Chapter 6
BEFORE
December, Fourteen Years Ago
By the time December came around, I was in a steady routine with the Delvecchio family.
The first month I worked there I’d ride my bike to the restaurant, and Jackson and Julie would drive me home in the truck.
On Fridays, Jackson and I would walk from school to the restaurant, where we’d change in the bathroom before getting ready to work.
When it rained or the weather got too cold, I allowed them to pick me up for my shift.
Julie started waitressing again once I was fully trained, so Jackson and I worked in a perfect tandem on Fridays and Saturdays as the only bussers.
Closing the restaurant with them was fun; they made work feel like a hangout instead of a job.
They showed me so much music, and I wasn’t shy around them anymore.
Now I was dancing on the tables and singing into mop handles with them.
On occasional Saturdays, Phil and Marie would pop in during the dinner rush, and I couldn’t believe what a force Marie could be in the kitchen.
Her quiet demeanor disappeared and she turned into a fierce woman, barking orders.
She never lost her cool, and she stayed professional while telling everyone what to do.
Jackson, I’d learned, was one of those guys that was friends with everyone.
He didn’t have a specific friend group—instead, he rotated between the jocks, the stoners, the band kids, the drama kids, and even the brainy students.
He asked genuine questions, and he knew how to make people laugh without even trying.
Every day I walked into the cafeteria at lunch not knowing where he’d be sitting.
He didn’t seem to have a routine or a schedule for where he sat each day; he just joined whoever he happened to talk to in the hallway before lunch.
But every day he waved me over to sit with him, wherever he was.
His energy was addicting, and it wasn’t long before I realized I had a crush on him.
It wasn’t like he was going out of his way for me or anything.
He was nice to everyone, but I couldn’t help feeling special that I was one of the people who got to revolve in his orbit.
On the Sunday before Christmas, the Delvecchios threw a staff Christmas party at the bowling alley in Tostela. It felt like an actual family Christmas party. I had never enjoyed the holiday with Peter and my mom as much as I was enjoying my night with my coworkers.
Mom had invited us up to Traverse City for Christmas, but there was no way I could sit in a car with Peter for three hours, and the thought of being trapped in her boyfriend’s house for an entire weekend made my stomach hurt. Peter still hadn’t even decided if he was going yet.
At the end of the employee Christmas party, Jackson pulled me aside. “Hey, you know Ezra from the football team?”
I had to wrack my brain for who Jackson was talking about. Each friend group of his was organized in my head by the little traits I could remember. Finally, it clicked. “Ezra, the one who broke his arm at the homecoming game?”
Jackson nodded. “He’s having a party tonight. Do you want to come with me?”
It was Christmas break, and if I didn’t have to go home to Peter, that was a plus.
We mostly avoided each other throughout the week since he worked from two to ten pm, so when I woke up for school he was still sleeping, and I always made sure I was in my room before he got home.
On Saturdays he was typically at a bar, so that left Sundays as my least favorite day of the week.
“Sure,” I said.
This would be my first high school party, and Ezra was a junior, so I assumed it would be mostly older kids.
Jackson wasn’t just friends with kids from every social group, but from every grade, too.
I think it was because he had two siblings who were both older than him: Julie by four years, and Sam by seven.
And Julie wasn’t joking that first day I met them; Jackson really did get held back in kindergarten, so he was already fifteen when he started freshman year.
Julie was nice enough to drop us off at the party, and I followed Jackson into the basement.
It was mostly kids from the junior varsity and varsity football teams, along with some of the cheerleaders.
Everyone seemed to say hi to Jackson at the same time, and someone brought him a red Solo Cup.
I declined when he offered me a sip—the only time I had ever drank was after we had a busy shift at the restaurant before Thanksgiving, when Julie sneaked us each a glass of wine while we were closing.
Everyone was sitting in a circle in the middle of the room, with two stacks of cards in the middle. “We’re playing seven minutes in heaven,” Ezra told us with a waggle of his eyebrows.
