Chapter 39
NOW
August
Ihad been back in Michigan for three days, and was just finishing up the final touches on the family room when I heard a knock at the door.
My heart leapt in my chest, hoping it was Jackson back from treatment, telling me that he was feeling better.
Because even if we didn’t end up together, I needed him to be okay.
I took a deep breath and opened the door, finding Julie on the other side instead.
“Oh,” I said at the sudden shock of seeing her standing there. Something pinched in my chest, and my eyes filled with tears.
“Oh, honey,” Julie said as she wrapped me in a hug. She sounded just like Marie, and suddenly I was fourteen again, sobbing in front of a Delvecchio.
She leaned back and pushed my hair away from my face. “Let’s talk.”
She followed me into the family room, and we sat on the dilapidated couch.
“So, this is what you and Jackson were up to,” she said as she looked around the room, taking in the paintbrushes, rollers, and cans of paint that were still strewn in a mess across the floor.
I nodded, remembering the last time he stood in this room a month ago.
“How is he?” I asked with a scratchy voice.
“He’s home—he got out of treatment. I’m here visiting him.”
I wondered how long he had been back. Had he decided he didn’t want to come see me? He didn’t even send me a text.
“Is he, um . . . okay?” I cleared my throat.
Julie gave me a smile, eyes softening. “Yeah, Addie. He’s doing great.”
I was so happy to hear that, even though it hurt just a little bit. Okay, it hurt a lot bit. I was proud of him for doing something about his problem, though. For attempting to fix it when he knew he was struggling.
I nodded again, not knowing what to say.
“He told me everything that happened,” Julie said lightly. I met her eyes, and she was watching for my reaction to her words. Damn lawyer eyes.
“Everything?”
She gave me a grin that crinkled her eyes. “Yes, Addie, everything.”
I bit at the inside of my lip. Did she think I was a piece of shit for throwing myself at Jackson when he was technically still with Sophie?
“He didn’t cheat. You know that, right?” I could hear the worry in my voice, petrified that I was giving Julie ammo to hate me.
Julie actually let out a laugh. “Relax, Addie. I know.”
I leaned back against the couch, letting out a long breath of air.
“I told him not to get back together with Sophie back then, you know. And I told him not to propose, either.”
I hated how much I loved hearing this information.
It seemed Julie was actually on my side, even though she was the one who told him not to touch me all those years ago.
What did she think about us hooking up before graduation?
We had never talked about it—I was never alone with her after it happened.
I’d always wondered if it was her that tried calling me before I threw my phone out the window ten years ago.
At least I finally knew why no one had answered my calls that night, now that Jackson had told me the full story.
“Well, he did it anyways,” I said.
Julie smirked at me before shaking her head. “The little shit never listened to my advice, not once.”
I chuckled, putting a hand against my forehead.
“Honestly, Sophie isn’t bad. She just wanted Jackson to love her like he loved you. But it was never going to happen. I really thought when we drove to see you at Wren’s, he’d realize how insane it was that he didn’t reach out sooner . . . But he couldn’t make himself do it,” Julie admitted.
I looked down at the couch, picking at the fabric. “Why didn’t you approach me, either?” I was terrified of the answer. I knew why Jackson couldn’t make himself come to me, but why hadn’t Julie? She kept in contact with Wren this whole time, so why not me?
I could feel Julie staring at me, and when I raised my eyes to hers, she looked so fucking sorry.
“I thought maybe you hated me, too. You didn’t just ghost Jackson—you ghosted me, too.
You have no idea how much that killed me, Addie.
You were like my little sister for so long.
If the little pieces I got from Wren were all I had of you, I was fine with it, as long as I knew you were safe.
I knew you loved Jackson, but to be honest, I never knew . . . if you loved me, too.”
Another blow to the chest. I hurt Julie when she had never, not once, hurt me. What had I done? All of this was on my shoulders, not Jackson’s.
“Oh my god, of course I loved you, Julie. I love you like a sister. You’re like my fucking family,” I said through my tears.
“Good, you brat,” Julie said, her tears falling now, too. “And the only reason I didn’t want you and Jackson to do anything in high school was because I didn’t want things to blow up, and risk you losing our family. But it happened anyways.”
