Chapter 72
Ishould be feeling elated, but a strange numbness fills me instead. I fear it’s not over, that there’s still a sting in the tail to come.
Zara thought she had won, too. She reached the Goddess first, the way we thought we had to do to win this. Now she’s lying dead on the ground, her blood seeping into the worn stones beneath her.
‘Why me?’ I ask the only question I can. ‘Why, when Zara reached you first?’
Dinah’s lips don’t move as the voice echoes in my head. ‘I am the Goddess of Life, and she had no respect for that.’
‘But she won,’ I argue aloud.
‘No, she completed the trials and arrived here first.’ The Goddess’s voice is melodic and patient.
‘Some Rettlings use the trials to grow, and I hoped she would be one to do so. Pain, loss, community – they can bring out the best in so many. But in others, they only deepen the darkness. She turned away from love and friendship at every stage, every opportunity. She is one who has spent a life of being, not living. I will not gift the unworthy.’
I tried more than once to be civil to Zara. If she had reciprocated, would it be her standing here instead of me? Quite possibly. The thought chills me. My compassion could truly have led to my downfall, just like Kyor warned me.
‘Has this happened before?’ I ask curiously. ‘Have there been others who reached you first but did not win?’
Her smile rises on one side, with a definite coyness to it. ‘The correct person has always won,’ is all she says.
The smile remains fixed, and I know she’s given me all the answers I’m going to get. It shouldn’t surprise me. The Retterheld is ultimately about worthiness. And the fact that the Goddess finds me worthy …
As I stand there, struggling to believe what is happening, I sense movement behind me.
Jonas is on his knees, looking at me. Tears fill his eyes, but are they because he’s pleased for me or just relieved that I didn’t have to kill him?
Or maybe they’re not for me at all. Maybe they’re because he didn’t win?
The presence of one friend reminds me of another, and I twist back to the Goddess.
‘Benny. Did he make it? Did he get out?’
‘Is the gift you want from me the answer to that question?’ The deity arches a single eyebrow in an expression that is as alien to Dinah as the voice is. ‘It seems a waste, but if that is your desire …’
‘No, no! I just …’
As the smile tugs at her lips, I realise she’s toying with me. Great, the Gods have a sense of humour. I’ll try to remember that when I think of all the crap they’ve put me through.
Her expression flickers and the knowledge that she can hear my thoughts hits again. Oh shit.
‘Goddess, I wasn’t thinking straight. I … I …’ I bow low, glancing at her out of the corner of my eye, but she shakes her head.
‘No need to apologise. It is a bad habit of mine. You humans so rarely share the truth, so I find it far easier to understand your workings in this manner. But rest assured, from now on, your thoughts will be yours and yours alone.’
A tremble of relief rises within me, though it’s hard to believe it fully. After all, it’s not as though I can feel when she enters my head.
‘Rose Kultavaris,’ she begins, tone brimming with pride. ‘You came to me knowing what gift you would ask for. Wishing for everything that was taken from you and your family to be returned. Is that still your desire?’
I nod. ‘I know you cannot return lives, and that my parents’ powers have been passed to Mortidem, but for myself and my sister, I wish for our magic, our titles, our home. I wish for our lives to be as they should have been. For Kay’s life to be as it should have been. That will be enough.’
That eyebrow arches again, though not quite as high.
‘You have no thirst for revenge? You do not ask for the death of the man who did this to you? I’m sure many in your position would wish to see him dethroned. Cast from his High Hold and tossed into the life you and your sister were forced to suffer. I could do that, of course, but not both.’
I hate myself for contemplating the idea – even for a moment – but it is not as though I haven’t dreamed of that exact form of revenge many, many times.
Of Korvane Knavin seeing firsthand how his people live outside the exalted rings of Wrohelm.
But would the person who takes his place be any better?
It is not as if I could rule, and Kyor is not ready.
I know that. But one day, if the line stays as it is, then Kyor will be king.
Kyor, who etches a mark for every death he sees so that their lives are not forgotten.
Who was only cast from this place because he trusted me out on the water.
He would listen. He would see. With him as the king’s heir, their family bloodline has hope. The people have hope.
‘I believe the return of those things that were lost will be enough for me, thank you.’
‘Perhaps you’re right,’ she says. ‘First, I will return the magic, and then your home and wealth.’ She winks. ‘And maybe I’ll give you a little more, too … to make up for the time you lost.’
I assume she’s talking only of extra wealth, but then she takes my hands and searing power rushes up through my palms, flooding my veins.
It’s so hot it should burn me from the inside, consuming my very being, but instead, it fills me and makes me whole.
More than whole. My head flies back, and somewhere in the distance I hear Jonas scream out my name, but I can’t so much as move my eyes towards him.
My lungs are gasping as I breathe in every ounce of magic offered.
All that was stripped from me, all that I recently received, and so much more besides.
When the Goddess finally releases me and steps back, my hands have the faintest glow to them.
‘Your magic has been returned. The High Priestess will see to your home and wealth. And as for the most important part of what was taken from you, it will come with time.’
And with that enigmatic promise, the world disappears from beneath my feet.