43. Chapter 42
Chapter 42
Finnley
The drive to the Pine Creek Falls trailhead only takes an hour or so. With Paige, Tate, and Jordan in the back of Hudson’s truck watching a movie on an iPad, Ginger and I visit. We have really hit it off, and I’ll miss her when she leaves tomorrow.
We’ve chatted about her job, how she’s just finished a really big project for a startup company, and how much she loves the freedom her new company gives her. She’s been in corporate positions for years, practically since college, but she’s making a good living on her own after only six months, and she has another big client set up for when she returns home.
We all pile out of the truck and Paige and I strap on our small day packs, while Ginger wrangles both boys so she can apply sunscreen and bug repellent. Paige and I wait, having already applied ours back home. Soon, the boys and Ginger are slathered up, skin shining, and a cloud of insect repellent hangs in the air, making both boys cough.
It’s clear that Ginger isn’t really the outdoorsy type; she’s dressed in something akin to a safari guide in khaki shorts and an army green button-down. She’s got sneakers on, but they’re new, and she’ll probably have blisters later. Her hair is perfectly styled, hanging down her back in hundreds of springing, red curls, and her makeup is applied to perfection. She’s gorgeous, with a white canvas crossbody pouch and a glass water bottle.
The boys are dressed similarly to match one another, but their tennis shoes are scuffed in such a way that is synonymous with little boys. Paige and I are both dressed in leggings, T-shirts, ponytails, and worn-in hiking boots.
Hudson and I have hiked this trail for years, and although it’s rocky in some spots, it’s an easy hike for beginners. About a mile in, we’ll come to a beautiful waterfall and an area where the kids can wade in and collect rocks. According to Paige, it’s the only reason to hike this trail. I had hoped Wrenley and Hudson would be able to join us, but she wasn’t feeling well. She stayed home to rest, and Hudson had a bartender call out sick, so he’ll be working until this evening.
We’ve been hiking for about forty-five minutes and are nearing the waterfall. The kids run off ahead of us, but still stay within sight.
As we reach the shallow wading pond, I call out, “Stay on this side of those big rocks, please!”
I take a seat on a flat rock, twenty or so feet from where the kids trudge into the water, kicking up water and laughing together. Just as Ginger sits down, her phone dings. She pulls it out of her pocket, splitting her attention between it and the boys. I get the impression that it’s difficult for her to shut her mind off and just be present, even out here with nothing but nature and the sounds of birdsong. I’m surprised she even has cell service up here. My phone is lucky to get one bar on a good day.
I pull out a package of beef jerky and a couple of granola bars in case the kids get hungry. “Everything ok?” I ask, snapping off a bite of jerky and chewing as I watch her. Her shoulders have gone stiff, and she lets out a sigh .
She pockets her phone and glances my way with a small smile. Dropping her voice to a low murmur, she says, “My ex is getting remarried.”
“That’s tough,” I say. I don’t know if Ginger is hurt by him moving on, but I figure if I keep my responses generic but empathetic, I’m not prying too much. That way, she can give as much or as little information as she’s comfortable with.
She shrugs, tucking a lock of shiny auburn hair behind her ear. “Not in the way you’d think. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for him. But he and his fiancée are having a baby, too, which means he’ll probably be around even less now for the boys.”
I glance back to the kids, watching as Jordan and Paige jabber together. Tate wades along behind them, spinning a leaf between his fingers. He’s near the others, but not joining in. I recall the night Hudson came home, how Ginger had said over FaceTime that her ex had bailed on the boys, and it wasn’t the first time from the sounds of it.
“It’s like he’s starting a whole new family. The boys adore him, and even though our divorce was amicable, and they were really young at the time, it's been really hard on Tate. He used to cry for Peter all time. I can’t imagine how he’ll take Peter’s marriage. She’s already got two kids from a previous marriage, and they’ll have a new baby soon. Jordan will be ok, I think, but Tate’s never been a fan of change.”
I listen intently, keeping my eyes roving between her and the kids in the water. I remember how hard it was on Paige when her mom left, and how she cried herself to sleep some nights. She was only a couple of years younger than Tate and Jordan are now. Tristen was rarely around for dinner or bedtimes when she had a show, and Hudson did most of that stuff himself. By the way Ginger talks about her ex, I can only assume it would be so much harder to grasp divorce with a parent who was attentive and present.
It briefly makes me wonder how Paige would react to someone new in Hudson’s life, or even if she were to find out that he and I are married. Would she be happy about it? Would she even understand?
“Change can definitely be so hard,” I say. Going through my own divorce as an adult was hard enough, and Jeff and I didn’t have kids to consider.
Ginger nods. “Things were great for a lot of years. With Peter and me, I mean. There really wasn’t one thing to pinpoint when it all went south. Relationships can be hard even when life is good. Add in kids, work, a dog, and everyday stuff, like caring for a home, and our relationship just got lost in the shuffle.”
I’m surprised she’s opening up to me as much as she is, seeing as how we haven’t known one another long, but I’m grateful she trusts me enough to talk to me. Even though I have Hudson and Wren, it feels nice to have someone else to talk with. And I truly like Ginger. I’m glad I can lend her an ear.
“Tate has always been an anxious kid. He’s been doing so well lately,” she says, watching her sons and Paige with a small smile as they continue splashing around up ahead, trying to skip rocks. “He really thrives on routine. Going back and forth every other weekend was so hard on him at first. He’s finally adjusted, but it’s been hard for him to see his dad with another woman.”
“I’m sure that would be hard on any kid. And they’re so young.”
She nods. “That’s honestly one of the biggest reasons I don’t date. He’s already struggling so much to adjust to things being different at his dad’s. I’m worried about how he’s going to adjust to handle it all. Both of them, really.”
