Steak and Gratuitous Handcuffing
Malachi led the way around the building, nose to the ground, following the twisting and turning trail of the demonic suspect.
It was confusing to the humans, as the thief's route meandered like a goat rather than a person intent on committing a crime.
The path doubled back on itself, looped around trees, and carved a winding slink through some decorative hedges alongside the massive building.
“Is he… lost?” Kassidy wondered out loud as he monitored Malachi’s disjointed path. The skepticism in his voice and face was clear as his nose wrinkled in concern. He glanced at Chuck from the corner of his eye, not wanting to disparage her partner, but very unsure of his competence at this point.
“No,” Chuck responded flatly, not bothering to hide her exasperation.
“He’s following the path exactly as it was laid out.
It would seem our suspect either has a sense of humor or is quite possibly clinically insane.
” She gestured for him to follow her down the sidewalk as she paced beside the black dog snuffling through the bushes.
Popping out from behind the last one, Malachi glanced at her and disdainfully grumbled, I feel like I’m chasing a fucking toddler.
Someone’s demonic crotch fruit is definitely having some fun at our expense.
Gives new meaning to the phrase semen demon.
I know where this is going, but I don’t want to leave the trail and risk missing something. This is starting to really piss me off.
“Keep up the good work, Malachi. Good boy, stay on it!” she called in an upbeat response.
She sounded like an overly perky former cheerleader, still reliving her glory days.
Somehow, she even found the audacity to clap.
If she had a ponytail, it would have been swinging violently in time with her spirited applause.
I know I’m a good boy. In fact, I’m at my fourth church today. So, I’d say I’m a fan-fucking-tastic boy. There better be steak tonight. And gratuitous handcuffing, lots of handcuffing.
“Doing great, Malachi. Steak dinner, come on, find,” she laughed.
Kassidy eyed her sideways before he slowly asked, “Does he understand all that?”
“He does,” she reassured, waving him off like a pesky fly. “Malachi is highly intelligent. He’s the best partner I’ve ever had.” Her voice was full of pride, which kept him from shuddering at her effusive praise.
“And you said he gets along with your boyfriend?” Kassidy asked casually. He hooked his thumbs in his belt loops and grinned disarmingly. Despite the easy-going tone, his shoulders were tense, and the crease between his eyebrows was pinched, betraying his anxiety about the question.
Here we go, Malachi groaned. I told you, he’s not getting the hint. He wants you, but he seems irritated about that. I’m going to bite him AND pee on him, then pee on you. In fact, sit down; I’m going to hump your leg.
Chuck tilted her head toward the detective as she ignored the last thought.
“Absolutely. You could almost say they’re inseparable.
The only time they aren’t together is when he’s on patrol with me.
Joined at the hip they are. Yep, it’s almost like Evan and Malachi are the same person sometimes.
” She bit her lip to hide the giggle that was bubbling in her chest.
Ha. Ha. Ha, Malachi sent dryly. Keep it up, and you’ll have your own comedy special in no time. Following the trail, he headed to the entrance. He glanced back and rolled his eyes, not caring if Kassidy saw. Let her explain that one.
Sure enough, the extravagantly mustached officer caught the glance and stumbled to a stop before he sputtered, “D—Did… Did he just… I swear he just rolled his eyes!”
“Hmm?” Chuck inquired absently as she turned to watch her K-9 climb the front steps. “Oh, look, here’s the door!” She pointed unnecessarily where Malachi pawed at the sill.
Rearing up on his hind legs, he sniffed the handle first, then the frame of the door before woofing a low confirmation that this was where the scent led.
A low whine indicated that he needed to get inside to follow it further.
Dropping back to the ground, he turned to stare at Chuck, waiting for her to open it.
As he sat patiently, the wind shifted and brought the fresh odor of brimstone to his nostrils; his muzzle quivered at the intrusion.
Malachi went statue still, shoulders tense, hackles raised, like a predator scenting prey.
His ears swiveled toward the source of the smell, trying to pick up any sound that would further give away the position of the demon.
