s going to form here – but I keep quiet.
The last thing I want is for them to think that I’m trying to replace her when her body’s barely cold.
‘I’ll just be one second,’ Llinos says, grabbing a bag and slinging it over her shoulder. ‘Okay, so where are you bunked down?’
It’s easy to remember the way to the cast-iron spiral staircase, though halfway up it starts swaying in a way that’s more than a little disconcerting. When I glance back, I find Llinos holding the banister and rocking it back and forth.
‘Just trying to feel how sturdy it is!’ She grins.
‘Any chance you can do that while I’m not three-quarters of the way up?’
‘You’re no fun,’ she teases, but she stops rocking the frame.
Once at the top of the stairs, I move to open the door, only to notice something that wasn’t there before: a large bucket filled with sand. Two letters are marked at the top. The letter J, followed by an x for a kiss beneath it.
My heart does a little skip as a smile forms on my lips unbidden.
‘Everything okay?’ Llinos asks, having also reached the top of the staircase.
‘Oh, yes.’ I pick up the bucket and take it into the room with me. ‘Everything’s just fine.’ I don’t explain Jonas’s tongue-in-cheek gift – as if I have the power to burn this whole place down – but I chuckle to myself.
She lets out a low whistle as she sees my space. ‘You lucked out here – if you exclude the death trap of a staircase.’
‘No, Jonas lucked out,’ I tell her. ‘He’s from Wrohelm so got it before most people arrived. He said I could take it after the incident with Zara.’
‘How very gentlemanly.’ Her lips twitch, though I choose to ignore her teasing expression. ‘Come on, sit down,’ she says a moment later. ‘Time to get started.’
It takes Llinos less than three minutes to realise that making my hair ball-worthy is not quite going to be the straightforward task she obviously hoped it would be.
‘Sorry,’ I say after a moment. ‘My little sister, Acacia, she got all the good hair. Plus the good looks and just general goodness in the family, really.’
‘Are you kidding me? You’re freaking stunning. You just look … um … weary …’
Weary. That’s one way of putting it. And it’s not as though I’m going to get a rest now that I’m here.
‘What about you?’ I ask as she continues to battle with my split ends. ‘Do you have siblings?’
‘I do.’ Even though she’s standing behind me, I can sense the smile forming on Llinos’s lips.
‘A little sister called Carys. She’s only nine but already runs rings around my parents.
Gods, I love her to bits. I hate the fact that I’m not gonna be able to see her while I’m here.
I can’t bear the thought that, well, you know … ’
‘I know,’ I reply. We fall into silence, and I know we’re both thinking about how so many people here won’t get to say goodbye to the ones they love.
I hope to hell we’re not in that group. A lump that I’ve been trying to suppress in my chest all day threatens to reform, when suddenly Llinos jumps up.
‘Hold on. I’ve got another idea.’
Without waiting for me to respond, she bounds out of the door, her footsteps rattling on the stairs.
Thoughts of Kay are still burning behind my eyes, and if I don’t do something soon, I’m going to chicken out, say ‘to hell with whatever fate Etta inflicts on me for desertion,’ and race back to the slums to find my sister.
But that won’t help anyone in the long run.
So instead, I stand and move over to the wardrobe.
I’m going to have to choose my outfit eventually, although I’m secretly hoping Llinos will make the decision for me.
In far less time than I expected, I hear the rattle of the stairs again, and Llinos is back. In her hand is the smallest dagger I’ve ever seen.
‘What exactly are you planning on doing with that?’ I ask curiously. It surprises me that I don’t feel at all nervous to have her near me with that dagger.
‘Just wait. It’s gonna work, I’m sure of it. Now sit down.’
I do as instructed and let her work her way through my knots.
‘Okay, here’s my thinking. I’ll make a bunch of small braids down each side, leave half of them hanging, and pull the rest back. Then I’ll pin them and the rest of your hair up with the dagger. It’ll give a ready-to-fight, don’t-fuck-with-me look.’
‘Sounds good to me,’ I reply, only half able to visualise what she said but more than happy to have another weapon at hand, even if it is the tiniest one I’ve ever seen. ‘Does that actually have a purpose? Or is it just decorative?’
