Chapter 34
THIRTY-FOUR
NIK
“She wasn’t ready for that,” Dimitri says to my back as I carry my unconscious little wolf to our room, if I can remember the way through this fucking maze, that is.
Peering down at her every few steps has done nothing but make it impossible to maneuver the hall splitting off in three different directions.
“She might’ve been too prepared for that fight, moy brat,” I scoff over my shoulder and bank the next right, hoping it will lead to a familiar hallway. Another dead end. And when I try to step around Dimitri, he boxes us in, arms outstretched.
“She could’ve been killed, Nikolai. She could’ve killed someone.”
I stare down at Natalia curling into herself in my arms, cheek nestled against my chest. “She’s fine, Dimitri. She just needs to sleep it off.”
“Is she? What happens when Ms. Nat wakes up and sees the damage she caused? What she did to Jade?” His voice booms through the maze, highlighting the dead ends.
One way out still echoes with the remnants of his voice, and despite his wishes to stop me, all he’s done is show me how to get the hell out of here.
“Jade is the one that deserves your pity right now. The only thing Natalia did was humble her.” I slide beneath his large arm and follow the areas his faint voice carries. “You and I both know the heiress would’ve kept pushing until someone pushed back.”
Dimitri slams his fist into the wall and dust rains down from the ceiling. “Ida felt bloodlust, too, you know?” he seethes, his voice on the verge of cracking. “If she learned to control it, maybe your father wouldn’t have found out what you did. Maybe she’d still be here with—"
“She is not Ida, Dimitri!” I scream and cut him off before I can stop myself. “Natalia is not your responsibility!”
My best friend, my brother, doesn’t respond. He stares at his feet, choking back what he can. I try and block out the sound of his heart working double-time. It doesn’t work.
It would appear you’ve upset the big one, my wolf says, and I force my guards up before he can add another reproachful voice in my head.
“Forgive me. I didn’t mean …” The words I want to say evaporate the second I reopen my mouth.
The guilt of Ida’s death has remained a constant to me even after all these years.
One we rarely speak of unless it’s to simply honor her memory.
What he doesn’t know is how every time I see the scars on my chest, I see her.
The little sister who followed us through the woods at the compound.
The Ida before she couldn’t leave her bed.
Before my father found out I added her to the pack without his permission.
Her death is a regret I’ll always carry.
Protecting her from Vlad Vostik wasn’t Dimitri’s responsibility. It was mine.
Dimitri nods in understanding, sights still glued to the floors of the maze.
“I failed Ida,” I say, fighting back the tears stinging my eyes.
“I failed your family, and I won’t fail again.
Not with her. I’ll gladly sacrifice her humanity if it means she stays alive.
” And as soon as the words leave my lips, my chest tightens with shame.
There’s only one wolf I’ve ever known that wouldn’t apologize for his ferocity.
For being the monster our kind is rumored to be.
A cruel chuckle escapes me. “Maybe I’m no different than my father, after all. ”
“You are not your father, Nikolai,” he says, still refusing to meet my gaze.
The big one is right. My wolf’s voice breaks free from the mental chains I put in place.
“But I am still his son,” I say to them both. “I’m not innocent. I didn’t just turn a blind eye to the heinous shit he was doing. I fucking helped him. It doesn’t matter how irredeemable the humans I took were. At the end of the day, I am still no different from him. I am a Vostik.”
Dimitri shakes his head and places his palm on my shoulder.
“Your name doesn’t change who you are. You might share his blood but that’s where your likeness to him ends.
You found a way to survive without becoming a monster.
Don’t make Ms. Nat become one because you’re afraid what might happen to her if she doesn’t. ”
“I can’t lose her, Dimitri. Not again.”
His lengthy brow draws serious, eyes narrowing on mine. “Then don’t. Train her. Teach her to control it the right way.”
“And how might I do that?” I scoff. The right way. Funny, I can’t imagine there’s a right way to navigate the curse that’s infested my family’s blood for generations. I might not be my father according to Dimitri, but I’m still cut from the same self-destructive cloth.
He tilts his head to the side, scratching at the thickest part of his beard.
“When you spoke to her in the chamber, I noticed something. How her eyes went from a rabid dog to human. I’ve seen this happen before.
A wolf stopping themselves at their most bloodthirsty.
