6. Erissa
“Where are you going dressed like that?” River asked.
I was wearing an orange maxi dress that showed off the little bit of cleavage I had and hugged my slim frame. Shakira had been bugging me about going out, and I finally gave in. I tried to use the excuse that I didn’t have anything to wear, but I’d ordered a few dresses recently.
It had been at least a year since the last time I’d let her talk me into going out socially. We went out to eat more often than anything. Most of the time, we hung out at each other’s houses.
“Like what?”
“Like you have a date or something. You better not be meeting up with your ex.”
“Tuh. You’re funny. I’ll be back in a few hours. Kiss Rivvy for me.”
It was Sunday, and his off day, so he was very intentional about handling everything with Riverlynn and not bothering me. Since I’d been there, my Sundays consisted of hanging around the house, doing my and Riverlynn’s laundry, reading, and watching a little TV.
“Wait. Hold up.” He hopped up and rushed over to me. “You not gon’ tell me where you’re going?”
“Besides practice, do you tell me where you’re going?”
He took my hands in his, something he’d been doing often if the situation permitted.
“That’s fair, but this is different.”
“It’s not different, but if you must know, we’re going to a rooftop party downtown. I need to go before Shakira thinks I changed my mind.”
“Where downtown?”
“River, why are you so interested in my whereabouts all of a sudden?”
“It’s not all of a sudden. I’m always concerned about your whereabouts, but you never go anywhere, so there’s nothing to be concerned about.”
“River, I have to go. I won’t be out late.”
I slipped my hands from his, and this time, when I headed to the door, he didn’t stop me. He’d been acting different since the incident with Jeremiah at my house, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it.
He took every opportunity to touch me, whether it was a hand on the small of my back when I was standing at the stove cooking, or a hand on my thigh when we sat on the couch with Riverlynn. Honestly, he didn’t seem to need a reason.
When I was on the road, headed toward the event location, I called Shakira. She answered after the first ring and immediately asked where I was.
“I’m just leaving the house because River decided to ask me twenty questions as I was leaving.”
“Oh really? What did he want to know?”
“If I had a date, where I was going, including the address. He even warned me about going out with Jeremiah.”
“Hmm. It sounds like somebody has a little crush on you.”
“I doubt it, but I’m sure he wants to fuck.”
“I mean, it’s a win-win, but we’ll talk more when we get there. I’m ten minutes away.”
“Okay.”
The call ended, and I thought about River for the rest of my drive. I’d caught him staring at me numerous times, and I was sure he’d caught me doing the same to him. We were definitely attracted to each other, but if we crossed that line, how would that work?
He still needed a nanny, and I still needed a job. Would we just be fuck buddies? Would he still dip off with random women when the mood struck him? If he did, how would I feel about that? Who am I kidding? I’d be pissed.
I tried not to think much into any of it. The truth was, if he didn’t need me to be his nanny, we wouldn’t be on each other’s radars. If I kept that fact at the forefront of my mind, resisting him wouldn’t be a problem.
When I arrived at the event, I found a parking spot, then met Shakira in front of the building where she was waiting.
“Hey, sis! You look cute,” I told her as we embraced.
“So do you. I can see why River was on your ass.”
“Girl, this ain’t even revealing. He just wanted to be annoying.”
We made it to the rooftop, and the party was already in full swing. The crowd looked to be in their twenties and thirties. Free drinks, alcoholic and non-alcoholic, and light bites were available until exhausted. Thankfully, we arrived before they were gone, and we were able to indulge.
“How’s your juice—I mean, drink?” Shakira asked, teasing me.
“My mocktail is delicious, thank you very much.”
“You know I’m just messing with you. I’m so proud of you for working to become a better version of yourself each day. You’ve been through a lot, and a lot of people would’ve given up.”
“Thank you, bestie. I appreciate having your support.”
“How much have you shared with River about, . . . you know, . . . your past?”
“We’ve had a few genuine conversations, so he knows most of it.”
“Good. We can add him to your list of supporters.”
“That would make two of you. Do you think there’s room?” I joked.
“The more the merrier. Damn! Don’t look now, but a man is headed this way, and he looks like he wants to devour you.”
“Ugh. You know I didn’t come here for this. I’m only here for the music, food, and vibes.”
“And because I forced you.”
“Oh yeah. That too.”
