Chapter 8
BEFORE
December, Fourteen Years Ago
Ididn’t see the Delvecchios until the following Friday when Julie and Jackson picked me up for my shift. Jackson sat between us in the truck, and he smiled at me when I squeezed in beside him. I tried not to blush when our eyes met.
He was tapping his fingers on his thighs to the beat of the music, but his pinky kept grazing across the top of my thigh.
When we got to the restaurant, Julie tapped the corkboard with the Polaroids.
“You officially made the board,” she said with a wink.
I dragged my eyes over the Polaroids, finding a picture of me between Jackson and Julie at the Christmas party, their arms wrapped around me.
There was another photo right beneath it of me sitting at the bowling alley, tying the laces of one of my Converse, and laughing with my eyes closed.
Jackson was standing next to me in the photo, his arms crossed, smiling down at me.
I wanted to take the photo off the wall, stuff it in my pocket, and hide it under my pillow at home.
I wanted to keep that photo forever, to remind myself every night of the way he was looking at me; that it was real and someone had captured it.
We were slammed tonight, and our shift was flying by.
It was the Friday before New Year’s Eve, and apparently everyone and their mom was craving Italian.
Jackson and I were rushing around all night, clearing tables and running out food for the wait staff.
Every time we cleaned the same table, his hand somehow found mine.
It wasn’t much contact, but it felt intentional every time our fingers grazed, or whenever he placed a hand on my arm or back as we passed each other in the kitchen.
I started doing it back to him, purposely brushing my arm against his if I had to walk by, reaching into the same bucket for a wet rag, and acting like I didn’t realize we were about to grab the same set of silverware.
I was addicted to the way his skin felt against mine. All I wanted to do was touch him.
At the end of the night after all the other employees left, Julie poured us each a small glass of wine. “That was a day,” she said as she drained the entire thing in one big gulp. Jackson passed his phone around so we could each pick songs to close to.
“You two pick the music, I’m going to run home really quick to shower and change. I have a party to get to tonight. I’ll come pick you guys up and take you home.”
Julie had never left the two of us to close by ourselves, but I didn’t mind. We had our routine down to a T; it wouldn’t take too much longer without her, especially if we weren’t fooling around and singing.
When Julie left, I started taking off the tablecloths while Jackson started vacuuming. “Lollipop” by Lil Wayne was playing at an obnoxious volume over the speakers, and Jackson sang to himself as I shoved the last of the tablecloths in the laundry hamper.
“Crazy In Love” by Beyoncé started next, and on my way back out to the dining room, I accidentally kicked the foot of a shelf that held empty food containers, causing three to tumble to the floor.
I reached up to replace the last of the containers I’d knocked down, but I couldn’t get it to balance.
I stood up on my tiptoes, jumping up to try to get it to stay.
“I’ll get it.”
I could hear Jackson’s shoes scuffling across the kitchen tile until he was right behind me. He reached up to place his hand over mine, his chest pressed against my back as he pushed the container into place.
The feeling of his breath on my neck and the hardness of his chest pressing into my shoulder caused me to arch my back and press into him.
He sucked in a large gasp of air, and his hands gripped the shelf on either side of me.
I spun around but neither of us made any attempt to move away from the other.
We were close enough for me to feel the hardness that was growing under his belt.
Memories of us kissing in the closet flashed through my mind like a runaway train, and I gripped the shelf behind me, the sides of my hands resting up against his thumbs where he still held the shelf, blocking me in place.
His hands moved down to hold my hips against him just like he did in the closet, and every rational thought left my mind.
I hiked up one of my legs to rest on the counter behind Jackson, and his erection pressed against the perfect spot between my legs. We both gasped at the pressure.
He pressed himself more firmly against me, and I let out a small whimper.
We were grinding against each other, the hormones and the want that had been building up since the party overtaking any other thought in my brain.
Part of me wanted to kiss him again, but I was addicted to the sound of his small gasps; I wasn’t ready to silence them just yet.
I could get drunk off those sounds he made.
I could feel the pressure building, and I was almost sent over the edge by the way he gruffly choked out, “Addison.” I loved the way he said my full name, like he couldn’t believe this was happening.
Our eyes locked again, and he finally leaned forward to kiss me.
I closed my eyes to meet him when the sound of the back door opening caused us to fling apart like opposite magnets.
