Chapter - 24
ELOISE
The flight to Denver, Colorado was uneventful, probably because I fell asleep shortly after takeoff. I had shared my idea with Courtney, Taylor, and Beck a couple days before while we were eating lunch in the breakroom at work. They originally loved my idea, but were hesitant because of the last-minute flights that would need to be booked.
Then Courtney called her fiancé, who was in Chicago recording with an artist who could not be named, and scoffed at the idea of us not going through with my surprise. Josh told me to give Logan a big fat smooch from him, and I gave him a thumbs up in response on the FaceTime call.
“Beck’s really missing out,” Taylor mumbled as they nudged me awake and stood to grab our carry-ons from the overhead compartment.
“We will just have to take lots of pictures of us having fun without her so she’ll come next time,” Courtney replied. She pushed me with her hands to hurry up, because I was still rubbing sleep out of my eyes in the middle seat, trapping her in her window seat.
Next time.
Logan and I had been officially together for just under a month, and our friends were already planning on when we would fly out to surprise him at one of his away games “next time.”
The thought thrilled me more than terrified me, and I loved it.
“I’m sure if we were flying somewhere else, she would have tagged along,” I replied, catching up to the conversation I was waking up to. As we grabbed our carry-ons and made our way out of DEN, I was glad we didn’t bring everyone along. It was kind of fun just bringing Courtney and Taylor with me on this surprise. They were the loud and fun ones who would help me do my very best to embarrass Logan, whereas Beck and Adam were more reserved and would have happily supported me with their quiet presence.
Beck said she didn’t want to waste the plane tickets on someone who still didn’t understand what happened during a game of hockey, and that Denver wasn’t high on her “places to visit” bucket list.
Adam later explained to me that Beck didn’t feel comfortable leaving Susan all on her own, so I didn’t push Beck further. Though, I was sure if we flew out of the country or somewhere warmer, Beck would have thought about tagging along on the trip a bit more—or Susan would have forced her.
“What’s the car look like?” Taylor asked Courtney as they turned their cap backwards. They were already representing Logan’s team with their Anaheim Ducks baseball cap, ready to stick out in a sea of…whatever colors the Colorado…somethings, wore.
I told myself that I would eventually be a better hockey partner.
Josh had his manager, Kate, schedule our hotel room and car service to take us to the game straight from the airport. As we waited outside the airport for our car, I voiced the first thing I noticed about being in this state.
“It’s dry as hell here.” I could already feel my hands and face starting to tighten from the lack of moisture in the air, and I was glad I always had some lotion and moisturizer in my purse as I dug it out.
“Yeah, it is,” Courtney held her hand out for me to squirt some moisturizer in her palm, and Taylor followed suit.
“I’d like to go back to my southern California bubble, please,” I fake whined as I slathered my hands together.
“Yeah, it must suck so hard that you got front row tickets to an NHL game, after getting free flights, with a free hotel, that you have to share with the coolest people in the world,” Taylor mocked with an eye roll, as they applied the moisturizer to their face. I noticed how they were careful not to glob any on their septum ring.
“It’s cute that you think I’ll be staying in your room tonight, and not Logan’s,” I winked at them as I capped my moisturizer and shoved the bottle back in my bag.
“I’m so glad he took Adam’s advice,” Taylor replied.
That made me and Courtney stop to look at them.
Taylor had just adjusted their baseball cap again, combing their short brown hair back underneath the hat with their fingers before they noticed us staring. “What?”
“What do you mean he took Adam’s advice?” I asked.
“Oh, we all talked about you two months ago, back when we had the suit fitting with Josh in LA.” Taylor shrugged as if this wasn’t new information that I would immediately be interested in.
“Did you know about this?” I asked Courtney. She shrugged; her face masked to conceal that she clearly did know about this. “What did Adam say to Logan?”
“That Logan should ask you out. I think he said something like, ‘Worst-case scenario, she says no. Best case scenario, you have a date to the wedding.’”
