Chapter 20
CHAPTER 20
C haz slipped into the blistering hot water, wincing at the intense heat. The sense of peace was worth the pain. He loved having a soak after a long day, and these past couple were the worst he had in a long while. Ezra was the bright star out of the weekend’s adventure.
Pushing Ezra was not his plan. Something was on Ezra's mind, and Chaz worried about spooking him. The shower intimacy might have been too much, so Chaz backed off. Ezra required his own way of dealing with what happened. Escaping from the compound without making sure Mr. Jones received punishment might have been the cherry on the cake’s sour top.
As much as he wished Ezra would stay so Chaz could keep an eye on him, this was Ezra’s decision. He had to do whatever made him feel safe.
Ezra wrapped a red bath sheet around his waist and left the room with only a grunt. Chaz sighed. He’d give Ezra five minutes before leaving the tub and following him. Was it a bit stalkery? Likely. Chaz had anxiety too.
He turned off the faucet and concentrated on the noises Ezra made. The running water and the loud noise of the kettle warming up. Ezra had listened to Chaz’s suggestions. That was good. Chaz approved of Ezra’s plans.
He lowered himself until only his head was out of the water and groaned as his muscles loosened. Closing his eyes, he turned his mind off and drifted in the acceptance of being safe in his own damn home.
When he opened his eyes again, Ezra was sitting on the toilet wearing soft pants. Two mugs were on the edge of the tub. His expression betrayed his nerves. Not good.
“What’s wrong?” Chaz sat up and hissed as the water splashed everywhere. “You look upset.”
“I think I might have rushed things with you. I mean, it’s been two days, and what if?—”
“Ez, shh. We’re fine. We might have jumped a few steps in the courtship process, but now we can go back and see what we missed. If what you can do is sit and watch me soak, I’m A-OK with that. However, I’d love tea if you’re willing to share.”
“Right, this is for you. Are you sure you’re okay with me butting in and then backing off?” Ezra swung his hand around the room, and Chaz smiled. The shower had been the tipping point.
“Yeah, sweetheart. I’m good. All I want is your company, this tea, and possibly a nap. After that, a good steak and you in my arms. If we go beyond any of those, yay. However, this bonding is more important. You talking to me and letting me know what makes you safe and happy is infinitely better,” Chaz said.
The relief in Ezra’s eyes would have bothered any other person, but Chaz had learned what made Ezra tick. Giving Ezra solid choices with definite answers allowed him to find footing in an ever-changing landscape. “I could get a steak out of the freezer.”
“Solid, but stay here until our tea’s done. Share something stupid that you like. What’s your favourite TV show?” Chaz sipped his tea and sank his shoulders below the surface, keeping his mug away from the water. “Can be anything.”
“Oh, that’s hard.” Ezra set his tea on the bathroom counter and leaned forward. His brow furrowed while he thought. The conversational gambit was to offer a way for Ezra to take his mind off the incident while sharing an easy topic to chat about with Chaz. He did have some skills in helping people cope. He wasn’t a complete Neanderthal.
“I like action stuff and science fiction,” Chaz offered.
“Oh, have you seen Gintama?” And off to the races Ezra went. He spoke a mile a minute as he shared details about an older anime. Chaz made noises here and there, though he was content to let Ezra ramble. Ezra’s expression was adorable as he spoke so animatedly. Well, Chaz was fucked. He hoped Ezra felt the same way, that Ezra was open to starting something with him.
Chaz imagined a future when he and Ezra would wake up in the morning in his bed and not have to worry about rushing. They’d have time for Chaz to entice Ezra into morning sex. Chaz would blow Ezra’s mind with some new adventure involving a bed. And not the forest.
“Chaz? You okay? You almost dropped your tea.” Gentle hands removed the mug from Chaz’s grip. He blinked away the haze of his imagination and grinned at Ezra, who stared back in concern. “You good?”
“I think I almost fell asleep. I’m sorry.” How embarrassing. Chaz had meant to relax Ezra, but instead he napped in the tub for God’s sake. “That’s a sign if I ever saw one.”
“I know what you’re doing, and I appreciate it.” Ezra played with Chaz’s fingers and smiled at him. “You’re a good man.”
“Don’t let that get around.” Chaz enjoyed the sensation of someone else holding onto reality. It allowed him to revel in the dreamy space between rest and true sleep. “I should probably hop out.”
“Are you gonna put clothes on?” Ezra asked. He did a once-over on Chaz, and colour brightened his cheeks.
“Just some pants and a robe. Why? Are you going to help me?” Chaz fluttered his eyes to make Ezra giggle, which he did. “It’s so hard being a man and having to put clothes on.”
“You are being an odd duck.” Ezra leaned close and placed a light kiss on Chaz’s damp cheek. “I’ll get the steak out.”
Chaz caught Ezra’s chin in his hand and brought Ezra near to brush a kiss on his surprised mouth. Seeing the pleased shock on Ezra’s face was a delight, and Chaz was going to hold on to that memory forever. “Whenever you’re ready.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Ezra stood and stumbled into the bathroom door, yelping as he hit the knob. “I’ll be down. You—you do your thing.” Ezra dashed out as though ghosts were chasing him. Chaz dunked himself once, proud he'd snagged a sweet man like Ezra and embarrassed at how quickly he'd fallen.
