Chapter Twenty-Six
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Your job is safe, I swear , Ash texts me in the middle of the night.
I haven’t been able to sleep. He also seems to be suffering from insomnia.
How can you be sure? I reply.
My phone begins to ring. I pause a moment before answering.
‘How can you be sure?’ I repeat my question aloud, sounding ragged.
‘He has nothing to gain from firing you.’
‘He has nothing to gain from keeping me, either.’
I hate that I’m at his father’s mercy.
He sighs. ‘This is going to sound twisted and I’m so sorry about that, but it’s preferable to you having to worry about your job.’
‘Tell me.’
‘It amuses him that I’m having an affair with a member of staff.’
His tone makes me feel queasy.
‘Does he know who I am? That we met years ago?’
‘No!’ he exclaims. ‘He just thinks you’re—’
‘Your bit of rough,’ I interrupt him, a dark little part of me seeking to press his buttons again.
He falls silent. And then he says, coldly, ‘Do not ever refer to yourself like that again.’
‘I have to go.’
‘Wait!’
‘No. I need a few days to get my head around this.’
‘Do not overthink.’
I let out a miserable laugh. ‘Too late.’
Ash calls me in the afternoon at four forty-five, just as I’m arriving home from work. I barely slept last night and I’m shattered.
‘I said a few days.’
I feel guilty the moment the harsh words have left my mouth, but before I can soften my tone, he speaks.
‘You’ll get them. I’m on my way to London.’
‘Why?’
‘Beca called me. She’s very upset.’
I feel as though he’s dumped an anvil on my stomach.
‘I’m going to see her, to try to sort it out,’ he explains.
He’s dropping everything for her? Even me?
‘Ellie? Are you there?’
I know I told him I needed space, but this feels like abandonment.
‘Ellie?’ he asks again.
‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘Please don’t worry. I’ll be back before the weekend. I just want to make sure she’s all right. It’s the first time she’s reached out to me since we broke up.’
‘Okay,’ I reply shakily.
‘I’d better go. This car is too old to handle putting you on speakerphone and I’m about to hit the motorway. I’ll call you later tonight.’
He doesn’t.
The next day everything goes even further downhill. I walk into the Mess Room at break time and every single one of the gardeners – Evan, Harri, Bethan and Owain – stops talking.
Bethan looks at me, her expression cagey. Harri and Owain avert their gazes and Evan shoves his hand through his hair, turning his back on me and draining his tea.
‘What’s going on?’ I ask carefully.
‘Is it true?’ Bethan asks.
‘Is what tr—’
She cuts me off. ‘You and Ash?’
My ribcage feels constricted. Harri tentatively lifts his gaze to watch my reaction. Owain keeps his averted.
I don’t need to say a word. The look on my face answers her question.
‘Wow,’ she says flatly.
‘How did you find out?’
Evan lets out a humourless laugh and walks right past me, out the door. Owain releases a long, heavy sigh and follows him. Harri and Bethan are the only ones who remain, and neither of them looks happy.
‘People talk,’ Bethan says tightly.
‘Do you know that he’s gone to London to see Beca?’ Harri asks, and there’s something mean about his tone, as though he wants to twist a knife.
‘Yes.’
‘Well, good luck to you,’ Bethan says flippantly, unsmiling. ‘It’s the first time Ash has got with a member of staff, apparently.’
I feel so sick that I turn and leave, returning immediately to my cottage. There’s no way I can finish the day’s work.
This is my worst nightmare. And Ash is not here to support me.
People know about us , I text him, my fingers shaking so much that I have to retype the words three times before I can get it right.
I keep a close eye on my phone for the next few hours, but he still hasn’t replied by the time Sian comes home at five thirty. I’m upstairs on my bed, feeling wobbly and weird, and she comes straight to my door.
‘Yes,’ I call when she knocks.
She opens the door, her face ashen. ‘What the hell?’
‘Please don’t start,’ I reply unsteadily, sitting up on the bed.
‘How on earth did it happen? Hugo had a reputation for sleeping with staff, but never Ash. I thought he was different.’
‘He is different!’ I snap, but from her dubious expression, she thinks I’m delusional.
Ash should be here for this. He’s the one who should be making it clear to everyone that this is not some sordid affair. I just want to get away, but nowhere is safe. Could I hide out in his cabin until he returns? Would anyone have a spare key? Celyn?
Sian follows me as I hurry downstairs and out the back door. There, on the lawn, is Celyn himself, along with Bethan, Harri, Evan, Dylan and Jac, having a lovely big chinwag at my expense.
They all turn to look at me, their expressions wary.
‘I’ve known him for years !’ I cry. ‘We have history !’
‘What history?’ Sian asks, confused.
‘We met when we were interrailing almost six years ago.’
‘Did you come here because of him?’ Bethan asks with shock, and Evan’s stare turns hard as he waits for my answer.
‘Of course I didn’t! I didn’t even know his surname when we met! I literally saw him on the steps for the first time at his parents’ anniversary party – it’s why I freaked out and ran off,’ I tell Evan desperately.
‘So you knew nothing about the family you were coming to work for,’ Harri says dubiously.
‘Nothing!’ I turn to Evan. ‘ You approached me , remember? I didn’t look for this job.’
He sighs and nods, conceding that this is true.
‘Wait,’ Celyn interrupts suddenly, taking a step closer. ‘You’re Ellie .’
‘Of course she’s Ellie!’ Bethan snaps.
‘No.’ He looks at Sian.
She stares back at him, and then her eyes widen with some understanding and she gapes at me.
‘You’re Ellie,’ she whispers, because of course, she’s worked here for a long, long time. How much does she know? ‘You’re the one that got away.’