Chapter 19
Dear July,
Remember that day we were joking around about artichokes? Goofy. But I’d trade the rest of my life for one day to be with you somewhere talking about artichokes.
Joe
“I’m not sure how I feel about the idea of them filing for legal emancipation.” July’s stride is as smooth and steady as ever, but there’s a tiny furrow between her eyes as she glances over at me.
We’re running later than usual on account of having to go with the kids to the cabin where they silently loaded their must-have stuff and perishable food into my truck for the trip back to July’s. Then while I collected my air mattress and its bedding for them from my apartment and the kids went back to work, July performed one of her social miracles, summoning people to an emergency meeting. She brought together Angus and Rose, another couple—Meg and David—and two other friends who were a social worker and a family lawyer. Meg and David brought their own three foster kids.
July pushed together a few tables in the dining room and sat us all down with Sam and Maisie to discuss their legal options and to give them a chance to ask questions about foster care. Both Maisie and Sam perked up when the lawyer mentioned the possibility of them petitioning for legal emancipation. “Sam, you’re sixteen and you’ve lived in Galway County your whole life. You could apply for emancipation tomorrow. Maisie, you meet the age requirement, but you’d have to wait until you’ve been here six full months.”
“That’s a few more weeks.” Maisie cast a glance at July.
July reached out and touched her arm. “That’s okay with me.”
But the social worker shook her head. “The county probably won’t let you stay with July that long, with July not being an approved foster parent and only having one bedroom. You’ll probably be in foster care for part of that time.”
It’s true; July’s apartment was feeling pretty crowded when we left a few minutes ago. Sam will be in her bedroom, July will be sleeping on the couch, and Maisie will be on my air mattress in the corner near July’s dining table, a folding screen giving her a little privacy.
Now I study July’s clean profile as we navigate deserted streets. It was hot and humid all day, and she’s in flimsy running shorts and a tank, her golden skin mesmerizing me as we move in and out of the streetlights’ glow. “What’s bothering you about it?”
Her frown is back. “It’s just…I want to support what they want, right? And it’s obvious that’s what they want. But it seems like…a final declaration that they’ll have to fend for themselves. No turning back.” She shakes her head, the end of her ponytail whipping in the heavy air. “I was just hoping they’d see how great Meg and David are. How happy their kids are. I want them to have somebody like that to help take care of them and love them.”
She’s not wrong. David and Meg are young and energetic and obviously adore their three children, who just as obviously return the feeling. But… “Maisie and Sam have been doing a great job taking care of themselves. They seem really proud and happy about that. I think it’s important to them.”
She sighs. “That and their freedom, I guess.”
“Mm-hmm.” But I know she’s still not convinced.
She turns her head to look at me again. “But what about an emergency? Who will take care of them in an emergency?”
“They’ll manage what they can. And we’ll be there to help with the rest. We’re not abandoning them, July, whatever the courts say. We were already helping some, and now that we know what’s going on, we can be more useful.”
“Well, that’s…true.” She sighs again. “I just hate this for them.”
“Yeah. It would be better if everybody had a good family.” I don’t add “like yours” but I know she’s thinking about that as we run a block in silence.
We’re not quite to our turnaround point yet, but the air feels like we’re breathing through a wet towel, and suddenly the street goes white in a brilliant flash of light followed immediately by an earth-shaking boom of thunder. The skies open up, and we’re drenched before we can even speak.
I’m grabbing for her arm even as she reaches for me, and we dart into the dubious shelter of a used bookshop doorway. We press back under the shallow overhang, dripping all over ourselves and each other. A foot in front of us, rain comes down in sheets, pounding awnings and vehicles, hissing as it hits the hot street and sidewalk.
“That seemed scary close.” But July is laughing, eyes shining, her smile wide and her voice breathless, sharing her joyful relief with me as she reaches up to slick water off her hair.
And just like that, something inside me rises up and rolls over, belly up, begging for her attention, basking in her glow even in dim street light on a stormy night. I slip willingly under her spell like we’re in that high school cafeteria all over again. I thought I was done with her.
I’m not.
