Chapter 49
The last part of the journey off the lake takes us up a shingle bank.
My feet slip on the black silt until I finally reach the ridge and drop down onto the hard stones.
A sob stutters from my lips as someone hands me some water.
I drink greedily, not even having the strength to thank – or even notice – whoever gave it to me.
It’s only when Llinos takes a seat beside me that I speak. ‘What are we meant to do now?’ I ask.
‘Wait, I think.’
So that’s what we do. We wait on the hard shingle, staring out at the forest of fog in front of us.
Watching as the rain stops. Waiting for the moment the priestess tells us that it’s over, that there are no more living people left on the ice battlefield.
But for now, I have hope and I’m refusing to let go of it. I can’t. Jonas is still out there.
‘How long has it been since the last person returned?’
I’ve asked the same question several times already and Benny and Llinos have alternated replying. But this time, I’m met with silence. I would almost prefer the voice back in my head to this. Almost. Still, I need an answer. ‘How long?’ I press.
‘I don’t know … maybe twenty minutes?’ Llinos’s voice is low. Solemn. ‘Seiren was the last. Rose, I know you don’t want to hear this, but maybe you need to prepare yourself.’
‘He’s still out there,’ I reply stubbornly. There is some spell keeping the cold at bay, but still I can’t seem to get warm.
Jonas. Jonas is the only member of our group who hasn’t returned. Jonas, who has tried everything he can to keep me safe. Who begged me, again and again, to not put myself at risk. And he didn’t once cross my mind when I was on the ice. The thought that he might not make it is unfathomable.
‘People are still alive.’ I don’t let a hint of doubt enter my voice. ‘If they weren’t, the priestesses would’ve taken us back to Wrohelm already. Jonas is still alive. I know he is.’
A prickle of static acts as a reminder that Kyor is standing only a few feet behind me, though whether it was his intention or not for me to feel it, I don’t know.
I’m pretty sure he hasn’t stopped staring at me this entire time, as if he’s terrified that I’m suddenly going to send out a bolt of ice and expose myself.
I’m not saying I won’t. But it won’t be deliberate if I do.
‘We’re done here. Why are we waiting? There’s no one alive out there now.
They’ll have frozen to death. This is a waste of our time.
’ Zara’s voice cuts through the fog and I hate her for it.
Her friends haven’t returned, and unlike me, Zara doesn’t know for certain that they’re dead.
The fact that she would just give up and move on with life … if I didn’t hate her before, I do now.
‘How many people haven’t returned?’ Llinos asks.
‘Nine, including Jonas,’ Benny replies.
‘And we only know for certain that at least one of them is still alive.’
‘Theoretically, it could be all nine,’ Benny says, trying to be optimistic, but we all know that isn’t true.
I do, anyway. Because I saw two of them die.
That means the most it could be is seven.
But then I think of that first scream before I even stepped on the ice.
Did that Rettling survive? It doesn’t feel likely.
That would make it six. Six possible lives out there.
And Jonas isn’t the only one I care about.
While Seiren made it, there has been no sign of Kestria.
As the silence resumes, I consider telling them that Oke and Mattieu are dead, but I don’t. Maybe because I’m worried that if I say that, then someone else will feel it’s okay to say they saw Jonas or Kestria die too. And that’s not something I can cope with hearing. I can’t.
‘How many are left? How many are alive on the ice?’ I turn to find that Kyor has finally stopped keeping vigil over me and is standing in front of Mila. Even with the priestess standing on a platform, Kyor is tall enough to look her in the eye, although she barely acknowledges his presence.
‘I know you know,’ Kyor continues bluntly. ‘At least have the decency to tell us that.’
Her lips curl. ‘The Great Goddess will let us know her chosen soon, I’m sure.’
Her chosen. The comment makes me nauseous. If that really is the case and only those Etta chooses to survive are making it past these trials, then what does that say about me?
I close my eyes because I’m not here in this moment because Etta chose me.
I’m here because Kyor stopped me from doing something very stupid with my dagger.
And because some spectre called me ‘daughter’ and told me to ask him for help, and then, according to the prince, I made a fucking ice sword appear from thin air and saved myself from Oke.
It feels like madness to even think it.
‘There! In the distance. Can you see?’ Hope swells through me, only to fall again as I realise it was Seiren’s voice rising over the howling wind.
Half of what she says is fanciful, and I’ve never once held it against her – whatever’s happened to her, it’s not her fault – but this …
this isn’t something I can cope with being another hallucination.
But then Grenda speaks too. ‘She’s right. Someone else is coming. Someone big.’
Llin’s hand clasps mine as we stare out into the mist at the blur growing ever closer to us.
‘They’re carrying someone,’ Benny says. ‘It’s not one person. It’s two. One’s being carried. But I’m not sure who.’
My heart thrums against my ribs with a pace fast enough to nearly choke me. ‘Is it him? Is it Jonas?’ My voice warbles as Benny’s eyes meet mine.
‘I can’t tell, Rose. I’m sorry. I can’t.’
My throat is tight as I skim the faces on the bank. There are only a few Rettlings who could carry Jonas any distance, and most of them are here around me. One isn’t though. Baylis. The guard. The first one who was called up to the vow. He’s not here. He could carry Jonas.
