Chapter 25
YVAINE
The first kiss.
How many poets had squeezed their artistic brains dry to produce a love haiku worth reading?
How many times had minstrels chanted the joy of a first kiss to ease the harshness of medieval courts?
How many rogues had climbed balconies to steal a kiss from their forbidden love, risking their lives for an exchange of softness?
Kissing experts claimed that the moment before a kiss—where gazes collide, where the world vanishes, where anticipation reigns—was where the actual magic resided.
And then there was the after-kiss.
Like a medicine that had its recommendations and its warnings, all written in tiny letters on a piece of paper that everyone ignored. Nobody warned you about the emptiness that existed after the lips were forced to separate.
I’d lost count of how many times I had traced my lips with my fingers. So much so that I’d probably left a micro-trail around their contours.
I could draw the contours of his lips.
Zeus must have thought that I was having stress-induced tactile hallucinations. The animal looked up at me from the floor in my bedroom, his hairy head resting on his front legs, tail tapping the carpet as if to nudge it awake and get it to fly him away from his crazed owner.
With my left hand, I played absently with the necklace around my neck. I’d been analyzing its every little detail for such a pathetic amount of time that I wasn’t going to reveal its length for the sake of my pride. Though I might have used a microscope, too.
Back at the party, I’d been so lost in the kiss, so consumed by my mate, that I hadn’t even noticed when Logan had clasped a necklace in place around me. It was only when its coldness tickled my skin that I found the surprise there waiting for me, right after the party.
The delicate chain was broken up every few inches by small, silver-encrusted hoops, and a tourmaline stone in the shape of a half-moon connected the chain to the clip.
My thumb rubbed over the pendant where an L was engraved on one side.
As sweet as the gesture was, I couldn’t solve the puzzle that was my mate.
After a long, grueling morning in the hospital and one lunch with Lachlan and Amaia later, I didn’t have an ounce of brainpower left to focus on it…
And that was something that had always come easily for me, like flicking a switch.
My mate had broken it. Slammed it with a hammer.
Which was a problem, since the Advanced Anatomy midterm exam was a few days away, and I needed to kill it. Yet all I could hear was my wolf whimpering and my heart pounding too loudly to be considered healthy.
I finally gave up after chewing through three pen caps that didn’t deserve that end.
“Why don’t we stop for today? We’ve been at it for hours now.”
Or rather, you.
Makena glanced up at me from where she sat on the floor, surrounded by a plastic human body and several fake organs, then giggled at my pout. Her pen wasn’t chewed!
I had confided in Makena that I’d found my mate.
Her reaction had been one of sheer glee, with loud, lewd jokes about how explosive sex would be with the Terminator, how funny it would be to watch mouths drop to the floor when my family heard the news, and so on. And on and on.
She had a theory: Logan had left the party so he didn’t mark me in the middle of the dance floor, and/or to avoid a showdown with my twin so close to the game of the year.
“I knew your head was somewhere else,” Makena said.
Long, shiny legs crossed over her silver velvet shorts. My mate’s eyes flashed in my head. I scowled. Great! What would I do when the sky was cloudy next? Hide inside, or would I think of his eyes again?
“Mine would be too, if my mate was a sex god.”
My head snapped to her and a growl burst out through my lips. I cupped my mouth right after.
“Never thought I’d see you jealous.”
“Not jealous. I guess the right feeling is…possessive.”
She typed on her phone, then showed me the dictionary website. “See? Synonymous.”
I needed to change topics. “And how’re things with Gaius?”
“Ah! He’s been pounding me so well lately!” She closed her eyes, stretching her arms up.
“So the answer is…good?”
“I still haven’t forgiven him. Maybe I will at orgasm number four thousand and twenty-one.”
For what, she never told us.
“What’s the count now?”
“One thousand four hundred and twenty-two. Anyway, this exam’s important, Yva. It’s sixty percent of the total. Concentrate harder!”
With a huff, I threw papers, notes, and organs on the floor. “I’m gonna fail.”
Makena shook her head, dark curls bouncing all over. “Stop. We all know you’ll get the top score anyway, as always.” She closed her laptop and ate a few pieces of melon from the fruit salad we’d made. “And if you don’t, ask Sillas for extra credit. That shouldn’t be hard.”
I almost choked on a piece of apple.
Then I threw a pillow at her.
Makena angrily left for a date with a guy that wasn’t Gaius—after finding a TikTok video of him and a fan, his face peppered with lipstick, of course—and I decided to take one of my nightly strolls with Zeus.
