Chapter 55
I’m still pulling up the sides of my dress as I race out of the room and back into the ballroom, where the music has stopped and people are edging close to the walls, as if it’s another rebel attack.
Only there’s no flame-throwing and no screaming other than from a small cluster of people gathered on the edge of the dance floor. My people. Benny, Jonas, and Caroline.
‘Help me!’ Caz’s voice resonates around the cavernous space. ‘Please! Someone help me!’
‘What’s happening?’ I cast my question into the air, not caring who answers as long as someone does.
Benny is on the ground with Llin. Her skin is a sallow yellow tone, with bile-green foam bubbling at her lips as she struggles to speak through her coughs.
‘What’s happening?’ I ask again.
‘I don’t know. I don’t know!’ Benny clutches his head. ‘They were dancing. They were just dancing! Then Caz was yelling and … I don’t know. What’s happening to her?’
‘She just started coughing. She couldn’t stop. We need a healer. We need a healer. Where is a fucking healer?’ As Caroline screams her demand, a woman in a sapphire gown pushes past me to place her hands above Llin’s chest. A healer.
‘Give her some space,’ Jonas says, but none of us move. I can’t take my eyes off Llin as she struggles to speak. The part of her lips that’s visible beneath the foam seems to have taken on a bluish hue, as if there’s no air reaching her lungs. Fear writhes through me.
I kneel next to her. ‘It’s okay, Llinos. It’s okay.’ My voice quivers and tears begin to fall down my cheeks. ‘Just breathe, okay? You don’t need to speak. Just breathe, honey.’
‘Can’t,’ Llin says, a cough wracking her. ‘Can’t breathe.’
The healer’s hands are glowing with a deep amber light, but the frown lines on her forehead only deepen. It’s not working.
‘What did she drink?’ the healer asks.
As Caroline struggles to draw breath, let alone reply, a hollowness spreads through me. There’s only one reason why the healer would ask that question.
‘She’s been poisoned?’ I ask tightly, but the question is rhetorical. I already know the answer. ‘She’s been poisoned.’
Llinos meets my eyes, and I see the resignation there, the acceptance. And it slays me.
‘Help her!’ I bark at the healer.
The foam at Llin’s mouth is no longer green. It has taken on a pinkish hue. Blood is filling her lungs, but the healer has moved her hands away from her chest. As she starts to stand, I grab hold of her.
‘Please. There must be something you can do.’
She shakes her head, eyes sympathetic. ‘It’s in her system. If it was just in her stomach, maybe … but no, I’m sorry. It’s too late. It’s just too late.’
My whole body trembles as I stumble back.
‘No. No, she can’t. It can’t be. You have to do something. You have to.’
The healer presses her lips together but moves her hands back to Llinos’s chest. They pulse with magic for just a moment before she takes them away, visibly tired. ‘I’ve eased her pain and her breathing as best I can. It’ll give you a few moments to say goodbye.’
‘Rose …’ Llinos’s voice is barely a breath, yet it burns through my entire body, causing more tears to stream down my cheeks. ‘It’s okay. It’s … okay.’
‘No. No.’ I drop down next to Llin and wipe my hand across her brow. It’s nearly impossible to see through the blur of tears filling my eyes.
‘You or Benny better win.’ She tries to smile, only for a drop of blood to slip from the corner of her lips. With the slightest movement of her eyes, she looks from me to Caroline, and her smile is true. ‘We found each other again. I knew we would.’
‘Stop speaking like that.’ Caroline’s voice is firm, even as it trembles. ‘You’re okay, okay?’
‘You’re a terrible liar.’ Llin’s smile widens. ‘I love that about you. I love everything about you. I always will.’
‘Stop it. I’m not losing you now.’ Caroline gulps in air between her sobs.
‘Not when we just found each other again. I refuse to lose you, Llin. You hear me? I refuse to. So you’d better sort this out, because I don’t care how tough you think you are, I’m gonna kick your arse if you don’t stop this and get up now.
You hear me? You need to get up.’ She tugs at Llinos’s still form, and her voice breaks as she sobs while shudders wrack her body.
‘Llinos! You need to be okay. Get up! Llin!’ Caroline screams, but even as she buries her head in Llin’s chest, my friend’s expression remains fixed. Her smile unchanged. Unmoving. Not even a tremor. Not even a breath.
Kyor’s voice is low. ‘We need to move her somewhere private. You don’t want to do this here. Trust me.’
He’s standing right behind me. I didn’t even realise he’d followed me.