I blinked, thinking back to when this was. This was before Connor and Logan came to my work that one random time, before we had ever FaceTimed or admitted that we wanted to act on our mutual feelings of attraction. The fact that my ex-boyfriend was actively encouraging my current boyfriend to make a move on me made me feel a small touch of relief. Not that Adam had recently done or said anything to make me think that he still resented me for how I acted during our relationship years ago, but it was a quiet confirmation that Adam and I were good. That we had both officially moved on.
“Wow,” I shifted on my feet, “That was so long ago.”
“The wedding isn’t until next year,” Courtney added, turning to me, and wiggling her eyebrows, “And Logan wanted to lock you down as soon as possible.”
I blushed from her teasing, but grinned and waved her off.
“It’s amazing what texting and FaceTiming can do for couples,” was all I replied.
Finally, the car pulled up, and we all climbed in. There was a privacy screen between us and the driver, so Courtney and I changed into our fan gear. We both donned Anaheim Ducks jerseys with ST. JAMES on the back in big letters. Courtney’s was way too big for her, and as we pulled out our portable mirrors to check our hair and makeup, I noticed some scribbling on the shoulder of hers.
“What the fuck, did Logan sign yours?” I asked, tugging on the sleeve of Courtney’s jersey.
“Yeah, careful! Signed merch has value!” Courtney swatted my hand away, covering Logan’s signature on her sleeve protectively as if I’d rip it off.
“He needs to sign mine,” I grumbled, looking down at my suddenly less-than shirt.
“And my hat,” Taylor added, thumbing away on their phone. They only wore the hat to the rink, deciding to stick with their white t-shirt and gray jacket instead of another jersey.
We chatted and bickered the rest of the way to the rink, me bouncing in my seat the entire drive there. Logan had no idea we were showing up to this game. I wasn’t sure if he would like this surprise or not, but I also decided that it would be worth the risk. He was new to this group of friends just like I was, except it was clear that Logan hadn’t had a community outside of his hockey team. He didn’t have anyone to surprise him by showing up to his games.
I wanted to be his first girlfriend to surprise him at a game in a different state.
I also realized as we walked through security and made our way to our front row, that I wanted to be Logan’s last girlfriend.
He probably wasn’t ready to have that conversation yet, but I found myself smiling at the ground as we side-stepped our way to the seats. I had just realized how I wanted this new relationship of mine to go.
The rink was filled with dark blues and reds, making it obvious even for a rookie like me to learn what the other team”s colors were. I had to squint to see a smattering of white and orange in the crowd, otherwise I would have thought that the three of us were the only Anaheim fans in the entire stadium.
A couple Colorado fans started booing us from behind, and Courtney responded by immediately turning around to flip them off with both hands before Taylor grabbed her and tugged her back down in her seat.
“I don’t want to be hate-crimed because of aggressive hockey fans tonight, but thanks,” was Taylor’s reasoning for Courtney to chill. My heart squeezed because I wouldn’t have even thought about that had Taylor not mentioned it. Courtney immediately wrapped them in a tight hug in apology, before stealing their cap and rustling their hair with her hands.
“You son of a—” but Taylor didn’t finish their words because the rink erupted in cheers as the hockey players skated onto the ice.
Similar to where we sat last season, our seats were right near the tunnel that led to the locker rooms, so we got an up close and personal view of every player as they made it onto the ice.
When the Ducks came out, I spotted Logan immediately. Even under all the gear I was able to recognize his form, the way he held himself as he stood taller than usual due to the skates on his feet. The ST. JAMES and number twenty-nine on the back of his jersey was a helpful afterthought.
I stood up in my seat and everything, ready to shout at him to kick ass, but he didn’t see me before he skated off to run drills with his teammates before the game started. I bounced on my heels a few times before I felt fingers tug themselves through my belt loops, gently pulling me back into my seat.
“He’ll see you,” Courtney reassured me with a pat on my back, offering me some of her box of popcorn.
“Where did you get this?” I asked, glancing around as if it had magically appeared.
“The kid,” she pointed to the other side of Taylor, where there was a teenager selling boxes of popcorn and soda. I hadn’t even noticed them.
