Rudy
I should have been surprised at how completely unaffected everyone seemed by Aegis's presence- a fully shifted Alpha werewolf was just walking around a hospital center, even if it was the Werewolf Wing- but perhaps it was my presence. Maybe it was the FBI tailing us.
Either way, no one seemed surprised in the slightest to see Aegis just outside Rudy's room.
"You need to understand how dangerous Rudy Rodriguez's state currently is." This was Dr. Crane, the leading physician in charge of Rudy's case. Chocolate brown lamplight eyes blinked at me; a werewolf in medicine, in the only place they were typically allowed: the Werewolf Wing. "Rudy is currently stable, but that can change at any time."
"Has he shifted?" Aegis asked.
Dr. Crane shook his head. "No. The first shift hasn't happened, yet. Some go through it violently; some take to the venom more gracefully. Some have no idea who they are; some retain their memories in the chaos. We won't know which one Rudy is until it happens."
"Any idea how long until he changes?" I asked anxoiusly.
"The full moon is his deadline. If he makes it to that point, then he'll shift regardless of how strong he is; that first full moon hits every first generation werewolf hard. But," he added, holding up a finger, "any sort of heightened emotion has a chance of forcing Rudy to shift. If he reacts strongly to anything... he could explode."
Aegis and I exchanged grim expressions. Who knew how tumultuous Rudy's emotions were, currently.
The doors were deceptive. When we signaled that we were ready, a code had to be put in by two different doctors on either side of the doors, followed by two separate security scans. When they swung open, I was stunned to see just how thick they were, like blast doors, the kind created to withstand an explosion. Worse, I could just make out the faint markings of old scars, claws from past inhabitants.
Rudy was standing by a window, looking out over the insanity that had piled up outside the hospital. He didn't move as we entered; there was a large bandage on his arm, but otherwise, there was nothing else to indicate that he'd been injured.
"Rudy," I said softly, and I saw his shoulders twitch, though he didn't turn. Several seconds of silence followed this, until he spoke.
"Did Aegis tell you?"
I glanced at Aegis, who bowed his great canine head in acquiescence. "Yes."
"So you must have an idea what I'm feeling right now."
I took a deep breath in and walked slowly toward him. Aegis grunted, and I saw him begin to step forward, before halting. "I can guess," I said. "There was a terrible time- I can't remember how long- where it was hard for me to separate the crime from the people." I didn't look in Aegis's direction when I admitted that.
Rudy continued to stare out the window. He had already begun to subtly change, his shoulders broader, arms slightly more defined. The pepper color of his hair seemed sharper, somehow, as if both the grays and blacks had become more saturated.
"I keep asking why I'm still here," he said finally. His voice was more tired than I had ever heard it. "Am I meant to suffer? Have I done something in a previous life that demands this life be lived in eternal suffering?"
"I'm a bit biased," I said softly, laying my hand on his shoulder very, very gently, "but I'm incredibly glad you're still here."
"Why me?" His tone was bleak. "You know they've made me step down, right?"
I very gently rubbed circles on his arm. "I know."
"My life's work over, just like that. One of the last things I saw value in..." He turned to look at me, and there was already a soft glow to his eyes. "What reason do I have to keep going? Can you tell me?"
I took a deep breath. The room was deadly silent; Aegis was a few feet behind me, so tense and taught that I could feel him even if I couldn't see him. Behind him were Dr. Crane and two security officers, all of them waiting to see if Rudy would lose control.
"Do you remember when I first came out here?"
Rudy sniffed, but his expression remained taught with tension. "...A little."
"It's all a haze for me. I had just seen..." I swallowed. "All of my hopes, plans, and dreams had just blown up in front of my eyes. My family was literally torn apart. I was eighteen, maybe nineteen, and I was raising two brand spanking new babies possibly carrying a virus from the werewolf that had slaughtered their mother."
Rudy's expression softened, and he raised a hand to cover mine. "You told everyone."
"Yes. It's all out now." I gave him a tight smile. "Those days are foggy, now, but I remember looking at you and Rosa and asking you why I should keep going."
Rudy closed his eyes. "I remember."
"I asked if it wouldn't be better off for even the twins if I were dead. Why did I survive? Why was I here? Why me? It was so hard. Every day was filled with pain; the stress of trying to find work, shame at living off of the good graces of you and your family. I was barely sleeping. It felt like the babies were desperately looking for someone they'd never get." A lump hit my throat, and I shook my head for a moment, trying to get past it.
"I remember," Rudy said again, voice quiet. "And I remember what I told you. 'I can't give you an answer: I can't give you a reason to live.'"
"'But if you keep trying,'" I continued, "'one day, you might find that you're glad you stuck around.'"
"You asked me 'what if I don't'?"
"And you said, 'What if you do?'"
Rudy sighed, looking down. "It was really easy to talk like that when it wasn't me. I've tried putting it off; tried finding new reasons. Tried waiting, tried living for them."
"It's unbelievably hard... and I'm so, so sorry I never knew."
He gave me a small smile. "If anything, your needs were the only reason I made it past that first year. I definitely wasn't in a place to be telling myself any pretty poetry about 'what if you do'. I was so stupid, talking to you like that."
"But it helped." I gripped his shoulder. "And now, I can help you. We're signing for you, Aegis and I."
Aegis stepped forward, and Rudy's gaze snapped to him, already aware of his stature.
"You're coming home with us, old man," he said, voice gentle. "We're taking you home. We've got your back."
Rudy turned to look back out the window. "I don't think I have a choice, anymore. I'm tired. I don't want to be alone."
"Good." I grinned at him. "Lucy wants you to come home."