15. Gabrielle #3
“I’m sorry, Gab. Knowing what I know now, I wish I had too. You don’t understand. Being back here with you…it feels like I can finally breathe again. It feels like a second chance being handed to me.”
Something inside my heart tips towards him at that.
I blink up at him, my heart pounding against my ribs. “So…what now?” I ask softly.
Cam exhales, running a hand through his hair before giving me a small, almost nervous smile. “That’s up to you.”
I stare at him, trying to figure out what that means. What I want it to mean. What I’m ready for it to mean.
But I don’t think I have to figure that out right now.
I think it’s enough to just be here with him, soaking in this moment.
Instead of saying anything else, I lean my chest against the wall, watching the city in front of us. Watching everyone else’s life go by while mine spirals from all these feelings.
Cam watches me for a long moment. Then, he exhales, tilting his head slightly as he studies me. There’s something almost resigned in the way his lips curve up—not quite a smile, not quite a frown.
“Like I said, I don’t want to scare you away, Gabrielle. If being friends is all you can give me,” he says, voice remarkably steady while being filled with so many emotions. “Then I’ll take it.”
He shifts closer, resting his hand on the lower part of my back, the warmth seeping deep into me despite the night’s cool weather.
“I’d rather have you in my life as my friend again than not have you around at all.
” His voice dips, something more rough now beneath it.
“But don’t think for a second that I don’t want more. ”
I suck in a breath, my fingers still holding onto the wall like a lifeline, like it’ll keep me from falling for him fully again if I brace onto it tight enough.
Cam huffs out a quiet laugh. “Because I do. And I always have, even when I thought I shouldn’t or didn’t deserve to. You were my best friend and my first love. Those feelings never went away.”
He turns back toward the city, like he’s giving me a moment to breathe and process everything he’s telling me.
Like he’s letting me decide what I want without pushing.
And that’s the dangerous part.
Because the truth is, I don’t know how to exist around Cam without falling for him.
I don’t think in the last twelve years that I ever actually got up from the first time.
I hesitate when the thought creeps in of what he said the other day.
What felt like pre-rejection at the time, but now feels so much more confusing.
“But…you said you weren’t looking for a relationship.
” I force out a nervous laugh to play off my feelings.
“Not that that’s what I’m saying we have to be, I just—”
Cam cuts me off before I can keep rambling, turning to face me fully. “Gabrielle.” His voice is firm. “I meant I wasn’t looking for a relationship with anyone—who wasn’t you.”
My breath catches.
Cam continues, filling my sudden silence.
“I don’t have commitment issues or anything,” he says, laughing lightly, “I just think nothing else has ever worked out for me because I was always stuck on the girl I left my heart with at sixteen. I don’t think you know the impact you had on me.
I don’t think you realize you were still in possession of my heart for all these years apart.
It was always only yours. I’ve never given it to anyone else. ”
What do I say to that? How do I tell him that I feel the exact same way? That every man I tried to let myself fall for has had to compete with him in my head.
My feelings for Cam have always been there, but the power he also holds over me scares me a little too much to give into yet. Every man in my life, including him, has hurt or left me behind.
I try to keep my heart in the safe territory for now.
“I’ve been hurt a lot, Cam. I know you never meant to hurt me, but when you left and cut me off, I was broken for a very long time. And then the ones who came after you did more damage to my heart than I think I’ve ever let myself acknowledge.”
“You know I would never want to intentionally hurt you, Gabrielle. We’re not kids anymore.
We don’t have people telling us what we can and can’t do.
Nobody is pulling us apart. It’s our decision.
Your decision. And like I said, I’m okay with being your friend if that’s all you need right now, but I didn’t want you to ever question if I still want you back,” he confesses.
I take a deep breath, trying to sort through all of my feelings. “I don’t think I can trust my heart not to love you the way it always has, but I’m also not sure it can handle being broken again either. I don’t want to lose you a second time.”
“You won’t,” he says confidently. “We take it slow, no pressure. Just two kids finding their way back to each other as friends. And if I’m lucky enough to hold your heart again one day, I promise it won’t get broken twice.”
I just nod, letting his words fully sink in.
I don’t think I’m ready for the whirlwind that Cam is on my heart. But if I’m being honest, I think it’s already too late to stop.