“You’re much more focused on the ice now than you were last time we came to a game,” Taylor commented with a wiggle of their eyebrows.
“I’m just interested in who is on the ice, actually.” I tugged on the sleeves of my jersey, hiding my fingers in the fabric to try to keep my body warm in the cool rink. “If I wasn’t dating Logan, I doubt that I’d care at all.”
“Makes sense,” Courtney shrugged after shoving a handful of popcorn in her mouth, she spoke around her bite loud enough for Taylor and me to hear her say, “I wasn’t into rock music before Josh.”
“But you are now?” Taylor asked with a lifted eyebrow.
“I mean,” she shrugged, “I got into Josh’s music first. Partly thanks to Beck, partly thanks to Josh himself. But yeah, I have definitely expanded my music taste since reconnecting with him.” Courtney gave a small smile after she finally finished chewing and swallowing her bite.
The game was starting and people were suddenly cheering around us as the three of us turned to see the players zooming towards our end of the rink. Our conversation was paused as I stood up again, along with other fans around us who were pressing up against the glass to cheer on the Colorado team (the Avalanche, according to their jerseys) to get the puck from the Ducks.
I cheered as Logan successfully defended his teammates, shoving and blocking other players to clear a space for someone else on the team to take a shot.
It was a miss.
The stadium cheered, and the three of us slumped in disappointment while the Avalanchetook back the puck and everyone skated to the opposite end of the rink.
“It’s interesting,” I mused, regaining Taylor and Courtney’s attention as we settled into the hard plastic seats, “Just a couple of years ago, I would have been the woman who pretended to be into hockey in order to simply be on the arm of a professional athlete.” Courtney and Taylor were silent as they let me ponder about my past life, how my old friends, Lucy and Michelle (whom I hadn’t spoken to in months), would probably be excited to join me at one of Logan’s games for the same silly reason I just admitted to. “But now, I feel comfortable openly admitting that I wasn’t interested in the sport at all. Not until I became involved with someone that I really cared about, someone who’s livelihood literally depended on it.” I grinned a little bit as I watched Logan bump a gloved fist with another player, who I realized was John. I was surprised to see the two of them quickly remove one of their gloves, before tossing it to the other and quickly strapping it on before the next play started. “Even then, I’m still not really into hockey. I’m into my boyfriend, and hockey is important to him,” I shrugged one shoulder, “So here I am.”
Courtney’s hand came down on my knee, squeezing once before she gently patted it and pulled back. “We never stop growing up and improving ourselves. It’s good to acknowledge the moments that we do.”
I nodded my agreement as I glanced over at my friend, grateful that she and I connected during the time that I had finally given up on reviving my past failed relationship. I was truly a better person since befriending Courtney, and Taylor, and Beck. And everyone else. Even Logan.
“Oh, they’re coming back!” Taylor shot to their feet, cupping their hands over their mouth and shouting, “Get it, twenty-nine!”
“Twenty-nine!” Courtney shouted with a deep voice, mimicking her favorite character from the TV show New Girl.
“Go! Go! Go!” I was clapping as I cheered, the three of us on our feet and pressed against the plexiglass as a swarm of players elbowed and slapped sticks and struggled against each other. John was surrounded, but still managed to keep the puck close as he lifted his eyes, searching.
Logan was skating on the outside of the mess, and he signed something quickly to John, with his gloved hand, before blocking someone else from getting involved in the attempt to regain the puck.
John nodded, and within a second, he snapped his stick against the puck and sent it flying in the direction of a third Ducks player that I wasn’t familiar with. He captured the puck easily, because very few Avalanche players were guarding him, but as soon as they saw the puck hit his stick, everyone swarmed, leaving John and Logan at their backs.
The player, instead of going towards the net like I was expecting him to, blocked an attempt to steal the puck and snapped it back. The puck gained air, and Logan lifted his stick and caught it before it could get further out of range.
I gasped, bouncing on my heels as an opposing player, that I hadn’t been keeping track of, charged Logan, who was already swinging his stick and cracking the puck into the net.
The stadium booed, but the three of us gasped and cheered.
