Chapter 35
We manage to get up afterward to clean up, brush our teeth, and get ready for bed. Then Wes pulls me into his arms and we hold each other under the covers for a long time in the dark.
Into the silence, Wes murmurs, “When did you know?”
I know exactly what he’s asking and why he’s asking. “For sure? Just yesterday. But I’ve had a pretty strong suspicion for a long time. Since the first time we kissed.”
“Ah. You should have told me earlier. It would have saved us both a lot of angst.”
“Don’t even start with that. I know I was scared to say anything. My anxiety and insecurities kept getting in the way of my growing feelings for you. But you could have said something too, and you didn’t, so you don’t get to talk on this issue.”
He chuckles at my mockingly stern tone. “Agreed. Although I do have to insist that I was genuinely trying to say something in the car this morning when you ran out on me.”
“Well, yes. That was a major mix-up for which I’m to blame. I thought you were about to end it, and I couldn’t hear that without falling apart.”
“You can fall apart with me.”
“That’s very nice to know, but I didn’t know that this morning.”
“I know. As much as it hurt, and it hurt like nothing I’ve ever experienced, I do understand how it happened and what you thought was happening.
We’re both to blame for our messed-up romantic history, and I still think a lot of it was because we had the false romance dropped right on top of the real thing. ”
“Yeah. Yeah, I think that’s right. But at least it saved Blossom Park.”
“It did. And since we figured it out, I don’t regret a single thing.”
“Me either.” I shift so I can kiss him softly. “So now you. When did you know?”
He clears his throat.
“Wes?”
With a sigh, he admits, “I don’t even know. Loving you feels like it’s been a core factor in who I’ve been my entire life.”
“What?” I’ve understood from hints and comments that his feelings have been around longer than mine, but this is a lot.
A lot.
“I don’t understand how to parse out the shifts and transitions. I only know I can’t remember a single day in my life when I didn’t feel like I was in love with you. Even as a… a very little child, I was convinced you were the prettiest girl in the world. I knew you were special to me.”
“Oh my God, Wes.” My voice wobbles. “That’s a lot.”
“I know it is. Why do you think I’ve been so set on hiding it? I’ve been hiding it my entire life because you didn’t love me back.”
I squeeze him. Shake for a minute. “Oh no! The hayride. Oh no, you felt that way for me then? When I blurted out that I didn’t… I didn’t… like you…”
He groans and strokes my hair. “Yes. I loved you then.”
“Oh no, Wes. My poor baby. How your poor heart must have hurt.”
“It wasn’t great, but I was okay. I tried to put it away.
I really did try. After that, I decided you would never like me back, so I worked hard at getting over you.
Sometimes I convinced myself, but I never actually did.
In high school, I was into you all over again.
I resolved that if I could turn myself into one of the popular guys, maybe you would see me differently.
I was even starting to make a few moves in that direction when damned Judd decided to try to snatch you away from me. ”
“No! It gets worse and worse. So Judd really did pick up that you were into me?”
“Yes. For a less-than-clever person, he’s got a few sharp instincts.”
“How did you deal with it for so long?”
“I was used to it. And mostly I knew the whole thing was doomed, so I got used to… I got used to it never working out. In college and while I was in DC, I made another effort to get over you for good. But I’m convinced that’s why it didn’t work out with Roslyn.
She didn’t know about you, but she sensed your presence in my heart.
There wasn’t room for her there. There’s never been room for anyone but you. ”
“I can’t believe this. I wish… I wish I…”
I don’t finish the thought because I know it isn’t right.
“I couldn’t tell you. Not at any point until recently. It would have scared and upset you so much you would have avoided me even more than you already did. We never would have gotten together if you knew.”
I slide my hand down to cup his tight ass through his boxer briefs. “I guess that’s right. But it makes me feel bad. That I was so clueless and you’ve had feelings for so long.”
“Don’t feel bad. It was worth it. All of it was worth it.” He finds my mouth in the dark and kisses me. “Because I get to have you now.”
Two months later on a Saturday, we have the biggest wedding we’ve ever had on the property.
The daughter of one of the state legislators is getting married to the son of a very wealthy family.
So not only will there be a huge influx of people but a lot of them will be rich and politically important.
Natalie, Jake, and I have been preparing for weeks to make sure we’re ready, and all week I’ve been nervous about it.
Blossom Park’s fortunes have been transformed this year. Next month, as long as nothing unforeseen happens, we’ll be able to pay off our entire debt. We have a full schedule of events for the next three years, and the number of our daily visitors is triple what it was last year at this time.
But I guess I’ll always be an anxious person, because I’ve been seriously stressing this week.