‘Do something.’ Tears stream down my cheeks as I turn to him. ‘Do something. You have magic. You have healers. Do something!’
‘You know I can’t.’ His voice is hollow with pain. ‘We both know that all too well. She’s gone, Rose. I’m so sorry.’
He folds me into his arms in a much too public show of support, and I don’t have the strength to refuse him.
I don’t understand. When I left them, they were laughing. Ready to dance.
The healer’s earlier question resurfaces in my mind. What did she drink?
The wine. I feel sick. I push myself away from Kyor and turn to Caroline. ‘What did Llin drink? Caroline! You need to answer me! Did Llin drink the wine in the glass I gave her?’
Tears stream down her cheeks, and her skin is so pale it’s translucent. When she lifts her head, her eyes are glazed, nothing but hollow pain behind them. ‘She was just drinking wine,’ she says. ‘Just … wine.’
‘The glass I gave her? She drank that too?’
‘I … I … I think so.’
The deathly cold that filled my veins is replaced with an insatiable heat, and a roar in my ears sounds so loud it drowns out all else.
‘He gave me the wine,’ I seethe. ‘That bastard gave me the wine.’ I turn back to Kyor. ‘Holden. He got me the drink, but I gave my glass to Llin. Oh Gods. I gave Llin my glass, and she drank it instead of me.’ I can barely breathe.
Benny is sobbing on the ground as he tries to comfort Caroline. Jonas stands above them, looking lost. And hundreds of guests stare at us.
But there’s only one I’m looking for.
‘Where the fuck is Holden?’ I snarl.
‘Rose?’ It’s Jonas who speaks. ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’
‘Holden. Where the fuck is that prick?’ My gaze rakes across the room. There’s no sign of him.
‘He was here a moment ago,’ Jonas says. ‘He asked me if I’d seen you.’
I bet he did, the son of a bitch. I run for the door.
‘Rose!’ Jonas calls after me. ‘Rose, think about what you’re going to do here!’
‘Fuck that,’ Kyor replies for me. ‘She doesn’t need to think. She needs to do.’
I feel them both, shadows racing behind me as I tear out onto the grounds and spot Holden in the distance, moving quickly, ready to slip through the gate into one of the other arcs.
If he gets through there, I’ll lose him, because the rules of the Retterheld forbid me to leave our arc unless it’s to attend a trial.
Maybe that’s what he wants, though – for me to be disqualified.
Blood rushes in my veins and I push myself to breaking point to reach him before he escapes, but he’s too far ahead.
But then, when he’s only a foot away from the gate, a bolt of lightning blasts the wood and the entire thing goes up in flames. Holden leaps back, and when he turns to see us bearing down on him, he freezes.
I turn to Kyor.
‘He’s all yours,’ he tells me with a nod.
I draw to a stop facing Holden, my breathing heavy.
I expected him to run away from us or prepare to fight, but instead he just stands there, his jaw locked and his muscles twitching unnaturally, as if some static force is holding him firmly in place.
Kyor has him. Fuck, what terrifying powers that man has.
Good thing I’m no longer afraid of him. No longer afraid of anything.
He and Zelle have trained me for this moment, and I won’t let either of them down.
My heart pounds against my ribs as I take a step towards the aged commander.
My footsteps are steady and my resolve unwavering.
I have no weapons on me, but Holden’s ceremonial sword is still there, sheathed at his side.
When I reach him, I place my hand on the hilt and withdraw the sword.
His lip spasms as if desperate to curl up in a snarl.
‘You murdered her.’ My voice is low, a thunderous rumble that barely even sounds like me. ‘You murdered Llinos.’
‘That’s on you, not me,’ he spits, forcing the words out through his gritted teeth. ‘You’re a Gods-forsaken cockroach, slum rat. If you had only known your place—’
‘Her place?’ Kyor’s voice is a growl beside me as sparks of pure energy surge between his fingers. I have never seen him like this before. So powerful. So dangerous. ‘Her place, Holden, is wherever the fuck she decides it is.’
I appreciate the support, but this moment is mine, not Kyor’s. ‘You said he was all mine, remember?’
His eyes meet mine, and he nods, his hands dropping as I raise the pilfered sword.
‘Rose, stop!’ Jonas’s voice cuts through the silence. ‘Don’t do this! You are not a killer. You don’t want to do this.’
I want to laugh. Even now Jonas underestimates me. Or maybe that’s not it. Maybe he just doesn’t know who I am. I can’t help but scoff as I look him in the eye.