Logan was using his momentum on the ice to skate around the net before traveling back down to the center of the rink, and I banged my fists onto the plexiglass and cheered as he did so.
He almost missed me.
I could make out his dark brown eyes, and the mouth guard he had in his lips through the mask he wore, concealing most of his face. His eyes scanned the crowd without really seeing anyone, like it was habit for him to just glance up and remember that there were fans in the room.
But right as he was about to pass, our eyes met, and I could see the recognition flare in his.
Logan finally found me.
He skidded to a stop, like a cartoon, and skated backwards a little so that we stood in front of each other through the plexiglass.
I smiled and kept slapping my palms against it, jumping and grinning and even going as far as to put my fingers in my mouth and whistle.
Logan pulled out his mouth guard under his mask to smile at me, a wide and open grin that he didn’t try to cover with his hand. It wasn’t until Courtney and Taylor banged their fists against the plexiglass that he let his gaze flick over to notice them, but quickly set his sights right back on me.
And my heart swelled.
He lifted a gloved hand up to press against mine through the plexiglass, then popped his mouthguard back in and threw a wink over his shoulder at me, as he skated back to the game. I pressed my palms to my cheeks to confirm that I was, in fact, blushing from his wink.
“I think he’s happy about the surprise,” Courtney mused as we settled back into our seats again, “I’m glad Logan isn’t—oh barf.”
I turned to look at Courtney, who was frowning through the plexiglass and staring at something. Taylor and I tried to follow her line of sight, but we both gave each other confused looks before Taylor asked, “What is it?”
“Daddy James,” Courtney grumbled. I felt my heart sink into my gut, and the warm happy flutters I had felt from getting Logan’s attention earlier were shrunken down, oppressed by the familiar feeling of anxiety my body lit up with.
Taylor and I both turned our heads to try to see where Courtney was looking, and we both found Logan’s agent at the same time.
I didn’t say anything, but I heard Taylor grumble, “Yuck,” at the same moment my eyes met his.
He sat a few sections away, man spread in full force as he kept his leg firmly pressed against a brunette woman who was watching the hockey game with clear interest. She was cheering and shouting at the team just like everyone else was, but Connor had settled with an arm looped on the back of her chair, his eyes on the three of us.
Logan’s agent lifted a hand in greeting, a small and clearly reluctant smile on his lips accompanied with a head nod.
I didn’t wave back, and neither did Courtney, but Taylor did.
It was comical, because as far as I knew Connor hadn’t gone out of his way to speak to Taylor ever, but the fact that they were the only one to return his wave made his brows scrunch in confusion, and he refocused his attention on the game.
Courtney snorted, “Why did you wave back?”
Taylor smirked, fidgeting with their nose ring, “Because I knew he wasn’t waving at me, and I’m a petty bitch.”
Courtney and I laughed at that, easing some of the tension that had lingered in my body from the realization that Connor was here, watching the game. It was something I needed to get used to, unfortunately. Connor was Logan’s agent, and I doubted that I wouldn’t ever see him again. It sucked, considering Connor James was the one single hook up decision I had made in my adult life that I thoroughly regretted with my entire being.
“I consented that night with Connor,” I blurted out, surprise taking over my anxiety after realizing what I was trying to talk to Courtney and Taylor about, at Logan’s game no less. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw them both slowly turn their heads towards me. I cleared my throat, released a nervous smile, and faced them. I stared into Courtney’s dark eyes, determined to channel just a drop of her bold demeanor as I thought about my words carefully.
“I-I consented,” I said again, “But, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t change my mind later on.” I swallowed, watching the concern etch itself into both Taylor and Courtney’s facial features. “I didn’t tell him I changed my mind,” I added, proud of myself for how controlled my voice sounded even though my heart was thumping in my chest erratically, “And maybe I should have spoken up. Maybe I should have said something.” I shrugged, and I knew Courtney was about to say something, so I spoke up again to finish my thoughts before she could interrupt me, “But, he also shouldn’t assume my original verbal consent was a free pass for whatever he wanted to do.” I lifted another nervous shoulder, tucking my lips between my teeth while I stared at my friends. The rock music playing in the rink was a faded, background noise to the moment I just initiated with my friends. To the vulnerability and honesty I was exposing to them.