He was certain it was the same one that had been breaking into the places of worship, stealing the holy trinkets to get his attention.
It was out there now. Nearby. Watching them.
Monitoring their progress. He caught the slightest shift of leaves to his right and swung his head that way, moving into alert position as he crouched.
“Malachi,” Chuck breathed in a whisper as she squatted next to him, unhooking his leash. “Are they here? Did you find the… person?”
He woofed quickly, confirmation for Kassidy’s benefit. For Chuck, he gave more specific feedback. Three o’clock from my position. Sitting on the grass up there behind that retaining wall. I can hear and smell them. They’re watching us, waiting to see what we do.
Without further question, Chuck released her grip on his vest. “Retrieve,” she commanded firmly.
Like a bullet from a gun, he shot forward, his powerful legs digging into the ground, churning up the grass as he ran.
His body was that of a Malinois, meaning he was already at the top of his physical game for a canine.
Adding in his demonic strength and speed, he became a mere blur as he bolted toward the spy.
A panicked squeal caught his ears once the other demon realized he was on to them and closing in fast. Scrabbling and rapid breathing turned to pounding footsteps as they turned and fled from him in abject terror.
Which was odd, as demons didn’t typically show that type of fear from another demon.
Running full tilt toward the wall that was at least ten feet tall, he bunched his thighs and launched, easily running up, then clearing the stone surface.
He landed with barely a grunt and continued churning his legs toward his prey.
As he finally caught sight of the other demon, he nearly stumbled with surprise as he realized who, or rather what, he was chasing.
The other demon was also in dog form. Almost solid black, she was looking over her shoulder, her ears swinging wildly as she tried to escape him. Her eyes widened with fear, and she whimpered in terror as he closed the gap on her.
Wait! he called breathlessly to the demon that looked like a black Labrador but had a white patch on her chest and white feet with spots like a Dalmatian.
Her whip-like tail flashed side to side uncertainly as she continued fleeing from him.
I don’t want to hurt you! I just want to talk!
He pleaded, hoping she’d listen. He reduced his speed to add veracity to his words.
Slowing as well, she glanced at him again uneasily. Just talk? came a timid, shaky voice. That’s all? You… you aren’t going to kill me? she asked hopefully.
He slowed even more, walking now, not wanting to spook the female any further. Yeah, just talk. I just want to know who you are and why you’re doing this. It’s a little… odd, he admitted.
Coming to an abrupt stop, her sides heaving with the exertion of their chase, she eyed him warily.
That’s it? she questioned once more, still unsure of his full intentions.
Which, given their demonic heritage, was justified, but she was much more nervous than called for, given he had already stopped chasing her.
Spotted paws continued an uneasy dance, lifting and dropping in place, ready to bolt at the slightest provocation.
Her body stayed tense, but her eyes lost their wild, terror-filled appearance.
That’s it, he promised softly, trying to keep his voice quiet and reassuring.
Slowly, he took a few tentative steps closer, pausing when she flinched.
I don’t care about what you’re doing to the sacred objects.
You can set them on fire and dance in their ashes for all I care.
I just want to know why you’re doing this and make sure you don’t plan to hurt Chuck.
That’s the female officer I’m with, in case you didn’t know.
If you have any plans against her, I’ll be very…
angry. But otherwise, I’m mostly just curious, because you’re obviously looking for me.
Assuming you’re the one leaving me messages.
He sat and panted, making himself as harmless as possible, waggling his head so his large pointy ears flopped.
She stared at him warily for a moment, then she sighed, an utterly exhausted sound as she finally relaxed her shoulders.
Settling onto her hind legs, she considered him for another moment, tilting her head as well in doggy confusion.
O-okay, she finally relented. You’re right.
I was trying to get your attention. I wasn’t sure how to do it.
Everyone talks about you. You know. She paused, dragging her paws over the ground, digging a small hole.
They talk, down below. Not to me. No one talks to me.
But I hear things. They say you’re mainstreaming, and that you consort with angels.
That even Amaryllis the Defiler likes you. You’re favored by both Heaven and Hell!
