Chapter 51 Goodbye
Thomas had a work meeting in Boston and Payton came with him.
They stayed at a hotel near the harbor, and when Thomas left for his meetings, Payton took a cab across the river to see me.
“I finally get to see where you’ve been hiding for four years,” she said when I opened the door.
I smiled and stepped aside to let her in.
She moved slowly through my apartment, taking in the minimalist lines, the neutral colors, the quiet order. She brushed her fingers over the back of a chair, the edge of the counter, the spines of my books.
“This is… very you,” she said softly.
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“It is,” she laughed.
We ordered takeout, kicked off our shoes, and settled onto the couch while the city hummed faintly beyond the windows. She talked first about the honeymoon. The sun, the laughter, the ridiculous souvenirs. Thomas burning his shoulders because he refused sunscreen.
I listened, smiling, genuinely happy for her.
Then her hand drifted unconsciously to her stomach.
“I still can’t believe it,” she said quietly. “I wake up and I’m like… there’s actually someone in here.”
I smiled. “You look happy.”
“I am. Terrified. But happy.”
Thomas texted her then, a photo of a conference room and a sarcastic caption about corporate boredom. She sent him a heart and told him she was stealing my couch.
“You picked well,” I said.
She smiled. “I know.”
We talked about names. About whether she would keep working full time or take a year off. About how Thomas was already reading parenting books like it was an Olympic event.
Then, gently, carefully, she shifted.
“So… Apple went to the doctor.”
I didn’t react outwardly.
“Nick showed me the ultrasound pictures,” Payton continued. “The dates matched.”
My fingers tightened around my glass.
“Did Nick go with her?” I asked.
Payton shook her head. “No. She said since it was a vaginal ultrasound, she didn’t want him there. Especially since they’re not a couple.”
I nodded once.
“And,” Payton added, “they did a NIPP test.”
My eyes lifted.
“A non-invasive prenatal paternity test,” she clarified. “Blood draw. It came back that Nick is the father.”
The words landed heavier than I expected.
I had told myself Apple wasn’t pregnant. Or if she was, it wasn’t Nick’s. I had believed that story because it made things cleaner.
But now…
Silence settled between us.
Then Payton sighed.
“Nick came to see me last week. He stayed for hours,” she said.
“He cried. Like… actually cried. He said every chance he ever had with you is gone. That you rejected him at the wedding. That he thinks he was drugged. That his life feels wrecked. And that the only good thing in all of this is the baby.”
I looked down at my hands.
“He said the baby is innocent,” she continued. “That it’s the only thing keeping him standing. That he already loves the child.”
Payton studied my face carefully.
“He asked me if there was any chance. Any chance at all. With you.”
I already knew the answer inside me.
“There isn’t,” I said quietly.
She nodded, not surprised. Just… sad.
“I always thought you two would end up together,” she admitted. “I really did. I thought it was inevitable. And when it didn’t happen, I kept thinking… maybe it just needs time. And now there’s this.”
I looked toward the window, at the city lights beginning to glow.
“There’s no future there,” I said. “He has a child with my sister,” I continued.
“Even if the circumstances were different, even if he was drugged, even if he regrets everything. That connection exists now. I won’t step into it.
I won’t compete with it. And I won’t build anything on that kind of foundation. ”
She reached for my hand. “I just wanted to ask.”
“I know.”
She squeezed my fingers gently. We sat in silence for a moment.
After Payton left, the apartment felt quieter, but not in a lonely way. Just still.
I stood by the door for a moment after it closed, listening to her footsteps fade down the hallway. Then I went back into the kitchen, poured myself a glass of water, and leaned against the counter. My body finally relaxed, as if it had been holding tension I hadn’t noticed.
The visit had been good. Comforting. Familiar in the way only long friendships could be. But it had also stirred something I had worked hard to put away.
Nick.
Not with pain anymore. Not with rage. Just with that dull, distant ache that belonged to something already finished.
Payton’s words replayed in my mind. How he had cried. How he had said all his chances with me were gone. How the baby was the only good thing left in his life.
I closed my eyes.
In another life, he had been my love. It could have been our child.
I didn’t hate him.
I had expected anger. Or bitterness. Or at least some dramatic release. Instead, I felt finished. Not numb. Not broken. Just done.
I thought about the girl I had been before. The one who loved him without question. Who trusted him. Who believed in futures that didn’t protect her. And then I thought about who I was now. A woman standing alone in her own apartment, in a city she had chosen, in a life she had built herself.
Nick hadn’t destroyed me.
He had simply belonged to a version of me that no longer existed.
I walked to the window and looked out over Boston, lights scattered across the city, thousands of lives moving without any connection to mine. No one here knew our history. No one here defined me by him.
I didn’t need closure from him. I didn’t need answers or apologies. I had already survived what mattered.
Quietly, almost without thinking, I said his name once, just to release it.
“Goodbye, Nick.”