Chapter 26 Zara #2
Alfrie rolls his sleeves up, revealing toned forearms and a scar that wraps around his wrist and snakes up his arm.
He catches me gawking at the mark and he lowers the sleeve a bit.
He motions for me to stand in front of him, an eyebrow arched.
His mouth tugs to one side in a small smirk. “Are you completely unarmed?”
I want to crawl in a hole and die right now. I glower at him. “Yes.”
“No hidden blades or anything that could fly out without warning?”
“Alfrie, let’s get on with it.” Leer taps his fingers on his knee, and winks when I look over at him. “You’re going to do great.”
Alfrie isn’t convinced and takes a step away from me. “Remember what we talked about yesterday. We need to cover the basics. Let’s begin with the image of a hummingbird again.”
I take a deep breath. I can do this. I can do this.
I close my eyes and begin deconstructing the bird piece by piece in my mind.
The image of Leer and Alfrie sneaking around in the dark this morning invades my thoughts.
My eyes shoot open. “What were you two doing coming from the Woodlands this morning?”
Alfrie scratches his head, “Um—”
“Alfrie was searching for some plant that only blooms at night.” Leer chimes in from his place by the wall. He rests his head against the grain bags and brushes off an invisible speck of dirt from his trousers.
“Why didn’t you go at dusk? Why so late? Or early…” Their story sounds plausible but I’m not buying it. Perhaps it’s Alfrie’s demeanor. He won’t look me in the eye, and a muscle in his cheek tenses as he rubs the back of his neck.
Leer lifts his shoulder. “Ask Alfrie. He’s the physician.” He rests his chin in his hands, completely uninterested in my line of questioning.
I narrow my eyes at Alfrie, but he’s playing with the cuff of his rolled shirt sleeve, doing all he can to avoid eye contact.
I drop it. “Okay, whatever.” I shake out my shoulders and close my eyes.
“I’m thinking of my hummingbird.” Drowning out the background noise, I pin the image into place in my head.
“Block everything else out.” Alfrie’s voice is a low hum that seems to come from everywhere and nowhere all at once and I place all my focus into blending myself with the animal.
Something’s happening. My fingers tingle. My feet are weightless. My heart pounds fast and heavy with the excitement taking over. I’m about to shift. Me. “I can feel it!” I beam, my eyes still squeezed shut.
“Focus.” His smooth voice is closer, his breath brushing against my cheek and neck like a whisper. Like a kiss so soft and light. I shudder.
Struggling to maintain the image in my brain, I focus on the stupid bird instead of Alfrie’s warm breath on my skin. My body tingles again, but this time it’s coming from a place low in my belly.
It’s probably just how shifting feels. It’s happening. It’s really happening. Soon I’ll be a—hang on. The excitement disappears. The tingling and weightlessness…gone.
My eyes flutter open, and I expect to see Alfrie standing directly behind me, but he’s at least ten feet away. “What…I was about to…what happened? How did you? Wait, weren’t you just next to me?” My shoulders slouch.
Alfrie’s brow puckers. “What are you talking about?” He shakes his head and walks toward me. “We need to work on your attention span.” He sighs and addresses Leer who looks half asleep. “Any ideas?”
“I think you’re doing great. I trust you’ll shift in no time.
” Leer hops off of the grain bags. “I’ve got something I need to attend to.
” He comes over to me and kisses my hand.
“Keep at it." He glances at his squire, "Alfrie, do try and remember that she’s new to this.” He slaps Alfrie hard on the back and rushes off.
So much for wanting to stay and help. I stare at Leer’s back as he goes, leaving me alone with Mr. Sunshine. I turn to Alfrie. “Let’s go again, but this time, don’t stand so close to me. It completely threw off my concentration.” I clutch my arms to my chest.
“Okay, but you have to try harder to keep the image in your mind. Your ability to focus is abysmal. And I wasn’t standing anywhere near you.”
What? I swallow, my hand rubbing the side of my neck where I must have imagined the feeling of his warm breath on my skin. The soft brush of his lips. I close my eyes. Oh gods. I open my eyes but can’t seem to find the courage to look at him.
He doesn’t appear to notice the crimson color spreading up my neck and onto my face.
He’s too busy pacing and shaking his head like a disappointed parent.
He stops and faces me, his arms stretching out to his sides.
“Honestly, did your tutors teach you anything or did they coddle you like your father?”
I’m getting awfully annoyed with his negativity. “I’m trying! I told you—my father didn’t let me do much in the way of magic. Besides, you have no idea what it’s like to have the pressure of being a royal hovering over you all the time.”
“Yes, I’m sure the decision of which dress to wear to which ball is highly distressing. I don’t envy you.” His tone is sharp and biting. Quite the opposite of the shy smile-like gestures from yesterday.
