Chapter 30
Lark
“Tell me why you’re so unhappy about your brother coming,” Tristan says as I’m lying in his arms, his chest against my back as we stare out of the tent door. Yes, a tent.
Tristan surprised me with a small tent and lots of blankets. Sex outside without the risk of bugs.
We just had another fantastic round of sex, and I’m so freaking happy that Tristan likes to cuddle.
I like to cuddle too.
Remember, Lark, this isn’t a relationship.
I sigh, and Tristan’s arms tighten a little. While intimacy was not on the list, I also don’t have anyone I can talk to about this. Suzanne is flaky, and Mary Lou is hard to reach with her schedule. My other brothers can’t stand Carter, so talking about him to them will only fuel the fire.
Tristan it is.
“He makes Momma happy, which is good, but Deacon and Ryan don’t get along with him.”
“None of those reasons explain why you aren’t happy.”
Well, isn’t that annoying of him to point out.
I close my eyes, staying quiet and trying to muddle through my own thoughts. There is a lot with Carter and Maverick that is complicated. I can talk about Carter to Tristan, but there’s no way I will ever bring up Maverick.
Not ever.
Not with the damage he’s done to his family.
Not after the way Fallon came after me today.
I roll onto my back, turning my head to face him and pulling the covers up. “Carter and I don’t see eye to eye. He’s very difficult, always thinks he’s right, and never apologizes. My whole life, I’ve been hearing about how I don’t live up to my family name.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
I sigh. “It’s just…I’m not like them. I don’t hate everyone just because.
I’m not always angry at the world and feel like things are terrible.
I love it here, you know? I like my life.
I love my family and friends. Sure, things suck sometimes, but overall, life is what you make of it.
Situations are fleeting, and you just have to hold out hope that the bad stuff will shift.
It always does. Carter is probably the worst of my brothers in the negativity department.
Ryan is bad, but he at least can see the good in things, and I think his comes from deep responsibility. ”
I stop there because I’m not going to divulge just how bad things are with the ranch.
We need to replace a tractor, but we can’t afford it.
“Carter thinks because he chose to leave Infinity Ridge, it makes him better than the rest of us. Maybe it does, I don’t know, but he likes to tell us why he’s so right. ”
“He’s not right,” Tristan says immediately.
His thumb moves to my chin, tilting it toward him.
Our eyes meet in the moonlight, and even though I can’t see everything, I can see the emotions there.
“He’s not right, Lark. He’s no better than you because he left here.
What you do—for your family, for the community—matters. ”
“I know,” I say, brushing off his compliment quickly.
“No, you don’t, because if you did, you wouldn’t have said it.”
My discomfort grows, as I want to rebuke his statement. To tell him about how his sister feels this way too. Yes, what I do helps some, but it’s not like what Carter does. He risks his life, and he uses every opportunity to remind us all of it.
I let out a heavy sigh through my nose. “I do. I mean, I get what you’re saying, but it’s not the same as what he does.”
“The fact you have to clarify tells me otherwise.”
“Well, whatever.”
He chuckles and then shifts so we’re facing each other. “You work with horses that help kids, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
We all know I do this, so I don’t know why he’s bringing it up.
“And what would happen if you didn’t?”
“They’d find horses from someone else. Someone like, oh, I don’t know, you.”
Tristan snorts. “We don’t train horses for that. Fallon and Roni work on a lot of other things, but nothing like what you do.”
A warmth spreads through my chest at his words. “It’s…anyone could do it.”
“We both know that’s a lie.”
Do we?
I’m aware that the work I do is a little different.
I train horses for only riding, but the ones I work with for the special camps are handled in a unique way.
I need to know they can withstand any situation, like the instability of kids with limb differences or who make unpredictable sounds.
I do a lot of intense riding, making sure the horse will react appropriately to anything that a kid might unknowingly do.
It’s not just about breaking a horse in. It’s about giving them the tools to not injure a child.
“Why are you saying this?” I ask, my eyes trained on the hollow at his throat.
