40. Jeanie
40 /
jeanie
Pineapple Tits
“Dex!” I yell.
I chase him, kicking up sand as I pass over the dunes, but lose sight of him as soon as he steps into the chaos of the luau. There are more people than before, like the entire population of Miami has been invited.
For a higher vantage point, I climb onto an empty chair. Farther away, Dex surprises me when he darts around party guests with the light-footed speed of a football running back.
I hop down and try the same maneuvers. Only my pursuit ends with me tackling a waiter. Flat on my back, I wince as six plastic glasses of frozen daiquiris rain over me. I cover my face, waiting for the splatter to settle.
Standing in a circle, people look down at me. They part and Nathan’s face appears. He hooks his arm with mine and lifts me upright.
“Are you okay?” He places his hands on my shoulders and tries to level our gazes, but I’m bobbing around his huge mass, trying to reconnect my line of sight to Dex.
When I spot him again, he slips into the hotel like he’s ready to run back to Chicago. Freddie follows with a fuzzy human-sized crab in tow. At this rate, I’ll never catch him. I groan.
“Jeanie.” Nathan shakes me when I don’t respond.
“Does everything look okay?” I snap and push him away, and he watches me come undone.
“No, it doesn’t.”
Here I am, looking like a crime scene, the exact way Nathan found me a few days ago. Except last time, I was chasing after Roman when I should have been paying attention to my kid. Dex is probably in southern Georgia by now.
My urge is to smother him, but I should give him time to cool down. He’ll be more responsive when he’s had more time to digest what he witnessed. That kiss was one-sided. Roman-sided.
Overwhelmed, I brush off my dress. Flattened cherries, bits of oranges, and green garnish fall to the ground. Icy sugary drinks soak into the fabric. Nathan plucks a red-and-white striped straw from my hair. It’s hard to save face when there’s frozen pineapple sludge sliding between my boobs.
“Talk to me,” Nathan says in a calm, non-judgmental tone.
I rub a palm over my forehead and squeeze my eyes shut.
Why does he have to be so kind, so perfect? It’s so unfair !
He steps closer. “How can I help? Tell me what you need.”
Before I can explain the disaster that’s transpired, Natasha appears at his side. I’d almost forgotten about her existence. Almost .
“Nathan, is this woman bothering you? Should I find security?”
She looks around and waves for the first hotel manager she can find. They come scurrying, but Nathan waves them off.
My brows rise at the size of her ovaries. They must have their own bra down there. She must have seen Nathan help me up. On top of that, he doesn’t even look distressed. He’s dabbing my collarbone dry with a cocktail napkin.
I give Natasha a head-to-toe once-over.
“Natasha, this is my girlfriend, Jeanie. Jeanie, this is Natasha, my agent.” Nathan moves beside me and slips an arm behind my back.
I allow it to remain for now. I’m fully aware it may be the last time he touches me.
“Oh, right! I heard about you. You’re such a good guy, Nathan, helping Jeanie out before you leave,” Natasha says to him and then turns to me. “Are you one of Nathan’s friends’ mom or something? He didn’t explain how you met.”
My brows rise. “Wow,” I deadpan. His friend’s mom.
Scratch that. I was wrong. Her ovaries drag on the ground. If she’s not careful, she’ll trip over them. When she does, I hope she face-plants and breaks her pretty face .
“Natasha, don’t,” Nathan says with a stern voice.
“This is good. I’m glad this happened,” I say with bitter amusement. The timing of this catty encounter is a special kind of perfect. I straighten my dress, taking the extra moment to ground myself and rein in my awkwardness.
“Did Nathan tell you?” Natasha says. “He’s been chosen to be the next Bachelor King! We fly to LA tonight.”
“Bachelor King?” We?
My eyes widen as I turn to Nathan. This is the show he mentioned the other day, the one he couldn’t talk about. It’s the reality TV show where twelve women compete to win the heart of one bachelor. My mom is obsessed. The entire country is obsessed.
“That’s great. Congratulations.” My lips tremble.
“I haven’t accepted?—”
“No.” I cut off Nathan and steady my emotions. I reach out to shake his hand like it’s the business transaction it was always meant to be. “Nathan, good luck with your big job. I know you’ll be fantastic. And thank you for your help this week, but I won’t need your sex-machine services anymore.”
I bump Natasha as I leave them. She bristles, though I take no joy in our interaction. I didn’t intend to have this discussion with Nathan tonight. Everything’s crashing in on me at once.
This time, I weave through the party without taking out another server. I need to be careful not to draw more attention to myself because I’m searching for the best place to hide and lick my wounds .
Nathan catches up and grabs my arm. “Jeanie, I want to finish this conversation.”
“You told Natasha we were fake dating?” I feel betrayed, not to mention all the messy feelings I have about him going on a dating show. We had a secret arrangement.
I glance across the pool and find Natasha studying us with keen interest. So are several people from the party, but I don’t care anymore.
“I wanted her to know why she was moving my tour dates. I told her the truth, and now she’s acting like this because she’s jealous. She and I used to have a thing.”
“What’s the truth? I don’t even know anymore.” I slap my thighs, frantically looking around the party, anywhere but him. Tears roll down my cheeks.
