Chapter 28
After Caspian left, we all got dressed and tried to assess our options.
It was a bleak conversation. I’ve spent enough time in the ocean now to know that my tolerance for Caspian’s world has somehow improved, but that doesn’t mean I can swim miles in the open sea to find the ship. The rest of my men definitely can’t.
For now, we’re as trapped here as I ever was, but at least we’re together. I can’t stop touching them, and they seem to be equally desperate for my proximity, too. All except Sebastian. He’s stayed a few feet away. Always just out of reach. I wish I knew what was going on in his head.
Eventually, Hunter and Phoenix doze off, their backs pressed against the overhang, shoulders touching, heads slumped against each other. Careful not to wake them, I ease out of Hunter’s lap and make my way over to where Sebastian is sitting with his feet in the water.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
He startles, as if he were so lost in thought he didn’t hear me coming. “Yeah, fine.” His voice comes out scratchy, and he clears his throat. His gaze softens. “I’m okay, ocean. Really. Just a lot on my mind.”
“Was it too much for you?” I sit down next to him, but keep some distance between us. “The heat spike, I mean?”
He looks at me out of the corner of his eye and then looks away. “It was…”
Rejection instantly washes over me. I hold my breath, afraid of all the things he might say. That he didn’t want to go through a spike with me, but he was forced to. That he’ll never want me in that way.
He shifts his weight, hands landing in his lap. “It was an experience I’ll never forget.”
“In a good way or a bad way?”
He finally meets my gaze. “In the best way.”
A relieved sigh stutters out of my chest. I lean back on my hands and look up at the darkening sky, the first stars appearing overhead. The dark ocean stretches out as far as I can see, no sight of Sebastian’s ship anywhere.
“Bet you never thought you’d be here, huh?
Imprisoned by merfolk.” I add the last bit, a touch of dark humor, to try to lighten the mood.
Seb seems like he needs it. And despite his reassurances, I’m still feeling apprehensive about our physical relationship, and don’t want to linger on the topic too long.
His laugh is so deep and familiar, I can’t stop myself from leaning closer. My shoulder brushes against his, and he looks down at the spot where we touch.
“There’s nowhere I’d rather be, ocean.”
“Really?” Insecurities clog my throat. The empty place next to my other bonds aches like a dull bruise.
“Absolutely. These aren’t necessarily the circumstances I hoped we’d meet under, but I’ve wanted to sit like this with you so many times.”
“Why didn’t—?” I cut myself off before I can ask why he didn’t say yes when I asked to meet up, when I invited him to help me through my last full heat.
He seems to understand, though, because he leans back on his hands and sighs at the sky. “My past makes me… hesitant about heats, and packs, and bonding. I’m trying to work through it.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“Losing you.” He glances back at Hunter and Phoenix. “Losing all of you.”
I won’t be cliché and tell him something stupid like it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. But I want to say something. He’s meant to be part of what we’re building. I feel it in every fiber of my being, and I don’t want him to miss out because of fear.
We sit silently for a few minutes, waves lapping at our feet, the wind crisp and cooling. There’s enough light from the full moon to see by, but the darkness, and the expanse of the sea, makes it feel like there’s no one else in the world but us.
After a time, unable to come up with anything to say that doesn’t feel trite, I dare to take his hand in mine. He doesn’t pull away.
“Can I… kiss you?” I whisper, nerves making my voice shake.
He leans away, brow furrowed, but his hand tightens around mine.
“We don’t have to,” I hurry to add. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have suggested it.”
“No.” The word is firm and makes my heart sink.
He doesn’t want me. Of course he doesn’t, he just wants Phoenix, and I’m taking him away from him.
He probably only said he was okay with the heat spike to reassure me because we’re friends.
Or because we’re stuck here on this rock for the foreseeable future, and he doesn’t want to make it awkward.
I can’t help feeling rejected yet again.
Sebastian’s free hand lifts my chin. “I meant, don’t take it back.”
And then his lips are on mine, soft at first, exploratory, but it soon morphs into something more urgent. Before I know it, I’m straddling his lap, his hands gripping my ass, my fingers threading through his hair. We devour each other as if nothing else will satiate our need.
He tugs me up against him, trapping his hard length between our bodies. I rock my hips, rubbing along him to find the friction I crave.
“Fuck. That’s it, ocean, take what you want.”
His voice shakes me out of my haze. “Wait, is this okay?”
“Hell, yes,” he says, bucking against me. “Don’t you dare fucking stop.”
We make out, grinding like horny teenagers, and it’s perfect. My muscles coil tighter and tighter. Each swipe of his clothed cock over my tender pussy has me riding higher.
“I’m… I’m…” I can’t form the words I need before everything goes white, my muscles clench, and I throw my head back. “Oh!”
“Gods, you sound good when you come.” He dives back in, kissing me with a fervor as he drags me up and down his stiff length.
He stills, holding me against him as he shivers and gasps.
His cock pulses, and the warm heat of his cum soaks through his shorts as our eyes lock.
The emotion in his gaze is a well so deep I feel as if I’m drowning in it.
He breaks eye contact with a soft chuckle. “That’s the second time today you’ve made me come in my pants. You’re giving me a bad rep, omega.”
I giggle, chest swelling with pride that I made him lose control like that. It eases some of the insecurity I was feeling before.
“Yeah, these shorts are going to be utterly ruined by the time we get off this island. I should probably take a swim to clean them up.” He makes no effort to move, though.
I curl into his lap, enjoying our combined scents. “I know you're scared,” I whisper. “But please don’t run from me. From us.”
He doesn’t respond, just kisses the top of my head and holds me.