Chapter 11
Then, cutting across the roar of battle, came Olivia’s voice, screaming, “Edan! Edan. Help me, please! Come, I need ye. Save me, Edan save me!”
Her cries galvanized him. He shook himself, threw back his vizor, and scanned the field around him. Through the hellish haze, Olivia was nowhere in sight.
Then, a cold wind whipped at him, and a clear view opened up to the far end of the field, beyond the hazy fringes of the battle.
There she was! She was on horseback, riding like the wind towards the forest, skirts and hair billowing behind her, desperately screaming his name. “Edan, hurry! Please, save me!”
He had to reach her, to save her!
Oblivious to what was happening around him, he began running towards her, but it felt like he was running through molasses.
The blood and mud sucked at his boots, threatening to pull him down.
He stumbled onward as fast as he could, violently knocking aside anything or anyone that got in his way with his shield, determined not to stop for anything.
Up ahead, she was galloping, galloping towards the forest, shouting for him to come and save her.
After what seemed like an eternity, he reached the fringes of the battle, where the grass was free of blood.
But still, he made slow progress, as though something was preventing him from getting to her.
He looked ahead. She was still riding but had still not reached the trees.
Then, to his horror, he saw a looming black shape, a formless, threatening shadow, swooping through the sky behind her like a murmuration of starlings, driving her frantically onwards as she tried to escape it.
Terrified he would not get to her in time before the nameless horror caught up with her—which he knew in his bones meant death—he shouted, “I’m comin’, Olivia. Wait for me. I’m comin’!”
But all that came out of his mouth was a rusty croak.
He tried to run, but it was impossible. The ground was pulling him down, and all the while the dark shadow pursuing Olivia was getting closer and closer to her.
However hard she rode, she could not shake it off.
Even as he stumbled forward, it descended on her and engulfed her in its impenetrable darkness.
“Nay!” he shouted, hearing a stifled, agonizing scream that shattered his heart.
He threw down his weapons, and at last, he could run! He sprinted as fast as he could towards the darkness. As he approached, the shadow lifted off her and flew away, and all he could see was her body lying on the ground.
He skidded to a halt by her side, fell to his knees, and lifted her into his arms. “Olivia, I’m here! I’m here—ye’re safe!” he told her urgently as he looked down at her pale beauty. Her eyes were closed, and he thought with dread that he was too late.
Refusing to accept it, he shook her gently, praying she would wake up. “Olivia! Olivia, wake up, please!” he begged.
She opened her eyes, and relief flooded through him.
“Thank God, thank God,” he murmured, lifting her into his arms and pressing kisses of joy to her face.
Her big brown eyes locked onto his, and he saw they were full of tears and sorrow.
“Edan, ye didnae come in time to save me,” she whispered. Her eyes began to close, and he watched the light slowly die within them, until finally, she lay still in his arms.
“Olivia, wake up! Dinnae leave me. Wake up, ye cannae die! Live, I tell ye. I love ye, Olivia!” he sobbed, feeling as though a giant hand had reached down and torn his heart out of his chest.
He cradled her lifeless form to his chest, knowing he had failed her, that it was his fault she was dead. He looked to the heavens, cursing God, crying out in despair, “Nay, nay, nay!”
He sat bolt upright in bed, unable to catch his breath in the stifling dark, panic coursing through him, the tangled sheets soaked with his sweat.
It took him several long moments to awaken properly and realize where he was.
Slowly, he brought his breathing under control and sat with his head in his hands, trying to regain his senses.
“Just another bloody nightmare,” he murmured to himself.
But even as he said it, he knew it was not true.
The first part of the dream had been as it always was—with him caught up in an endless battle.
But the second half was new, and in its own way, it was even more terrifying.
The dreadful feeling of loss he had experienced in the dream when Olivia had died in his arms still felt real.
He could feel her, smell her, hear her voice, and see the light dying in her eyes.
Feelings of loss and guilt and failure permeated him, hanging over him like a dark cloud. He recognized them as the same feelings he had carried with him ever since he had failed to save his father on the battlefield, a manifestation of his fear of losing that which was precious to him.