“The truth is this was never fake to me. I was lost to you the moment you flashed me your mango milkshake. Hell, I was all in years ago. I care about you. I care about your kid. I’m not ready for this to end.”
“What about the reality show?”
“Fuck the show.”
I roll my lips inward. Even though I don’t watch it, I know it’s a big deal. It would be life-changing for his career. This is the big break he dreamed of, and I would never stand in his way. It’s another reason to let him go.
“This, whatever we had, was never going to work. We were barreling toward the end from the moment we met. We’ve always had an expiration date.” I wipe my cheek with the back of my hand.
“Don’t say that. You know we’re great together. I know you feel it too. ”
“That’s the problem. I do feel it.” I place a hand over my heart. It beats rapid-fire under my skin. It’s falling apart in real time.
“Then let’s figure out what comes next,” he begs, looking hopeful.
“It’s only a matter of time before you realize we’re all wrong for each other and you leave, like everyone else in my life.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it. You’re pushing me away on purpose.”
Nathan reaches for me, but I step beyond his touch. His hand slips away.
I can’t stand to look in his eyes, knowing he knows. That he’s figured me out so fast.
I’m emotionally frozen in place and too scared to see where this will go at the chance of failing in love again. How can I let myself hope for something this beautiful when the only outcome I’ve ever experienced is catastrophe? It’s best to set up my barricades now.
“Sorry,” I mouth and pivot to leave.
“Are you getting back together with Roman? I saw you two go to the beach.” Nathan’s words are terse and accusatory.
I halt in mid-step, my shoulders tense.
“Roman wants me back.” It’s all I need to say. Making Nathan believe Roman’s still in play is the quickest way to cut our cord.
Nathan circles me. “For once in your life, think about yourself. Stop putting everyone else’s needs above your own. Happiness is all I want for you. There’s no one who deserves it more. ”
“Is that your final life-coaching advice?” I twist my words, making them snarky like I’m picking a fight. I’m a coward.
“No, this is. You don’t even know your own strength. You don’t need Roman or any man. You never did. Not back then, and not now. The power to get everything you want out of life is already inside you. You only need to be brave enough to wield it.” His nostrils flare on a deep inhale.
I stare at him, taking in everything he said, and unable to look away. I’m irritated he’s so flawless. I set my jaw, determined to stay the course.
“Noted. Thank you. I’ll make sure to leave you an amazing review,” I say, driving my disappointment into the moment.
I’m resentful that he sees all of me. That he believes in me, that he only wants what’s best.
I stay rooted in my spot, even though I’m crying. I need Nathan to leave first. Then it will seem like he was the one who gave up, not me.
He rubs the scruff of his face with both hands. They settle on his hips, where he studies me for a long moment as if he’s deciding if I’m worth the fight.
News flash. I’m not.
“This is not a breakup. When you’re ready to be loved the way you deserve, come find me. I’ll be waiting,” he says with a shake of his head.
Nathan is halfway across the pool deck when his words sink in. I don’t even know how to react.
I watch him move toward the beach. When Natasha catches up to him at the ridge of the dunes, I look away. She represents his bright future, and there’s no place for me there.
I groan and drag my bare feet through the hotel.
Putting my sadness aside, I search for Dex. He’s nowhere to be found. I call his cell phone, but he doesn’t answer. Then I text him and explain what happened with Roman. I can tell by the bouncing bubbles on the screen he reads the message, but he doesn’t respond.
That’s okay, he’s processing. This is proof he’s alive. In fact, I hope he still went to his VIP party. Maybe it will make him forget what he saw tonight. We will talk about this family mess soon enough.
Sitting by the phone in my hotel room, I discover a note scribbled on the hotel stationery notepad.
You looked so beautiful sleeping, I didn’t want to wake you. Natasha showed up, meeting her for a drink.
Be back soon.
xo, N
Too upset to sleep and too in shock to shower, I wrap myself in a comforter and wander onto the terrace. I stretch out on the lounge chair and stare up at the stars.
Below me, the luau goes through all its planned events. Dinner is served. Dancers perform. Partygoers play the limbo. After prizes are given, they pull the plug on the ukulele music.
Earlier, I texted Sophia and told her I was sick, and that she should reappoint Natasha as her maid of honor. It’s not really a lie because I am sick. I’m sick with myself .
Instead of raising the bar for my life, I lowered it all the way to the ground, dug a hole, and laid the bar in the molten core of the earth where it melted. I lied about having a boyfriend so I could get close to Sophia and sabotage the wedding from the inside.
It worked. Now Roman wants me back.
I’m a monster .
And though I didn’t set out to, I hurt Nathan, the person who’s treated me with more respect than I’ve ever had from any man in my life. The insecurities and fears that faded away when he was around reared their ugly head as soon as things got complicated.
Maybe Dex inherited his running-away issues from me?
“Jeanie!” A muffled voice calls my name.
The glass door to Mom’s room slides open. She steps onto the terrace, and I crank my head toward the sound. Her silhouette crosses to my wall.
“Didn’t you hear me banging on your door? I’ve been calling your phone.” She’s angry with me.
“I left it inside. What’s wrong?” I sit up, alert at the tension in her voice.
“Get your purse. Something’s happened to Dex.”