29. Chapter 28
Chapter 28
Finnley
My cheeks heat as the water runs over me. Memories of last night come flooding back, while I stand under the spray of the shower in the hotel bathroom. Honestly, I thought some of it might be a bit fuzzy this morning—slushy adult bevvies will do that to a lightweight like me—but it’s not.
I wasn’t drunk. Slightly tipsy, sure, but I made sure to pace myself with the alcohol. I chugged two waters and gave myself a full dose of insulin—a hot commodity in my world—because I knew nothing would happen between Hudson and me if I was wasted. Turns out, I know my best friend pretty well because he was the perfect gentleman all night, even when I kept trying to ply him with sexy words and suggestive touches.
When he left to get my snacks, I figured I would close my eyes for just a minute. However, when I woke up, it was dark in the room, and I could just make out the outline of his long, lean body in the bed next to mine. The air had kicked on sometime during the night and it was freezing in the room. So, I quickly found my bag, changed into my sweats and a tank top, and then climbed into bed next to him .
Don’t ask me what the hell possessed me to masturbate while lying in the dark next to my best friend. I’d like to blame it on the alcohol, but if I’m honest with myself, it was nothing more than the feel of his warm body next to mine, the sight of his bare chest and slutty forearms, and the fullness of his pecs as they fell away toward his armpit.
How Hudson can have sexy armpits, I have no idea, but fuck, if it’s not one of my favorite parts of his body. There’s something inherently masculine about it that I can’t put my finger on. Plus, his deodorant is this spicy, sweet concoction, and combined with the smell of him ? It’s intoxicating.
I’ve never—ok, not never —but hardly ever looked at him like that before. But ever since that kiss at Christmas, I’m seeing him differently. Walking in on him in the shower the other day was the erotic highlight of my year. And feeling how hard he was after our impromptu dance yesterday? Hot. And, God, can that man kiss.
In my defense, I haven’t had sex in three months. Suddenly, I was thinking about how good his hands would feel on my body again, and my sex-starved pussy had me slipping my hand into my panties, reaching for my clit.
When I felt him turn toward me, I knew I’d been caught. Thankfully, the darkness of the room hid the furious blush I felt creep over my cheeks and the fact that I was suddenly wide awake. He tried to wake me, but the anticipation of him stopping me before we could talk about what this was had me pretending to be asleep instead. I’d turned into him and…continued. Yep. Instead of stopping, I threw my leg over my best friend and rubbed one out on his thigh like a shameless hussy.
And believe me, no one was more surprised than me when I cracked open an eye and told him I needed to come. Nope. Scratch that, asked him if I could come. Asked him if I could use him to come. And he didn’t say no .
He never touched me—except to adjust my angle for prime dry humping—but he didn’t need to. Not with the filthy words he used. It took zero time getting me there after that, and if his dirty mouth hadn’t pushed me over the edge, the sound of him unexpectedly coming would have.
It was a heady realization that he wanted me as badly as I wanted him, and it was even sexier when he came without physically touching me. Well, except for the slight brush of my knee against his cock. I wanted to touch him, and I’d been slightly disappointed when he kept my hand from wrapping around his length, but hearing Hudson Hayes coming in his boxers? Fucking feral.
Thinking about it now, that familiar ache is already building again in my core. My hands find my breasts, the water adding another erotic element to my thoughts. I picture him now, downstairs in the hotel gym, probably running. The muscles in his thighs working to push himself. His perfect, round ass…
God. I’m obsessed with my best friend.
I let my head hang back as my hand drifts lower, and soon, I’m right back to last night, listening to his labored breathing, while his fingers dig into my hip, urging me to move against him. I imagine the length of his cock, the thickness of it stretching me. His hips pounding hard against my ass from behind until I can’t take it anymore. How he’d sound if he didn’t hold back his groans of pleasure. And it’s all I need.
My lower belly gives a tug, and my spine tingles as my orgasm hits me so hard and so fast, I have to steady myself with my hand on the shower wall.
Maybe I should be embarrassed about fantasizing about my best friend, but I’m not. I wanted him last night, and even though it wasn’t exactly what I’d hoped for, I’m grateful he had the mental fortitude to keep me from doing something I may not remember. Because the one thing I do know is this: the first time I am with him, experiencing everything that he is and all that he’ll make me feel, I want to remember that shit .