“Because it’s true, and you need to hear it. Your brother visiting doesn’t change the work you do. Don’t let him diminish it.”
I really wish he wasn’t being so damn sweet.
“It’s hard, you know? Families are complicated.”
He laughs once. “Don’t I know it. Remember, I have three sisters. None of them are easy to deal with.”
I should tell him about what Fallon said.
I want to tell him, and yet I don’t.
I glance up at him, asking the only question I’m comfortable with: “Who are you closest with?”
Tristan falls silent, staring up at the tent roof. “You know, I’m not sure. Harper and I are close, because she works with me the most. Roni and I are probably the least close. She really doesn’t love the farm life. Her dreams are different from any of ours, and she wants more than just horses.”
“Like what?” I ask, wanting to just hear him talk.
“She wants to turn one of our barns into a wedding venue. At least that’s the idea this month.
A year ago, it was a brewery. The year before that, she mentioned making it into an inn that catered to people who want a horse experience, whatever that means.
She doesn’t want to spend her life on a ranch and then get married with nothing to show. ” He shrugs and then adjusts us both.
“And you and Fallon?” I ask cautiously. God, I’m walking right into this.
He tenses a bit, but then relaxes. “Fallon and I have the same experiences. We’re both single parents after losing someone we loved. It’s a different kind of closeness I pray I never have with anyone else.”
We both fall silent, and I wonder what to say.
Do I ask him about Emmy Jo? Do I apologize for not only his loss but also what Maverick cost his family? Both? None? I don’t know what the right thing is.
I hate it for them both. I wish that I could go back in time and change that one night for Fallon, but I can’t. As for the pain that Tristan and Sadie endure, it breaks my heart.
I close my eyes as a tear falls, dropping to his chest.
Tristan must sense it because he tilts my chin up, resting his gaze on mine. “Why are you crying?”
“Because I’m a girl.”
His smile is soft. “Lark, don’t lie to me.”
Ugh. I don’t want to lie to him, but this is going to be a mood killer.
Whatever, we’re not supposed to have moods other than screwing.
“I just hate it. I wish you never lost Emmy Jo. I wish Sadie had her mother. I wish that Fallon didn’t have to bury the man she loved.
I wish her son knew him, even though I don’t even know him.
I know that my family holds blame in what she goes through.
My heart aches for all of you, especially you two.
She…was right, what she said. My family has hurt you, and I can’t make it better. I can’t.”
God, I said that, and I didn’t mean to.
“Who was right?”
The tears come in earnest now, and I hate that I’m breaking down. I don’t want to lie to him, so I decide to let it all out. I push up, crossing my legs, and look down at him. “Fallon. She saw me earlier today and she…well, she let me know what she thinks.”
Tristan sits up, taking my face in his hands and wiping at my now-constant tears. “I don’t know what Fallon said to you, but I promise, she’s wrong. You didn’t have a single thing to do with her losing Carrick.”
I shake my head. “No, I didn’t, but…”
“Stop,” he cuts me off. “Absolutely not. There is no but in this, Lark. You weren’t there.
You weren’t a part of that moment. You have nothing to do with the decisions your brother and Carrick made.
Fallon knows this, but she has to blame someone, and so she put that on you. But she was wrong to do that.”
Oh, how I wish that were completely true. She has every right to be angry at my family. My brother cost her the love of her life, and then he disappeared to avoid facing the consequences of his actions.
I’m angry at him.
Then, to top it off, my other freaking brothers are calling the cops on them all the time.
It’s lunacy.
“I’m sorry,” I say, leaning my cheek into his palm.
“For all of it. My family…I don’t know. Maybe Momma and Daddy are just angry that they lost their son, in a way, and they’re coming after your family because they blame you.
I don’t get it. It’s wrong, and I just…the fact that we have to hide.
That we meet here because we know the drama it’ll cause. It’s stupid.”
He leans in and kisses my nose. “We’re meeting here because we know what this is. To cause our families any kind of stress wouldn’t be fair.”
Yes, what this is. Only sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. Like right now. Or when we were at the Grand Canyon.
