CHAPTER SEVEN Old Songs
Jalen called the next afternoon while Maya was driving from a client meeting in Beverly Hills.
She let it ring once, twice, then pressed the button on her steering wheel.
"Hey.""You busy?""Driving.""Perfect. You're trapped.
""I can hang up.""You won't."The confidence irritated her because it felt familiar.
"Don't be so sure.""I'm never sure with you, May.
That's kind of the problem."Traffic crawled along Wilshire.
Maya adjusted the air conditioning even though the car was already cool.
"What did you call for?""I heard our song.
"There it was again."We did not have a song.
""Liar."He named the old R&B track.Maya smiled before she could stop herself.
"That was your song. You played it until I hated it.
""You never hated it.""I hated plenty of things about you.
""Yeah, but not that song."For the next ten minutes they talked about senior year.
The school parking lot. Friday-night games.
The cheap diner that stayed open late. The time Jalen got suspended for arguing with a teacher and Maya refused to speak to him because she thought he had ruined his college chances.
The spring night he took her to Griffith Observatory after they had spent a week fighting.Maya remembered standing beside him under the city lights and thinking Los Angeles looked endless.At eighteen, forever and endless had seemed like the same thing.
"You remember prom?" Jalen asked."Unfortunately.
""You looked beautiful.""You disappeared for half an hour.
""I was outside with Marcus.""You were outside with Marcus and two girls from another school.
""Here we go.""You asked me to remember.
"He laughed, but Maya did not."I was stupid," he said.
"You keep saying that like it fixes things.
""No. I say it because I don't want to pretend I was better than I was.
"Maya swallowed.There was something seductive about remorse.
It allowed her to revisit old pain with a new ending.
"Do you ever wonder what would've happened if we'd met later?
" he asked.The question changed the air inside her car.Maya tightened her hands on the wheel.
"Jalen.""I'm asking.""You know I have a boyfriend.
""I know.""A serious boyfriend.""I know that too.
""Then don't ask me things like that."He was silent.
"You're right," he said finally. "My bad.
"Maya expected relief.Instead, disappointment flickered through her.
She hated herself for that more than anything.
"I need to go," she said."All right.""Bye.
""Bye, May."She ended the call and drove in silence.That evening, Andre had made reservations at a small Italian restaurant in Brentwood.
He wore the navy shirt Maya loved and had shaved just enough to make his beard look sharp.
"What's the occasion?" she asked."Do I need one?
""With you? Usually there is a spreadsheet somewhere.
"He laughed. "I canceled the spreadsheet.
"Halfway through dinner, Andre reached across the table.
"I know work has been heavy lately," he said.
"You seem somewhere else sometimes."Maya's stomach tightened.
"I'm okay.""I didn't say you weren't.""Just tired.
"He studied her.Andre's quiet attention had never frightened her before.
Now it felt like a light aimed at a place she had tried to keep dark.
"If there's something going on," he said, "you can tell me.
"Maya almost did.The sentence rose all the way to her tongue.I saw Jalen.It would have been so simple then.Andre might have been uncomfortable.
He might have asked questions. But there was still a version of the truth that could have saved them from what came next.Instead, Maya reached for his hand.
"Nothing's going on."Andre held her gaze for a second longer.Then he nodded.
"Okay."Trust was a terrible thing to receive when you had started to misuse it.After dinner they walked along the quiet street.
Andre put his jacket over Maya's shoulders when the wind picked up.
He talked about taking her to Napa in the fall.
Maya slipped her hand into his.She wanted to be fully present.She wanted the old songs to stop playing.But later that night, lying beside a man who had never made her question his loyalty, Maya found herself wondering what would have happened if she and Jalen had met at thirty instead of eighteen.