I open my eyes—alert and wide-awake—at just after five in the morning. The tightening of anxiety in my gut is like an annoying old friend.
With a sigh, I roll out of bed and go to the bathroom to pee, wash my hands and face, and brush my teeth. I’m planning to just get up and get going, but when I walk back into the bedroom, Wes is awake too.
He reaches a hand out toward me in the rumpled bed. “Come back to bed, baby.”
“I’m all restless and churny.”
“I know you are. That’s why you need to come to me.”
Shaking my head with a little smile, I walk back to the bed, take his hand, and let him draw me under the covers.
He pulls me into a loose embrace, running a few kisses along my face but not making any sexual advances.
Wes is actually a very sexy man. He gets turned on around me a lot—a lot—and he’s earnest and passionate and creative in the bedroom. Also incredibly generous. He spends a lot of time making sure I’m satisfied before he tries to satisfy himself.
Women who go for cooler, more detached guys are really, really missing out.
But he’s never pushy. And he’s good at sensing when I’m not in the mood.
I’m not in the mood right now, and he knows it. He’s being affectionate and comforting. He’s not angling for sex.
“I’m okay,” I tell him, stroking his bare back, loving the feel of the tight, warm skin. “I’ll just be glad to get today over with.”
“I know. Dad’s been jittery all week too. It’s definitely not just you.”
“Oh. As silly as that sounds, that kind of makes me feel better. I thought it was just because I’m always anxious.”
“You’re not always anxious. You’re doing better, aren’t you?”
He’s not asking because he needs the answer. He’s asking to remind me of it.
“Yes,” I admit. “It’s probably because I’m so happy with you, but I’m definitely doing better. But when it comes back, it seems worse almost because I’m not always like this anymore.”
“I know. But being anxious because of circumstances is okay. Some things are big, and it’s natural to be worried about them. It’s that general anxiety over everything that we need to work on.”
“It’s nice of you to take it on yourself, but it’s my mess.”
“Hey. None of that. What’s mine is yours, including your mess. I happen to love your mess.” He nuzzles my neck, teasing my pulse with his tongue in a way that makes me giggle.
We kiss for a little while, and to my surprise, I start getting into it. Into it. So I push him over onto his back and kiss him for real until both of us are aroused.
Then I climb astride and ride him, hard and shamelessly eager. A few weeks ago, we moved into the one small cottage that was unoccupied so we could live together. It’s very nice. To be able to be as loud as we want in bed without fear of someone else hearing.
And maybe it’s the anxiety still in the background of my mind, but I want to be very loud this morning.
Wes enjoys every minute of it, urging me on with thick, hot mutters of how good I’m doing, how he loves to see me let go, how he’s the one who gets to make me feel this way, how hard I’m coming, how I shouldn’t hold anything back.
I don’t.
And neither does he when he thrusts up with animalistic fervor until he comes too.
It’s after six when we collapse together, hot and breathless and sweaty. Replete.
Relaxed.
I giggle against his shoulder, loving the feel of sprawling on top of him completely naked like this.
He’s playing idly with the flesh between my thighs and bottom. “How are you feeling now?”
“I’m feeling pretty good.”
“More relaxed?”
“Definitely more relaxed.”
“Good. That’s my job. Taking care of you in any way you need.”
I press a kiss against his jaw. “You’re pretty good at that job.”
The wedding is a huge success, and the best thing, as far as I’m concerned, is that all the compliments and excitement is for Blossom Park itself rather than me and Wes.
The social media interest in our relationship has died down until it’s nothing more than an occasional murmur. Our story has been told, as far as the online world believes. And while they might occasionally like a glimpse of our happy ending, they don’t really care about us anymore.
It’s so nice. Such a relief.
It gives us the freedom to be ourselves. Exactly as we want to be.
And tonight the star of the show as far as the venue is concerned isn’t me and Wes. It’s Blossom Park.
As Wes, Jake, Natalie, and I are coming back home well after midnight, we’re surprised to see our family waiting on the lane past the privacy gate.
Not just Aunt Grace and Audrey but the three younger girls as well. They all start to clap and cheer when they see us.
“Aunt Grace said it was okay if we stayed up and waited out here for you!” Tessa announces before anyone else can speak. “Because tonight is such a big deal!”
“It is a big deal,” I say. “And it was amazing. Everything was perfect!”
Tessa gives a loud whoop, and we’re surrounded and inundated with hugs.
I’m so happy—so tired and relieved and full of feeling—that I’m almost in tears, but I don’t care. I reach out to take Wes’s hand.
Because this is my family, and this is my life.
This is life.
And, yes, it takes away far more than it should, but it also gives back.
And sometimes the mess we make along the way is part of what makes it so good.