Chapter 5 #2
Our ride was silent to the church, and as we parked, I realized we were one of the last ones there. I didn’t care what the town would think about that, as they would have their opinions no matter what, but as we walked into the building together, I saw the curious glances and heard the whispers.
I was used to that after all.
I went to sit up front and realized that the entire first pew was empty. I was the only family member left, and that meant I would be there alone, saying goodbye to the two people that I loved more than anything.
Saying goodbye to the two people who had been one of the main reasons I had even stayed in town. Because this was their home, and they were my home.
Atlas squeezed the back of my neck, and I looked up at him.
“What do you need?”
Just a simple question, not telling me what to do, not telling me what I should do.
Just what I needed.
“I don’t know.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Will in the back with a few other people from town. He didn’t say a word. He just met my gaze and lowered his eyes.
I let out a shaky breath, wondering why that was going to make me break down more than anything. But this kid, who was in so much pain on his own, was here for me and my family, and it meant the world, but I couldn’t say anything, not with my throat closed.
Before Atlas could add anything to his question, the Carters were there. Gwen and Jackson Carter, two people that I loved with so much of my soul, came forward and held me close. First Jackson with his big hugs, and then Gwen, her strength innate, and her lips soft against my cheek.
“We’ve got you, baby girl.”
And with that, I let the tears fall, not in great leaps, but silently, as I took my seat, and the Carters sat next to me.
Rune took Atlas’s other side. Gwen sat next to me, with Jackson beside her, Atlas sat next to his father, and I was grateful for the distance so I could think.
It was always hard to even breathe when Atlas was around.
Both Rune and Teagan came next, worried glances on their faces.
And then Felicity and Callum took their other side, filling the pew.
This was it. My family. One of our making, with connections fragile, threadbare.
The rest of the Ashfords sat behind us, with even Briar having come back to visit with her husband and child.
They had been on tour in the UK, with Gabriel’s band world-famous at this point, but he was here along with Briar.
And their bandmate Kiera sat next to them, her fingers entwined with Bodhi’s.
So many connections, so many pieces of this small town that had spread throughout the world, all coming home for this terrible moment.
The Ashfords had lost everything multiple times, and even when they strayed, they came together for one another.
And now they were here for me.
I looked across the aisle and realized Thatcher was there, with his children at his side, Kellan next to them with his kids.
I recognized nearly every face in the church, and let out a shaky breath, and knew that in this moment, I wasn’t alone.
In that moment, every single person was here for my family.
And for me.
Then I remembered what happened. I remembered what happened when loss continued and people moved on.
Because soon the quiet would be filled with words and memories of what was to come, and I would be left behind. Alone in what I was supposed to be doing with my life, with my future.
I wanted to thank everyone for being there, to tell them that this wasn’t about me, but about my family.
I couldn’t formulate the words. Instead, I nodded at them, met as many gazes as I could, before I sank back down next to Gwen and put my head on the shoulder of the woman who had loved me like her daughter, before her son and I had broken each other’s hearts.
And as the pastor began to speak about my parents, about their faith and hope within this community, I let the coldness inside seep through.
I held onto my borrowed family and wondered what I would have left when they walked away.
Because they would.
They always did.
I turned to the side ever so slightly and saw Atlas’s gaze on me. He studied me, worry etched into his features, and I considered what would happen between us when the quiet eased.
Because Atlas’s home wasn’t here. Somebody had hurt him, and we still didn’t know who it was. And he had so many decisions to make about his life. So many avenues he could take.
And I was afraid that I would be one of those paths that he could pass. Or worse, a path he didn’t even consider. But those thoughts paled in comparison to the ice that slid through my veins.
I would be okay.
I had to be.
We all knew this time was coming, as death reached for us all. But I don’t think I ever truly thought about what would happen after.
Who I would become when there was no one left to call my own.
So I pulled my gaze from Atlas and focused on the two wooden boxes that held parents’ ashes.
They were my family. My touchstone. My reason for being in Ashford Creek.
And they were gone. Forever. Together.
Once again, leaving me alone. A familiar feeling that I hated with every passing breath.