Chapter 33 Taevin
Now
The door to the house from the garage opens and slams shut. “Happy birthday, you sexy little thing!” is shouted from the mudroom before a blur of curly blonde hair comes around the corner.
“So, I’m not sure how to ask this of you, but I need you to do me a favor,” I blurt the moment I see Walker.
She sets down the oversized white box she’s carrying on the kitchen island. “Okay . . . what kind of favor?”
I take a deep breath to try to gain the courage to ask her this. “I need you to shave my head.” My hand shoots up to cover my mouth like even I’m unable to believe I’ve just come right out and asked that of her.
Closing my eyes, I try to quell the tears welling in my eyes.
“My hair has been falling out slowly—little bits here and there—but this morning when I woke up, there were large clumps of my black hair on my pillowcase.” I pause, squeezing my eyes shut like that’ll help erase the image from this morning.
“And now, no matter what I do, I can’t seem to unsee it, or the look on your brother’s face when he discovered it. ”
I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to get the look of Jackson’s eyes widening in concern out of my mind. Another moment that could’ve been beautiful was stolen from us and tainted because of my cancer.
I try to compose myself as my chin quivers and my eyes sting with tears.
“I just need it gone. Today. And I was wondering if maybe you, and the girls if they’re comfortable, could help me with that?
I’ve never really had a group of friends who supported me, especially not to the extent that you all have since I was diagnosed.
And I figured if there was anyone I’d want to do this for me—to see me at my most vulnerable—it’d be you all. ”
I stop my ramblings and fidget with my hands as I await her response.
Walker stares back at me wide-eyed for a moment before she blinks out of it and clears her throat. “Of course I’ll do it, T. I would never want you to go through that alone. Do you want to wait until Jax gets back?”
A lone tear slides down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away.
Shaking my head, I fidget and look down at my hands.
“No. I’ve thought about this quite a bit today since he left earlier for practice.
I think maybe I’d like each of you to take a turn cutting some locks with the buzzer.
That way, maybe I won’t feel so alone? I don’t know.
” I shrug my shoulders, shifting my weight from side to side.
“But what I do know is I’d like to do it before Jackson gets home.
He’s already had to be my rock and hold me through every hard moment I’ve gone through in the last four months.
I want to do this with my newfound friends by my side. ”
Walker closes the distance between us and wraps me in her arms. The moment my cheek connects with her fuzzy knit sweater, I lose all semblance of control. She rocks me in her arms as she whispers, “It’s all going to be okay. I’m right here—I’ll always be here for you Tae.”
And suddenly I’m filled with bone-deep guilt as her words settle over me.
She was just a kid when I left Jackson and moved to Nashville, but Walker and I had a connection that was the closest thing I’ve ever had to a sister.
I believe wholeheartedly that she’ll always be here for me; I just wish I could’ve done the same for her over the past decade.
I missed so many of her milestones, her successes, her highest highs and lowest lows, times when she could’ve used a sister to lean on all because I feared her father would ruin her brother’s future as well as my own.
From what Jackson has shared with me, Walker hasn’t had it easy the last five years. Her life may have looked picturesque on social media—living in LA by herself at seventeen as a professional dancer and model—but appearances can be deceiving.
“I missed you so much, Walker. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here,” I croak, stepping out of her arms to wipe my cheeks with the sleeves of my sweater.
“Shh,” she hushes me, rubbing a hand up and down my arm. “None of that. I missed you too, but you’re here now, and that’s all that matters.”
Our moment of regretful reminiscence is interrupted when McKenna, Dakota, Alexa, and Scarlett walk in the front door and hang up their jackets and purses.
“It’s too damn cold for mid-October!” Alexa complains, shimmying her shoulders in a shiver. “Oh, thank fuck. You’ve got a fire going!”
“Hey y’all!” Dakota greets us, setting down a large bowl and two bags of tortilla chips.
“Hey!” Walker tells her, stepping forward to give them each hugs before they step to me and pull me in for a hug.
Aside from Ryan, I haven’t had a lot of female friendships—or any other friendships for that matter.
Over the years, I’ve been burned quite a bit by people who pretended to be my friend but ultimately weren’t genuine.
I quickly learned that fame and fortune aren’t all that it’s cracked up to be when it comes to making authentic, lasting relationships.
