57. Gabrielle
Gabrielle
The world feels different today. Lighter? Like maybe, just for a little while, I can live in this version of reality.
For the first time in months, I’m letting myself believe in a kind of happiness that isn’t on borrowed time.
Today isn’t about grief or sickness. It’s about love. It’s about us.
I won’t lie, last night was pretty brutal for my newly co-dependent self, though.
I know it’s tradition to spend the night apart before the wedding, but I wanted to say screw that so badly.
I hadn’t been away from Cam for a single night since the moment he collapsed at the gala.
Not through the long hospital stays, not through the worst of the chemo, not through the nights when I laid awake listening to him breathe just to make sure he was still here.
But stupid Wes insisted, saying, “One night, Gabs. You’ll survive one night. And I’ll stay with him.”
I know Cam wasn’t thrilled about it either. But if I let myself worry too much, I knew I’d break and go back to him. So, I spent the night with Kinsley, going through the final details and obsessing about the moment I’d finally get to call him my husband.
My husband.
The words feel unreal. Like something I was never meant to have, a dream I thought I lost a long time ago when I lost him the first time. But today is supposed to be the happiest day of my life. And I’m going to make damn sure it’s exactly that.
“Alright, final touches,” Kinsley announces, stepping back from my hair with a satisfied smirk. “I should really quit my job and become a hairstylist. I’m seriously too gifted not to.”
I roll my eyes and smile, turning to face the mirror, then I let out a sigh, because for the first time in a long time, I recognize the girl looking back at me.
The one who isn’t exhausted, who isn’t terrified of the future looming over her.
I just see a girl, standing in a wedding dress, about to marry the love of her life, and she’s so happy, so ready for this next chapter, even if it’s nearing the end of the book.
The dress is perfect, just like today. Delicate lace hugging my torso, dipping into a deep but elegant neckline, the sheer floral panels down the sides. The flowing skirt pools around my feet like something out of a dream.
Kinsley appears behind me, adjusting her bridesmaid dress before meeting my eyes in the mirror. “You’re so beautiful, Gabs. I’m so happy for you. Ugh, I’m not gonna cry…I told myself I wouldn’t cry yet,” she says, waving her hands in front of her eyes, trying not to ruin her makeup.
“Thank you, Kins,” I say, blushing.
“You ready?” she asks.
I swallow hard, nodding. “So ready.”
A knock sounds at the door, and my heart jumps.
It’s my mom and Cam’s mom, both beaming as they step inside.
“Oh, Gabrielle,” my mom whispers, hand covering her mouth.
Cam’s mom blinks back tears. “You look absolutely stunning, sweetheart.”
Kinsley gives them a proud little shrug. “I mean, I did do her hair.”
I laugh, rolling my eyes again.
— Lost Without You by Freya Ridings—
The car ride to Central Park is a blur of nerves and excitement. My hands still shake in my lap as I try not to overthink every step I’m about to take.
When we arrive, I step out, my breath catching at the sight before me.
It’s perfect. Everything is so perfect.
The rustic wooden structure overhead, draped in greenery and soft white florals. The intimate setting, just our closest friends and family. The sun filtered through the trees, casting everything in a golden glow. It’s exactly what I pictured.
As we’re walking through the park towards our ceremony area, I catch a glimpse of a marking on one of the trees we pass by.
It takes me a minute to realize what I’m seeing, but when I do, my breath catches.
I see a star carved into the tree with the initials C and G inside.
It’s one of the many trees Cam and I marked with our initials here at Central Park as kids.
A surge of emotions runs through me at the thought of how much life Cam and I have lived together. How many beautiful moments we’ve had and how many amazing memories we’ve made together.
I wish so badly that I could see a lifetime of more memories with him.
I don’t think I’ll ever stop praying for that to become our reality, somehow still.
* * *
I barely register Kinsley looping her arm through Wes’s as they start down the aisle together. I barely hear the murmurs of our guests in their seats. I barely see anything else around.
Because my eyes are locked on him.
Cam is standing at the end of the aisle, waiting for me.
The fitted navy tux clings to him perfectly. His hair has finally grown back, full and beautiful as always. He looks healthy. Strong. You wouldn’t even know what he’s battling on the inside.
And he’s already crying.
I can see the way he blinks rapidly, swallowing hard, his hands clenching at his sides.
And great, now I’m crying too.
A warm hand settles over mine, and I turn, finding Cam’s dad smiling softly at me.
A couple of weeks ago, he came to me wanting to talk about the wedding.
“I’ve always loved you like a daughter, Gabrielle, even when you two were just kids joined at the hip. I’ve always been here for you just as much as I have for Cam. It would be my honor to walk you down the aisle if you’d let me.”
I might have cried just a little when he asked.