“You’re right,” Courtney nodded, “He shouldn’t have.”
“Any moron can tell when their partner changes their mind,” Taylor added, “But it sounds like he chose to ignore the signs out of selfishness.”
I nodded once, inhaling a deep breath through my nose before slowly exhaling through my mouth. Just like I had seen both of them tell the toddlers that they worked with to do when they were feeling some big emotions.
“I don’t want to give it too much attention,” I added, “I’d like to move on. I’m never sleeping with him again, and he might be figuring that out.” I nodded vaguely in the direction that he was sitting with the woman who looked like his date.
It was a real bummer that he was Logan’s agent. I got a sick feeling in my stomach at the thought of running into Connor as often as we had, but that was part of adulthood. I wanted to be brave, and not be so obvious about my anxiety around him.
Plus, just because we would bump into each other from time to time, didn’t mean we needed to pretend to be friends or anything. Thankfully the fact that it looked like he brought a date meant that he probably wouldn’t try to corner me into talking with him. Perhaps he was finally getting the hint. Like the last time we bumped into each other at one of Logan’s games.
Because I would definitely be going to more of Logan’s games.
I grinned as Logan threw another wink in my direction as he fought off one of the opposing players, successfully clearing a path for his teammate on the other side of the rink. Excitement was starting to course through my veins, watching him in his element and finally being able to appreciate it all. He’d made it here, regardless of his accident and communication barriers. The guy who had no one in his corner, beyond his teammates, for years, until all of us.
Hell, Logan even managed to win me over. A year ago, I would have laughed in the face of anyone who suggested that he and I would end up together. Logan, the guy who showed me the roughest parts of him first. The guy who offended me time and time again but didn’t give up on trying to wave a white flag between the two of us.
The guy who took my unsolicited voice memos in stride.
I blushed, remembering that even though Logan and I had gone out on a handful of dates in between practices and hockey games and my work schedule, I hadn’t ever admitted to him the total truth regarding my voice memos.
I smirked to myself as I watched my boyfriend skate past us again, earning cheers from our friends. I had a feeling that Logan would appreciate the true story now.
***
“Traitor,” Taylor grumbled as we made our way down the hallway. I had just stepped out of the elevator with Logan, bidding them goodbye.
“You’re just bitter that there is a one thousand percent chance that I’m getting laid tonight, and you’re not,” I quipped back, looping my arm through Logan’s. The material of his suit was nice, and I found myself leaning into his large body more when I caught a whiff of his body wash or aftershave or whatever it was that he wore that smelled delicious on him.
Logan started tugging me away, and Courtney saluted to us as she thumbed away on her phone. The elevator doors started to close, and the last thing I could see was Taylor lifting their middle finger at me with their tongue out. I laughed, snuggling into Logan’s arm that wasn’t tugging my carry-on suitcase and holding his equipment bag on his shoulder.
I said I could handle my own luggage, and Logan had just ignored me.
I was on cloud nine.
We waited for the team after the game, and I practically sprinted into Logan’s arms as soon as he walked through the doors. He had to catch me by placing both of his hands on my butt to support me, which I didn’t think he was too upset about based on the enthusiastic squeeze he gave.
I attacked his face with kisses. It had only been a couple days since we had seen each other, but I missed him dammit.
“Get a room.” Courtney had teased.
“You don’t have to tell me twice,” I had mumbled my reply against Logan’s lips, who had grinned and returned my kisses with just as much if not more enthusiasm.
Now, though, I was bouncing on my heels as he scanned the card to his room and opened the door for us to enter.
“I was only partly kidding about getting laid tonight, by the way,” I told him after he kicked the door shut. Logan had just dropped our bags and looked like he was about to advance on me, his hands clutching themselves into fists as if he was struggling to restrain himself before he tilted his head to the side and asked, What?
