Chapter Seventeen Home Again #2
“So they put the burden of being laird on your shoulders?” Alice asked. Evander nodded.
“I felt somethin’ go cold in me that night, Alice,” he sighed.
“My brother kept writin’ tae me, but I never responded.
” He looked down at his hands. “I couldnae bear it, kennin’ he was happy, kennin’ he had built a life with her while I was left taw pick up the pieces of the one he shattered.
I truly hated him. Some part of me still does. ”
He drew a slow breath, as if he were steadying himself after a physical blow.
“But I kept every letter,” he said. “Every single one. I couldnae bring myself tae burn them, no matter how much I wished tae forget about him. I believe he ken I am too stubborn tae throw them away, and that is why he still writes.”
His hands twisted in his lap.
“I dinnae believe that I could ever love again after that. I truly thought it would be impossible,” he added, squeezing her hand gently. “I kenned I had tae take a wife, the clan needed it. Nobody ever kenned what happened tae my brother, so they needed stability. A wife and heirs gave them that.”
“So that is why you asked for my hand when my brother lost the duel,” she said.
“Aye,” he said. “I thought it would be a marriage of convenience. I dinnae believe that I would actually fall for ye. But I was wrong.”
“Wrong?” she asked.
“Is it nae obvious?” he laughed, but it sounded hollow. “I have fallen for ye, lass.”
He looked at her, reaching up to cup her cheek in his large, warm hand.
“I thought I was carin’ for ye by hidin’ my affection.
I thought I was keepin’ myself safe from another heartbreak.
I thought that I could protect the clan from more instability if I kept my distance from ye.
How wrong I was…” he said softly, his thumb stroking her cheek.
“Alice, ye dinnae ken the man ye married. I am a fraud. I am nae even a true laird. I believe that love will only hurt me.”
He took a shuddering breath, pulling her closer to him.
“And yet, when I couldnae find ye, I felt like I was losin’ my mind,” he said.
“The thought of losin’ ye, or findin’ ye harmed, I couldnae stand it.
Despite my best efforts, I have fallen for the woman I shouldnae have fallen for.
I am the fool who nearly lost the love of his life because he dinnae believe he could love again. ”
He looked up at her, his heart racing in his chest. He took her hand and put it on his chest. Alice’s expression softened as she felt the beating under her palm.
“I have already taken too much from ye. If there is anythin’ I can do fer ye, anythin’ tae put ye mind at ease, I will do it,” he said earnestly.
Alice nodded and closed her eyes. Sorcha spun into her mind, her sneering, her grating laughter, the casual cruelty of her tone.
“The woman you were with,” she whispered.
“At the inn?” he asked.
“And here,” Alice insisted, looking up at him. “She was here, you invited her, she—”
“Wait,” Evander said firmly. “Sorcha was here?”
“Yes,” Alice nodded. “She was near your chambers, she… I…”
“Alice,” he said. “Listen tae me very carefully. I would never, ever marry someone and then bring someone else into our bed. I have been a terrible husband. I am aware of that. I ken ye saw me kissin’ her.
I told ye, I dinnae wish tae kiss her. She assumed I did and pushed fer it.
I have not initiated contact with her since then. ”
“But…” Alice stuttered. “She was here.”
“When?” Evander asked softly.
“The day ye told me that sleeping with me was a mistake,” Alice explained.
Evander frowned.
He had not been aware that Sorcha was there that day.
“The only time I have seen her at the keep, I have told her tae leave,” he said. He carefully reached over and cupped her cheek. “I have been a terrible husband. Truly. But there are some things I would never do. I would never sully your name, or our bed.”
“But the kiss—”
“Was a mistake and a misunderstandin’,” he assured her. “I have nae seen Sorcha since that night on my own accord. I was nae even aware that she had visited the keep that day.”
“Then why was she here?” Alice asked, sniffling.
Evander hesitated, unsure how to answer that.
“I… I dinnae—”
He froze, realizing the one person who would have explicitly invited Sorcha to the keep. He pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Keith…”
“Keith?” Alice asked.
“Keith has had his eye on Sorcha for some years. He cares nae for her… profession, but he has taken full advantage of it, it would seem,” he sighed.
Alice nodded slowly, blinking away the tears in her eyes.
“So… he invited her in… And she made it seem like she was going to your chambers… Because?” Alice whispered.
“Because she likely wanted to get a rise out of you,” Evander said. “I am nae sayin’ it was right. I am sayin’ that is a well-known trait of hers.”
“I see,” Alice said, her shoulders relaxing. Evander nodded. He stood slowly and pulled Alice up with him.
“I want ye tae ken, Alice, if there is a world where I could have another chance,” he gently wrapped an arm around her waist. “I would take it in a heartbeat. I am nae claimin’ that I would be perfect. But I am beggin’ ye tae let me try tae be better for ye.”
He looked down into her eyes. Her cheeks flushed and her eyes widened as she looked up at him, opening and closing her mouth.
“You…” she started, suddenly looking away. Evander’s heart sank.
Please… Alice, please…