Chapter 39
THIRTY-NINE
NATALIE
It couldn’t have been a dream. No, you don’t wake up from a dream with this level of soreness between your thighs and scratches and bite marks all over your body.
Most are healing or healed enough to leave scars of our night together, but even when the wounds manage to disappear completely, I don’t think the memory of where I got them ever will.
We’ve had sex before. Each time is more sensual and arousing than the last, and he always makes it a point to handle me and my body gently.
Well, as gently as a wolf can without accidentally murdering me in the process.
Sex with Nikolai Vostik the werewolf was different.
He didn’t caress me. Nuzzle into the crook of my neck.
And he sure as hell didn’t handle any part of my body with that same level of affection.
He devoured me. Made my skin his playground.
He could’ve ripped my spleen out at any second, and to be perfectly fucking honest, I would’ve let him.
It was rough. Deliciously violent. Painful, sure, but there’s only one word that even comes close to describing it.
Exhilarating. And God, do I want to do it again.
“Ms. Nat,” Dimitri announces when I enter the dining hall, his large presence easily seen at the farthest table from the entrance. He waves me over, forking another mouthful of food before promptly washing it down with the cup glued to his hand. “Come eat. You need your strength.”
I squeeze by the tables until I reach his, scanning each of the trays in front of him.
Eggs. More loafs of bread than I can count.
Fruit giving the entire spread a vibrant red and orange palette, not that I’d assume Dimitri’s fork has stabbed anywhere close to there.
He never has before when I’ve watched him eat.
No, the brick wall of a man staring back has a special appetite for all things protein, and given his size, it’s not surprising.
“I’m—uhm. Not hungry.” Partially true. I might not be able to eat the things on this table, but something in me is starving for the man loading boxes onto an overheating truck outside.
“I didn’t ask if you were hungry, Ms. Nat,” Dimitri says, his tone and facial features both stiff and unwavering. “You don’t want to turn on empty stomach. Nikolai says he wakes up with headache.”
Right. Because I am going to transform tonight.
Shift into a monster I’ll have no control over, and when I wake up, who knows if I’ll even remember anything.
There’s certain things I can’t keep from wondering.
What color my fur might be. Will I double in size the same way Nik and Viktor does or will my she-wolf form be a smaller version?
I’ve never seen another werewolf outside the Vostik brothers, much less one that’s female.
I probably should’ve asked Jade some of these questions last night.
I grab the closest piece of bread and nibble at the ends. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Da,” Dimitri says, moving the fork around his plate as if he’s struggling to decide what to eat next.
“A question about Ida?” I continue.
His fork stops, and the large man across from me draws a long inhale. “Da.”
“What was she like the day she was … going to turn?”
Dimitri peers at me, his brow lifting. “Scared. She had the same fear in her eyes you do now.”
I scoff, take another bite, and lean back in my chair. “I’m not scared.”
“You are. And you have every right to be. I’ve seen enough transformations throughout my years of knowing the Vostiks. You’d be foolish not to be terrified.”
Reaching for the glass of water, I wash down not only the chunk of bread in my mouth but the lump forming in my throat. “What do you know about it? The shift? Is it going to hurt?”
Dimitri sighs and sets his fork at the center of his plate.
“I only know what Nikolai has told me, and things I’ve heard from different wolves in the pack.
Some say it feels like your body is lit on fire and ripped in half.
They all agree on one thing, though. It’s the most amount of torture they’ve ever experienced. ”
“Did you see Ida turn?”
Dimitri nods solemnly. “I’ve never heard my sister scream like that before, even when the pain of her sickness was at its worst.”
Great. Just fucking great. Thanks for the insight, Dimitri.
Not only am I going to turn into a monster tonight, but during my metamorphosis into becoming a killing machine, I will also endure what could be the most painful episode of my life.
And to think, Nik is able to change on command.
Does he go through this amount of torment every single time? Did it hurt last night when he turned?