Our tears turned to laughter as we realized how dramatic we sounded. I had wasted ten years without her. Julie never wanted to lose me, but I had just up and left her. She wrapped me in a hug, and I squeezed her as tight as I had Wren and Mia. Julie was my family, too—even after all this time.
When she pulled away, she swiped at her cheeks. “Now, can I take you to Jackson? I told him he couldn’t have you until I talked to you first.”
My heart beat ferociously in my chest. “He wants to see me?”
Julie rolled her eyes and gave me a look that screamed, Are you kidding me?
“Come on,” she said, grabbing my hand. “He even let me take the truck.”
***
We drove to the restaurant, and Julie dropped me off in the back alley so I could walk through the back door to the kitchen. “Text me when you’re done. I’ll come get you guys.”
I turned to tell her to come in with me, that I didn’t have her number, and to ask, “Done with what?” But she winked at me and drove away before I could even open my mouth.
I let myself in through the back door, and Jackson was leaning against the dishwasher with his legs crossed at the ankles, just like that first day I ever laid eyes on him fourteen years ago. “About You” by The 1975 was playing through the speakers.
He stood up straighter, putting his phone in his back pocket. He looked amazing—refreshed, and happy. His dark hair was cut a little shorter, and he had on a simple black T-shirt with jeans.
“Um, hi,” I said.
“Hey,” he said with a smile, slowly walking toward me until I backed into the shelf of empty food containers.
He put his hands on either side of me on the shelf, just like he had done back when we were freshman in high school.
I set my hands back on the shelf, feeling his thumbs against my hands.
I wanted to hike up my leg again, to reenact the memory.
He chuckled at me, clearly reading my mind before pressing a quick kiss to the side of my mouth. He stepped back and leaned against the counter behind him, crossing his arms against his chest.
“How’s the house?” he asked, surprising me.
My body was still pulsing from his closeness a second ago, and I had to shake my head to try to unjumble all my thoughts.
“What?” I asked.
Jackson laughed again. “The house, Addie. How is the house coming along?”
I put my hair behind my ears. “It’s finished. I just have to clean up the paint supplies.”
“So are you putting it on the market?” Jackson asked.
I was no longer playing games. I smiled at him and admitted, “I don’t have a plan. I’m still deciding what to do with my life.”
Jackson’s face lit up with a half-smile. “Yeah?”
I shrugged. “Yeah, I’m kinda waiting to see about this guy. I’ve had this insane crush on him since I was fourteen. It’s pretty pathetic, actually.” My face hurt from how hard I was smiling.
Jackson’s eyes softened. “Crush, huh?”
I shook my head.
“No, that’s a lie.”
He quirked an eyebrow at me.
“He’s my best friend, actually. And I’m in love with him.”
Jackson’s smile was so wide and warm that I almost melted to the floor. He motioned his head forward, and I turned to where he was looking, my gaze landing on the Polaroid board.
The empty space I’d left when I ripped down the photo of us at graduation had been filled by the photo Jackson took of us at the beach, back in July during our perfect day in Holland.
Jackson was resting his chin on my shoulder, his arm tucked around me, smiling so wide his eyes crinkled.
My eyes were closed in the photo, but I was facing toward him with a smile on my lips.
We looked happy, and we looked in love. It told me everything I needed to know.
I turned back to Jackson, and he took a step toward me.
“Can I touch you now, Addie?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
He was up against me in an instant, pushing me back against the shelf, causing empty containers to fall to the ground around us. A hand was in my hair, his thumb rubbing against my jaw, the other on my hip, keeping us pressed together.
“Don’t ever stop touching me again,” I pleaded as I lifted his shirt off his head, kissing along his collarbone to the freckle I’d missed so much.
“I’m in love with you, Addison,” Jackson said as he kissed down my neck. As if I didn’t already know.
I ran my fingers up the back of his head, feeling the strands of his hair. “Say it in my favorite way,” I teased.
He stood up straighter, with a smile so beautiful I took a mental picture and buried it deep in my memory bank.
“You’re my best friend, period.” He leaned forward and kissed me; the kind of Jackson kiss I remembered. The one that felt like a beginning. Then he said against my lips, “And I love you, period.”