And that was with you, Nikolai. She pulled you back from the brink the same way you brought her back.
” He smiles at me first, then at Natalia still fast asleep in my arms. “Maybe that’s somewhere to start. ”
I nod, and we follow the path in silence.
It isn’t until we reach the familiar hallway of the west wing that I notice we’re not alone.
Leaning against the wall next to my room, the small silhouette of Alexey comes into view, and given the amount of silver dusting his shoulders and welding apron, it’s surprising I didn’t catch his scent or the toxic metal sooner.
“Where the hell have you two been?” he says, then glances down. “Oh, uhm, you three. Is the princess all right?”
“She’ll be fine,” I assure him, pushing the door open with the toe of my boot. “Did you meet with Clément?”
A sly smirk tugs at one side of his face. “I met with alpha. He’s on board.”
“Good. Will you have them ready in time?” I ask, bringing Natalia inside the room and lowering her to the bed gently.
Alexey considers this for a moment, pursing his mouth. “These things aren’t easy to craft, you know. I have to heat up the metal. Shape with hammer. Refine. Polish by hand—”
“Just answer the fucking question,” Dimitri interrupts and rolls his eyes.
Alexey pins him with a glare. “You, big man, need to learn patience. Yes. Uncle Alexey might miss out on sleep, but I will have them ready.”
She hasn’t stirred in quite some time besides the occasional moan or whimper.
It could be from the pain of her wounds healing but it’s still not enough to wake her.
Not yet, at least. I’m not sure how much time has passed, but the stained-glass window overlooking the property has long since gone dark, leaving the small light above us to cast horrible shadows in every corner of the room.
Dimitri’s words have managed to play on repeat in my head, only interrupted by an annoyed chuff or snarl from my wolf despite my many attempts to block him out. To say he isn’t on board with Alexey’s plan is an understatement.
Brilliant deduction, young Vostik. It’s a wonder how your father continues to outsmart you at every turn.
And apparently my mental shields are useless against him now, too.
Since neither of you decided to ask the one that’ll suffer the most from what that human is doing, how about you at least pretend I had a choice in the matter.
I roll my head back and stare at the lines in the ceiling. “It’s not pleasant for me either, you know.”
More annoyed growls accompany his voice at the back of my mind. Your pain is superficial in comparison. We are bound, that is why you feel anything at all.
“Then what about Clément? The rest of the Duval wolves? How are they able to handle it?”
There is a reason his pack is struggling to connect with their wolves.
Their lines aren’t severed but weakened.
Exposing themselves to silver for years to gain some partial immunity isn’t worth the challenges they’ll face finding the wolf inside them.
We aren’t exactly keen to show ourselves when constantly forced to endure torture.
I think back on the training I put myself through for years, all in some pointless attempt to find out if the rumors of my father’s abilities to shift at will were true.
This included silver exposure as well. Turning without the moon took longer for me than anyone else in my family, and I can’t help but wonder if I was the cause.
Took long enough for you to connect that dot. But your resistance training was minimal. What the Duval pack has put their wolves through, I fear it might be years before they see any progress.
“We don’t have years.”
My wolf huffs with irritation. You should be less worried about the safety of Clément’s pack and more concerned with what the blood moon will do to your mate.
I stare at the hard lines of her face. “What do you mean?”
This isn’t a regular moon, and when it is full, you will unleash a rabid animal on that compound. Without an alpha to lead her, she will try to kill anything in her path. Not just your father’s army. The Duval wolves. Your human friends. None of them will be safe from her bloodlust.
Gods. I didn’t even consider it. A full moon is one thing. A blood moon for her first transformation? Every aspect of the woman I’ve fallen for will lie dormant. Hidden behind a monster blinded by pure rage, and a thirst to slash through anyone or anything within reach.
My wolf remains silent long enough to create new knots in my unsettled stomach.
I study her for any signs of discomfort.
There’s none. No, my little wolf sleeps more peacefully than she has since we saved her from my family’s compound.
But the nightmares that seem to trouble her every night aren’t finished.
Not yet at least. There’s no telling what might invade her dreams after her first transformation.
The brief images of what she did when shifted.
Dimitri was right. I can’t lose Natalia, but more importantly, she can’t lose herself.
I draw in a lengthy breath. “What do I have to do?”