Chapter 17 #2
“In another month, the water will be too cold to swim in and we’ll miss our window.
The scuba test takes place here during finals week in the spring.
With wetsuits, we may be able to get a little time in the water before then, but I’m not risking hypothermia for you right before Worlds.
So, let’s see what we’re working with, shall we? ”
I grind my teeth, but there’s nothing to say.
He’s right—as per freaking usual. There’s nothing more annoying than a know-it-all who does, in fact, know it all.
I shimmy out of my shorts, acutely aware of the moment his attention shifts to my legs, and brush by him.
Aggression burns through my veins—at him, at this situation, at my own damn weaknesses.
And for a moment, I wonder if that was the point.
If on some level, he knows it’s easier for me to sit in my fury than my fear.
As soon as my toes hit the water, that changes.
Dread curls through me like smoke, smothering the fire.
I grow cold, even as my heart begins to race.
A shiver works through me, starting at my head, rippling down my back.
My fingers tremble. Still, I take one step, then another, forcing myself to face it.
When the water reaches my knees, a memory strikes like a bullet, making me flinch.
I recoil, accidentally backing into a soft patch of sand.
The world tilts sideways. I’m halfway to the water before I even realize this isn’t part of my nightmare. The scream lodges in my throat when—
I slam into a warm, hard chest.
Nox steadies me. For a moment, I’m right back in his arms on that night we met, when he carried me from the lake, so solid, so sure, I felt safe for the first time since the accident.
I feel safe now, too.
It’s the only thing that might terrify me more than the water.
“Where did you go?” he asks, a frown marring his perfect face.
His hands tighten on my arms, keeping me pressed against him as he looks down, studying my eyes for the answers my lips won’t provide.
I’m suddenly acutely aware that we’re both in bathing suits, nothing between us but a thin layer of Lycra.
A few dark strands of wet hair fall over his forehead, casting a shadow.
The urge to brush them back is overwhelming.
I pull away instead.
He lets go with a sigh. “This will all be so much easier if you just tell me.”
“I know, I just—” My throat narrows. I swallow back the swell. “I can’t.”
“So tell me something else then.”
“What?”
“I don’t know. Anything.” He rakes his hand through his hair. “How about a time when you remember enjoying the water?”
Enjoying the water.
I forgot that concept even existed.
My thoughts immediately jump to childhood summers, the hours Mabel and I spent in the town pool. But those memories are too raw right now, too revealing.
“My aunt lives in Brooklyn,” I start slowly, letting the flashbacks take over.
“We used to visit her for a long weekend every summer. We’d cram into her little apartment.
My parents would sleep on the pullout couch and I’d have an air mattress on the floor.
But it was the highlight of my whole year because we’d go to Coney Island.
There’s this boardwalk there full of rides and games, where so many kids would play, and I’d just walk right by it to get to the ocean.
I was fascinated by the waves, by the sand.
I’d spend hours just walking along the surf, trying to find shells.
They groom the beach there during the summer, so I mostly just found little broken bits and pieces, but I still have jarfuls of them in my closet back home.
My aunt taught me how to sit in the shallow surf and dig for these tiny clams. I didn’t know it then, but they’re called coquina clams. I thought they were magic.
They come in all sorts of rainbow colors and the second you put one down, it disappears right into the sand.
They’re really fast diggers, but I’d just sit there, digging them up over and over again.
I found some hermit crabs too, and these ugly little things called mole crabs.
They don’t have claws or anything. They sort of look like a sand cockroach.
I loved them. Every so often, we’d spot a dolphin.
Once I remember they closed the beach because of sharks.
Everyone was grumbling and groaning, waiting for the lifeguards to say it was safe, but I thought it was the coolest thing ever.
I’m not sure I even blinked. I was searching the water so hard for a fin. ”
I’m rambling, I know. But Nox doesn’t interrupt. He doesn’t act as though I’m boring him. He just stands there, a calming presence beside me, smiling at the appropriate moments, watching me as if everything I’m saying is the most interesting thing in the world.