“During her first full moon, Nikolai took her to a part of the woods in secret, away from the grounds where the rest of the pack turns. He thought if she could complete the transformation before his father got to her, then maybe she would be spared. I could only watch from the window of our cottage when the curse took hold of her. Everything I knew about Ida was gone, everything except her eyes, but even those were different. Hungrier than I’ve ever seen.
Had I forgotten to fortify our home with wolfsbane and silver, my own sister might’ve attacked me—” He pauses and slams his eyes shut.
“There wasn’t a piece of Ida left that knew who I was. ”
I think back on all the times I’ve seen Nik shift since he found a way to control it.
Even in wolf form during his fight with Viktor, when those glowing golden eyes landed on me, there was recognition.
A clear sign that the beast fighting for its life knew who I was.
But I can’t control it like him, and none of the Duval wolves can either.
“What if I can’t remember you, Dimitri? What’s to stop me from killing you if I don’t have any way to control it?”
“Don’t worry your pretty little head, wolf princess,” Alexey interrupts from the doorway. I hadn’t even heard him slip inside. There’s something large in his hands covered by a gray blanket, and whatever he has hidden clanks together as he nears out table. “Alexey always has a plan.”
“I’ve lost my appetite,” Dimitri says and pushes his plate to the center.
“Nonsense, big man. I come with peace offering.”
All of the organs in my stomach begin to cramp and twist as he nears, and the small hairs on the back of my neck prickle to attention. Silver. Thank God I only had a few bites of bread. Had I opted for more, I might’ve ended up redecorating the dining hall floors.
“Close your eyes,” Alexey demands, a shit-eating grin working from one side of his face to the other.
Dimitri doesn’t. No, the only thing he does is reach over the table and grab the knife closest to him. I suppress a laugh, and Alexey shifts his incredulous expression between me, Dimitri, and the butter knife turned stabbing utensil.
He unravels the blanket begrudgingly, only managing to twist the knots in my stomach further.
“If you’re going to kill someone, you might have better luck with these.
” Alexey unsheathes two axes, each handle wrapped in a black material while the sharpened edges gleam off the sunlight pouring in through the windows of the hall.
Tiny shimmering flecks dance across every surface they touch, from the platters of food to the glasses set on each table.
Saliva builds in my cheeks as bile pillages up my throat.
I swallow it down and lean as far away from Alexey as I can.
Dimitri’s face pinches. “I said I wanted a sword.”
The soldier scoffs out with laughter and thrusts the axes into his arms. “Axes better. Heavier swing for taking wolves heads. And if you lose one, ta-da, you have spare. Plus, you’d look ridiculous with a sword. Big man your size? Like swinging toothpick at the monsters.”
Dimitri ignores him and inspects the axe heads, running his large thumb along the finely sharpened edge. “They will do.”
The shit-eating grin returns. “I thought so. And my gift for you, Ms. Nat. I have been drinking coffee with a spoonful of silver dust all evening. Now, you won’t have to worry about eating me when you turn.”
Dimitri and I exchange bemused glances. So it wasn’t the axes that has my stomach doing acrobatics like a circus performer. It’s Alexey and an unknown amount of silver swimming through his veins. “Couldn’t that kill you?” I ask and inch another foot away from him.
“Better to die from poison than claws and teeth.”
He’s got a point. If I could choose how I wanted to go out, being ripped apart by a werewolf would be somewhere near the bottom of my list. It does raise a few questions, though.
Every time we’ve talked about the red moon, Nik said it was when wolves are at their most bloodthirsty.
There are stories of how some even attack their own alphas in a blind fit of rage.
What’s to stop me from attacking the Duval wolves?
I stare across the table at Dimitri still examining the axes for any flaws in Alexey’s craftsmanship.
What if I attack Dimitri? The worst and most damning thought crosses my mind as my heightened smell catches another whiff of the man loading the final boxes into the truck outside. What if I try to kill Nik?