Shutting off the water, I dry off, then quickly brush and French braid my hair, so it hangs in a thick rope down my back. When I finish dressing and step out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later, Hudson’s gaze lands on me from across the room. He’s near the window, in nothing but a pair of athletic shorts, his hair damp from his run. How this man has the discipline to run every day is beyond me, but I’m so glad he does because, damn. He’s fucking gorgeous.
He’s got the phone pressed to his ear and he smiles at me. His eyes blaze a hot trail up my body, making me feel naked.
“Ok, Pip. We’ll be heading home shortly, ok? Have fun with Pop-Pop,” he says before disconnecting the call.
“Morning,” I say, turning my back to hide the blush that seems to be permanently taking up residence on my face whenever he’s around. I stuff my clothes from last night into my bag.
“Morning,” he says, and then I feel him at my back.
The brush of his chest against my back has goosebumps erupting all over my body. He lifts my braid, and when I turn to look over my shoulder at him, he runs a hand down my arm.
“You hungry?” I don’t miss the double entendre and sexy smirk on his face.
It’s almost impossible to find my voice. He’s so close. “Starving,” I finally manage to say.
He drops a soft kiss to my bare shoulder. “I’ll shower and we’ll get something before we take off.”
I watch the movement, never taking my eyes off his face. “Ok.”
He steps away from me and continues to the bathroom. I turn back to my bag and cram things inside, trying to ignore the pounding of my pulse between my legs. Holy shit… The things this man does to my body is insane.
“Hey, Jameson? ”
“Yeah?” I ask, expecting him to ask to use my shampoo or say something about the drive home.
“I love the way you sound when you come, too.”
And he leaves me standing there, stunned into silence, with only my wet panties for company.
After sharing a stack of pancakes, two sides of bacon, and a giant plate of eggs at the diner down the road from the hotel, we get back on the road. The first half of the drive is quiet. It’s not strained by any means, but Hudson and I have never felt the need to fill the silence. We’ve always sort of been able to just exist with one another without much effort. It’s probably one of my favorite things about our friendship. Don’t get me wrong, we love to talk, too, but we are absolutely those friends that don’t need entertainment when we’re together. We can have a conversation just as easily as we can sit in silence.
About halfway through the drive, “Boot Scootin’ Boogie” shuffles on and a grin spreads across my face.
“Do you remember that night we snuck out and you forced Hank to take me and you with him and Wren to that barn dance in Livingston?”
He glances from the road, wearing a matching grin. “God, he was so pissed.”
I laugh. “He was. I think he was hoping to get lucky, and then here came along two giant cockblocks, screwing things up for him.”
Actually, now that I think about it, we did that a lot. Wren is a handful of months older than Hudson and me, so she was already eighteen and didn’t have a curfew. Hudson and I did. So, while Wren and Hank—who was two years older—could stay out late and cross county lines without much issue from his parents or her grandparents, we had to be sneaky about it. Of course, it was always easier for me to sneak out because Mama worked a lot.
“That was such a great night.” I sigh. “We were wild, weren’t we?”
“We were,” he says. “I remember you and Wren trying to tip that cow.” His shoulders bounce with laughter. “Hank and I knew you couldn’t do it. Hell, we’d been trying to tip cows since we were five years old. There you two were, a buck-twenty each soaking wet, trying to tip a 1200 lb. heifer.”
“We weren’t the brightest in the bunch.” I giggle. “Especially with half a bottle of Boones between us.”
“We gave you guys an ‘A’ for effort, though.” He shoots me a smile that melts my insides.
We both fall silent, probably thinking back to that night and all the others that came after it. Man, we had fun together back then. It makes me think of other things I’d like to do with him now, and they don’t involve his brother and Wren or cows.
That has me wondering something else, though.
“Why did you stop me last night?” The quick change of topic catches him off guard and there’s a questioning bend to his brow when he glances at me. “From touching you, I mean.”
He’s quiet for a few moments before answering, “Our friendship means everything to me. We’d both been drinking, and you’re a lightweight.” He smirks and I smack his arm playfully. He clears his throat and shrugs before continuing. “We were already crossing a new line, but we haven’t talked about how far over it we’re going. I didn’t want to take advantage of you.”
I nod and bite the inside of my cheek, trying and failing to stifle my smile. Hudson is probably one of the most foul-mouthed, outspoken men I know, but he’s still a gentleman. Not to mention, he had maybe a couple sips of alcohol.