It was a cold evening, where the clouds and wind fought for dominance with the birch trees as their victims, unable to escape their wrath.
Wearing only my brown Hugs are the best medicine sweater and matching sweatpants, not bothering to remove my actual pajamas from underneath, it was me, Zeus, and a little white owl that eyed us from above.
“Come on, Z.” I stroked his furry head between the ears as his black nose lifted in the air, nostrils flaring.
A vibration came from my pocket, and when I saw who it was, I bit my lip and took a deep breath.
I would never, ever be too busy to talk to him.
I pressed the accept button, not bothering to put my earbuds in.
I sat down, bringing my knees up so I could prop my phone there. “What are you guys still doing awake?”
“There’s my star,” Dad cooed. His face took up the whole screen. “What are you doing in the woods? Post-study workout?”
Dad didn’t worry about my safety; he’d made sure I could take care of myself.
“Post-study stroll,” I corrected him.
“Vy-Vy!” Ian cheered from Dad’s lap. Dad lowered the screen. They seemed to be in a different room than his.
The tube he had on his cheek, held there with a long blue Band-Aid, perforated my heart.
A nasogastric tube was a thin, soft tube. It was passed through the child’s nostril, down the back of their throat, through the esophagus, and into their stomach.
I shouldn’t have reacted so viscerally. I was a doctor, trained to lock my emotions into a cold, unfeeling compartment.
I’d volunteered at the pediatric cancer center; I’d seen the worst, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Not even the Matenapper. I’d watched death snatch little souls, the real kidnapper taking them away from us almost every week.
We were left with too-thin bodies that hadn’t had any time to grow. No time at all.
Regardless, whenever I saw my little brother with that NGT on his pale face, it was a cold reminder that the clock was ticking down.
“When will you come visit, Vy? We need to watch the new Jurassic World together! I’m waiting for you.
Apparently, they have a new dinosaur that they invented genetically!
” He smiled, eyes overflowing with excitement.
Eyes that were a mirror of mine, the same Scottish blue tint.
I tried to raise my lips in a smile, too, but instead they remained a flat line, unable to recover.
Flat like his lifeline in the future.
Shut up, shut up, shut up.
“I know, Ian, I know. I can’t wait to watch it with you.” My voice was small, throat clogging with tears.
I loved the little man so much that my heart was a volatile mine, ready to explode at any moment.
“After my exam, I promise I’ll stay a little longer this time!”
The squeal of happiness and his huge smile melted all my organs into a disgusting organ(ic) soup.
“Honeybee, how’s the hospital going?” My dad peeked out from behind Ian’s bald head, and then I noticed what he had on his face.
There was only so much my heart could take.
A choked sound left my lips.
He had the same Band-Aid glued on his cheek, near his nose. Like Ian’s. Just so he didn’t feel different, like an outcast.
“Yvaine.” My father sent a soft warning my way.
I took a deep breath from my belly to calm down.
“Great, college is great. I have everything out of control. I mean, under control. Almost done studying for the biggest exam of the year, but I have to review everything again.”
I was in robot mode. Like with my patients at the cancer center.
“I’m proud of you. And your grandmother can’t stop reminding everyone how great it is to have a doctor in the family, and how you will prescribe her free drugs.” We chuckled, and just like that, the mood was lighter.
Zeus pushed his cold nose into my arm.
“No more treats for you,” I scolded him. “Not after you ate all that garbage this morning!”
“Garbage? Someone ate Dark Diamond?” Dad semi-teased.
I sighed and flipped my braid over my shoulder. “Zeus knocked over the compost this morning while I was showering and feasted on two days’ worth of leftovers.”
“Ewww!” Ian made a cute face.
I stuck out my tongue. “And yet, he still acts like he’s starving to death.”
“Can I see him?”
I pushed Zeus up. His big eyes observed Ian, and his black nose touched the screen.
Ian did the same. I ignored Dad inconspicuously rubbing his eyes on his sleeve in the background. Alphas like him never cried, and when they did, you couldn’t see them. It wasn’t allowed.
“So, will you be at the game?”
Ah. That evil game. In one week.
“Can’t wait to see Alpha Carrion. My fists have missed his donkey face—”
“Dad!” Ian whined as he covered my father’s face with his little hands, making me laugh out loud. “I’m talking to Vy-Vy now!”
Dad sighed.
“Okay, okay, little Alpha. No need to be so violent. Jeez, you’re definitely your mother’s son,” he muttered, making us laugh again.