—You’re Still The One by Teddy Swims—
With the soft melody of “You’re Still The One” by Teddy Swims playing over the speakers, we step forward, walking down the aisle, walking towards the only future I’ve imagined and prayed for.
The song rings true with every word played.
Looking at the man waiting for me at the end of the aisle, I can’t seem to feel anything but grateful in this moment.
For everything he’s given me, for the love he’s always had for me, for the fight he’s always fought for me, to be standing here with me today, taking what time he has left and handing it to me.
When the lyrics “We beat the odds together” echo through the trees, there isn’t a dry eye in sight.
And as I reach Cam, as his hands find mine, as his thumb brushes away my tears, I can’t help but think—we did beat the odds.
Maybe not forever.
But for right now.
And that’s enough.
—Ordinary (Wedding Version) by Alex Warren—
Cam clears his throat, exhaling shakily as he pulls out a folded piece of paper. Then, he looks at me, eyes brimming with love, voice thick with emotion.
“Gabrielle Naomi Voss. I have loved you since I was a wild seven-year-old who didn’t even know what love was.”
A lump rises in my throat already.
“You saved me. In every way a person can be saved, you saved me. When I was a scared, sick kid who didn’t think he’d ever make it out of that hospital, you made life worth fighting for.
When I lost you, you were the one dream I held onto through all of the years we were apart.
Even when I had to love you from over 2000 miles away, I never stopped.
And when you came back into my life, the second I heard that beautiful voice again, I swore to myself I wouldn’t let you slip away from me a second time. ”
A tear slips down my cheek, and he reaches out, instinctively brushing it away before continuing.
“I don’t know how much time we’ll have. I wish I could promise you forever.
But what I can promise you is that for every second I have left, I will love you.
I will cherish you. I will give you everything I have, for as long as I have it to give.
I will love you with everything I am. I will show up for you, and I will choose you.
In every small moment, in every breath, and in every heartbeat—I will be yours.
And when my body can’t be here anymore, know that my soul will stay by your side, loving you just the same. ”
I can’t stop crying, and now neither can he as he tries to get through the rest.
“You are my best friend, my only home, and my greatest love story. No matter what happens, I will always be yours. I hope you hold on to my memory the way I’ll be holding on to yours wherever I go after this life.
I fully plan on begging God to give me visiting hours with you from heaven, because loving you is the only forever I’ve ever wanted. ”
I let out a shaky breath, gripping his hands tighter. Trying not to fall apart.
—Invisible Strings by Taylor Swift—
I take a deep breath, staring at the man in front of me—the man I’ve loved since I was a little girl, the man I thought I lost, the man I get to marry today.
My hands tremble slightly in his, and I tighten my grip, grounding myself in the warmth of his touch.
“Cameron Mathew Hayes. You have been my best friend, my greatest heartbreak, my biggest what-if, and my purest love.”
His fingers squeeze mine.
“We have lived a thousand lives in the time we’ve spent together—some filled with laughter, some with pain, some where I thought I’d never get you back.
But if I’ve learned anything through it all, it’s that no matter where life took us, no matter how much time or distance there was between us, you have always been the love of my life. ”
His eyes shine with unshed tears.
“There was never a version of our lives where I didn’t love you, Cam.
Not when we were kids, lying side by side in hospital beds, dreaming about a world beyond those walls, not when we were teenagers, figuring out how to love each other in a way that was so much bigger than either of us understood, and not when we were apart—when I spent every day trying to convince myself I was okay without you when that was the furthest thing from the truth. ”
A tear spills down his cheek, and I reach up, brushing it away like he did for me.
“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the reason I believe in soul mates, the reason I believe in love that defies time, distance, and every obstacle the universe has thrown at us.”
I take a shaky breath, trying to calm my nerves and emotions.
“I wish I could promise us a different future. I wish I could promise us all the years back we lost, what should have been ours, and all the things we still deserve to have together, but what I can promise is this—I will love you until your last breath. And after that, I will keep loving you until my last breath. I will love you in the quiet moments, in the chaos, in the laughter, and in the tears. I will love you through the hardest days, through the uncertainty, through whatever comes next. I will love you in this lifetime and every lifetime after that. You are my home, Cam. My beginning, my middle, and my end. I am so lucky to be standing here with you today, and I will cherish every day we’re blessed with after this together. ”
His breath shudders as his forehead falls against mine. The world around us simply disappears in this moment.
When the officiant finally says, “Cam, you may kiss your bride,” he doesn’t hesitate. He dips me, one hand pressed firmly to my back, the other tangled in my hair, and he kisses me so deeply, so thoroughly, it’s like he’s breathing what’s left of his life into me.
For the first time in months, I don’t think about the countdown. I don’t think about what’s waiting for us on the other side of this moment. I just exist in it.
Today I became a wife, his wife, Mrs. Hayes, and I will die his wife, even if it’s long after he does.