“Hello, ladies,” he greeted.
“Hi,” Shakira and I responded simultaneously.
“I spotted you when you first walked in. I’m Donovan.”
He directed his introduction to me, offering his hand for me to shake. I shook it with a smile as I introduced myself and Shakira.
“Hi, I’m Erissa, and this is my best friend, Shakira.”
“It’s good to meet you both.”
He and Shakira shook hands before she said, “I’ll be back, sis.”
She was gone before I could object. I smiled at the handsome stranger, then sipped my drink.
“I’ve never seen you around,” he said.
“I don’t get out much.”
“Is there a reason for that?”
“I’m a homebody and not a fan of big crowds.”
“That’s understandable. What do you do for a living?”
“I’m a nanny.”
“Oh, wow. I don’t think I’ve ever met a nanny. Do you like it?”
“I—”
“Who the fuck is this, Erissa?”
I cringed at the sound of Jeremiah’s voice, rolling my eyes and releasing an annoyed breath.
“Jeremiah, go away.”
“I just saw you with another nigga. You a ho now?”
“As a matter of fact, I am a ho. I’m fucking every nigga I meet so I can erase the memories of fucking you and actually get some good dick for a change. Can you please go find somebody else to bother?”
“You heard the lady,” Donovan said, stepping slightly in front of me, making it harder for Jeremiah to touch me if he tried.
“Man, fuck you and this nigga,” Jeremiah spat before walking away.
“My bad. That’s my ex, and he’s an asshole.”
“Not a problem. How long did you date, and when did you break up?” Donovan asked.
“We dated for too long and broke up months ago. I really wish he would move on.”
“There’s an open table over there under the umbrella. Would you like to sit?” he offered.
“Sure, after I get another drink and some food.”
“Okay. I’ll meet you over there.”
“Oh my God, sis! I can’t believe you talked to him the whole time and gave him your number. What’s gotten into you?” Shakira questioned.
I wasn’t a very social person and rarely gave men the time of day. Jeremiah was only my third serious relationship, although I’d had a few situationships in my early twenties.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. He was nice, easy on the eyes, and I enjoyed talking to him.”
“Girl, I love this new you. I’m glad you’re stepping out of your shell.”
“Don’t get too excited. He probably won’t even call me. I saw you talking to a few men. Did you exchange numbers?”
“Hell no. Two of them were married and wearing their wedding rings. The other one has three baby mamas. Ain’t nobody got time for that. I can’t believe Jeremiah approached you like y’all are still together.”
“I wish that fool would just disappear. I’m still questioning my sanity for dealing with him for so long.”
“We all have moments of temporary insanity.”
We’d made it to our vehicles and exchanged a hug as we said our goodbyes.
“Text me when you get home. Love you,” she said.
“You do the same. Love you more.”
The ride home seemed longer than the ride there, and I thought about my conversation with Donovan. He seemed genuine and to have his life together, but I doubted anything would come of our interaction.
I made it home, and as soon as I entered the house, my phone rang. Although I was surprised that he called so soon, I smiled when I saw Donovan’s name.
“Hey, Donovan. I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon.”
“I just wanted to make sure you made it home safely.”
“Thank you. I just walked in.”
“Good. I’d love to take you out and get to know you a little better. Is it okay if I call you tomorrow to check your availability?”
“Yes, that’s fine.”
“Is there a good time?” he asked.
“Umm, I guess any time after noon would be good.”
“Bet. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of your evening.”
“You do the same.”
I ended the call and went to the kitchen sink to wash my hands. After I dried my hands with a paper towel, I turned around, and River stood on the other side of the counter with an almost menacing look.
“Shit! You scared me. Why are you standing there like a creep?”
“Who is Donovan?” he asked, ignoring my question.
“Why were you eavesdropping?”
“You were talking with the phone on speaker in my house. I wasn’t eavesdropping.”
Although I didn’t like that he reminded me that I was in his house, he did have a point about the phone being on speaker. I retrieved a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water from the dispenser on the refrigerator.
“I don’t know why I’m answering you, because you’re in my business, but I met him tonight at the event. He was calling to make sure I made it home safely.”
“Sounded to me like he wanted to see if the number you gave him actually belonged to you, but maybe I’m wrong.”
I was sure my expression showed my confusion because I wasn’t sure how this man came to that conclusion.
