Chapter 26 Fenna – Day 6
Fenna doesn’t know how long she was asleep for – an hour, maybe two – but she feels so much better.
Her body isn’t as achy. Her brain is less mushy.
For the first time in a long time she’s able to think clearly.
Screw going to the spa for the day; a solid chunk of sleep was all she needed.
She could have slept for longer, but her breasts are full with milk.
Raffi is due his next feed. She pads downstairs to find the others.
Marianne is sitting on the terrace, writing in her journal, as Raffi dozes in his pushchair beside her.
‘Ah, here she is. Sleeping beauty.’ Marianne smiles, handing Fenna a cold glass of iced tea.
‘Thank you. I needed that.’ Fenna sits down. She’s pleased to see her son is in the shade with his sun hat on.
‘Good, glad to hear it.’ Gerry looks up from the newspaper he is reading and smiles.
‘I don’t want to say I told you so, but . . .’ Marianne laughs.
‘How long was I gone for?’ Fenna asks. Everything is a lot clearer. The colours from the many plants on the terrace and the bright blue sky appear more vivid.
‘A few hours,’ Marianne replies.
That’s the most uninterrupted sleep she’s had in weeks.
‘I’ve had a text from Richard,’ Gerry says to Marianne, his arm outstretched, peering at his phone through his reading glasses. ‘Him and Evelyn are inviting us all for a day out on their yacht.’
Fenna’s seen photos of this yacht. It looks unbelievable.
‘He says to bring the whole family. They’ve got a chef for a barbecue, too’ Gerry adds.
‘That sounds amazing,’ Fenna can’t help but chime in.
‘Say thanks but sadly we’ve got plans,’ Marianne replies, tartly.
‘No we don’t? Ah, look, they’ve got lifejackets that friends use for their grandchildren.’ Gerry tilts his phone to show them both an image.
‘Hmm. It’s still a no,’ Marianne says.
What is wrong with her? Why doesn’t she want to go on the luxury yacht?
‘I’m happy to take them,’ Fenna says. ‘It would be a good idea to have a family day out. All of us together.’
‘That’s true,’ Gerry says.
‘Ok, fine,’ Marianne says eventually.
‘I’ll text them back.’ Gerry holds his phone out again, jabbing the screen with his index finger.
‘Is Alba with Luke?’ Fenna gently picks up Raffi, surprised at how content he is. Perhaps it’s the heat.
‘No, Julietta offered to watch her,’ Marianne says.
‘Why? Where’s Luke?’ Fenna asks, preparing to feed Raffi. Gerry awkwardly coughs and picks up a newspaper, holding it high to block the view of any exposed nipples.
‘He said he needed to pop out. Julietta didn’t mind. She was happy to spend time with her. Theo and Rosie have gone for a walk and we’ve been relaxing here,’ Marianne replies.
Fenna frowns. Raffi isn’t latching on. He keeps nudging his head away, uninterested.
‘Did you put more suncream on Alba?’ Fenna asks distractedly, trying to coax Raffi to feed. Why isn’t he hungry?
‘Yes,’ Marianne says. There’s a steeliness to the word. A don’t mess with me tone. ‘This isn’t my first time around children, you know.’
‘Sorry.’ Fenna lightens her tone. She needs to relax.
Marianne sighs. ‘It’ll be good for you to let your hair down at the engagement party. Plans are coming together now.’
Fenna can’t help but pull a face.
Marianne spots it immediately. ‘What?’
‘Nothing. They’ve only been dating for five minutes.’
‘Almost as long as you and Luke were when you got engaged.’
That’s because I was pregnant.
‘You don’t think she’s pregnant, do you?’ Fenna decides to try Raffi on her left breast instead.
Marianne shakes her head. ‘People get engaged because they’re in love.’
‘I know, but there’s something about Rosie . . .’
‘Oh, for God’s sake, Fenna.’
Fenna is taken aback.
