Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
Aiden
T he guilt was crushing. I drove along the dark, cliffside road where I’d found her weeks ago, sitting in her car, unsure of what to do.
Pulling over into the exact spot she’d stopped, I followed her lead and reflected on my choices.
I’d taken a woman who’d been cheated on, stripped of money and communications, struggling to live in a house I’d let fall to seed, and I’d decided she had it a little too good.
I couldn’t remember ever feeling this level of shame.
I liked thinking of myself in heroic terms, the way Katie had described me to Pops.
She was right, though, what she said today.
Being heroic when there was little cost to you isn’t heroic.
As soon as my heart was on the line, I turned cowardly.
My chest constricted. I was a bitter, lonely coward.
But I didn’t want to be. I wanted to be the hero she deserved.
I drove to Pops’s place. He’d been trying to give me relationship advice for years, and I’d been brushing him off.
I was an idiot. He and Grandma had been married for forty years.
Happily, lovingly married for forty years.
He grieved her passing, his heart broken, but he never wallowed in the pain, didn’t blame the world.
He eventually fell in love again and had another wonderful relationship. I should have been taking notes.
The lights were on, but Pops may have fallen asleep in front of the TV. I’d raised my hand to knock when he opened the door.
“What’s the matter?”
“Why would you think?—”
He waved me in. “You wouldn’t be showing up unannounced this late for a chat. So, what’s the matter?”
He sat in his chair and I took the couch. “I panicked and fucked up.”
He nodded slowly, thoughtfully. “And how are you going to fix it?”
Blowing out a breath, I said, “I don’t know. That’s why I’m here.”
“Well, you better tell me the whole story, so we can figure it out.” He stood and headed toward the kitchen. “I think we’re going to need a couple of beers for this.”
After he returned and handed me a bottle, I went over all of it. I skated over the sex, but judging by the way he was glaring at me, he’d put two and two together. The man wasn’t stupid. By the time I’d finished, he was up and pacing.
“You’re my grandson and I love you, but I can’t remember wanting to punch a man this much. Not for a long time.”
“Feel free to take a shot. If I could, I’d punch myself.”
“On one hand, I want to help you get your girl. On the other, I want to protect her from you.” He studied me. “I guess it depends on who I’m looking at. Are you the Aiden who took a slap from a mean old woman to protect another kid, or are you the Aiden who led Katie on and then dumped her?”
I sat, elbows on knees, my head in my hands. “I don’t know. I want to be the first, but I’m afraid I’m the second. I love her, Pops. I want to be someone she can rely on. Someone she could love.”
“And how are you going to prove to her that you’re worth taking another chance on?”
I dropped back, sprawling on the couch. “Why do you think I’m here, old man? You’re the expert. What should I do?”
Smiling, he sat down. “I am, aren’t I? It’s about time you realized it.”
“Well?”
“Well, what? This is your mess. You figure it out.” He got back up, went to the door, and opened it.
“If you love her, then you’ll know what she needs.
It’s not a question of how you can get her to love you .
You need to decide what you can do to love her .
” He opened the door. “And you need to do that on your own.”
I scrubbed my hands over my face. “You’re right.” I stood. “Thanks for listening. And for the kick in the butt.” I walked past him and stopped on the porch. “‘What she needs.’ I’ll work on that.”