Jackson started messing with his pants and turned his back to Julie as she stepped into the kitchen.
Her eyes shot back and forth between the two of us, and I tried to slow my breathing as the last bridge of “Crazy In Love” blasted through the speakers. My heart was surely jumping out of my chest.
“I, uh . . . forgot my phone,” she said as she continued to look at both of us.
“I gotta go to the bathroom,” Jackson mumbled before leaving the kitchen.
I didn’t say a word, and I watched as Julie walked to the counter that my foot had just been propped on. I could see the footprint from my Converse on the edge. Oh God. She looked out the kitchen doors before turning to face me again.
“Listen Addie, I don’t know what I just walked in on. But nothing can happen between you and Jackson, okay?”
I could feel my cheeks burning up, and I stared at my shoes as I nodded my head.
“Promise me, okay? My mom would flip. She caught me kissing one of the bartenders one time, and it wasn’t pretty.” She placed a hand on my shoulder, forcing me to meet her eyes. “Our family really likes you, and I know you need this job. Don’t fuck it up by screwing around with Jackson.”
“O-okay. I promise, Julie.” I was mortified, and I knew my neck was covered in a flush.
She nodded at me again just as Jackson came back into the kitchen. Her eyes narrowed at him, and I felt my skin prickle with discomfort. “Don’t touch her again,” Julie demanded. Then she walked out the back door.
Jackson and I split off in opposite directions. We finished the rest of the close without even a glance at each other. When we climbed into Julie’s truck at the end of the night, Jackson didn’t so much as touch me with his pinky again.
***
After our shift the next day, Jackson invited me to a New Year’s Eve party. This time it was hosted by a drama kid named Priscilla. She had just played Alice in the school’s production of Alice in Wonderland.
I had on a pair of jeans and a long-sleeve gray shirt with my high-top Converse, looking out of place beside all the other kids, who were dressed in formal attire. The boys were wearing button-up dress shirts with slacks, and the girls were in a variety of sparkles and cocktail dresses.
“I didn’t realize it was fancy,” Jackson said, leaning down to talk in my ear. His breath against the shell of my ear caused me to shiver. He was wearing jeans, too, with a pair of red Vans and a black hoodie.
“At least we stick out together.”
I met his eyes, and I almost melted at the smile he was giving me. I could dip into those brown eyes and be content with whatever small piece of himself he was willing to offer me.
Don’t fuck it up by screwing around with Jackson.
What was more important? Jackson or my job? Definitely my job. He just had to stop smiling at me like that.
“I’m going to get something to drink,” I said as I turned away from him. I recognized one of the girls by the beverages, and she struck up a conversation with me. I ended up sitting with her at the table, playing a game of Catch Phrase with three other kids.
Jackson stayed on the other side of the room, sitting on the couch with a separate group of kids.
There wasn’t alcohol at this party, and I liked the setting.
The theater students did not lack confidence.
Every few seconds someone would break out in song, and everyone else would join in.
Nobody was worried about making a fool of themselves, and I liked to watch Jackson sing along with them, too.
Every now and then Jackson’s eyes would meet mine while we sang, and a burst of heat would blast through my stomach like a blowtorch.
When there was a minute left until midnight, everyone gathered around the TV. Everyone was screaming the countdown, and when the screen flashed “Happy New Year”, I looked through the throng of people for Jackson.
A few kids were throwing confetti, while couples started kissing.
I pulled a piece of confetti out of my eyelash, and found Jackson watching me from across the room.
For a moment I thought maybe he’d ignore Julie’s request to not touch me again, because the way he was looking at me now was the same way he’d looked at me in the closet.
He studied my face as he clenched and unclenched his fists, like he was having an internal battle with himself.
I took a step forward, and even though we were ten feet away from each other, he took a step back.
Then he slowly shook his head at me. I froze where I stood, his eyes pleading for me to stay put, like he wouldn’t be able to tell me no again.
His features softened, and for a second, he looked like he was changing his mind.
He leaned forward hesitantly, and a surge of adrenaline bolted through my stomach.
It was going to happen—he was going to come kiss me.
He straightened at the last second, and instead, he turned to the right and tapped the girl next to him.
She turned around with a smile, and said something to him I couldn’t hear.
Then I watched as Jackson kissed someone else.