She’s part girl who stole my heart, part miracle-working, sexy as fuck lifesaver of a grown woman, and she’s taken full possession of me. And I’m not sure how I feel about that.
“Yeah, we should stay put till the lightning stops at least.” I glance away, trying not to think about how close she is. How I can feel the warmth of her bare skin next to me. How I’d like to smooth the rain droplets on her face one by one with my fingertips. Kiss them off of her neck. Suck them off her lips. Lick them…
Shit.
She clears her throat. “What were we talking about?”
If her voice was shaky, mine’s a croak. “Emancipation.”
“Yeah. So…if they decide to petition for that, do you think we should support them?” She’s holding herself a little away from me, watching water rushing and gurgling in the gutters.
“Yeah.”
She looks so sad I reach out and touch her bare shoulder. “It’s not like we’re cutting them off from anybody they’ve got now. And we’re here if they need help.”
She nods. The storm seems to have dropped the temperature by twenty degrees. Goose bumps have formed on her exposed skin. The tiny blond hairs of her nape and her arms are standing on end.
I can’t pretend not to see. “Cold?”
“Not too bad.” But her teeth chatter.
I turn and pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her, rubbing my hands up and down her back, the way I’ve wanted to all night.
“Oh god.” She sighs. Drops her head to my shoulder. “How can you be so warm? You’re not wearing much more than I am, and you don’t have as much padding.”
I don’t answer. I love her padding, and I’m not sure I can speak, with her breath tickling my ear and our bodies pressing together and my renewed feelings filling me up to my eyes.
She sighs again. “I just want…the world to be better. So kids like Sam and Maisie don’t have to think about supporting themselves before they’re even done being kids.”
I rub her arms, my hands sliding over the silk of her skin, the sensation comforting me . “I’m surprised you don’t have a bunch of kids of your own, the way you like taking care of everybody.”
She shrugs. “Never really thought about it. There’s a lot of other things I want to do.”
“Like?”
“Stuff for Galway. Make it a place where we take better care of each other.” She raises her hands, rests them at my waist. It feels tentative, like a butterfly that might take off if I move.
“Stuff you want to do for other people, then.” I keep my movements slow and easy, but in a minute, I’m going to have to ease away from her or shift position so she can’t feel that I’m getting hard while she’s trying to talk to me about important things.
“Yeah, I guess.” Her voice is soft. Dreamy.
I lift my face from her hair and look in her eyes. “I get that. But what do you want for yourself?”
Her gaze flickers from my eyes to my mouth and back.
Christ. If I’m going to have a hope of loosening my hold, of moving away instead of pressing closer, it’s got to be now.
***
July
“But what do you want for yourself?”
The man I’ve dreamed about all my life, the guy who is a hero to kids and everything I’ve ever wanted in a lover and companion, and who has his warm hands on me right this minute , has a hell of a lot of nerve asking me that when I’ve been doing such a goddamn fantastic job of respecting what he said about not wanting me anymore. Of not asking or hoping for more. Of admiring him chastely from afar.
Well, from at least a foot or two away.
But at this moment, our bodies might as well be one, and his body says he’s not any more unaffected by it than I am.
The world seems hushed as I gaze at him, first into his mountain stream eyes and then at that mouth I know can be both gentle and hungry. His hands slow on me and mine pull him closer.
“What do you want for yourself?” I want you, Joe. I’ve always wanted you. Even when fear and exhaustion make me do stupid things. I’ve always wanted you.
His lips are two inches, one inch from mine, I’m raising up on the balls of my feet, and he should really pull back if he isn’t interested in me anymore because I am fixing to kiss the hell and the foolish, dangerous questions right out of him…
And then a bright light that is not lightning illuminates us both.
“Everything okay here, Ms. Tate?”
I pivot away from Joe, squinting and holding up one hand to block the light so I can see who’s talking.
Jimmy Moran. A young guy I used to babysit for, grinning cheekily at us from his police cruiser. The rain has stopped, and I don’t have a clue when that happened.
Jimmy turns off the bright light, still looking mighty pleased with himself.
Brat . “Everything’s fine, Jimmy. Since when do you call me Ms. Tate?”
