Chapter 26
Over half the Rettlings are already gathered in the dining hall, almost all of them bedraggled and, like me, still needing to draw on their sigils.
‘Do me a favour and try to stay alive, will you?’ Caroline whispers as she kisses Llinos at the door.
It’s not a small peck, either. Llinos’s hands reach around the back of Caroline’s neck as she pulls her in close.
It’s the kind of kiss I might do in private if I were in the right mood, and a pang of jealousy streaks through me at the way they press their foreheads together when their lips part.
Theirs is the type of love that doesn’t require words, and seeing them together makes it feel impossible that they’ve ever been apart.
‘She’s not actually from the library, is she?’ Jonas whispers in my ear.
‘Oh, she is,’ I tell him. ‘She definitely is.’
Five minutes later, sigils have been painted, the rest of the Rettlings have arrived, and Holden and Zelle appear at the front of the dining room.
Speculation has run rife, not just about what the trials will be, but about how we will get to them.
Many of the Rettlings are keen to experience portation, but much to their disappointment, we are merely led out into the battle yard, where the same series of carriages used previously awaits us.
‘So what do you think we’re going to face?’ I ask as I pile into a carriage. Estel goes with Kestria and Seiren this time, and without Jai and Coulter, the carriage feels close to empty.
‘It’s hard to guess what direction we’re heading in right now,’ Benny replies, glancing up at the skylight, ‘as we won’t know until we’re out of the city and the sun’s up, but my bet is the forest. Eight Retterhelds have had their first trials in the forest.’
I could cope with that, I think. Lots to climb in a forest.
‘How many trials have taken place in the water?’ I ask, trying to keep my face as passive as I can.
‘In the water or on the water?’ Jonas clarifies. ‘Do you mean on boats or actually swimming?’
‘Either,’ I say, though really, it’s the second possibility that terrifies me. As a child, I learned to swim in the Festroin lakes, a low mountain area about a four-hour carriage ride outside of Wrohelm, but that was a long time ago, and I worry I’ve forgotten.
Benny looks to Jonas as if he’s expecting him to answer, but Jonas stays quiet, leaving Benny to explain.
‘Normally one per Retterheld, though it’s normally only one aspect of a trial. Like swimming down to an underground cave or rowing across to one of the Vypark islets and continuing from there.’
Swimming to an underground cave may feel like a ‘small part’ of a trial to Benny, but unless it’s glassy water and the depth of the cave is no more than ten feet, I’m going to struggle.
Hopefully, this year there’ll be some type of rowing involved instead.
Ideally, rowing across water so tranquil there’s zero chance of me falling in.
‘I notice you haven’t asked us how many times the first trial has been the magicless one,’ Jonas comments.
‘But I get the feeling you’re going to tell me, right?’
‘Three. If the scribes are right.’
‘Out of how many?’
‘Eighteen documented.’
Is that good or bad for me? I’ve no idea. As I glance at Llinos, she shrugs.
‘Whatever this is, we do it together,’ she says, all strained confidence. ‘We can all get to the Ofur. We can all complete and pass all the trials without anybody needing to die, right?’
‘We work together,’ Benny agrees. ‘Until the last one. Then we go for it by ourselves.’
I clear my throat. ‘If I ever become a burden—’
‘You won’t,’ Llinos interrupts.
‘But if I do, tell me, okay? Tell me and I’ll go it alone. It’s what I planned on doing before I got here.’
‘That’s not going to happen. Not for the first four trials,’ Llinos assures me.
It’s impossible not to notice how quiet both Loch and Jonas have been, and now silence sweeps around the carriage, amplified by our shared tiredness from being woken so early.
‘Maybe we should sleep,’ Jonas suggests. ‘No idea how long it’s going to take us to get there.’
He pulls off his fur coat and folds it in half before laying it on his shoulder. He looks at me. ‘For a pillow, if you want?’
The way his eyes meet mine, I know what he’s actually offering: a truce.
An apology for going behind my back to Llinos.
When this trial is done – and assuming I survive it – this situation of ours needs clarifying.
Not knowing what we are is taking up too much of my mental capacity, and right now I don’t have any of that to spare.
For now, the thought of a comfy shoulder and sharing someone else’s body heat is too good to pass up.
‘Just don’t forget to wake me when the trial begins,’ I say before snuggling down and closing my eyes, my head resting against him.
‘West, I’m telling you, we’ve definitely gone further west.’
I’m not woken by our arrival at the trials, but by Jonas and Benny at loggerheads.
‘We’re going west now,’ Jonas says, ‘but I think we’ve gone north just as much. That would put us in Afaven Forest.’
‘We went north to start with,’ Benny replies. ‘But while you were snuggling up with Rose, I was awake, and that’s how I know we’ve been going west the entire time. I’m telling you, we’re at the coast.’
Benny looks to Loch. ‘What do you hear?’ he asks. ‘Forest or water?’
‘Right now, I just hear a lot of horses’ hooves and you two arguing,’ Loch replies sourly.
Llin and I suppress a smirk.
As I glance up, I can see the sun directly above us.
I’m not exactly sure what time it was when we left, but I must’ve slept for at least six hours.