Or pretty much any other time we’re together.
He’s holding me, kissing me, and it doesn’t feel like a transactional sexual encounter. It feels like…more.
I can’t say that, though. I have to steel my reaction because Tristan Stone is not for me. We have reasons, oodles of them. His sister being the most recent reminder I needed.
I lift my face from his touch and take his hand in mine.
“I know all this. It’s just sad that we have to worry about it.
That if Fallon ever found out about us, she’d probably kill me.
She told me to stay away from Sadie, that I would just cause her pain.
I need you to know that no matter what, I would never hurt or let anyone hurt Sadie.
She’s sweet, and regardless of whatever you and I are or aren’t, your daughter won’t be involved.
Not just because I do care about you, Tristan, but I loved Emmy Jo and I love Mary Lou.
Sadie is a part of them, and they were like family to me. ”
Saying her name aloud feels like a knife to my heart.
Emmy Jo was my best friend’s sister, and here I am, fucking around with the man she married.
Yes, she’s gone. Yes, I think that Emmy Jo would want Tristan to be happy and live his life.
I’m pretty sure we all know that men or women in this town often find themselves involved with others from Infinity Ridge.
Still, a part of me has just now realized how uncomfortable this tangled mess is.
Tristan falls silent, almost as though he’s absorbing the same reality I am.
I wonder whether he ever thinks about all of that.
I know I’ve done my best not to.
“Of all the things that I’ve worried about, you and Sadie aren’t on the list. My sister had no right to say any of that to you.
So I’m going to apologize, because I know she never will.
I’m sorry that you had to listen to her.
I’m sorry that you’ve spent hours or however long thinking about this.
If I didn’t want you near Sadie, I would’ve made that clear.
If I worried about you talking to her, I would’ve said something. ”
My chest loosens just a little. “She’s a really good kid.”
He smiles. “She is. Sometimes. I should actually put a stop to it, because you’ve got her renovating the fucking chicken coop. A chandelier? Really?”
I laugh. “Hey, happy chickens lay beautiful eggs.”
Tristan shakes his head and then turns serious.
“As for what Fallon said…she’s struggling with her grief.
After I lost Emmy Jo, I was…not exactly someone anyone wanted to be around.
I had this three-year-old girl who was without a mother because of a disease we couldn’t stop.
I remember just wanting to burn the world down, but then Sadie would come, climb on my lap, and smile.
It was…well, it was everything. It’s what kept me going.
Then, I realized that the alternative would’ve been to never have Emmy Jo, love her, know her, and that was a worse fate than losing her.
Fallon feels the same. She misses Carrick, but she knows that Knox is why she has to go on. ”
My heart pounds against my ribs. “But if it weren’t for Maverick, she’d have them both.”
“In theory, that applies, but Carrick was just as guilty as your brother.”
I don’t believe that for a second. Yes, they were both drinking. Yes, they made bad choices, but Maverick—he’s who caused it. His choices are what caused Carrick to die.
It’s not the same guilt.
“Thank you for at least saying it.” My fingers play at that little dip on his chest. “You’re being very sweet.”
“I’ll deny it.”
I smile and laugh. “Well, considering the fact that no one can ever know we talk, the chances of this coming to light are slim to none.”
“That’s true.”
“So, I guess it’ll be another secret between us.”
“It seems so.”
Tristan kisses me softly. “Come on, let me take you back home.”
“I’m okay,” I assure him.
“I know you are, but I want to make sure. Humor me?”
I sigh and nod. “All right. It’s very sweet of you.”
Tristan stands, helping me to my feet, and then he tugs me to his chest, where I rest against his heartbeat. The silence is comforting, and I don’t know that I’ve ever felt this way with another person. Where we can just be. No need to talk to fill up the space.
Maybe it’s because there are no expectations.
Maybe it’s because I know this will end here.
Either way, I know that this moment—his heartbeat against my ear, the warmth of his embrace, and the comfort he brings—is something I’ll never forget. And when he’s gone, I’ll miss him, but then again, I never really had him to begin with.