Chapter 35 Zara
Chapter thirty-five
Zara
Lanray is cold and dark and lonely. It’s the opposite of everything I used to know. Used to love. And somehow, it feels like I don’t belong anywhere else.
I deserve to be cold and dark and lonely.
These rooms that are now my chambers as the future Queen of Lanray are too elegant.
Too perfect. I stand in the middle of the space marveling at the black velvet curtains over gray walls and the plush red comforter stretching over the top of the king-sized bed.
The sitting room is complete with floor-to-ceiling shelves containing hundreds of books and a round area rug with a loveseat and two matching high wing-backed armchairs, fit only for royalty.
My chest heaves. I can’t breathe. The room is massive, but the walls are closing in all around me. It’s sheer size will swallow me whole. I’m sure of it. I fall to my knees in the center of the room and clutch my chest. Tears stream from my eyes and I sob into my hands.
All of it's gone.
My home. My father. My life.
All because of my selfishness and stubbornness.
A wail escapes my lips, and I curl into a ball. I pull my knees to my chest, and I cry into them. How am I supposed to move on? I’m not strong enough. I can’t handle any of this.
I cry myself to sleep, still huddled into a ball of tears in the middle of the carpet. My eyes flutter open as my body becomes weightless. I’m being carried. I bury my face into the sinewy chest of my prince as he carries me to bed.
He lays me down gently on top of the crimson blanket and strokes my hair. Dried tears burn my cheeks and I wipe my eyes. He lies next to me, patiently waiting for me to collect myself. I move close to his body and wrap myself around him, taking in his warmth and security.
He holds me to his chest, still stroking my hair and caressing my back. “You’re safe now.” He whispers low into my ear, and I nuzzle my face into his shoulder. “I know you’re hurting. Tell me what to do. I’ll do anything to make it go away.”
I shake my head into his chest. “I just want you to be here. I don’t know what else you can do. Nothing can change what happened.”
He kisses my forehead and rests his chin on my hair. “Now that we’re home, we can continue your training. If you want to. I know you aren’t ready to hear it, but we’re definitely facing a war now.”
“I can’t think about that right now.”
“Okay.” He’s quiet for a while, just holding me in his arms. “I could make it go away…if you want me to. I could ease the pain. Make you forget."
He speaks of glamour. It’s tempting. “You would do that?” I look up into his sapphire eyes that are full of concern for me.
He loves me. Glamouring isn’t something that Seelie Fae simply do.
It takes something from us, changes us, every time we use that particular magic.
That’s why Unseelie can use it so freely.
There’s nothing good left in their souls that can be taken from them. If they even have souls.
“I would do anything for you.” His gaze pierces my heart, and I reach my hand up, cupping his cheek.
I lift my body and press my lips to his.
He tenses tightens his arms around me as his mouth moves softly with mine.
He pulls back slightly from me and rests his forehead against mine.
“We should probably stop. I don’t know if I’ll be able to control myself and I’m not sure this is what you want right now.
” His voice is soft and his breath is warm against my lips.
His gaze has me in a trance, and I pull him close, my lips crashing into his with a fire and passion so intense that my body burns. I do want this. I want him. All of him. Forever. He’s the only thing that's right in my life.
I don’t deserve him, but I’ll do anything to keep him.
Our lips part and tongues meet. One of his hands is still in my hair, but instead of gently petting me, he winds my hair tightly around his fingers. He explores the length of my arm with his other hand, sweeping it gingerly down my side, over the curve of my hip then firmly takes hold of my ass.
I climb onto his lap and straddle him, pressing my knees into the comforter on either side of his hips.
Slowly peeling off my tunic, I unlace my underthings until my breasts are free.
He smiles and curls his hands around my breasts, cupping them, his thumb and finger lightly pinching and rolling my nipples between them.
I arch into the feeling and allow my head to fall back, moving my hips forward over his hard length beneath the fabric of his trousers.
I unbutton his shirt and spread my hands wide to trace the planes of his chest and abdominal muscles.
I inch down, lower…lower, and unbutton his trousers before pulling them from his legs.
A pulsing sensation moves through his length, and I wrap my fingers around the shaft, sliding my hand along the smooth skin.
He shudders beneath my hold and grips my shoulders tightly as I dip my head to take all of him into my mouth.
He moans and his hands are deep in my hair, pulling it lightly and knotting it between his fingers as I lick and move my mouth faster up and down over him.
