18. Chapter 17
Chapter 17
Hudson
I let out a sigh of relief when the garage door raises, revealing Finn’s Volvo tucked into the garage. I don’t know where she went after she stormed out this afternoon, but when I left to head to the ranch an hour and a half later, she still wasn’t picking up her phone or answering my messages.
She hadn’t gone to the B I’d driven by to check. I figured she might be with Wren at the cabin. But I didn’t want to worry anyone. So, I left it alone and headed to the ranch for dinner with my parents. It wasn’t something I’d planned on doing tonight, but I figured if Finn did come back home, she might need some space. Especially since I decided to spring a marriage proposal on her out of the fucking blue.
I hadn’t given myself much time to think about what asking her to marry me would mean for her. I only knew she needed insurance, and I have a great policy that paid well. As soon as the idea formed in my head, I didn’t question it. But I’m not surprised she did. She’s always been fiercely independent, and I admire that about her. But she’s so goddamned stubborn sometimes.
I throw my truck into park and punch the button on my visor to close the door behind me. I’m sure Finn is already in bed, so we’ll have to continue the discussion tomorrow. And we will continue it because, unless she can come up with a better idea—and soon—her health will just continue to suffer.
Paige fell asleep at the ranch after she roped Pop into watch Moana with her for the fifty-seventh time. Instead of waking her, I’d covered her in a blanket on the pull-out couch in the guest bedroom and Mom insisted she’d be ok there for the night. I’ll have to grab her a change of clothes and head to the ranch first thing in the morning to get her to day camp on time.
My stomach grumbles when I enter the darkened kitchen, despite having had a big dinner a few hours earlier. It’s just after ten, so I’m not surprised to find the entire lower level of the house dark and quiet.
I’ve just kicked off my shoes and started pouring a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, when my phone vibrates on the counter next to my elbow. It’s a message from Finn.
Jameson: Is that you banging around down there, or am I being robbed?
Humor. That’s a good sign that she isn’t contemplating murdering me in my sleep for going behind her back to Erin. It was a bold move—me, going to her—especially knowing how Finnley feels about her. But if it means she’s well, then so be it. No one and nothing—short of Paige—means more to me than Finnley.
Hudson: Unless burglars steal giant bowls of cereal, you’re safe.
It takes a couple of minutes before she replies.
Jameson: Wanna come up?
Hudson: Can I bring my cereal?
Jameson: Only if you’re willing to share.
I chuckle and tuck my phone into the back pocket of my jeans, then grab my bowl and head upstairs.
She’s propped against the headboard and surrounded by a giant heap of pillows when I walk into her room. She’s got her glasses on, hair up in a messy bun, and her Kindle in her lap. I can just make out the outline of her nipples in the tiny tank top she’s wearing. I force my eyes away. Now is not the time to be checking out her tits. She’s just gotten over being mad at me. At least, I hope she has.
I walk into the room and round the other side of the bed, opposite from the one I slept on the other night. Setting my bowl on the bed and watching so it doesn’t spill, I stretch out next to her. I settle on my stomach, with my bowl resting right below my chin on the bed to catch any drips of milk while I eat. She turns her head and opens her mouth like a baby bird, waiting for me to scoop in a spoonful of cereal.
I chuckle and shovel up a medium-sized bite, moving it to her mouth. A dribble of milk runs down her chin when I pull the spoon out and she swipes it away with the back of her hand as she chews.
“You’re not ignoring me anymore?” I ask with a smirk and shovel in a bite of cereal.
She grimaces and swallows her food. With a sigh, she grumbles, “You’re too cute to ignore for long. Damn those Hayes family genes. Plus, you’ve fed me twice today. Can’t bite the hand that feeds me. Or ignore it, in this case.”
I shoot her a cocky grin. “So, you think I’m cute, huh?”
Her shoulders shake with laughter. “Shut up.”
We fall into a comfortable silence, with her turning back to her book and me back to eating. I offer her one more bite before finishing off the cereal and drinking the rest of the milk in the bowl. I set it on the floor next to the bed, then pull a pillow from her pile and tuck it under my head.
