Chapter Thirty-Seven
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
By the time we get around to eating, breakfast has become brunch. Ash is at the hob, making an omelette; I’m to his right, slicing bread for toast.
I arm-bump him, pretending to jostle for space. He nudges me in return, firmly, so my other side is squished against the counter.
‘Argh, Ash!’
The sound of his low chuckle as he drops his arm makes me feel so light, it’s as though I’ve swallowed a helium balloon.
I turn to face him, leaning my back against the counter.
‘See? There is room for two in this kitchen,’ I say with a cheeky grin.
His responding smile is not as broad as I was expecting.
And when we’re at the table, tucking into our food, Ash’s mood takes a downturn. He’s finished his meal and is sitting with his elbow on the table, his body turned away from me, staring broodingly across the room.
Eventually I can stand it no longer. I put down my knife and fork and push my plate to one side, reaching over to squeeze his arm. His muscles tighten beneath my palm.
‘What’s happened?’ I ask. ‘You’ve retreated back into your shell.’
He sighs and shakes his head. Then he gets up and takes our plates to the sink, proceeding to wash them.
‘Ash?’ I get out from behind the table and walk a few paces towards him.
‘Why are we doing this?’ He turns around to face me, shaking off his wet hands. ‘I have nothing to offer you.’
‘You have everything to offer me,’ I say fervently.
‘My car has been sitting in that shed for six months because I can’t afford to replace the turbo. Everything I kept for myself, I spent on this place.’ He drops his gaze to the floor. ‘I barely have enough to get by.’
I frown. ‘I don’t care what you have, I’m more than capable of looking after myself. But what happened to the rest of the money from the house sale?’ I’m confused. It must have amounted to millions.
‘I put some in a trust fund for the workers – they’ll never have to pay rent on the cottages or the cabin – and I gave a chunk to my mother to see her get by comfortably. The rest I donated to the National Trust.’
I stare at him, reeling. He shifts on his feet self-consciously.
My eyes well up and I walk straight into his chest. His body is hard and unmoving as I slip my arms around his waist and rest my cheek on his shoulder. But after only a few seconds, his hands come around my back and his body softens against mine.
‘I’m so proud of you,’ I whisper.
I feel him draw in a long, shaky breath and exhale just as jaggedly.
Late that afternoon, we walk out to the edge of the forest with a blanket, two camping mugs and a bottle of wine. Ash says that he wants to show me something, and I have no idea what.
Once we’re seated on our blanket, he opens the bottle and pours some wine into my mug, followed by his own. We knock them together and take a sip.
I smile up at the sky. ‘It’s beautiful here.’
‘So peaceful.’
‘Apart from the birds.’ They’re still making a racket in the trees.
He chuckles. ‘I find that sound peaceful too.’
‘You’re basically living the life Taran wished he’d had more time for – swimming in rivers, watching the stars, listening to birdsong and the rain.’
He nods, looking contemplative.
‘Sounds like a pretty nice existence,’ I say.
‘It can get lonely.’
I turn to look at him. He briefly meets my eyes before averting his gaze and raising his mug to his mouth.
‘Maybe I could help with that,’ I dare to suggest.
His mug hitches against his bottom lip. He lowers it again and turns to face me, hooking one arm around his knee.
‘Just theoretically, how could this work? Theoretically ,’ he stresses, motioning between us.
‘I could commute—’
‘Two hours there and back?’
‘You know how far it is to Hidcote from here?’
He nods meaningfully.
‘I was going to say that I could commute until I find something closer.’
I love my job, but I love Ash more. And I really can picture myself living out here in the woods, surrounded by nature.
To be honest, I could picture myself living with Ash wherever he is. Even in the hustle and bustle of a big city, I’d want to be at his side. I feel as though we’ve been given another chance. I’m ready for this now in a way that I wasn’t before.
‘What about the head gardener position at Berkeley Hall?’ he asks.
My eyebrows jump up. ‘You’d want me working there?’
‘Why not?’
‘It wouldn’t freak you out?’
‘Would it freak you out?’ he asks.
‘I don’t know. I mean, maybe not. I did love it there at first, and I’d feel a lot happier being employed by the NT than by your parents.’
I wouldn’t want to tread on Bethan’s toes, but she seemed excited when she thought I was there to apply for the position. And I’d definitely be considered. The NT is very supportive of young gardeners coming up through the ranks, and it might help that I have previous experience of working there.
‘But wouldn’t it feel weird for you, knowing that I was a gardener there again?’
He thinks about this for a moment. ‘No. Maybe if I felt more conflicted about selling the place, but I’m always glad to go there and have a beer with the guys.’
‘You still do that?’
‘Every so often.’
‘What about seeing your mother?’
He shakes his head. ‘She’s still so angry at me.’
‘She said you were angry at her .’
‘No. I’ve let it go. But she’ll never forgive me for selling the house.’
‘What did you agree with the acquisition team to enable her to stay there?’
‘She’s the last generation of Berkeleys who will live at Berkeley Hall. When she has passed, the living quarters will be subsumed into the rest of the house.’
‘So you haven’t actually changed the way she has to live her life.’
‘No. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t lay on a massive guilt trip every time I see her, though. She’s upset that I’ve denied my children and their children and their children their rights to the house. She doesn’t think I get it now, but she’s sure I will once I have a family of my own.’
I might be with his mother on this one. It’s a concern for me too. Has the enormity of what he’s done truly sunk in?
‘I’m sure she’ll change the record eventually,’ I try to reassure him. ‘She really hoped I was bringing news of you.’
‘Shows how out of touch she is,’ he says sardonically.
‘I’m sure she misses you.’
‘What’s the status of your relationship with your parents?’ he asks.
‘That’s a much bigger conversation,’ I reply. ‘I will fill you in,’ I promise seriously. ‘I know I’ve been reluctant to talk about them in the past, but I’ve been seeing a counsellor and I feel quite positive. I have so much to tell you, but not now.’
‘Okay,’ he replies with an accepting nod. And then he grabs my wrist and looks towards the treetops.
Hundreds, no, thousands of starlings are taking flight.
‘Is this what you meant by a murmuration?’ I ask with amazement.
It’s so noisy !
He nods. ‘It’s named after the sound all their wings make.’ He has to raise his voice to be heard.
I watch with wonder as the birds gather like a giant black cloud above our heads, swooping and swirling into spheres, planes and waves, a moving picture across the clear blue sky.
The noise levels fade the further away they fly.
‘It’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. God, Ash, you’re so lucky living here.’
‘I’m not at all convinced you’d love it full-time,’ he replies with trepidation.
‘Give me the week. I already feel pretty sure that this lifestyle would suit me to a T, but after a week maybe you’ll trust that I can handle it too. You might even fall a little bit in love with me,’ I tease with a smile, showing him my finger and thumb hovering a centimetre apart.
‘I’m already in love with you, Ellie,’ he replies gently.