Jackson laughed. “Come on, we’re freshmen and even we’re not that juvenile.” I looked up at Jackson, wondering what he usually did at the other parties he had been to. Or how many girls he had kissed, for that matter.
“Oh, don’t be a lame ass, join the circle. You too, Addie.” I was surprised Ezra remembered my name, and I hesitantly looked over at Jackson. He just shrugged at me and pulled me down next to him.
“We’re just waiting for Paul and Emily to come back,” the girl next to me said. I tapped my fingers nervously against my kneecaps. Jackson took a few large gulps from his cup until the couple who had been in the closet came back with smiles on their faces.
“So the way we’re playing is a guy grabs a card from this deck,” Ezra explained as he pointed to the stack of cards on the left. “And then all the girls grab from the right deck. Whichever girl has the same card as the guy has to go in the closet.”
I looked up at Jackson warily, but he just smiled back at me like it was no big deal.
“Jackson, you may do the honors,” Ezra said as he lifted his cup.
Jackson shuffled the cards on the left before settling with his pick. I nervously watched all the girls reach forward for a card in the other pile. Jackson elbowed me, motioning for me to grab the last card. I tried to keep my fingers from shaking as I picked it up.
Jackson looked around the circle mischievously before dramatically slapping his card down. I looked back and forth between his card and mine, my eyes widening when I saw we both had the queen of diamonds.
All the other girls put down their cards face up, and I watched as Jackson looked around at all of them.
I didn’t want to put my card down. I could feel my face heating, and my hands hadn’t stopped shaking.
Jackson’s smile turned to a frown when he realized none of the cards on the floor were a match.
He finally looked over at me, pinching his eyebrows together when he noticed I still had my card in my hands.
He smirked before plucking the card right out of my fingers.
When he realized we both had the same card, his eyes widened, too.
His gaze cut to mine, his lips parting in shock.
“Oh shit, Addie has the match!” one of the boys from the football team said, and everyone started hollering and cheering. I gave Jackson a nervous smile, and he chugged the rest of the beer in his cup before throwing it down theatrically and grabbing my hand to drag me to the closet.
“Have fun, kiddos!” another girl called after us.
When Jackson and I stepped into the closet, we just stared at each other in the dark for a moment until our eyes adjusted.
There were at least three feet between us, and it felt like we were daring each other to close the distance.
I expected him to say we didn’t have to do this—that it was a silly game, and nobody actually expected us to kiss.
“So, how do we do this?” he asked as he took a step toward me.
What!?
My heart was ricocheting in my chest like a damn pinball machine. “You’ve kissed someone before, right?” I asked, raising my eyebrow.
Jackson let out a small laugh. “Nope, have you?”
I shook my head. Jackson hadn’t had his first kiss either? Considering he could probably ask out any girl he wanted and she would say yes, this came as a shock. “Um, I don’t know, what do they do in the movies?”
He took another hesitant step toward me, and I watched as he lifted his right hand to cup my neck.
“Something like this, right?” His voice came out in a whisper.
His hand was warm, and the sensation traveled throughout my entire body.
He held my face with such confidence. Every nerve ending in my body lit up, and I knew I’d never recover.
There was no way I could get rid of my crush now.
We were about to have our first kiss together—something we would share forever.
“Yep, that seems good,” I whispered back.
I stared up at him, and I swear, the look in his eyes was telling me he wanted this; game or not, he wanted to kiss me.
He rubbed his thumb against the length of my jaw, and I felt like I was slipping into a pot of boiling water.
Bubbles popped and burst in my stomach, spreading out into every limb.
He swallowed deeply. “Okay, then. Are you ready?” I nodded slowly, and then his face was so close to mine I could feel his breath against my lips.
I could smell the beer he just drank, and I wanted to taste it for myself.
We stayed like that for a moment—his nose against mine, his lips a hairsbreadth away.
“I’m nervous,” I whispered against his lips.
“I’m not,” Jackson said before breaking the distance.
His lips were on mine in an instant. I couldn’t help the sound that came from the back of my throat.
I reached forward to fist his T-shirt in my hands, and he angled my face upward to deepen the kiss and slide his tongue into my mouth.