“You still mad at me?” I ask, poking her in the arm when she doesn’t look up from her Kindle.
She eyes me, and for a minute, I think she won’t answer. But then, she sighs, rolls her eyes, and folds her arms over her chest. She’s adorable even when she’s trying to be annoyed.
“No. But I mean, I’m not, not mad at you.”
I lean in and whisper in an innocent tone, “But I shared my cereal.”
“You shared two bites!” She grabs a pillow and whacks me in the face with it, breaking out into a giggle. That’s when I know that no matter how upset she is with me, that we’ll be ok.
After I wrestle the pillow away from her, I turn over on my back.
“What are you reading?” I ask.
“Alien romance. Dude’s got a tail, and his horns turn red when he comes.”
My head snaps in her direction, and she smirks at me when I huff out a laugh.
We’re quiet for a few minutes and I think she’s gone back to reading, but then she whispers, “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”
“It’s ok,” I whisper back.
She shakes her head on the pillow. “No, it’s not. You were just trying to help, and I was mean.”
“ So mean,” I taunt, and then give her a half smile. “I understand why you were, though. I knew going to Erin wasn’t the ideal option, but it was the only one I had to get you what you needed quickly. I’m sorry it was her, but…”
“You’re not sorry you did it,” she finishes for me, and I nod.
She laces her fingers with mine, until our palms are touching and resting on the bed at our sides .
“For the record, I do understand why you did it,” she confesses. “I don’t like that it was Erin, but…thank you, anyway.”
I squeeze her hand. I want to bring up the giant, pink elephant in the room, but I don’t want her to be mad at me again.
Turns out, I don’t have to, because after a couple more minutes of silence, she sighs and says, “Were you serious about getting married?”
Hope cracks open my chest and my eyes flick to hers. “Yes.”
She chews on her lip, brows furrowed. I want to rub the crease away, but I wait, not daring to say anything else or even move for fear that she’ll clam up. Or go straight for my eyes like a baby cougar.
“How would it work?” she asks. She begins picking at her lower lip with the hand not holding mine.
I take a deep breath, searching for words. I didn’t think she’d actually entertain the idea, let alone bring it up tonight. So, it takes me a minute to form a response.
Shifting to my side, I switch hands so she’s now holding my left hand as I face her. “Well,” I start. “It would just be temporary. I mean, until the B&B starts bringing in more. Then, when you can afford the premiums, we could just…” I trail off, hating even thinking the word ‘divorce’ in the context of us. Especially since we’ve both already been through one. Even if it would be the end to a fake marriage, it still sucks balls.
She nods and she’s not shutting me down. That’s a good sign. I want this to be her decision. She already knows I’m willing, but she has to be, too.
“Would you want to…tell people?” she asks.
I think for a moment. Would I want people to know Finnley is my wife? Fuck yes, I would…if it was real. If she was really mine, I’d scream that shit from the rooftops. But this marriage wouldn’t be real, and it would eventually end. That news would travel damn fast, especially in this small town. I think about Paige. She wouldn’t understand .
“Maybe we shouldn’t,” she says before I can respond. “It could confuse Paige.”
My heart warms. I love that we were both thinking the same thing. She gets why this would be a big deal for my daughter, especially since I haven’t been able to get Paige to understand that her mom and I will never get back together. She’s still operating under the illusion that there is hope for our family to be rebuilt.
“Ok, so, we keep it to ourselves.” I pose it as a foregone conclusion instead of a question. “Maybe we go to Livingston? Get married at the courthouse, so no one from here knows?” That part I do pose as a question, and she nods. Something flits across her expression. “What?”
“I don’t know… The courthouse?” She grimaces. “It seems kind of…generic.” Her eyes dart to mine. “I mean, I know it’s not, like, a real marriage, but…”
I feel the same way, but I’m not sure what else to do.
“But maybe that’s the best option, because I absolutely don’t want anyone finding out I’m marrying you.”