“Zara…” His voice is deep and rumbling and he pulls me to him, planting his mouth feverishly over mine.
In one quick motion, he has me on my back, spreading my legs apart with his body.
He covers me in light kisses, his mouth descending down my body.
He grazes his fingertips over the hem of my underwear and I sigh in anticipation.
He easily slides the silk from my hips and tosses the thin material to the floor.
He buries his head between my legs, and he looks up at me, his eyes dark with desire.
“My turn.” He keeps his eyes locked with mine and his tongue slides along my center.
I cry out and tremble with delight. He wraps his arms around my thighs, holding me down onto the sheets as he draws circles over me with the tip of his tongue, feasting on me as if he’s never been more ravenous.
I struggle and buck against his hold, the building pleasure too much.
I want nothing more than for him to come into me.
“Please.” I beg, gripping the blanket so tight that I might tear right through them. I need him inside of me before I combust. “Leer…please…”
“Tell me how much you want this. I need to hear how badly you want me.” He whispers against my core, and I might explode with need. “How much do you want me to fuck you, Zara?”
“I want you.” I can barely formulate the words over my rapid breathing and building ecstasy.
“Tell me that you're mine. Forever.” His voice is rough, and a growl comes from low in his throat.
I’m about to come completely undone. I need him. Now. “Yes. I’m yours…” His tongue deeply thrusts over the soft flesh around my center. “I’m yours. Forever,” I cry out and arch my back, the burning need threatening to set my entire body ablaze.
I grasp at his hair and a mischievous smile spreads over those full lips as he pushes his length into me. Slowly. Torturously slow. I clutch at his back and shoulder blades, pulling him completely into me.
He sighs into my neck, breathing erratically with every thrust of his hips into mine. He takes one of my breasts in his mouth, lightly scraping his teeth around my nipple, and I gasp, stars clouding my vision as euphoria floods through each and every nerve ending in my body.
My mind whirls in excitement, and I tighten around his length. His mouth lingers over mine, and a moan escapes him with his exultation. I shudder through my release, and he lowers his head to my chest, both of us breathing heavily.
He twirls an arm around my body and rolls me onto my side so we’re facing one another.
The rise and fall of his chest slows slightly and he lays his head onto the comforter, pulling me even closer to him.
I run my fingers through his hair, and we lie in each other’s arms until sleep overtakes the both of us.
I wake in Leer’s arms a couple hours later, warm and safe. He blinks his eyes open, then smiles and kisses my nose. “We should get cleaned up for dinner.” He sits up and wipes the sleep from his eyes.
I reach for his forearm, flipping to my side. “Do we have to?”
“I’m afraid so.” He gets up and pulls on his pants from the pile of discarded clothing on the floor.
“Zara, I’ve been thinking. We should get married as soon as possible.
I know we agreed to put off our nuptials, but becoming a united front will only make our Courts stronger.
” He buttons his collared shirt and perches on the edge of the bed.
I feel like I’ve just been hit in the gut. “I have no Court. Not anymore.” My hands shake and I wring them together to hide my outward fear.
He pulls me on top him. “Oh, my darling, I’m sorry.
I didn’t mean. When we marry, I’ll name you as my queen, here, in Lanray.
And as you're now the Queen of Masseda, you can name me as your king. Together, we’ll rule both Courts and rebuild your home.
” He cradles my face in his hands. “I didn’t mean to upset you, but we need to think about the future of the realm.
Please. Consider what I said earlier. I can make all of these terrible memories and feelings disappear. All you need to do is ask.”
I play with the buttons on his shirt and my face twitches against the tears stinging my eyes.
He catches a teardrop on his thumb and swipes it away.
“Forgetting might help you focus on the future. We’re on the brink of war, and I need you at your strongest. Grief has a funny way of weakening us. Let me take your sadness from you.”
“You act like glamouring someone is easy. As if you do it all the time.”
He chuckles and kisses my lips. He gently slides out from under me and gets up from the bed. “Just think about it, okay?” He leans over and kisses the crown of my head. “I’ll see you downstairs in an hour.”
I watch as he leaves and pull the blankets up around my shoulders.
Leer’s offer is tempting. I would love nothing more than to not feel as though I’m drowning.
I no longer want to feel as though I can’t breathe.
Like I might crumble into nothingness. But it’s not worth the cost the magic would charge him.
I can’t ask him to do that. I’m not worth it. But I’ll marry him when he wants me to. It’s time for me to finally accept my role as a royal female. At least I can perform that duty without fail.