However, this group is different. I knew that from the moment I met them.
Hell, before that if I’m being honest with the way Jax talked about them.
“Hope y’all are hungry, I made a double batch of my mama’s cowboy caviar recipe,” Dakota tells us, opening the lid to the tupperware bowl. My mouth waters, and for the first time in too many weeks, something actually sounds appealing enough to risk the nausea that’s plagued me.
Walker opens a bag of chips and brings a heaping scoop to her mouth.
“Mmm,” she moans in delight. “This is so good. I need the recipe,” she demands, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth.
“I’ll send it in the group chat when I get home. It’s pretty straightforward but my mama adds just a touch of honey to offset the acidity of the lime and vinegar,” Dakota explains.
Walker snaps her fingers and points to Dakota. “That’s totally it. This is by far the best I’ve had.”
“Let’s grab something to eat, and then I want to ask a favor of you ladies before we get caught up in our book discussions,” I tell them, setting a stack of rattling plates on the kitchen island. I shake my hands in an attempt to rid them of the trembling.
Kenna doesn’t miss a beat, closing the space between us when she takes me in. “Are you okay? You’re shaking. Do you need to sit down?”
I sigh, sick of the constant frustration I feel toward my body at all times.
“I’m fine. Just a little rattled.” Mulling over how I want to ask them, I shift my weight from side to side as nerves take over before finally taking a deep breath and looking each of them over.
“I have a favor to ask, and if you’re not comfortable, I totally get it. ”
“Anything,” Scarlett says without hesitation.
“Yeah,” both Dakota and Alexa agree.
“Whatever you need,” Kenna adds, rubbing her hand up and down my arm.
My knee-jerk reaction is to wince at their willingness. If I’m being honest, I’m not used to people unknowingly agreeing to do something for me without there being something beneficial in it for them.
“You might not be so agreeable when you realize what I’m asking of you.”
“They’ll be on board,” Walker encourages.
My stomach tightens before I decide to just go for it.
“I wanted to know if you’d be willing to buzz my hair for me.
It’s been falling out slowly—I thought maybe the cool-capping was helping delay the inevitable, and I suppose it was for a while—but this morning my pillowcase was nearly covered in hair and I’ve come to the decision that I just want it to be over and done with.
I know this may be a lot to ask of you as my new friends, hell, I wouldn’t blame you if you think this is awkward as fu—”
I’m cut off from my rambling when the group of women closes in on me in a group hug.
I stiffen in shock, momentarily stunned by their kindness, before I absorb their embrace and allow myself to let go of the lid I was doing my best to keep on my emotions.
“We may be newfound friends, but we love the hell out of you, Tae,” Scarlett tells me, wrapping me in another warm hug when the rest of the group takes a step back.
“Thank you,” I manage to get out through the emotion clogging my throat.
We all grab something to eat and make small talk about our initial thoughts on our book of the month. Once we’ve all finished, we file into my bathroom that Jax and I now share while Walker grabs a hair trimmer from somewhere on his side of the vanity.
My hands shake uncontrollably as I lower myself onto the bench in front of the wood-framed mirror.
This moment feels monumental but not at all as scary as it could be, and that’s entirely due to these women surrounding me. The way they’ve all shown up for not only me, but Jackson too, is something I’ll be eternally grateful for.
Clearing the emotion swelling my throat, I ask, “I’m not sure if this is weird of me to ask, but could we maybe take a picture of the group of us before my hair is cut?”
“For sure! Here,” Walker says as she props her phone up on the counter and the girls start to huddle in.
With the timer set, Walker rushes to join the girls, who now have me wrapped in their arms. I smile and look up at the phone with bleary eyes as the numbers count down until it captures a snapshot of a group of women holding me up when I feel anything but steady.
After the picture is done, they hold me in a group hug before pulling away one by one until only Walker remains glued to my side. “Are you ready?” she asks, and I nod my head.
The buzzing of the clippers fills the space and echoes off the tiled walls.
Walker’s eyes meet mine in the reflection of the mirror, and when I give her another nod of encouragement, she closes her eyes briefly and takes a deep breath before opening them again.
A single tear escapes and trails down her cheek as she lines the clippers up at the front of my part and then slowly drags them down my part to the back of my head.
