Chapter 10
BEFORE
February, Thirteen Years Ago
The Saturday after my fifteenth birthday, Julie picked me up for my shift without Jackson.
Nothing had happened between us again since the day Julie caught us in the kitchen.
We didn’t even acknowledge that anything had happened at all; it was a mutual understanding that I needed this job, and messing around wasn’t worth it.
It didn’t mean I didn’t want to. If I ever felt like he was watching me during our shifts, I made sure to avoid meeting his eye.
“Where’s Jackson?” I asked, turning down the radio.
Julie kept bopping her head along to the music as she answered, “He’s home sick today.”
“Oh, is he okay?” For the six months that I had been working at the restaurant, Jackson had never called out sick.
Even when he had a cold so bad that he was sneezing every five minutes and sweating from what was probably a fever, he never went home.
A small rush of anxiety slithered through my stomach.
“He’s fine,” Julie said nonchalantly. “He had surgery this morning, so he’s been sleeping.”
My eyes widened. “Oh my god, what happened?” I was overcome with worry. Surgery? And why was Julie acting like it wasn’t a big deal?
She looked over at me and smirked. “Seriously, it’s no big deal. He didn’t want you to worry.”
I couldn’t focus at all during my shift.
Jackson had surgery, and he didn’t tell me about it.
He didn’t even text me to tell me he wasn’t coming into work.
My mind was racing with a million different thoughts, and after Julie dropped me back at home that night, I didn’t sleep for the rest of the weekend.
On Monday morning, Jackson finally sent me a text to say he wasn’t coming to school, and I went into full panic-mode.
I was so sick with concern I couldn’t even eat my lunch.
I didn’t even sit in the cafeteria, partially because I had no idea who to sit with if Jackson wasn’t there to pick what group of people to join.
After school, I walked around to each of Jackson’s classes and collected his homework for the day, even though he didn’t ask me to, and I hadn’t texted him to ask if I could come over.
I rode my bike to his house, ringing the doorbell as I anxiously bopped from side to side on his porch.
Julie answered the door, a surprised look flashing across her face before she said, “Hey.”
I held Jackson’s homework papers to my chest. “I uh, brought Jackson his homework.”
Julie shook her head with a laugh, but motioned for me to come in. I followed her to the couch, where Jackson was laying under a blanket, watching TV. He didn’t look pale or sweaty, just like he hadn’t showered in a couple days. I was so relieved to see he looked okay.
“Surprise visitor,” Julie said as we walked into the room.
When Jackson saw me, his eyes widened a bit before he muted the TV. He stayed laying down, not attempting to sit up.
“Hey, I brought you your homework. How are you feeling? Julie said you had surgery.”
Jackson narrowed his eyes at Julie, and she let out a laugh. I looked back and forth between the two of them.
“Julie, I told you to keep your big mouth shut.” Jackson looked pissed. “Addie, it wasn’t a big deal. Seriously, I’m fine.”
He looked embarrassed now; splotches of red crept up his neck.
“What happened?” I tried asking.
Jackson opened his mouth to answer, but Julie cut him off. “His balls got twisted and he had to get them fixed.”
“Julie!” Jackson shouted.
At the same time, I let out a horrified, “What!?”
Julie laughed and made a motion in front of her crotch. “Jerking off too much.”
My jaw dropped and Jackson whipped the remote at Julie. “It’s called testicular torsion, you bitch! And no, it’s not—it just happens!”
Julie looked over at me. “He’s so grumpy since he hasn’t been able to masturbate all weekend. He almost lost a ball.”
“Get the fuck out of here, Julie!” Jackson screamed. I was the one that was flushing red now, and Jackson being angry made me feel embarrassed about coming here. I definitely should have asked first.
Julie put her hands up in surrender, covering half her mouth with a palm to hide her laugh. “I’m leaving for work, do you want me to drop you off at home, Addie?”
I set Jackson’s homework on the coffee table, slinging my backpack over my arm to leave.
“Can you stay for a bit?” Jackson asked me. “I’ve been bored out of my mind all weekend, and my parents have been at the restaurant all day. Julie can drop you off later.”
“Are you sure?” I asked. I looked over at Julie and she just shrugged before putting on her work shoes.
“Please,” Jackson begged. He was still laying on the couch, hair mussed, looking helpless. The blanket slipped down his chest, revealing that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. One glimpse of that freckle on his collarbone, and my decision was made.