“Umm, okay. How was Rivvy tonight?”
“A little cranky. I think she could feel your absence. Are you planning to go out with him?”
“I don’t think she’s any more attached to me than she is to you. Why are you worried about who I go out with? Do I ask you about your random hookups?”
“If you’re planning to do with him what I do with the women I go out with, we need to have a different conversation.”
“What kind of conversation?”
I sipped my water and eagerly waited for him to respond.
“Never mind. It’s not important.”
I giggled. “I didn’t think so. I’ll be in my room if you need anything.”
I put my glass in the dishwasher and headed upstairs. An hour later, I was lying on my bed reading, and there was a knock on my door.
“Come in.”
River opened the door, holding his daughter.
“Can she chill with you while I shower? I just bathed and fed her, so she’ll probably be asleep soon,” he asked.
“Of course.”
He stood in front of me, shirtless, with his dick print taunting me, and placed Riverlynn in my arms. Maybe hooking up with Donovan would help curb the slight obsession I had with River’s body.
The man was built like an African warrior, and more often than not, he paraded around shirtless, with his bottoms sitting just below his waist. You couldn’t tell me that his ‘V’ cut didn’t lead to perfection.
“Oh, you left your phone downstairs. Shakira sent you a text.”
“Damn. I forgot to text her when I got here.”
“You were too busy grinning on the phone with Donovan,” he mumbled as he left, but I heard him loud and clear.
I laughed at his behavior as I placed Riverlynn in the center of my bed, then opened my text thread with Shakira to reply to her text.
Me:
My bad. Donovan called as soon as I walked in.
Kira:
Damn. That’s kinda thirsty.
Me:
You think so?
Kira:
It hadn’t even been an hour since you parted ways. That’s definitely thirsty.
Me:
River probably thinks so too. He overheard our conversation, and I think he has an attitude.
Kira:
You think he’s jealous?
Me:
I doubt it. His roster is too full for him to be jealous about what I’m doing. I’m going to bed. We’ll talk tomorrow.
Kira:
Good night. Love you.
Me:
Night. Love you too.
I placed my phone face down between Riverlynn and me and picked up my Kindle. After reading for a few minutes, my eyes became heavy, and I didn’t fight it. When I opened them again, River hovered above me.
“I put Rivvy in her crib already, but I was sure you’d want to put your bonnet on and get underneath the comforter,” he said.
I heard him, but his words took a moment to reach my sleepy brain, so I didn’t move.
“Huh?”
Instead of responding, he put my bonnet on and lifted me from the bed, bridal style, pulled back the comforter, and tucked me in.
“You should be good now.”
He kissed my forehead, turned off the light, and left. I was asleep before I could process what had happened.
“I didn’t expect to hear any of what you told me. It seems a lot has happened in the past month,” my therapist, Dr. Black, said.
“I know, and I almost didn’t tell you, but you probably would’ve picked up on it.”
“I definitely would’ve seen the light in your eyes and the genuineness behind your smile. You look different, Erissa.”
“I feel different and better than ever. I don’t know what to attribute it to, though.”
“It could be any number of things, but I’ve always told you that caring for others is your superpower. You just have to learn not to lose yourself in the process and remember to care for yourself when you're caring for others.”
“I know. Before my grandparents died, I was getting better at it. Since everything settled after their deaths, I’ve had a lot of time to focus on taking care of me.”
“You have, and I see your progress. A few years ago, you would’ve never trusted your gut and taken this job.
I can’t imagine the list of reasons you would’ve come up with to remain stuck.
I’ll admit that the circumstances were questionable, but you had a good feeling about it and went with it.
Now look at you, growing and glowing like it’s nobody’s business. ”
“I know. I’m content with my life for the first time since I was fifteen.”
“Why did you say content instead of happy?” she asked.
“I don’t know. I guess maybe I don’t want to jinx it.”
“Listen, just like you learned to feel your grief, you also need to learn to feel your joy. Don’t stifle your happiness waiting for the other shoe to drop. You know better than most that life happens, and this might sound cliché, but you have to learn to take the good with the bad.”
“I hear you, Dr. Black, and I’m listening. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. That’s our time for today. I’ll see you next month.”
Our video call ended, and I released a deep, cleansing breath. It was time to start feeling my joy.