In her excitement, she stood again and took an eager step forward, her words now coming out in a rush like a torrent of vomit after a hard night of drinking.
His head nearly spun trying to keep up with what she was saying.
He latched onto one thing and ran with it.
You were looking for me specifically. Why? What do you want from me?
Head dropping low, she stared at the ground and pawed at it like a toddler digging her toes in the dirt once more, deepening the hole she’d started.
Briefly, he worried she was digging her own grave, but she stopped and sighed before speaking again, her tone wistful.
Because you have feelings. You know what to do with them.
And you have friends. Like, actual friends.
People that like you, even knowing you’re a demon.
I want to know how you did it. I want that too.
Her gaze rose once more, and he saw it was full of longing and pain.
A surprising combination in any demon other than him.
Staring at her in confusion, he quietly thought back through the rest of the words she’d blurted at him before.
Absently, he sniffed the air around her and paused as he detected that otherness he’d smelled before.
It intrigued him, as it was still tickling the back of his mind with familiarity.
She was not fully demon, but what that other was, he couldn’t pinpoint it.
Whatever it was, it didn’t mix right. Regardless of that peculiarity, now was not the time to deep dive into it.
Chuck’s voice sounded from behind him as she and the detective made their way around the wall.
They were fast approaching and would soon be in sight. He made his decision.
Hide, he instructed firmly, hints of his former station as a Lieutenant of the Six Ward Legion of Demons slipping into his tone.
Go hide, silence your sounds, blur your movements, and make your way to the police cars in the lot out front.
Get under the big SUV that smells like me.
I’m going to lead them away. Stay down, stay quiet.
When we leave, I’ll make sure Chuck gets you in the car with me, and we can talk more then.
But I’m warning you, if you even THINK about hurting my Chuck, I will fucking end you faster than you can say Hellfire.
I won’t! she promised frantically, backing up a step, her tail lashing wildly.
I won’t hurt her. I couldn’t. I can’t. It’s not possible.
I’ll hide. The panicked thoughts ceased as she scrambled away, heading around to the parking lot, searching for the appropriate vehicle.
Her tail was now wedged between her hind legs, giving her a stumbling, drunken wobble as it tripped her.
It was clear she was not used to being a dog.
Wrenching his gaze away from the strange demon, Malachi dug his claws into the ground once more and hurried into the lot adjacent to the large warehouse store that was behind the church.
He circled around a parking spot and sniffed, grumbling as he paced.
When Chuck finally caught up to him, panting as she tried to catch her breath, she crouched, watching him for answers.
Weird shit, Chuck. I found the demon, but I told her to hide.
We’re going to take her home with us. Something is really fucking off with her; she seems young and not very demonly, but she won’t hurt you.
I made it clear you were off limits. So, I’m pretending the suspect got in a car and escaped.
Can you steer Kalvin Ovalplant in another direction?
Nodding in agreement—because she always trusted him—Chuck rose, stretching to her full height and raising her chin before she eyed Kassidy carefully as he trotted up next to them.
He was trying to catch his breath, pretending he wasn’t as red-faced and winded as he truly was.
His hand stroked his mustache, covering his mouth as he gasped.
After a few strained inhalations, he finally gave in to his screaming lungs.
He leaned forward, placing his hands on his thighs as he sucked in several deep whooshing breaths.
“They must have gotten into a vehicle here,” Chuck announced casually, ignoring how out of shape the detective was.
“That’s what it means when he circles like that.
Basically, the scent stopped. Damn”—she shook her head ruefully—“I thought we could wrap this up for you sooner rather than later, but it looks like we’re back to square one.
Anyway, I think that’s enough for today.
We can do some more stops another day. I think there’s what, two, three more?
” At his slow nod, she continued, slapping her hands on her thighs for emphasis.
“Great. So, text me the first spot and what time, and we will be there. Gonna take him home and give him a well-deserved dinner.”
After a few mumbled exchanges, they agreed on a plan and parted ways. Chuck took her time clipping his leash and making her way back to the lot. Once there, she waved as the detective left before crouching to peer under the vehicle for the new demon her K-9 had apparently adopted.