‘I’m the one who stabbed the jotunn, Jonas. I killed Oke. I’m not the little girl you remember, and it’s time you realised that.’ I turn to Kyor. ‘Release him.’
He doesn’t argue, doesn’t try to change my mind; he just does as I bid.
In a flash, Holden is free, and the old man wastes no time as he lunges towards me.
He knows, just like I do, that only one of us will come out of this alive.
And he may have superior strength and experience, but I have a wealth of fucking rage.
He barrels into me like a bull, all fury and bulk.
The force of the impact causes the hilt of the sword to slide from my grip.
I allow it to drop and the momentum to carry us both to the ground.
His fists are like iron, one smashing into my jaw, the other into my ribs, but the pain helps me focus.
And I know I’ll give it back twice as hard and more.
With the power of my whole body I swing my fist into him and my knuckles crack against his cheekbone. The taste of blood fills my mouth, but whether it’s his or mine, I don’t care. We’ll both be bloody messes at the end of it, but I’ll be the one who walks away.
Recovered from the strike, Holden tries to pin me, but I’m lighter and faster. Just like Zelle taught me, I twist and kick, driving my knee into his gut until he grunts like the beast he is.
‘You’re slow, old man,’ I snarl, ramming my forehead into his nose. The crunch is exquisite.
‘You fucking bitch!’ he roars, grabbing a fistful of my hair and slamming me towards the dirt.
Stars explode in my vision, but I push on, raking my nails across his face, then driving my elbow into his throat.
As he coughs and wheezes, I scramble on top of him, hammering endless blows into his skull.
Each strike drives him further into the ground.
He is nothing to me, nothing but a bully someone should have put down years ago.
‘I may be a cockroach,’ I hiss through gritted teeth as I punch again and again. ‘But you’re no more than a tick, a foul creature that spreads disease and ruin wherever it goes. No more.’
His grip weakens and I see the flicker of doubt in his eyes before I wrench free, staggering to my feet.
The gate looms just behind him, its stone frame littered with broken rocks.
My hand closes around one – heavy, jagged, perfect.
I have him pinned to the ground. All it will take is a couple of strikes and he’ll be done.
As my weight holds him down, his eyes meet mine. There is no belittlement in them now. No snide condescension or malice. There’s nothing but fear. Fear that this is his end.
Is it? I look at my hand as though surprised to find the rock in my grasp. Can I do it? Can I take a life for a life? I want to. Gods know, for Llin I want to. And yet … I lower my hand. I am better than this. Better than him.
‘You need to leave here,’ I say, the rock still in my palm as I stand and allow him to wriggle free. ‘If I see you again, I will kill you.’
‘Yes … yes …’ he mutters, shuffling backward on the ground. ‘Of course.’
Adrenaline continues to surge through my veins. My hands are trembling. Hands that nearly killed a man in vengeance. Unable to lay my eyes on the snivelling Holden for a second longer, I turn back to look at my friends, only for Jonas to cry out, ‘Rose! Watch out!’
I spin back to find Holden on his knees, the sword in his hand with the hilt pressed against his stomach, ready to thrust it up and out into me. There is no time to think.
I let the jagged rock fly free from my hand, hurling it straight towards his head.
The crack of the rock against his skull resonates through the air and his eyes momentarily widen before a thick trickle of blood weaves its way down his face. A moment later, he falls to the ground. Dead. I killed him.
I wanted to show mercy, to be better than him, but he took that path from me. He gave me no choice.
‘Rose? Oh Gods. Rose, what have you done?’
The voice, full of horror and disbelief, is like a vice around my chest. I turn to face her. To face the pain of her condemnation. And yet … it is just a flicker. There is already too much hurt within me for it to even properly register.
‘What have you done?’ my sister whispers again as she stares at me. Her eyes are the same green as my own, and yet they look as though they are staring at a stranger.
I twist back to look at Holden. See the blood pooling on the ground beneath him.
‘Delivered justice,’ I reply, my throat tight.
‘Kultavaris did so at my command,’ Kyor announces loudly. ‘Holden was a traitor who wilfully killed one of Etta’s blessed Rettlings. He is with Mortidem now. May his judgement be swift.’
As Kay drops her hands to her knees and folds in half, Jonas hurries to her side. ‘Don’t look, Acacia. You don’t need to see this.’ He puts his arm around her and wordlessly leads her away, and she lets him without even looking back.
My sister is horrified at me, by me. Did she think I was surviving the Retterheld by pressing flowers and practising needlepoint?
I straighten my shoulders. Everything I do, I do for my sister. But this? This I did for Llinos.