Chaz dried himself faster, so he could be with Ezra sooner. He pulled on some fleece pants and a ratty sweater before joining Ezra in the kitchen. Ezra didn’t have to know how over the moon Chaz was for him. Though there were clues, like how fast Chaz ended up downstairs.
Ezra leaned on the counter, staring at the rough water through the rain. The steak had been pulled from the freezer, and potatoes sat ready to be washed and peeled. Ezra had become comfortable in Chaz’s home. Yet the expression on his face warned Chaz not everything was going to be handed to him so easily.
“Talk to me. Don’t keep stuff locked up in your head.” Chaz sidled up beside him. Even when the waves were high, the bay still managed to entrance him. He hoped it would do the same for Ezra.
“Just thinking. Crazy couple of days, right?” Ezra joked. He was attempting to make light of their situation, the exact opposite of what Chaz hoped to see.
“It was. I’d like to say typical SPAM, but this was way out of left field, even for me. So, I’m baffled.” Chaz set his hand on top of Ezra’s. “I wish I could help you through whatever’s hurting you.”
Sympathy, compassion. Chaz had it in spades. He crossed his fingers. He’d never been the poster boy for guiding someone through their first mission.
“I’m fine. This is fine. We’re here now. The case is solved somewhat. We got all the answers, so we can go back to our normal lives.” Ezra flattened his hand under Chaz’s before curling the fingers into a fist. Chaz had to fix this small doubt about their relationship in Ezra’s mind so they could move beyond the weekend.
“Are you upset Jones isn’t going to get what’s coming to him? Or the… dead body?”
Ezra finally made eye contact. The hint of tears brought Chaz to his knees.
“I don’t know!”
“Hey, hey! It’s okay!” Chaz gathered him up and cuddled Ezra. “You don’t need to. Unless it’s part of your decompression, then I will do whatever it takes to answer your questions.”
Chaz led him to the living room, where an oversized couch and fireplace waited for them. The fire was just ash, and Chaz itched to get some warmth in the room. He pushed Ezra on the couch until his back was against the wall and there was still a modicum of space for Chaz. They managed to squeeze together without Chaz worrying about falling off.
Ezra nestled into Chaz’s neck and breathed. They lay like that for a while, and it was the best moment of Chaz’s life.
So, he ruined it.
“Operations like that? They don’t get the pretty bows, unfortunately. Once everything goes tits up, it’s best we hightail it out of there with our lives intact. We did fuck up Jones’s plans and exposed him to his rich friends as a loser. So now he has to return to the city and build up his credibility once more. It’ll take longer than he thinks.”
“But the poor dead guy…” Ezra mumbled. Chaz rubbed Ezra’s side comfortingly. The sticking point. Helping Ezra through the aftermath of his mission was going to be a challenge.
“We can get one of the watchers to be on the lookout. They can let us know that the guy was returned to his family. Jones is going into the villain database, if he already isn’t there. He had some hinky plans.” Chaz kissed the side of Ezra’s head. “Anything else worrying you?”
“Am I good enough to be a member of SPAM? I mean, I’ve read the reports for most of my life. It was like a thriller novel every time. Actually, participating in an operation? Not as cool as I expected.”
Chaz squeezed him. He understood this part. Their missions were always a shitshow from start to finish, especially when they involved agents with wonky powers. “Do you want to be out in the field though? You kept telling me you were gunning to be the Canadian April?”
Ezra was silent. Chaz prayed it meant he was thinking through his life goals. “Are there superpowers?”
“Now you’re asking?” Chaz pushed up on his arms and stared down at Ezra. “I believe you told me you’ve read all the SPAM reports since the 90s, and you just realized SPAM was about superpowers?”
“Never thought about it, honestly. I assumed it was a bunch of hooey to make the reports interesting”
“Whenever I say the unfortunate phrase, everything goes tits up. Whenever you say something as simple as can I help you? People swarm you. Or they’re like the lady in the parking lot who’re just drawn to you. I thought you knew that!” Chaz rolled to a sitting position, too gobsmacked to cuddle anymore.
“Never crossed my mind. And I’ve only met April through video chats. It wasn’t ever brought up,” Ezra explained. Chaz was pleased to note the trace of anxiety in Ezra’s eyes had changed to curiosity. He was relaxed. It was as though Chaz’s chat worked. Maybe he was good at being a fixer.
“I assumed it was discussed during the initial orientation period. We just exist as part of SPAM. And we don’t really have conversations with one another. We send details through emails. Most of the guys who are in Ontario are either out east or way up north.” Chaz leaned against Ezra’s thighs, soaking in his presence. He had it bad.
“Why not?”
“Why not? Because Ontario is fucking huge, man. And we’re in the worst part! Ish. Northern Ontario is just bush and bears, but for socializing? Yeah, we don’t do that.” Chaz stood and stretched. Should he have connected with other agents? Even by email? He shuddered. Nah, he wasn’t going to go out of his way to make friends.
“Oh. So, I’m special?”
Chaz grinned. The hint of vulnerability, the dash of wistfulness. Ezra was definitely special. “What do you think?”