That fear was the reason why he had constructed a wall around his heart—to protect himself from the pain, which he never wanted to feel again.
Going back to sleep was usually an impossibility after one of his frequent nightmares, and tonight he did not even want to risk trying, for fear of repeating the last one.
Knowing it would be yet another sleepless night, he got out of bed and lit a candle.
He dressed hurriedly by its flickering light, trying to push away the heavy feelings pressing on his spirit.
The only solution was to go for a walk and try to shake off the bleak mood that had overtaken him.
Deciding he would go up to the battlements and let the cold wind blow away the vestiges of the nightmare, he left the room noiselessly and set off through the castle’s dimly lit corridors, heading for the roof.
He padded wearily up the winding tower steps and eventually emerged onto the broad stone walkway and into the night’s chill. The sky was dark and overcast, with clouds scudding across the face of a half-moon. He turned to his left and stopped dead in his tracks.
Up ahead was a pale figure. He squinted, trying to make it out. It appeared to be a woman wrapped in a long cloak of some kind. She was standing by the battlements, looking out over the wall to the darkened landscape beyond.
Christ, is it a bloody ghost?
His heart clenched with fear. The old castle was supposed to have several bogarts, although he had never seen any of them.
But there’s always a first time.
He stepped backward, and he must have made a noise because the woman, ghost, whatever she was, started and turned towards him. Moonlight illuminated her features, and he realized with shock who it was.
Olivia?!
His fear gave way to surprise and no little irritation.
“Olivia, what the hell are ye doin’ out here at this hour?” he demanded, frowning as he strode up to her, shocked to see that she was only wearing a nightgown beneath her fur cloak and delicate slippers.
A sudden gust of wind blew her cloak aside at that moment and plastered her thin nightdress to her body.
His irritation drained away, and his ardor stirred as he caught a tantalizing glimpse of two pert, shapely breasts, a slender waist, and long legs.
He stared, drinking it all in, the heat of lust licking through him.
The thought flashed across his mind that he could seize her there and then and have his way with her. She was his wife, after all. What better way to banish the lingering shreds of his nightmare?
He crushed the impulse when she suddenly drew her cloak around her, and he knew then that she had noticed him staring. His gaze flicked to her face, and even in the moonlit darkness, he could see her blushing. That excited him even more.
“What are ye doin’ out here?” he repeated, injecting disapproval into his voice to hide his lustful thoughts. “Ye shouldnae be wanderin’ around the castle at night in yer nightgown like that.”
“I could ask what ye’re doin’ out here,” she countered calmly.
He hesitated.
Shall I tell her about the nightmares? Nay. She’ll think me weak or mad and despise me. And it wouldnae be fair to burden her. Besides, she’ll only want to ken what they’re about, and I’m nae tellin’ her that!
“I’m the Laird. I can go wherever I wish, whenever I wish in me own castle,” he answered gruffly. “Now, come on, what are ye doin’ out here? Ye shouldnae be wanderin’ around the castle at night in yer nightgown like that.”
Olivia’s slim eyebrows drew together. “Why do ye keep askin’ me? ’Tis none of yer business what I do,” she retorted testily.
That took him aback.
“None of me business? But I’m yer husband, remember?”
“And I’m yer wife, and a husband would open up to his wife and nae demand answers from her that he’s unwillin’ to give himself,” she replied with a pointed look.
Before he could think of a reply, she said, “Good night,” then turned on her heel and disappeared through the arched entrance leading back inside the tower.
He remained standing there, letting the cold wind whip at him while he stared after her, stunned by her logic.
“Dinnae go roamin’ about the castle in yer nightdress like that again,” he called after her imperiously, to make up for the feeling that she had the upper hand.
He listened to her tripping lightly down the stone steps in her little slippers until the sound faded. Then, he leaned on the parapet and sighed, staring out at the darkened countryside, realizing he had no real defense against her argument.
Because he knew she was right.
The following day, Olivia was in her chamber, seated at her writing desk, writing a letter to her younger sister Eileen which contained an invitation to come and stay at the castle for the St. Patrick’s Day celebrations.
However, her focus kept straying from what she was writing to Edan and what had happened between them on the battlements the previous night.