“Since I became a public servant, ma’am, dedicated to public safety and stuff.”
I feel my eyebrows shoot up. “Oh, now you’re ma’am- ing me. What’d I do to piss you off, Jimmy?”
“You broke my heart, Ms. Tate. You promised you’d wait and marry me, and now I find you kissing some strange guy in a doorway.”
I feel the blush creep over my face as I spare a glance at Joe, who still has his hands on me and is looking from Jimmy to me with interest. And a smirk. “I’m not kissing him. And he’s not that strange.”
Joe snorts and lets go of me.
I don’t like it, but it brings me back to my senses. I focus on the smart-ass in the patrol car. “And besides, you were only eight when I said that, Jimmy. And I was only fourteen.”
Officer Jimmy shakes his head sadly. “A promise is a promise, Ms. Tate.”
“You’re almost thirty now, Jimmy. I waited as long as I could, but you never came around to make good on your proposal. I suggest it was my heart that was broken, and that if I were kissing Joe here, which I was not , it would not be an act of unfaithfulness.”
Jimmy rubs his chin, looking thoughtful. “I don’t know, July; that didn’t look like a not-kiss to me. Lotta leaning going on there. Looked like you were about to really lay one on each other.”
I shake my head. “Jimmy, we were sheltering from the storm. That’s all.” I feel a little queasy at the realization of how close I had come to making Joe have to reject me again.
“I don’t think it’s legal to fib to an officer of the law, Ms. Tate.” Jimmy lifts one hand, palm up, and shakes his head sadly when no rain falls in it.
“You’re cutting into my evening here, Jimmy. Just tell me straight out. How long before this story is all over town?”
“I get off in five minutes, Ms. Tate.”
“So…say, six, six and a half minutes?”
“Sounds about right, ma’am.”
“I’m gonna tell your mom you were hassling me, Jimmy.”
“No need, ma’am, she’s gonna be my first call.”
I drop my chin and give him my fiercest babysitter glare. “You’ve grown up to be a real pain in my ass, Jimmy.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He grins and puts the car in gear. “Y’all have a nice night.” He drives away and I can’t tell who’s smirking harder, Officer Jimmy or Joe.
I shove Joe’s arm. “You’re both a pain in my ass.”
He laughs. “It’s pretty cool how you know everybody. But I can definitely see how it could grow to be a pain in the ass.”
He steps out from under the overhang and tilts his head in the direction of home. I square my shoulders and follow him out. Our wet shoes make squishing noises as we run.
“Why’d you invite Rose and Angus to the meeting tonight?” His voice is light. Easy.
I’m glad he’s restarting the conversation because I wouldn’t have been able to, not with the feel of him holding me so fresh in my mind. “Rose because I thought she might know about something relevant going on in Galway.” She used to ask me for town and county information, but she’s worked hard, and now she’s the expert everyone goes to. “Angus just because…well, one, he’s a therapist, and two, if anything needs to be done to the cabin to make it safer or to help it weather the time until the kids can move back in, he’d be my first choice of someone to do it.”
Joe glances over at me. “You planning on paying him, or would he do it for free?”
“Probably a little bit of both. The kids almost certainly couldn’t afford him. But he almost certainly wouldn’t charge them his usual rate.”
“And what if they need a lawyer? You going to pay for that too?” This time he keeps his eyes on the street in front of us.
“Yeah.”
“I’ll help.” His voice is firm.
“You don’t have to do that, Joe. I’m the one who called a lawyer in tonight. I’m the one responsible for them right now.”
He laughs. “And we were just talking about how we’d both be there for them if they need us. Even if they get emancipated. I’ll split it with you.”
Guess I better get used to the idea of supporting the kids’ quest for emancipation. And of having someone to help me with that.
We run the last few blocks in silence.
He doesn’t repeat his question about what I want for myself. If he knows I was about to kiss him, he doesn’t let on. If he’s sorry I didn’t, I sure can’t see any sign of it. Thank god for Officer Jimmy, interrupting a mistake that would have resulted in my heart breaking all over again.
I’m such a freaking snowflake.