“That sounds incredibly hard. ”
Ginger reminds me a lot of Hudson. She seems to have put her personal life on hold for her sons’ comfort, and even though I’m not a parent, I understand it.
Ginger cringes and swipes at a mosquito on her arm. Dusting off her hands, she seems to remember she was talking. “Sorry for the info dump.”
“You’re completely fine. Don’t even worry about it. I imagine it’s hard raising two boys as a single parent. I only have Paige by myself in short spurts, and I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. I swear, sometimes I’m just looking around for the adultier adult.” I chuckle.
“Hudson seems really good with her,” Ginger says, swatting away another mosquito.
I love that she sees that, and I feel pride swell in my chest. “He really is. He’d do anything for that little girl.”
“You, too, though. She might not be yours, but she looks at you like she is.”
“Does she?” I watch Paige playing in the water. She really does feel like mine more and more every day. I pictured myself having babies of my own one day, and although I would still love for that to happen, I can’t deny that even if it never does, having Hudson and Paige as mine would be an amazing reality, too. I love them both so much.
“Of course, she does.” She lowers her voice, flicking a glance in the direction of the kids, then back to me. “And from what Wren’s told me, her mother is…a real piece of work.”
I chew the inside of my cheek. I never want to replace Tristen, but Paige definitely deserves better in a mom than she’s getting. “She’s definitely got her priorities, and they aren’t Paige.”
It’s quiet for a few minutes, while we both watch the kids. Tate laughs at something Jordan says to Paige. All three kids get along so well, and Paige is going to be so sad when it’s time for them to leave.
Ginger unwraps a granola bar and bites into it. “So, you two gonna make a go of it?” she asks around the bite.
I shrug and let out a sigh, then meet her eyes. “Honestly, I don’t really know.”
“Have you talked about it? Discussed where you see it going?’
I shake my head. I consider telling her about the marriage and Hudson’s insistence that neither of us dates or sleeps with other people while we’re married. But I can’t very well ask Hudson to not say anything to anyone, and then turn around and do exactly the thing I asked him not to. Besides, if I tell anyone, it should be Wren.
“You do realize that the stipulation of being able to see other people automatically qualifies you as seeing one another , right?” she says with a smirk.
My stomach flutters and the skin of my neck prickles. “You sound like Wrenley.” Hearing Ginger say it out loud confirms my suspicions as well; maybe he’s just as scared as I am to admit what it all means.
She glances at me. “Do you want to see other people?”
When we first started this, it was temporary. We’d planned to keep it strictly casual. But I was lying to myself. We have too much history and we’re too comfortable with one another for it to stay that way for long.
And we’re not just fucking. We sleep in the same bed most nights, unless we feel like Paige might need Hudson and come looking for him. We steal kisses every chance we get and although our marriage was just for medical reasons, we live like any other married couple does. We split chores like a married couple; we tease like a married couple; we parent Paige like a married couple.
And the more time we spend together—the more I wake up in his arms after a night of him fucking me six ways to Sunday—the more real it becomes. The way he looks at me when he thinks I don’t notice, and the way he knows exactly what I need when I need it, it all feels so right. Meant to be. It feels like a real marriage. The more we experience and share together, the more real it becomes. I wonder if he feels it, too.
“I’m going to take your silence and that misty-eyed, faraway look in your eyes as a no.” Ginger chuckles, bumping my arm with her elbow.
Paige squeals when Jordan flips water on her, and Tate wanders over to sit on another flat rock, just outside of the splash zone.
“I went out with Brad, this guy I’ve seen a couple of times. While I was with him, all I could think about was Hudson and how I’d rather be spending time with him and Paige. We had sex that night for the first time and it changed things for me.”
“How so?” she asks, watching her boys, before turning her gaze back to me.
“We’re different,” I say, twisting the strap on my hiking pack in my lap between my fingers. “Afterward,” pausing, my cheeks heat and I shoot her a wry smile. “Actually, during …he said no more dating, while I’m—while we’re sleeping together.” I correct when I realize I almost said, ‘his wife.’
Her lips tip up in a knowing grin. “And how do you feel about that? Do you agree?”
I pause, weighing my words before responding.
“Come on.” She bumps me again with her elbow, that grin stretching across her freckled face. “Tell Mama Ginger everything.”
I snort. “You’re like two years older than me.”
She cocks a brow at me. “And that makes me ancient. I’m pushing forty. Give me this.”
I think back to how it felt seeing Erin and him in the barn that day at the ranch, how she looked at him like she’d just as soon shove her tongue down his throat than talk to him. I remember how wrong it felt for Brad to wrap his hand around my back on the porch that night.
“I agree,” I say.
“But,” she drags out.
“He’s doing all this sweet shit for me. Helping at the B in too deep. I feel things for him that scare me, because I couldn’t bear to lose him if something went wrong between us,” I say all in one breath.
“Is he worth it?” she asks and nods in Paige’s direction. “Is she?”
“Of course, he is, and she is, too,” I say softly .
“Then, I’m going to tell you what I told a certain stubborn blond we both know and love not so long ago. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. If he feels the same and is willing to take a chance, then jump. If not, at least you’ll know. And you have other people in your corner besides Hudson. You have Wren. Even though she’s gone all barefoot and pregnant on me, she’s still the baddest bitch I know. And I’ll be in California, but you have me, too. Together, we’ll help you through anything you have to face.”
Emotion clogs my throat. “Thanks, Ginger.” I just hope she’s not wrong, because losing Hudson could cost me everything else.
She nods decisively. “Now, can we get the kids out of the water and get back to civilization before I get a tick or some shit?”