7. Gabrielle
Gabrielle
“What was I thinking? I can’t do this.”
“Oh, you can, and you will, Gab,” Kinsley says, shutting down my current spiral of emotions.
“You’re going to finish up this paperwork and then leave and go meet up with Mr. long-lost soulmate hot doctor and have the best damn hot chocolate of your life with him.” She scrunches her nose and looks up. “As weird as that sounds.”
Kinsley continues to stand over my desk, arms crossed.
I groan, dropping my pen and slumping back in my chair. “Or, hear me out—I stay here, do more paperwork, and completely avoid the possibility of reliving the most painful heartbreak of my existence. I never even texted him back anyway. He’s probably not even expecting me to show up.”
Kinsley lets out a sharp tsk and leans forward, planting her hands on my desk.
“Okay, one, I refuse to let you be this dramatic when I know for a fact that you’ve been internally screaming with joy since he texted you back last night.
And two, do you want me to physically drag you out of here? Because I will.”
I glare at her. “You’re like a whole foot shorter than me, I’d like to see you try.”
“I’m packed with a lot of adrenaline and the desperate need for soul-mates to be real. I’ll find a way.”
I roll my eyes, but even she knows deep down I want to give in.
I’ve spent all night and all morning trying to muster up the courage to make myself meet him after work. The second I saw his reply come through, my brain short-circuited, and my heart wanted to beat its way out of my chest.
Suddenly, I was sixteen again, desperate to be anywhere in Cam’s orbit.
Now here I am, an hour away from seeing him again, an hour away from walking straight into my heart’s demise.
This is dangerous emotional territory I’ve spent over a decade avoiding.
Kinsley is still watching me, eyes narrowed. “What exactly are you so afraid of?”
I pause at that because…I’m afraid of so much when it comes to him.
“That it’ll feel too good being around him.”
That I’ll forgive him for forgetting about me, that it will feel like coming home, that it will feel just like it always did with him, that I’ll let myself hope for the outcome I always dreamed of having with him.
Kinsley’s face softens, hopping up to sit on the edge of my desk. “Gab, it’s just hot chocolate. You can keep the expectations low, just enjoy seeing an old friend—an old, very hot friend,” she winks.
I look up at her. “You make it sound so simple.”
She shrugs. “It is simple, you want to see him, don’t you?”
I nervously chew on the end of my pen, not answering, but I don’t need to. She already knows how much I want to see him.
Kinsley grins. “Exactly, so, just go. Leave the expectations here and just go have fun.”
I let out a slow breath, glancing at the time on my computer screen.
Crap, it’s time for me to leave.
This is really about to happen.
I grab my bag, trying to stuff my laptop, folders, and the butterflies threatening to take over my stomach into it.
Standing up from my desk, I pause, looking at Kinsley. “If this ruins me, it’s your fault. I’m blaming you for not letting me run away.”
Giddiness overtakes Kinsley. “If it ruins you, I’ll be here to pick up all the pieces with you, I promise. But Gab,” She hops off the desk, coaxing me to the door, “I don’t think it will.”
I don’t say anything back. I just nod at her and walk out of the clinic, my heart beating so fast.
I’m starting to question every decision in my life that has led me to this moment.
* * *
The drive to the cafe felt entirely too short.
Even being stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic didn’t give me enough time to mentally prepare myself to see him again.
When we ran into each other the other week, it was just that, running into an old friend.
No pre-formed expectations, no long conversations, no re-living of the past, no emotions I wasn’t ready to face.
It was an unexpected and unplanned moment. Easy to walk away from.
Once I walk in here, I know this time, it won’t be easy to walk away after.
What if seeing him again opens back up something inside me I swore I closed years ago? What if it proves what I’ve been trying to deny all week? That I never really let him go? No matter how much time has passed, Cam still holds a piece of me that I’ll never get back unless he’s with me.
I swallow down my emotions, gripping the steering like it might stop the flood of memories threatening to surface.
I know that the second I step inside that cafe, it won’t just be about hot chocolate and small talk.
It’ll be him.
It’ll be us.
And I don’t know if I’m ready for that.
Just go inside already Gabrielle.
Yeah, well. That’s easier said than done.
My gaze drifts over to the Cafe, and I’m hit with that wave of memories.
We would always convince our parents to take us there when we were allowed out of the hospital or after check-up appointments. Then, when we became teenagers, we would go there for nostalgic purposes.
I can still hear his laugh so vividly in my head, can still see the whip cream mustache he’d get before dramatically wiping it away.
“One day, Gab, we’re gonna be adults sitting here. No hospital wristbands that feel like handcuffs. Just two normal people that aren’t sick, drinking hot chocolate together and talking about boring adult things.”
I remember laughing at him, rolling my eyes before asking, “You think we’ll still know each other when we’re adults?”
Cam wouldn’t even hesitate. “Of course. You’re stuck with me.”
Liar.
He left.
And for twelve years, this cafe had become a place I avoided.
Because every time I would drive by, I could still see us sitting in there at our favorite booth, hiding from the rest of the world and all of our problems. I could hear him making another one of his ridiculous theories about how hot chocolate had actual magical healing powers.
I could still picture myself sitting across from him, thinking that no matter how unfair life was, I at least had him to make it more bearable.
Until I didn’t. Until he was just…taken away from me.
As soon as my fingers grip the door handle of my car, a voice in my mind whispers to me that this wasn’t a good idea.
Yeah, I can’t do this. I should just turn around and go home. Pretend I got stuck at work. Pretend I never saw his message.
Just as I’m about to shift the gear back into reverse. I look into the cafe window and see him.
Sitting at our booth, stirring his drink absentmindedly, checking his watch and his phone, like maybe he thinks I’m really not coming.
Now I don’t just see the boy who left. I see a flash of the boy who loved me. The boy who fought beside me. The boy who promised we’d always find our way back to each other, no matter what.
Maybe he wasn’t lying after all.
Before I can change my mind, I step out of the car and walk inside.