She shrugs. ‘You’d have to ask Benny. It’s one of the many things his family gave him to bring. Good luck tokens, I think. It’s meant to help motivate him, you know? A reminder of why we all need this gifting.’
‘What are you here for?’ I ask. ‘You said you were going to work together, right? Does that mean you all want the same gifting?’ Only when an extended pause follows my answer do I realise that the question is rudely personal. ‘Sorry, that’s none of my business,’ I say hastily.
‘I’m sure lots of us want the same things in some sense,’ she replies, sweeping past my question. ‘Now, let’s just see if I can successfully pin this up first.’ She moves to sweep up a handful of my hair when I hear her gasp. ‘Look,’ she whispers, her voice hitched with excitement. ‘A raven.’
As she drops my hair entirely, I twist around and watch as she takes a step towards the window. Sure enough, on the sill is a great black bird with beady, glass-like eyes. I expect the bird to fly off as she nears it, but it doesn’t.
‘We don’t get them in the Eastern Isles.’ Her voice is still whispered awe. ‘This is the first time I’ve ever seen one. Caz would be so excited. She loves birds.’
‘They’re meant to be bad omens,’ I tell her, certain she wouldn’t be staring at it with quite such reverence if she knew how they were viewed here. ‘Very bad omens.’
She turns around. ‘Why?’
‘My father said they whisper your secrets to Mortidem so he knows the best way to take you,’ I admit. To ease the heaviness of the moment, I ask, ‘Who’s Caz? Is that your sister?’
‘My sister? No. No!’ She lets out a laugh as if I’ve said the most preposterous thing in the world. ‘Carys is my sister. Caz is my … was my … Caz was my everything, I guess. She knows all about birds.’
‘She’s still on the Eastern Isles?’ I ask. ‘Did she also try to enter the Retterheld?’
‘No. No, I haven’t seen her for four years now.’
There is something about the way Llinos speaks that implies Caz hasn’t passed away and been given to Mortidem to distribute her powers anew. Which is why I ask gently, ‘Where is she? What happened?’
With one last glance at the raven, Llinos moves back to the bed and drops down next to me with a huff.
‘I don’t know,’ she says. ‘That’s the truth.
I don’t know.’ The silence between us lingers, but eventually, she finds her voice.
‘We grew up together,’ she starts. ‘Best friends until we realised we were a lot more than that. I was twenty-one when she gave me this.’ She lifts her hand and shows me the ring on her middle finger.
It’s a recognised sign of intention and is traditionally joined by two more rings on the adjacent fingers at marriage.
‘Four years. There was never a moment in my life that I could’ve envisioned her not being in it.
I thought we’d do everything. Start a family.
Grow old. Even have our pyres lit together.
That’s how much I couldn’t imagine a life without her. ’
‘So what happened?’
The saddest of smiles graces Llinos’s lips, though it does nothing to erase the pain in her eyes.
‘One day, she was gone.’
‘Gone where?’
‘I don’t know. Just gone,’ she repeats, shaking her head.
I frown. ‘Do you mean she was taken?’
‘No. More … I think she was sent.’ She shakes her head again, this time with more ferocity. ‘Sorry. I shouldn’t have—’
‘No, it’s fine. I don’t mind.’
‘No, I shouldn’t talk about it. I shouldn’t.
Her power … it was … useful …’ She sighs.
‘The fact is, I don’t know where she is, and I’ll probably never see her again.
And that’s just something I have to live with.
’ She pauses and twists back to the window, but when I follow her line of sight, I see the raven has gone.
‘I know what I need my gifting to be,’ she says quietly, ‘but sometimes I can’t help but wonder if maybe, if I win, the Goddess will bring her back to me. As a gift of my own, you know?’
Silence descends, and I’m faced with a reality I don’t want to think about. Only one of us can win the gifting, so do I really want to get close to these people when me getting my dream means them missing out on theirs?
It’s a question I don’t have an answer for.
‘Come on.’ Llinos breaks the silence as she grabs a handful of my hair and begins to separate it into strands. ‘The sooner we can get your hair done, the sooner we can decide what dress you’re going to wear.’