Perhaps I imagined those too.
“You’re such an ass. You think I’m some spoiled princess who cares about nothing and no one but myself. You don’t even know me.”
“You’re right. I don’t know you. But from what I’ve witnessed and judging from me having to teach you one of the most basic skills a Fae can hone supports my opinion of you.” His jaw clenches and he stands straighter bringing him to his full height.
He’s at least five inches taller than I am and he looks down at me, the sun casting a shadow along the sharp edge of his cheekbone.
An unexpected heat floods my face and I’m torn between running away and pulling him close to me.
The fleeting thought is unnerving. I instinctively take a step back. “I—I have a lot on my mind, okay?”
His green eyes threaten to burn a hole through me, and he steps forward. “Well, get it off your mind or you won’t be able to do this, and you’ll be no use to your court when a war comes knocking at your door.”
He might as well have slapped me in the face. As if I didn’t feel like a complete failure already. I blink back the tears forming in the corners of my eyes. I will not let him get to me like this.
His face falls and he takes another step in my direction. Raw pain, or maybe it’s guilt, laces his features and his voice softens. “Zara, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be cruel. It’s simply the reality. Come on, then. Let’s go again.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “It’s ‘Your Highness’.”
“What?”
I refuse to look at him but hold my chin higher.
“You will address me as, ‘Your Highness’, and we’ll go again when I’m ready.
I’m the princess, and you are just a squire.
It would behoove you to respect me as such.
” My stomach clenches. I hate holding my station over someone.
Especially him. Even saying words I don’t actually believe in feels gross. I dare to look up at him.
Those deep green irises shine like jade in the morning sun and tiny flecks of gold sparkle through the hurt and anger festering there. The flash of scorn is gone almost instantly, and his expression hardens to stone. “Indeed. My apologies. Your Highness.” He turns to leave.
I reach for his arm. “Alfrie, I—”
“Your Highness?” His brow knits together, eyeing me warily.
I don’t know what to say, but I don’t want him to leave. His gaze shifts to my hand on his arm then back to my face. I quickly drop my hand and avert my eyes from his perfect face. I keep my chin raised with regal air. “I didn’t dismiss you.” Ew. I truly hate myself right now.
He shakes his head and walks away from me. “No. You didn’t.”
I could force him to stop. To come back and grovel at my feet if I want. But I don’t. Instead, I stand awkwardly by myself next to the barracks. Servants and soldiers mill about now that it’s mid-morning, and they all pause, bowing as they pass.
Which only makes me feel that much smaller and more insignificant.
Alfrie’s right. I’m a spoiled royal with no innate skills and no knowledge of the real world. Defeated, I hang my head in shame the entire walk back inside the palace and up the stairs to my rooms.
I don’t go down to dinner that night, humiliated by my earlier behavior.
The only reason I might have tried to rise above the embarrassment is if I was going to see Leer, but he stopped by my rooms an hour ago saying he had business to attend to with his father.
I didn’t ask him for the details, and had the cook bring a plate to my chambers.
I don’t eat much of the food that’s delivered and push the tray away from me at the table in the sitting room.
There’s only one other soul who can make me feel better.
I consider going to see Emlyn but decide against it.
She needs to rest and I need to stop feeling sorry for myself.
I was a jerk earlier and deserve the consequence of the guilt I'm experiencing now.
Though, I shouldn’t feel guilty. Alfrie is anything but nice. Well, most times. I don’t understand his personality shifts and mood swings. Yesterday, I thought we were maybe starting to become friends. Then today…ugh! He’s so frustrating. And confusing.
The way my body seems to react every time I’m around him confuses me even more.
I pace around my rooms, unable to get his vibrant green eyes out of my head. Wondering what it might feel like to have his lips against mine...I frown. What am I thinking? Alfrie’s rude and condescending. I’m betrothed to Leer, and he just happens to be amazing.
I bury my face in my hands and sigh. I walk over to the window and peer out into the darkness. It’s nearly midnight and there should be no signs of life or lights in the courtyard, but there, moving quickly toward the tree line is a flame coming from a torch or a lantern.
I press my forehead onto the glass, straining to see who or what the light is coming from. A flash of cropped blond hair and a white shirt moves swiftly down the hill, carrying a lantern in his right hand. Alfrie. “What in the world?” I mumble.
I knew his story about plants seemed off. So, what the hell would inspire someone to trek into the forest alone at night? Especially when that was where Emlyn and I were attacked.
Before I can overthink one of the worst ideas I’ve ever had, I stride quickly out the door and grab a torch light from a wall sconce in the hallway. A moment later, I’m flying down countless flights of stairs and running into the night.