Chapter Thirty-Four
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
After ten minutes, when Ash still hasn’t returned, I get up and take our plates and mugs to the sink, washing and drying them and looking around for where to put them away.
I remember that he got the mugs down from a shelf and see that there’s space for plates too. Are these the only plates and mugs he has? Everything is so organised; he has no more or less than he needs.
I use the facilities in his bathroom and when I come out again he’s standing in the middle of his living room, looking freaked out.
‘What’s wrong?’ I ask.
‘Nothing.’ He shakes his head before admitting, ‘I thought you’d gone.’
‘Where did you go?’ I ask.
‘Nowhere. I just needed some air.’
Suddenly the heavens open. I look up at the ceiling as rain pounds down.
‘Oh shit, I need to get my bag,’ I remember. I left it by the river.
Ash holds out his hand to stop me from passing him and nods at the table.
My bag is sitting there, and in front of the fire I find my trainers. They’re a whole lot cleaner than they were before.
‘It was the best I could do,’ he says.
‘Thank you.’ I’m touched. ‘I hope you’re not drying them so you can send me on my way again.’
He huffs. I’m not sure you could call it a laugh.
‘Can I hang my clothes up somewhere?’
‘Use the towel rail in the bathroom. They’ll dry soon enough.’
There’s an edginess behind my ribcage, a ghost of the giddiness that’s returning as I go to the bathroom. I’m here, with Ash, and he has no ties to a house or a title that I couldn’t bear to burden children with. And he’s single. I think.
‘You don’t have a girlfriend, do you?’ I ask cautiously as I come out of the bathroom.
He gives me a weird look. ‘Where do you think I might be hiding one?’
‘In your shed? What else have you got in there?’
‘My car.’
‘So you could drive me up to Spaceguard?’ I ask, perking up.
He shakes his head. ‘It’s out of commission. Why do you want to go to Spaceguard?’
‘I have dry clothes in my suitcase.’
‘You brought a suitcase?’ He looks bemused.
‘I’m supposed to be at an Airbnb in Suffolk right now.’
He stares at me. ‘For how long?’
‘A week.’
‘You don’t have to be at work for the next week?’
I shake my head.
‘Where are you staying instead?’
I shrug. ‘I haven’t managed to book anything yet.’
He looks disconcerted as he goes over to the burner and puts another log on the fire, then he walks towards me, his eyes on mine.
My heart thumps harder as he comes to a stop. What’s he doing?
He nods past me pointedly.
Oh. I’m in his way. I step to one side, blushing, and he walks into his bedroom.
I feel awkward as I make my way over to his second butterfly chair and sit down, facing the window. The rain is really coming down. Could I hike back up to my car and get some more clothes? The thunder cracks the sky apart and I stop debating. I’m not going anywhere for a while.
Behind me comes the sound of Ash’s footsteps.
‘Do you still have your bike?’ I ask over my shoulder as his soft grey knitted blanket lands on my lap, together with his answer.
‘Yes.’
‘Oh my God, I’ve missed this blanket!’ I gush, dragging it over my lap.
He doesn’t react, just sits down in the other chair and nonchalantly leans back, resting his ankle on his other knee and propping up his chin with his palm. He stares broodingly out of the window at the rain.
‘Are these your leggings?’ I ask curiously, pulling down the blanket to show him my Y-fronted pants.
A tiny glimmer of a smirk lifts the edge of his mouth before it’s gone again.
‘They’re long johns. They’re warm. You try sleeping out here through a cold winter.’
‘Okay, thank you, maybe I will,’ I reply glibly.
‘Ellie,’ he chastises gruffly, his eyes sliding to mine. ‘You know this isn’t going to work.’
‘Oi. That’s my line,’ I jest, even though my stomach has dropped.
‘Haven’t you noticed?’ He looks around his cabin. ‘We still don’t fit.’
‘Why don’t we fit?’
‘You want to be a loner in the woods?’ he asks drily.
‘I don’t know,’ I reply with a shrug. ‘Maybe.’
He narrows his eyes at me.
‘At least it’s just you and me here,’ I add. ‘No one else to interfere or fuck it up.’
‘Just us,’ he says. ‘We’d still fuck it up.’
‘Not necessarily.’
He moodily returns his gaze to the view outside the windows.
I do the same, and soon the warmth of the fire coupled with the cosiness of his blanket and the sound of the rain makes my chest feel heavy.
I adjust my position, wishing desperately that we could go back in time, before things went south, and that I could lie on his crappy sofa, my head in his lap, while he strokes my hair.
His eyes cut to mine. I stare back at him, my half-closed eyes opening fully.
He jerks his chin in the direction of his bedroom. ‘Go and have a lie-down.’
I do feel very, very sleepy, but I’m reluctant to leave him so I stay where I am.
A couple of minutes later, my head lolls and I jerk awake to find him watching me. There’s a light in his eyes, an amusement. It gives me a fizzy feeling as I snuggle deeper beneath the blanket.
The next thing I know, I’m in his arms again, blanket and all, and he’s carrying me into his bedroom. My heart warms and opens as I reach up to touch his beard.
He frowns and lays me down carefully on his bed.
‘Just rest awhile,’ he commands, flipping the other half of the duvet over me and backing up into a standing position.
I’m too tired to argue.