“You really know how to stroke a guy’s ego, don’t you?” I say, feigning a wounded chuckle.
“Shut up, you know what I mean.” She laughs lightly. “Timber Forge is not exactly known for discretion.”
I nod in agreement. “That’s what I was thinking, too.”
She huffs out a breath and finally turns on her side to face me. She looks genuinely worried when she says, “I get that this helps me, but I’m still trying to figure out why you would do this. What’s in it for you?”
God, I wish I could tell her the truth. I wish I could tell her how badly it killed me to give her away at her first wedding, or how I wished it was me instead of that Badger Boleslaus. Dickwad. Who even names their kid that, anyway? I wish I could tell her I’ve loved her since I was seventeen, and how I’ll marry her now because I love her still .
But I can’t. She’s my best friend, and if she’s spooked by a fake marriage to get her decent insurance, I can’t imagine how she’ll react to this secret I’ve kept from her all these years. Sure, I married Tristen—even loved her in my own way—but it was never like this. Finn and I have a special relationship, one that doesn’t come along every day. And if someone’s lucky enough to find that, they don’t fuck it up when the other party isn’t interested. And Finn isn’t.
So, I tell her most of what I would say if I could be completely honest without the consequences of the full truth.
“You’re my best friend, Jameson. You’re amazing with Paige. And, honestly, I don’t know how much of the last two years I could have made it through without you. I owe you big time for pulling me out of my bullshit when Tristen left, and again for holding me together when Paige got sick.”
A single tear leaks from her eye and drops onto her pillow, spreading a dark stain over the light gray fabric. I want to reach for her, but I’m afraid if I do, I’ll confess everything, and she’ll put a stop to this before she has what she needs. Maybe keeping my feelings from her makes me an asshole, but I can’t lose her.
“I know you don’t see it as the same because it doesn’t cost you anything to help me, but those things mean more to me than any amount of money. And if you don’t get what you need, I could lose you. And I can’t do that. I won’t survive it.”
Her chin quivers and two more tears slide down her temple and onto her pillow. She squeezes my hand, and her voice comes out breathy with emotion when she whispers, “Ok.”
My eyebrows almost disappear into my hairline. “Ok?”
She swallows and rolls her lips together before nodding. “I’m saying yes.”
It feels strange, her agreeing to this. It’s an odd mix of relief that she’ll finally get the meds she needs, and excitement tinged with disappointment because this isn’t a real marriage. There wasn’t a beautiful thought-out proposal, and she deserves that. But I can’t be disappointed for too long, because she’ll be well. And that’s all that matters.
“You’re sure?” I ask.
She nods. “I mean, it is really crazy. But if I’m gonna do something crazy, it might as well be with you.”
I crack a half smile. We’re actually doing this. Finnley is going to be my wife. I swallow, fighting the emotion climbing in my throat. The marriage may not be real, but it still feels so fucking good.
“Will you stay tonight?” she asks, eyes searching mine.
There’s honestly nothing I want more. I press a kiss to her forehead and climb off the bed. “Sure. I’ll go change.”
She nods.
When I’m halfway to the door, I’m reminded of something. I turn back. “Do you remember when Hutch got ordained to marry that hippie-dippie couple that he met hiking one year?”
She smirks and nods, looking so fucking beautiful in the dim light of her room. The curve of her hip peaks from under the covers, and her hair is coming undone from the messy bun, draping across her pillow.
“Yeah, why?”
I choose my next words carefully. “I don’t think those things ever expire. If you feel comfortable telling Hutch, maybe we can do it at the lake? It’s secluded, and he won’t tell anyone if we ask him not to. And his place means something to us.”
I might be imagining it, but I swear her eyes light up. She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and nods. “I’ll think about it.”
I leave her room to change into a pair of sweats, and when I come back in, she’s asleep, her breathing even and deep. I click off the lamp and slip in beside her. She immediately turns into me, tucking her head in the crick of my neck, and snuggles close on my chest.