“I just mean that,” I took a deep breath to keep myself from bouncing on my heels, sitting calmly on the hotel bed that was perfectly made, “If you’re too tired, I’m just happy sharing space with you. You could fall asleep right now, with me wrapped around you like a koala bear, and I would be perfectly content.” I grinned.
Logan’s shoulders dropped, and a look of relief seemed to cross his face.
Oh, damn, he really must have been exhausted then.
“Seriously, it’s no worries,” I lifted my sneaker onto my knee to start untying my shoes when suddenly, Logan’s hands were there swatting mine away. He knelt down and started untying my sneakers, tugging them off with my socks.
I self-consciously tried to tuck my toes away from his grip, afraid that airport traveling and jumping at his hockey game gave my feet an unpleasant smell, but he held onto my ankles and slowly started to slide his hands up my legs.
He let his large palms make it as far as the tops of my thighs, his thumbs dangerously close to an area that was immediately excited for his touch.
And then he stood up, the warmth of his hands leaving me cool.
I should rest, Logan signed, smirking at the surprised look on my face, But I don’t want to. I grinned at that.
I’m glad, I signed back to him. I have been doing that more and more lately. I knew that he had asked Courtney to vocalize to him when they first met, and that he didn’t care if people vocalized to him while he signed in return, but I wanted to learn. And he was willing to let me use my beginner’s skills on him until I hopefully became as fluent in ASL as he was.
I stood up and started unbuttoning my jeans just as Logan’s eyes flared and he lifted a hand for me to halt my movements.
I need to go to John’s room.I furrowed my eyebrows at that.
“Why?” My fingers had just undone the button of my pants, and Logan was trying to go hangout with his buddy?
We need to swap gloves.Logan had bent down to unzip his hockey bag and pulled out the gloves he wore during the game, it’s part of a tradition after every game we win.
“That’s so gross,” I wrinkled my nose, and Logan responded by waving his stinky gloves near me before I swatted him away with a giggle, “But fine. Go do that now, and then thoroughly wash your hands, because you’re not leaving this room again tonight.” I knew he and his teammates had silly superstitious traditions, like a lot of professional athletes did.
Logan’s eyes flared with excitement, then he bent down to kiss me deeply, his tongue making a leisurely sweep in my mouth as if in promise before he rose again and left the room in a clear hurry.
“Men.” I laughed to myself, glancing around the room. I sat up from the bed and made my way over to the entertainment center that had a minifridge underneath. I opened the fridge, disappointed to see it empty.
I opened the other doors and drawers, and realized nothing but empty glasses and tap water was available. I had a feeling that I would be way too thirsty in about an hour to tolerate room temperature tap water.
I decided that I would make a quick trip to the ice machine, since I had seen it near the vending machines down the hall. I grabbed the two glasses left on the bathroom countertop and decided I’d fill them before Logan and I got busy. I slipped my loose sneakers back on my feet, not bothering to tie them because I was going to be quick. I might even run into Logan on the way there or back.
But when I opened the door to the hall and didn’t see anyone, I decided to send Logan a quick text that I was getting ice before I locked myself out of his room by exiting it without the key that he took.
I was humming to myself, a little skip in my step as I held a glass in each hand and wandered down the hall to where the vending machines were, just next to the elevators. There was a little opening that looked like it was missing a door, considering the size of the entry to the space, but it left the little room open to the hallway. Convenient for the late-night munchies, I guessed.
There was already a decent amount of ice made, so I simply scooped the two cups into the ice chunks and collected what I could, before turning to browse the snacks.
A shadow fell over me, blocking the hall light coming in from the doorway. In the glass of the vending machine I saw a figure come into the space and stop. I recognized that face immediately.
“Connor.” I whirled, pasting on as friendly of a smile as I could.
He had a bucket in his hand, clearly intending to grab some ice as well. Where the hell did he get a bucket? Our room didn’t have one. He must have gotten a nicer room than Logan.
But that train of thought died on my lips when I met his gaze and noticed the way his brow bunched. The way he widened his stance as he took me in, taking up the entirety of the doorway.
“Eloise.”