‘Life is too short to be so negative all the time.’
Gerry sinks further down his chair as if wishing to be invisible. There is a crinkle of newspaper as he turns the pages.
‘I-I . . .’ she stutters, blinking back the tears that have arrived from nowhere.
Marianne gets to her feet and paces across the tiles. The swish of her skirt fills the sudden silence. ‘I don’t know why you’re still so untrusting of newcomers. Not everyone has an agenda. The burglary was a one-off. I know it was scary, but you need to get over it.’
Fenna is too shocked to speak. Raffi isn’t interested in feeding. Her breasts tingle with the need to empty, but she doesn’t know what to do if he won’t latch on. This has never happened before. He’s always hungry, so what’s wrong with him?
‘I’m just saying we don’t know this woman,’ Fenna says, hearing the wobble in her voice, covering herself up, panicking that Raffi’s not well. ‘Come on, precious, have some milk.’
‘He’s probably not hungry.’ Gerry peers over his paper. ‘He absolutely devoured the bottle we gave him. Loved the stuff, I said to Marianne that—’
A wave of anger flares across her. ‘What bottle?’
‘A bottle of formula. These ready-made ones,’ Gerry says. ‘Ever so good, so simple for on-the-go and—’
‘You gave him a bottle?’ Fenna stares at her father-in-law.
A snap of adrenaline shoots through her. Every nerve suddenly lit.
So that’s why he’s not taking her breast milk.
‘I . . . I . . . I didn’t,’ Gerry stutters.
‘I did. It’s fine. Raphael’s a growing boy. You shouldn’t take it personally if he needs more than you can give him.’ Marianne puts her hands on her hips. ‘Anyway, Luke said it was ok.’
She wants to cry. Scream. Both.
‘I thought you’d be happy?’ Marianne tuts. ‘It means you’ve had a good chunk of sleep.’
‘You had no right!’
It’s the first time she has ever raised her voice with Marianne. There is a second or two of stunned silence that follows.
Julietta walks out onto the terrace. She flicks her eyes between the two women. ‘Everything ok?’
‘Fine,’ Marianne says tightly.
Fenna can’t speak. Why would Luke go behind her back like this? She told him she wasn’t ready for Raffi to take a bottle. She presses her thumbs to her temples. She scans behind Julietta. ‘Where’s Alba?’
‘Alba? I haven’t seen her.’ Julietta frowns.
Her stomach loops. ‘What?’
Gerry coughs. ‘Luke said he was leaving Alba with you so he could pop out?’
‘No . . .’ Julietta wrings her hands together. ‘Yes, I saw him go out, but no one asked me to look after the children.’
‘So then where’s Alba?’ Fenna’s voice rises in pitch.
‘I don’t know, cara.’
Voices compete. Marianne says she’ll call Luke to check he didn’t take Alba with him. She tells herself to stay calm. This will be a mix-up. A case of crossed wires. That’s all.
Marianne hangs up. Her face ashen. ‘He says he left her with Gerry.’
Gerry’s eyebrows lift. ‘No. I heard him say he would leave her with Julietta.’
A pounding beat thumps in Fenna’s skull. A bolt of adrenaline shoots through her. No one has been watching her toddler this whole time?
‘Who’s by the pool?’ Fenna demands.
No one answers.
Fuck.
Visions of her daughter submerged, alone, in the water flash through her mind.
‘Stay with Raffi,’ she yells to Gerry as she races away.
Tiny shards of gravel slice her bare feet and bushes scratch her ankles as she leaps across borders.
It takes forever to run down the hot stone steps towards the swimming pool.
She nearly slips on the rocks as she takes them two at a time.
She can’t see properly, sweat and sunscreen sting her eyes.
A zip of pain shoots up her left ankle but she barely notices it. All she cares about is her daughter.
She rounds the corner. The sun glares in her face. Her heart pounds in her chest.
Oh God.
No.
The world tilts.
There’s someone face down in the water.