But as the blurred figures finally come into focus, my breath rushes out in a gasp of relief. Jonas isn’t the one being carried. He’s the one doing the carrying. He’s okay. But Kestria … Kestria lies in his arms. Unmoving.
‘I need a healer!’ His shout is muffled by distance and fog. ‘Someone get her a healer. Now!’
With my hands clenched into fists, I watch on, hope rising with every step he takes towards us.
It’s not long now. Minutes at most. In minutes, he’ll be here, safe on the shingles with the rest of us.
But just as the thought takes hold, his knees buckle.
He catches himself, but his body hunches over.
‘Someone help her!’ he calls again. ‘Please!’
‘Fuck this,’ Benny mutters. A heartbeat later, he is rushing down the stony bank back onto the ice.
‘It’s okay. I’m coming. I’ve got her.’
My chest is pounding as I watch on. Benny takes the Dorain Rettling out of Jonas’s arms, at which point Jonas drops entirely, his knees and hands flat against the ice.
‘We need a healer!’ Benny calls again with Kestria in his arms. He strides back towards us, somehow keeping himself upright as his feet slide on the ice.
What will happen if he doesn’t make it now?
He already completed the trial, but if the ice cracks and he and Kestria go under, then what? He’s out of it? That can’t be right.
My worry flicks from Benny to Jonas as I notice that the latter still hasn’t moved. While Benny and Kestria are nearly at the shingle beach, Jonas is still out there. Still on all fours. He’s head down, staring at the ice.
‘What’s he doing?’ I whisper. ‘Why isn’t he moving?’ My hands clench and unclench as I watch on, waiting for him to get back on his feet. With every second, my heart rate quickens, but nothing is happening. ‘Jonas! Get up! You’re nearly here! You’re nearly here!’
I shift further down the shingles towards the ice, my feet sliding on the stones as I go.
But it’s no good. Either he can’t hear me or he’s not listening.
Either way, he’s not moving. And staying still on the ice like that only ends one way.
With a burst of clarity, I know I can’t wait any longer.
Picking up my feet, I rush down the last stretch of the bank …
only to be pulled back before I hit the ice.
‘What are you doing? You barely made it out of there yourself.’ Kyor’s blue eyes lock on mine with urgency. ‘Think rationally, Thorn. Think about what could happen.’
Rationally? My rational brain is telling me that my friend is fifty feet away, close enough for me to watch him die, and I’m not going to do it. I’m not. Surely Kyor’s seen enough death to know why I can’t do that.
But I quickly realise that’s not what Kyor’s saying. He’s afraid. Afraid of what would happen if anyone else saw it happen again. If that ice magic he’s so certain I used to kill Oke reappeared. We both know the answer. If it does, I’m as good as dead.
But Jonas wouldn’t leave me out there. He wouldn’t stand idly by and watch me die. So I can’t leave him.
‘I have to,’ I say, shaking off Kyor’s grip.
‘Fuck!’ he mutters.
‘Right beside you,’ Llinos tells me as we step onto the ice together.
We are barely two feet away from the bank when Benny passes us with Kestria, headed in the opposite direction. I don’t know why I turn to look at her, why I don’t just keep going straight for Jonas, but something causes me to slow. To look at the body in his arms.
My heart drops and a chilling dread fills my stomach as my hand flies to my mouth.
I know why Jonas isn’t moving. Why he’s staying there on the ice, even though it’s certain death. And why he felt he had to get Kestria to the end.
Kestria’s eyes are white, and from what I saw, the ghosts on the ice didn’t have the powers to do something like that. No, the only person I know with that power is Jonas.
Jonas blinded her.
‘Llin take her.’ Benny hands Kestria over to Llinos before turning back and heading with me to get Jonas.
‘Just make sure we keep a safe distance apart,’ Benny tells me as we approach. ‘The ice is patchy and thin here. If we put too much weight on one place, we’ll go under.’
‘I’ll follow your lead,’ I tell him, shifting further away.
My feet stumble as we reach Jonas, and it has nothing to do with the ice. His lips are tinged blue, and his fingers are taking on the same hue as he mutters to himself.
‘I didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean to …’ he stammers as Benny hooks one arm under his left side and I take his right. ‘I didn’t know. I didn’t know …’
‘It’s fine. It’s fine. She’ll be okay.’ Tears fill my eyes, the cold stinging as they blur my vision. Fissures form in my chest for Jonas and Kestria alike.
‘I don’t know why it wouldn’t stop. It always stops, but it didn’t. I didn’t know. I don’t know …’
‘It’s okay, Jonas. It’s okay. Come on, we’re nearly there. Let’s finish this thing,’ I soothe.
Together Benny and I drag him up the bank. His knees scrape the hard black stones, but he doesn’t so much as flinch.
No sooner have we reached the ridge than Mila raises her hand.
‘All the chosen have returned,’ she announces, a self-satisfied smile curving her lips and making me hate her just a little more.
My stomach drops. It’s over. Oke is dead, and I’m responsible. A corkscrewing feeling constricts my breathing, tightening around my chest. I don’t know what that Issen spirit did or how it’s even possible, but for that split moment I had magic flowing through me again. Utterly illegal magic.
I turn my head, hoping to catch Kyor’s eye, but before I can the snow disappears from beneath our feet.