“Even though I was the one taking advantage? ”
“So, you were awake.” His eyes hold a playful accusation as he shakes his head.
I crack a grin, taking in the long line of his body as he drives. His light gray T-shirt hugs him in all the right places, stretching across his biceps and making my mouth water. “Hey, a girl has needs.”
He chuckles, looking shy. Shy . I didn’t know that was something Hudson was even capable of. But it doesn’t last long because when he looks back at me, there is nothing but heat in his gaze.
“I should get a fucking medal for keeping my hands off you, then,” he says, and his eyes do a quick sweep of my body, heating me all the way to my toes.
Pulling the ends of my braid through my fingers and feeling a little shy myself, I grimace with a chuckle when my next words tumble out involuntarily. “I can’t believe I dry humped your leg.”
Several beats pass and he smirks. “There was nothing dry about you last night.” His voice is all gravel.
I nod a little sheepishly and chance a flick of my gaze in his direction. “You either.”
He huffs out a chuckle. “Fuck.” He rakes a hand through his hair, messing the slightly curly waves just enough, and a light pink stains his cheeks. The combination ramps up the whole fuck-me factor he’s got going for him to one million.
“What? Don’t be embarrassed.”
He shakes his head. “Easy for you to say. You didn’t blow your load like a fifteen-year-old on a first date.”
I really laugh now. So much that tears are streaming down my face. When I finally get them under control, he still looks embarrassed.
“Oh, come on,” I tease. “Hudson Hayes creaming his jeans without even touching me? Insanely hot. ”
“I wasn’t wearing jeans. And more like insanely mortifying,” he says with another shake of his head.
“Stop.” I nudge his arm. “That was one of the hottest things I’ve experienced in a long time.”
That shy smile hits me in the chest when he turns it on me. “Me too.” He adjusts his grip on the steering wheel, making those veins in his arm pop again.
I tuck my lip between my teeth and smile. His eyes drop to my mouth, and they darken while a muscle in his jaw ticks.
“Sorry. Forgot about the lip thing,” I say. But it’s like the damn thing just wants to live between my teeth. So, I slap a hand over my mouth with a laugh.
He huffs out another chuckle, before his tone turns serious. “We really should talk about it, though. Before anything happens again.”.
I nod. “Ok.”
“What does this look like for you? The friends with benefits thing.”
My stomach flip-flops. Is it really friends with benefits if we’re married? Do we really need a label? Especially if there are clear boundaries?
“I’m not sure,” I admit, casting a glance his way. “You’re the one who’s done this kind of thing before. What does it look like for you?” Reaching over, I snap off the stereo.
He’s quiet, watching the road for a while. I let my gaze drift over him. I wish I could tell what he is thinking. Is he worried about getting too close, like I am? Or is this an easy decision for him because he’s done it dozens of times?
My mind drifts to all the other women he’s possibly been with in this exact way. Ok, not in this exact way, because he never married any of his friends with benefits girls. Just thinking about him with someone else makes my stomach turn. So, I shove the thoughts away and decide right then that it doesn’t really matter, because I’d absolutely love to get another look at the heat he’s packing.
“I want you to be comfortable,” he finally says, glancing at me. “So, maybe I’ll just follow your lead. Is there anything off limits for you?”
I shrug, thinking about it. Is there anything I wouldn’t want to do with Hudson physically? No. Zip. Zero. Zilch. He’s my best friend, I trust him, and his body is immaculate. But…we should definitely keep things casual. So, maybe there are some things we should leave off the table.
“When you were with Brittany, was it exclusive?”
“The sex?”
“Yeah.” I ignore the little tug of jealousy I feel at her having had him exclusively in a way I haven’t. I fleetingly wonder why I never felt that way with his ex-wife.
“Pretty much, yeah. I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else, if that’s what you mean.”
“But you guys didn’t, like, hang out and stuff?”
He shakes his head with a glance in the rearview mirror, before he changes lanes. “Nah. We both worked a lot.”
“Did you date anyone else while you were with her?” I watch his face as I ask the questions, sort of rapid-fire style. If he’s uncomfortable sharing, I can’t tell.
“I went out with a couple women, but nothing physical.”
“Did you guys do...everything?” I ask, my eyebrows crawling up my forehead in anticipation of his answer.
He throws me a glance. “Yeah.”