She, too, had a restless night and sought fresh air to clear her head.
It had been a shock when he had come upon her like that by the battlements.
And it seemed strange that it was him who appeared because he was the very reason she had decided to shun her bed and take a walk in the first place.
She was so preoccupied with trying to puzzle out the enigma that was her husband that sleep had proved as impossible as he was.
To her mind, there seemed to be two men inhabiting the same body.
One was cold, gruff, rude, and looked at her body with such wolfish hunger at times that it scared her.
The other was good-humored, generous, thoughtful, and funny, and when he kissed her, she felt like the most desired woman in the world.
However, these two conflicting personalities had one thing in common. Neither would tell her anything, and that was what really troubled her. The truth of this had been borne out during their short conversation on the battlements.
“What are ye doin’ out here?” he had demanded.
Ruffled by his peremptory tone, she had fired his question back at him to see if he would at last open up to her.
She had harbored a little hope in her heart that, this time, it would be different, that he would share his thoughts with her and make a genuine connection.
But he had shut her down yet again. Her hope had shriveled and died.
Disappointed and annoyed, she had left. But the frustration still lingered.
It doesnae bode well for a marriage. How will I get to ken him if he will never open up and tell me what he’s thinkin’?
“How are ye gettin’ on with yer letter, Me Lady? I’ll take it down for the post as soon as ye’re done,” Megan asked, breaking into Olivia’s thoughts.
The maid had been bustling about the chamber, putting away clean laundry. Now that she had finished, she came to stand next to Olivia, her hands on her hips.
“Och, I’m nae quite finished yet, I’m afraid, Megan,” Olivia confessed, trying to put her worries about Edan out of her mind and apply herself to her task.
“Never mind. There’s plenty of time until the mail coach goes. Do ye ken, I’m lookin’ forward to meetin’ yer sister. She’ll be nice company.”
“Aye, it will be nice, but I’m nae sure she’d agree. She’s quite shy with strangers and doesnae like to travel.”
“I’m certain she’ll come,” Megan said with an air of confidence that made Olivia look at her curiously.
“Why? I’m her sister, and I’m nae certain,” Olivia said.
“Because after it rained this mornin’, I saw a rainbow. That means good fortune is ahead, and I reckon it means yer sister is goin’ to say aye to yer invitation,” the maid declared, her eyes shining with excitement.
“Oh, Lord,” Olivia sighed, turning back to the letter.
A rap at the door startled them both. Olivia was immediately on high alert, thinking she recognized it.
Megan hastened to open the door, proving her right. Edan was standing there. Feeling her frustration rising, Olivia deliberately kept her face expressionless as she turned in her chair to look at him.
“Are ye ready for our third outing?” he asked without any preamble, folding his arms and leaning casually against the doorjamb.
Olivia bristled at his assumption that she would drop everything and go with him.
“Nay. I’m busy,” she replied.
He said nothing but tilted his head to the side and gave her such a commanding look that she quickly thought better of her refusal.
“All right. Give me a few moments to get ready.”
She jumped up and hurriedly motioned for Megan to bring her fur cloak and boots.
Shortly after that, she found herself riding her favorite mare out of the castle gates, with Edan next to her on his stallion.
“Where are we headin’?” she asked as they cantered across the open moorland surrounding the castle, bypassing the forest.
“I told ye before, ’tis a surprise,” he told her.
Considering what had been occupying her thoughts so recently, his refusal to tell her their destination niggled at her. It just seemed like another example of him not being open with her. But she knew there was no point in protesting and swallowed her frustration for the time being.
It was still very cold, though it had rained earlier that day, but the sky had cleared.
The ground made for soft going, and the horses’ hooves thudded as they cantered along, throwing up muddy divots, going deeper into the moorland, with the low mountains topped with snow visible in the far distance.
The moorland opened out before them, with a ring of low mountains visible in the far distance.
Olivia loved to ride, and she enjoyed the breathtaking vista as well as the fresh breeze that caressed her skin and blew through her hair, sending it streaming out behind her. The sensation gave her a rare sense of freedom. As a result, her irritation gradually faded.
Looking for some way to engage with Edan, she soon had an idea.