Oh my god, I had to thank the person who suggested playing this game.
Seven minutes in heaven just became my new favorite game.
His other hand pulled at my waist, pressing my hips flush against his, and every graze of his fingers against my skin made me crave more.
I wanted his shirt gone. I wanted to see the freckle that I knew sat on his left collarbone.
I wanted my shirt gone, too, I just wanted Jackson’s skin against mine. I wanted more than kissing.
I got lost in the kiss. The only thing my brain could process was Jackson, Jackson, Jackson.
My mind drifted back to the first day I met him, when he crawled over me in the truck and his hair brushed against my forehead.
That was it, I realized suddenly. That was the moment that he’d lodged himself in my brain, and he’d been living there ever since.
Three loud bangs against the door caused us to flinch away from each other, our eyes wild as reality settled back in.
At some point I must’ve run my hands through Jackson’s hair; it was sticking out in every different direction.
I wiped a finger against my lips, and a shiver ran through me when I remembered the sensation of Jackson moving his mouth against mine.
I could still taste the beer from his tongue.
“What the hell are you guys doing? It’s been almost fifteen minutes! Eight-minute penalty!”
“Oh my god,” slipped out of Jackson’s mouth as we both scrambled to fix our hair before busting out of the closet.
I giggled when I saw the group of wide-eyed people standing outside the door.
“What were you guys doing in there?” someone asked.
I opened my mouth to answer, but Jackson cut me off. “Nothing, we were just talking about how stupid this game is.”
My eyes snapped up to his, but he wouldn’t look at me. I wanted to tell everyone that he was a fucking liar. Was he embarrassed that we kissed? Or embarrassed that he liked it? He was the one that wanted to follow through with the game!
I didn’t say anything. Instead, I mumbled something about having to use the bathroom, then I ran upstairs and out the front door.
That was the first time Jackson ever hurt me—and it wouldn’t be the last. It was just the beginning.
***
I paced up and down the block, replaying the kiss over and over again in my head. The way Jackson said he wasn’t nervous, then grabbed my hip and pulled me toward him. Why did he have to act like a jerk after?
Snow had begun to fall around me, and I wrapped my arms tighter around myself.
“Jesus, Addie, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
I turned around to find Jackson walking up behind me, pulling the hood of his jacket over his head to block the snow.
“I said I had to use the bathroom,” I said lamely as I continued my walk. I had this entire block memorized from how long I had been walking. Five houses to the end of the block one way, ten the opposite way to loop around the cul-de-sac.
“Yeah, and you never came back. I sat outside the door for thirty minutes before I realized nobody was in there.”
Something pinched in my chest. Why did he have to act like he cared?
“It sucks when someone disappoints you, doesn’t it?” I was attempting to sound tough, but it just came out pathetic.
Jackson shoved his hands in his pockets, unable to meet my eyes as he kicked his toes against the layer of snow on the sidewalk. “Addie, I’m—”
A car honked behind me, and I turned around to find Julie’s truck.
“I called her to come get us. The party was stupid,” Jackson said. What was he going to say before that?
I didn’t turn back around to look at him as I opened the passenger door, letting him get in the truck first. I reluctantly jumped in after him, keeping myself as close to the door as I could so that our thighs didn’t have to touch.
Julie was asking about the party on our way home, but I kept my mouth shut.
She kept saying she was happy we weren’t drunk; that we were too young to start drinking, and she was proud that we were being responsible.
I zoned out for most of it, trying not to think of Jackson holding me in the closet.
Peter’s car was in the driveway when we pulled up.
The light from his room in the basement was turned on, which was a relief because that meant I didn’t have to walk past him to get to my room.
The Delvecchios knew I lived with just my brother now—Jackson had shared the information with them after I explained my situation to him.
I pretended not to notice that they started giving me free food from work after they found out.
“Thanks, guys,” I said before hopping out of the truck.
“Have a good Christmas,” Jackson called out from the window. I didn’t turn around to respond, and instead just raised my arm in a goodbye.