“Okay.” I took off my backpack and sat back in the recliner, pulling the lever and swinging out the footrest with a clunk.
Julie was nice enough to hand the remote back to Jackson from where it landed on the floor when he threw it at her. Then she refilled his water and set it on the coffee table.
“Anything else I can get before I go?” Julie asked with her hands on her hips.
Jackson ignored her, putting his full attention back on the TV.
“I’m good,” I answered over the awkward silence.
“Later,” Julie said before walking out the front door. I heard the music blaring from her truck before it faded away as she drove down the street.
I started cracking my knuckles, not knowing what to say. I didn’t want Jackson to feel any more uncomfortable than he already did.
Jackson cleared his throat. “Sorry Jules is so annoying. Don’t act weird, I’m seriously fine.”
“I should have texted you before I came over. I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” I said bashfully.
Jackson let out a small laugh. “I’m not embarrassed. I was just pissed at Julie for telling you my business without asking me first.”
I looked over at him, and he was smiling at me. He fixed a piece of his hair then pulled the blanket up to his neck. “Seriously, I had like, a million different people look at my nuts this weekend. I don’t even think I can be embarrassed anymore.”
A nervous laugh burst out of me, and all the weird tension left the room. I quirked an eyebrow at Jackson, glancing down to where his groin was beneath the covers, then looking back at his face.
“Did you really almost lose a ball?”
Jackson let out a small chuckle. “I really did. You have to have the surgery within six hours or else you could lose it. ‘But don’t worry,’ they said, ‘We can give you a prosthetic!’” He shivered. “I do not want a fake nut.”
I laughed again, rocking back in the recliner and leaning my head to the side to face him fully.
“How did you know something was wrong? Was Julie right about the . . . ?” I made the same motion Julie did earlier.
Jackson rolled his eyes and scoffed at me.
“Jesus, no, I’m not some freaky chronic masturbater.
I woke up in the middle of the night with such intense pain”—he pointed down there—“that I started puking. I had to wake up my mom and explain that my package felt like it was being ripped to shreds.” He shuddered.
“I could puke again just thinking about it. They had to take an ultrasound at the hospital.”
“I’m so glad I’m a girl.” I made the sign of the cross.
Jackson smiled at me again, eyes traveling over every inch of my face. “Thanks for bringing my homework. You didn’t have to do that.”
My whole face felt hot. “No problem, Jackson.”
His eyes flickered toward the TV. “How was work without me on Saturday?”
“It was fine, it just took Julie and I longer to close because she was on the phone half the time, arguing with someone.”
Jackson rolled his eyes. “Lesbians are so dramatic.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Huh?”
He looked at me again and smiled with one side of his mouth. “You are so sheltered, Addie. Julie—she’s a lesbian. She’s always got a new girl she’s arguing with. She loves the drama.”
“Oh,” I said stupidly. Apparently I was sheltered, because I had never heard of anything like testicular torsion before, or how to tell if someone was gay. “Do your parents know?”
Jackson raised his eyebrows now. “Yeah,” he said confused. “They’re pretty old-fashioned, but they don’t care that she likes girls; they’re not assholes.”
“I know!” I said quickly. I felt like an idiot for even insinuating they would care. “Your parents are cool.” I snuggled back into the chair, feeling like a little kid who got yelled at for accidentally cursing.
“I didn’t mean to get defensive,” Jackson added. “Jules drives me insane, but she’s still my sister.”
I wished I cared about Peter the way Jackson cared for Julie.
Or that Peter cared about me the way Julie cared for Jackson.
She messed with him a lot, but it was out of love.
She picked up the remote for him even though he hit her with it, got him a glass of water even though he didn’t ask, and she drove us around after work with no complaints even though she was nineteen and in college.
What was it like for someone to stick up for you and defend you?
To want to protect you even when you weren’t around?
Jackson turned on a movie, and we both fell asleep before it finished.
I woke up later that evening to Phil and Marie coming home from the restaurant, and they fed Jackson and I pizza for dinner.
I helped Jackson with his homework before Julie got home, and then she drove me back to my house.
I got my bike out of the truck bed myself, and walked it to the side of the house.
Jackson didn’t come to school for the rest of the week while he recovered, and everyday I rode my bike over after school with his homework, ate dinner with the Delvecchios, and had Julie drop me off after.
When Jackson came back to school the next week, I was almost disappointed because I wouldn’t have an excuse to come over every day after school anymore.