Chapter 31
The morning of the wedding is finally here.
While I was never sure how I felt about it even happening, it always felt inevitable, and I think it was the thought of change, of an uncertain future, that made me feel weird.
Do you know what, I think it was all the bad dates, confusing me, making me think that Andy was the man for me because he was the only man who ever treated me well.
But I can see now that my love for him was only ever platonic, and that’s all it ever will be.
Being with Jake put it all into perspective because I feel something for him that I didn’t feel for Andy, that intense attraction, that sexual chemistry, that funny feeling when he walks into a room.
That’s what elevates friend love into romantic love.
It’s having all of the perks of a best friend, but with that extra something that you only get from someone special.
Sunlight spills through the windows of the lodge, as if nothing in the world could possibly be wrong. The birdsong is drifting in through the open window, providing a story-worthy soundtrack for a wedding day.
I lie very still in bed, staring at the ceiling, my heart already racing like it knows something my brain is trying to deny.
Jake is asleep beside me. He’s on his back, one arm flung above his head, the other resting loosely at his side.
His breathing is slow and steady, the kind that gives you second-hand peace when you hear it.
The sheet has slipped low on his chest, letting his torso peek out.
I do like him, a lot, and I’m so attracted to him…
but it’s not love, is it? Not yet. It can’t be yet.
I’m vaguely aware that I’m clearly so desperately single that I decide I’m in love with people on a whim, but this feels different.
I guess I need to pace myself, take it slow, and see how it goes. I wonder how he feels about me…
My phone vibrates next to me. It’s JJ, saying we need to talk right now. There’s a bluntness to her message that instantly lets me know this must be important.
I don’t reply. I already know she doesn’t want to meet for a pre-wedding breakfast.
I pull on one of Jake’s plaid shirts – because it’s the closest and quickest thing to grab in our dimly lit room – and head to see JJ.
The lodge feels different this morning, I don’t know what it is, but the usual life that surges through the place feels dead.
JJ’s door is ajar. She’s sitting on the edge of the bed, already fully dressed, legs crossed, phone in her hand, make-up flawless. She looks up when she hears me and the look on her face is anything but cool, calm and collected.
‘Before you say anything,’ she begins, holding up her hands like she’s surrendering, ‘I want you to know that my intentions were pure.’
That sentence alone tells me everything I need to know.
‘JJ, what did you do?’ I ask.
JJ exhales slowly, like she’s bracing herself.
‘I told Andy everything I knew.’
‘Which is what?’ I reply.
‘That Cordelia is still married, that she’s in debt, that she’s been married before, our gold digger theory…’
‘Our theory?’ I say with a scoff. ‘That’s your theory, and you didn’t know any of those things for sure, and you promised you wouldn’t say anything!’
My words thicken the air between us.
‘Anything else?’ I ask sarcastically, but the look on her face tells me it isn’t. ‘JJ?’
‘Ehh, I might have told him that you’re in love with him,’ she replies, wincing as she says the words. ‘But I did it for your own good, because you never would have told him, and this way you’re not the messenger, I am!’
‘You need to tell me exactly what you said, and we need to fix it,’ I reply.
‘Well, it sounds like the wedding is off,’ she replies.
‘He didn’t know any of that stuff about Cordelia, so he was fuming.
He actually seemed to perk up when I told him that you were in love with him.
I told him that you were going to tell him, until you realised he and Cordelia were engaged, and then he asked what about Jake and I told him Jake didn’t matter, that you were using him to make Andy jealous and… Jake!’
I notice her gaze jump over my shoulder so I turn around and see Jake standing there. Fuck, I’ll bet he heard every word of that and it’s not true – not exactly.
‘Jake…’ I start.
‘I… er… I gotta go,’ he says. ‘I can’t make the wedding, if it’s still on, so…’
‘Jake, wait,’ I call after him, but he’s gone. I turn to JJ.
‘Why do I feel like I’ve done the wrong thing?’ she asks, her expression confirming that she does in fact know she’s done the wrong thing.
‘Jake – he’s the one I want,’ I tell her. ‘With Andy… I was confused. I do love him, as a friend, but I don’t fancy him. I fancy Jake! Plus, you were wrong about Cordelia, she is divorced, and she does really love Andy.’
‘Shit,’ she blurts. ‘I thought, well, you have a terrible track record with putting yourself first, going for what you want – I only wanted to help you. And Andy too, I didn’t want him making a mistake.’
I could be mad at her, but what would be the point? Her intentions were good, and she knows it was a mistake – what matters now is putting things right.
‘We need to fix this, we could—’
Raised voices from downstairs snap me from my thoughts. Shit, it’s Andy and Cordelia arguing.
‘Come on, quick, we have to talk to them,’ I tell JJ. ‘We’ve made this mess, we have to fix it.’
‘You’re right,’ she says. ‘Let’s go.’
We hurry downstairs but they’re not there.
‘Outside?’ JJ suggests.
‘Maybe,’ I reply.
We head out but there’s no sign of them. Actually…
‘That’s Cordelia, running into the gardens,’ I say. ‘I’ll go after her.’
‘What about Jake?’ JJ replies.
‘I’m pretty sure Jake hates me,’ I say with a sigh. ‘I’ll go find Cordelia, sort that mess out first, then…’
My voice trails off as I realise Arty Morgan is standing there with a breakfast basket.
‘I thought I’d bring wedding morning breakfast,’ he says. ‘But perhaps now isn’t the best time. We’ll speak later.’
He leaves us to it.
‘We really need to start making everyone wear a bell,’ I say.
JJ laughs, just a little.
‘Go, find Cordelia, I’ll look for Andy, tell him to come back here and talk to you – I won’t say a word to him, I swear.’
‘Thanks,’ I reply. ‘We can sort this, right?’
‘Of course we can,’ she replies. ‘Meet you back here.’
‘Okay.’
And with that we head off on our separate missions. Me to find Cordelia, her to find Andy, and Jake… God knows what I’m going to do about Jake. I just hope I haven’t messed things up with Arty for him, because that really would be unforgivable.