I swallow, nerves taking flight in my gut. I want to do everything with him, too, but I don’t know if everything is a good idea for us. I can already feel things shifting between us. So, I think it’s good to establish clear boundaries here. I never want to lose him over sex, and that puts an expiration date on the whole situationship. One day, we’ll both find someone to be with, and I don’t want to lose my best friend in the process.
“Do you want to do everything…with me?” I ask, tentatively.
He shoots me a pointed look and it makes me smile.
“What about dating other people? Do you want to do that while we’re…” I trail off, throwing out a hand. It feels strange even asking this, since I had such a visceral reaction to him possibly dating Erin. But friends with benefits isn’t a relationship, and neither of us is getting any younger here. We can’t stay single and in our sex bubble forever. At some point, we’ll want to stop.
Right?
He hesitates a beat, and something in his demeanor has changed. It’s subtle, and anyone who didn’t know him probably wouldn’t have picked up on it. He’s not upset, but something about the set of his shoulders makes me pause.
“I mean, this is just friends with benefits, right? And the marriage isn’t real. So…maybe we should still see other people?”
“If we want to, sure. But no sex,” he says quickly, still sounding unsure about something. Maybe he wants an out?
“Maybe this is a bad idea, I say.
He’s quick to look at me and his shoulders relax. “No, this is good. We can see other people, and if either of us finds someone we want to…” He swallows.
“Fuck?” I supply with a grin, as relief courses through me that he’s still into this.
He shakes his head, huffing out a chuckle. “Yeah. If that happens, then you and I stop doing whatever it is we’re doing together.”
I nod. Ok. We can do this. Hudson and I can absolutely be friends with benefits. And be married. But when I glance over at him, he still looks a touch uncomfortable. For some reason, that makes me feel less uncomfortable. Somehow, me being the confident one in this scenario makes me feel bolder. It’s empowering, honestly. And I decide to dig around a bit.
“So, what’s on the table for us, then? Everything?”
He scratches his jaw and glances at me, his expression a bit nervous. “What do you think?”
“I mean, I’ve never had a dick in my ass, but I’m open to it,” I throw out, casually.
He makes a choking sound and then coughs for thirty seconds straight, while I cackle next to him. When he’s finished, he reaches down and adjusts himself and that has me cackling again.
“What’s the matter, Huddy? Does that do it for you?”
He barks out a laugh. Hudson blushing might be my new favorite thing.
“Ok,” I say, nonplussed. “No dick in my ass. Got it. But if you change your mind…”
Heat flickers in his eyes when they meet mine, and his chest rumbles with quiet laughter. “Fuck. You’re unbelievable.”
“But you love me,” I say, batting my lashes at him. Taking a deep breath, I continue. “What about ‘D’ in ‘V’?”
Confusion creases his brows. “What the fuck is that?”
Now it’s my turn to scoff. “Dick in vagine, Huddy.”
A laugh bursts out of him. “Vagine?”
“Yeah. Lunch box, pussy, cunt,” I say, putting a hard “t” on the last letter, then punctuate it with a wide grin.
Shaking his head, he shoots me an incredulous look. But I don’t miss the giant boner that’s popped up, tenting his jeans, since we’ve been talking about this.
He rakes a hand through his hair. I can tell he is slightly uncomfortable and really turned on. It’s a strange dichotomy. And fucking magic. My clit throbs between my thighs .
“How about we just…go slow for a bit?” He casts a glance at me. “We don’t have to start with sex.”
“You don’t want to have sex with me?” I ask, feigning hurt. “ Rude .”
I love making him squirm, and I’m so tired of all the mindless dates with no physical connection. This could be the perfect solution. No strings attached sex with a stranger is one thing, but Hudson and I have lots of strings. We’ve been wrapped up in strings for so long, I don’t know which ones are mine and which are his. But I like our strings. A lot. Will getting into bed with Hudson sever them? Or strengthen them? I’m not sure. But I really, really want to find out. Even if it means ignoring the fact that this could change everything. I just have to remind myself that I’m an adult, and keeping this casual is a choice, not an impossibility.
“I never said that.”
“I’m just messing with you,” I say. But no sex? Hudson loves sex.
He has that shy look to him when he speaks again. “Maybe we just see how it feels to do…other stuff first?”
“Ok, yeah. That sounds good.” I nod decisively and hold out my hand.
He glances at my outstretched arm, amused. “We’re shaking on it?”
“Why not?”
He shakes his head slightly with a small smile. “Ok, why not.”
And with one quick handshake, the deal is set. One way or another, we’re doing this.