50. Alana
ALANA
Ididn’t cry again after I got home.
Not because I wasn’t devastated. Not because it didn’t feel like my entire chest had been cracked open. Not because I didn’t keep replaying that stupid blog post over and over again in my head until the words blurred.
But because when your heart snaps in half like that, there’s a certain numbness that follows. A kind of silence so loud it drowns out even your own sobs.
I’d been through that before with my very own family. I would survive it a second time, I knew that. But it was still different.
I wasn’t angry. Not anymore. I was… tired. Like every ounce of energy I had poured into Eden had been sucked out all at once, leaving me nothing but hollow.
The worst part, I couldn’t even call anyone because I had no one.
Asiya and I hadn’t talked in weeks. I didn’t see a need to apologize for what she did—though the version of me who didn’t know what having Eden in her life felt like, would have apologized without a second doubt.
I hated that he actually taught me something. I hated that I knew my worth now. Or I hated that he taught me I was worth more than I used to think. I liked that I didn’t let people walk all over me anymore.
If our friendship meant anything to Asiya, she would’ve reached out by now, especially since she knew she was at fault here. But as much as losing her hurt, I didn’t need a fake friend in my life.
And I didn’t need Eden either!
Yes, I did.
A knock at my door came exactly three hours after I got home. Just one.
I stared at the door.
Don’t answer it, my brain said. Don’t do it. You already know.
But my legs moved anyway, slow and mechanical. I opened the door, and there he was.
Eden.
His eyes were wild, red-rimmed like he’d been rubbing at them too hard. His curls were a mess. His jaw tight. The sweatshirt he wore was half-zipped over the collar of a T-shirt I’d bought him two weeks ago. The one he said made his shoulders look hot.
I didn’t say anything.
“Alana—” His voice broke immediately, and he cleared his throat like he could fix it. “Alana, please. Just—can I come in? Just for five minutes. I swear I’ll leave after that.”
I didn’t move. “Why?”
“Because,” he breathed, stepping closer. “Because I didn’t do it. I didn’t cheat on you. I didn’t lie. I… I can’t lose you.”
My chest burned. Not from hope. From the ache of wanting to believe him and knowing I couldn’t afford to.
I stepped back without saying anything and left the door open.
He walked in like someone stepping onto glass, like the floor might shatter beneath him at any second. And maybe it would. Maybe we were already standing on broken pieces pretending it wasn’t cutting us open.
I closed the door and crossed my arms. “You’ve got five minutes.”
He nodded quickly, wringing his hands together like he couldn’t figure out what to do with them.
“Okay. Right. Um…” He paced once, then stopped in front of me.
“Tori’s lying. I haven’t talked to her in years.
Those pictures? They’re from freshman year.
I didn’t even remember half of them until I looked again.
And the screenshot of my text? I swear to God, it’s fake. I haven’t texted her. Ever.”
I didn’t say anything.
“She’s been holding onto this shit for God knows how long, waiting for a chance to use it.
And now, when things are finally good—when we’re good—she just throws it all out like she’s been dying to publish this bullshit.
” His hands reached out as if he wanted to touch me, but Eden stopped himself before they could.
Still, I said nothing.
Eden exhaled hard. “You really believed it, didn’t you?”
My jaw clenched. “What else was I supposed to believe?”
“The truth!” he snapped, eyes desperate. “That I would never do that to you. That I wouldn’t even think about doing that to you. You’re all I want.”
I laughed once—sharp, bitter. “Oh, right. Because your track record is so spotless, Eden.”
He froze. “Wait, what?”
I looked him dead in the eye. “Well, what am I supposed to think about someone with a reputation like yours? How could I be sure you’re not lying to me right now just so I wouldn’t be mad. I know too much, don’t I? Maybe you’re scared that I’d talk so you come running to me to lie.”
My words seemed to hit him like a slap, and perhaps it was unjustified. I should’ve known Eden was better than that.
I knew he was better than that.
His face crumbled. “Are you serious right now?”
I didn’t blink.
“You think that’s who I am?” he asked, voice going thin. “Some guy who sleeps around for fun and doesn’t care who he hurts? Some guy who lies to save his ass? I’d own the fuck up to my bullshit if it were true.”
“I think…” I swallowed, hard. “I think it’s a lot easier to believe that than the alternative. That you were actually serious about me. That I wasn’t just anoth—”
“Alana.” His voice dropped, raw and breaking. “I was never not serious about you!”
“Then why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you tell me what we were?” I snapped, the words tumbling out too fast now. “You kissed me and held my hand and let me fall for you and then just—never said anything! What was I supposed to think? That it was all just in my head?”
“I thought you were head over heels in love with fucking Bennett.”
My gaze fell to the floor. “I haven’t been for a while.”
I heard Eden suck in a sharp breath, his silence stretching torturously between us.
Part of me knew he was going to be pissed that I didn’t tell him. The other part was sure he didn’t care. As long as he got his baking lessons, it didn’t matter who I was after.
“For a long while, actually,” I admitted, needing to say something.
“How long?”
I looked back up, our eyes meeting. When I thought he looked beat-down before, this was topping it. There was so much confusion in his eyes, betrayal even. It made no sense.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said.
“It sure does.”
“Why?”
“Because I was out here thinking I had no other choice but to let you go eventually! If I had known—”
“Then what, Eden?” My eyes rolled involuntarily. “Nothing would’ve changed. You’d still graduate and leave me behind! You’d still go off on a new adventure without me. It was our deal, remember? You only wanted baking lessons until you graduate. After that, the deal was over. It is over.”
“No, it fucking isn’t!” Eden took a step back, raking a hand through his hair.
“Even if I had told you, it wouldn’t have changed the fact that Tori published the article. Whether she lied or not, I still wouldn’t have believed you.”
His eyes welled up, glassy now. He nodded to himself, slowly backing off further and further. “It was real to me. Alana, you’re the only person I’ve ever looked at and thought—yeah, her. This is the person I want to wake up next to for the rest of my life.”
Don’t cry, I begged myself. Don’t you dare.
“I’m in love with you,” he said, quietly this time.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen. I didn’t plan it.
But it’s true. I thought that maybe, just maybe, deep down you felt the same way about me.
I guess I was wrong.” He was almost at my door, ready to leave.
“I thought you knew me better. I thought…” Eden took a deep breath, a tear rolling down his face.
“I thought I’d finally found the one person who wasn’t going to use me the way everyone else did.
Or at least I thought you weren’t going to use that against me. ”
I turned away, blinking hard at the ceiling like maybe that would hold the tears in.
“It doesn’t matter. I’m not asking you to say it back. Honestly, I think it’s better you don’t feel the same way I do,” he went on. “I just want you to know. I want you to know that I never touched her. I never looked at anyone else. The only girl I’ve wanted for months… is you.”
My heart screamed. My lungs felt like they were folding in on themselves. And still, I couldn’t give him what he wanted.
I stared at him for a long moment, memorizing the pain in his eyes. It killed me. It actually physically hurt to see him like that.
But as much as I wanted to believe him, I couldn’t.
“You should go,” I said quietly.
He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He just stood there, shattered, as if someone had taken a knife to his chest and left him there to bleed.
He took one step back. Then another. And then he was gone.
I didn’t close the door. I just stood there, staring at the space where he’d been. Waiting for something to feel better. Waiting for anything at all.
But all I felt was the hollow echo of a love that was never allowed to begin.