That’s more hours than I’ve slept in my room, and I should feel rested, only there’s a crick in my neck from sleeping against Jonas that reminds me of my bed in the slums.
I wonder what bed Kay is sleeping on. If she’s warm, well fed, happy. With effort, I push my worries down. I can’t afford to be distracted, not now.
It’s only when I go to rub my neck that I realise my fingers are entwined with Jonas’s.
I’ve no idea when it happened, but given how much longer he’s been awake, he must have noticed.
As subtly as I can, I try to draw my hand away, and as I move, my eyes fall on Llinos.
This time I’m well aware that her smirk is directed at me, a smirk that evaporates when Loch suddenly stiffens.
‘Loch?’ she says. ‘What is it? What can you hear?’
The older islander flinches at her voice, blinking and shaking his head.
‘It doesn’t make sense,’ he mutters. ‘I don’t understand. It doesn’t make sense.’
Benny leans forward in his seat. ‘What, what doesn’t make sense? Loch, buddy, what can you hear?’
Rather than reply, Loch continues to shake his head. Jonas and I exchange a concerned look. Loch’s certainly the least sociable in the group, but he’s never been like this before. The only Rettling who can usually lay claim to this kind of incoherence is Seiren.
He rocks a little in the seat. ‘I don’t understand. I should be able to hear them. Why can’t I hear them? They must be lying.’
Benny looks confused. ‘You can’t hear? Is that what you’re saying? Have they blocked our magic?’
My ribs clench around my chest. Is it a good thing or not if the first trial is the one where magic’s banned? It would definitely even the playing field among the other Rettlings, but it won’t make me any stronger or more able to defeat whatever’s waiting for us.
‘My magic’s fine.’ Llinos lifts a hand and conjures a breeze that wafts through the carriage.
‘Mine too,’ Benny replies.
Jonas doesn’t bother commenting. I don’t know if the others even know what his magic is, but even if they do, now doesn’t feel like the right moment to test it.
‘They’ve done something to them,’ Loch continues his babbling. ‘They’ve done something.’
‘Them? Do you mean the other Rettlings?’ I ask, only for a noise from outside to steal our attention. The driver of the carriage is calling out, slowing the horses. As it draws to a stop, none of us move.
‘I don’t think I want to do this.’ Loch’s voice sounds more like a child’s than a middle-aged man’s. ‘I don’t think I can do this. I don’t think I can face them.’
Jonas reaches over and grabs his hand. ‘You heard what we said on the way over here, didn’t you? Whatever it is we’re about to face, we face it together.’
Warmth floods through me. Jonas may have made more than one comment that has irked me over the last couple of weeks, but then he goes and does something like this – finds exactly the right words to say – and my heart melts.
‘Come on, buddy. I’ve got you,’ Benny says. He opens the carriage door and steps out first, waiting for Loch to follow.
As Llinos stands to join them, Jonas grabs me by the wrist.
‘One minute,’ he says. ‘Just give me one minute.’
Given there’s a patch of wet on his fur that I’m fairly sure is my drool, I figure I can give him this. Even if I’m burning to know what’s out there.
‘Rose.’ Jonas’s voice is low, his eyes solely on mine, like we’re the only things that matter and not the trial waiting just outside that could very well kill us. ‘Whatever we face today, I need you to promise me you won’t take any risks. Promise me that.’
I laugh. It’s not deliberate, but it’s the most ridiculous thing he could possibly say.
‘Not take any risks? Jonas, we’re going into a trial. This is the Retterheld. It’s meant to be one giant risk. That’s why we deserve a gifting at the end of it. One of us, anyway.’
‘I know that. I do. But you have people here. Friends with powers. Friends who can risk their lives because they’re in a better position to fight than you. If it comes to that, let them take the fall. Keep yourself safe.’
I study him, wanting to make sure I’m understanding him correctly. But I am. I know I am.
‘Are you saying I should just let my friends die?’ I ask. ‘If that’s the best option for me?’
‘I’m one hundred percent saying that, yes.’ He nods. ‘Everybody signed up for this knowing they would face death.’
‘Everyone including me,’ I tell him.
‘Please. Please, for me.’
He lifts his hand and cups the side of my cheek, his thumb brushing gently across my jaw. There it is again, that fizzing, twisting in my stomach. It’s as potent and dizzying as the first time I saw him again in the High Hold.
‘For me, Rose,’ he entreats. ‘There’s so much I want to tell you. So much I need to tell you. You just have to survive this, okay? Promise me. No unnecessary risks.’
I open my mouth, still not sure how I’m going to reply, but I don’t get a chance. Before I realise what’s happening, his lips are on mine. Days of not knowing where exactly he and I stand, and finally I have my answer.
There is an urgency to the way he kisses me, like it might be the only time he gets to do it. But thinking like that won’t help either of us.
I press my hand to his chest, not sure if it’s to move him away or simply to feel him. And before I’ve made up my mind, there’s a hammering on the door. Leaning away from him, I push the door open.
‘Time to get out, guys.’ Llinos offers us only a fleeting glance before turning back to whatever is awaiting us. ‘You’re gonna want to see this.’