I close my eyes as silent tears pour out of me.
“I’ll go next,” Kenna says and then I feel her step up beside me. She places a hand on my shoulder as she works the buzzer over my scalp.
My shoulders shake from the quiet sobs as Dakota switches places with Kenna and whispers, “We’ve got you.”
When I open my eyes again, I look down to find locks of my raven hair strewn on the floor. The sight merges with the one from this morning and I can’t find it in me to meet my reflection in the mirror. Not yet.
Bringing my foot up on the bench, I wrap my arms around my knee and hug it to my chest.
Scarlett steps up and grabs the clippers from Dakota. She gives my shoulder a squeeze and tells me, “You’re beautiful inside and out, Taevin. Don’t ever forget that.”
After she’s done, she hands the clippers off to Alexa, who reaches her hand out and clasps it in mine. “I’m so happy fate brought you and Jax back together. And I’m thankful you came into my life. You’ve got this, Tae.”
Once she turns the clippers off, I bring my shaky hand to my head and am met with a faintly fuzzy scalp. Running my fingers over the buzzed strands feels foreign, and when I lift my eyes to the mirror, I don’t recognize the reflection staring back at me.
The girl in the mirror looks terrified of the battle ahead of her. But when I see the group of women surrounding her, I know she won’t be fighting alone.
Their presence blankets my fear in peace and security.
What would I have done if I had to do this alone? If Bennett hadn’t hired me to perform at their wedding and I hadn’t run into Jackson again at that exact time? A vision of me alone in my Nashville penthouse as I woke up this morning to find a pillowcase full of my hair makes my chest cave in.
I can’t fathom having to go through this alone. And thankfully Jax made sure I wouldn’t have to.
“You’re going to be okay,” Walker whispers, wrapping me in her arms just as the security system beeps notifying us that the front door has opened.
We walk out to the main living area to find Jackson, Bennett, Carson, and Griffin in their Wolverines knit stocking hats taking off their shoes and hanging up their coats.
When Jackson’s eyes fall on me, he halts as he takes in the stark change. After a moment’s pause, he closes the distance between us and pulls me into his chest.
“I love you so fucking much, T,” he rasps and then places a kiss on my temple.
“I love you too,” I reply just as he takes a small step back.
My lips turn down in a frown until I realize he’s pulled away to take off his hat. I’m stunned silent and my stomach swarms with butterflies at the sight before me.
“Jax,” I finally gasp, stepping forward and dragging my fingers across his freshly buzzed hair. “How did you—”
Before I can finish my question, he cuts in. “Walker texted me. I’m glad they were here with you, but me and the guys wanted you to know we’re also here for you.” Just then, Bennett, Carson and Griffin take off their hats and I see their haircuts match mine.
I bring my hand to cover my mouth as I shake my head in disbelief.
“Jax! You guys didn’t have to do this.”
“We know. But we wanted to show you you’ll never be alone in this fight,” Jax explains, tugging me against his chest again.
Moments later, the guys surround the two of us as they wrap us into a group hug.
“You’ve got this, Tae,” Carson murmurs as he squeezes both mine and Jax’s shoulders.
I’ve never felt more supported, and though I first wondered if I would be alone in this fight, I’m happy to say I’ve now got my answer. These friends I’ve gained through Jax have become a second family I never knew I needed.
“I really hate to break up this moment, but um, Jax, I think Tae’s last birthday surprise is needing to be revealed, if you know what I mean . . .” Walker says, wringing her hands from where she’s sitting at the kitchen island.
“Shit, you’re right. I’ll be right back,” he replies, placing a quick kiss on my forehead then turning to get his boots on and heading outside.
I hardly have time to guess what he’s got up his sleeve before he’s walking back inside a few minutes later with what looks like a freaking puppy in his arms.
“Is that what I think it is?” I ask, closing the distance between us.
Jax is beaming with joy. “Meet our son, Connor the Corgi.”
My eyes widen and my jaw drops. “Shut. Up.”
“Happy birthday, baby.” Jax pulls me into his side and I melt against him as I shower the cutest dog I’ve ever laid eyes on with kisses.
“Welcome home, sweet boy,” I coo, praying like hell that one day in the future we’ll be saying the same thing to a baby or child.