Chapter 28 Sydney - Homesick Blues
Chapter 28
Sydney - Homesick Blues
A year went by in a blur. I wanted to go home more than anything. I missed the wide-open spaces and being able to see the stars at night. I checked for cheap flights weekly but had no luck. Austin didn’t feel the need to go back to “the cornfields,” as he called it. He made friends with a few of the session musicians and hung out with them frequently. They played poker and watched sports together. I knew he entertained female company in his room from time to time, but I didn’t ask. They always came and went through the garage, and he usually cranked up his stereo when they were there, I assume to muffle any antics. I stayed upstairs when I knew he had a visitor. The less I knew, the better.
Brooke scheduled a dinner date with me three separate times but cancelled at the last minute all three times. It didn’t surprise me, but it still hurt my feelings. I longed to be close with Brooke, but our age difference didn’t help. Abby and I kept trying to find time to connect in person, but our work schedules never meshed. My parents didn’t seem to miss me, and Meghan didn’t have any vacation time banked at her new job yet.
Samson kept me busy and kept my homesick feelings at bay, for the most part. The rest of him finally caught up with his massive paws. We took part in advanced training twice a week with Daisy in one of her classes. He learned fast, and I took him everywhere. Riding in the front seat of my truck made him happy, and we spent many hours at the beach, throwing a ball or frisbee. We often joined up with Daisy when she was walking clients nearby.
When Brooke, Abby, and I were kids, we always had pets in our family, but I’d never had one that I could call my own. Samson was my first official pet. He got spoiled from day one. I let Samson sit on the sofa with me to watch TV, and he slept under the covers at the foot of my bed. He frequently received morsels from the table, along with his regular diet and treats during training. I had full conversations with him when we were alone.
One late afternoon as I was emptying spoiled take-out containers from the fridge, I heard a knock at the front door, followed by the doorbell. Samson let out a low woof, fumbled down from the sofa, and padded towards the door. I didn’t have an Amazon delivery pending, and we didn’t get visitors. Who would drop by without calling or texting first?
When I opened the door, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Abby stood on the stoop with a suitcase by her side. I squealed. “Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! You’re here! How??? Why?? I’m so excited!”
She jumped up and down. “Surprise, indeed! I knew you were homesick, and I wanted to make you feel better.”
I wrapped her in a huge hug and wouldn’t let go. “You are the best sister ever!”
“You know it. Will you let me in? It’s been a long flight.”
“Of course!” I grabbed her suitcase and ushered her into the house. “This is the best day ever!”
I was happier than a sea lion with a new beach ball. This was exactly what I needed, and it felt warm and fuzzy to have my favorite sister here with me.
Abby leaned down in the entryway and held her hand out to Samson. “Hello there, big boy. You look like an excellent protector.” He sniffed her hand and allowed her to scratch behind his ears.
“Have a seat anywhere. I’m going to make us tea.” I hustled to the kitchen, picked up the kettle, and poured water from the faucet in it before setting it on the stove.
Abby sat down on one of the bar stools at the counter. “How long have you had Samson? He isn’t full grown yet, is he? ”
“No, he’s not. He’s been with me for about ten months now. We celebrated his first birthday last week. He won’t be fully mature until he’s three or four years old. At this size, he’s already a fantastic jerk deterrent. I get a wide berth when I take him for a walk on the beach. It provides me with great amusement.”
“You’re supposed to use your dog to attract men, not repel them. How are you going to date if you chase them away?”
“Samson is dignified and handsome. Besides, if a guy is afraid of my dog, then I won’t waste my time on him. Besides, being fat does not mean that I’m desperate for attention. Nothing could be further from the truth.”
I poured two mugs of hot water and got the cream out of the fridge. “The tea bags are in that box on the table.”
She brought the box over and took her time responding. “I don’t like it when you talk about yourself that way. We all have challenges in relationships. I know what a wonderful person you are, and I hope you find someone who truly deserves you. Any man would be lucky to have you. And if he screws it up and breaks your heart, he will have to answer to me.”
“Thanks, Abby. I don’t hear good things about myself often. I’m guessing you don’t either.” Our parents did not dole out compliments, at least where Abby and I were concerned. We spent our entire childhood living in Brooke’s shadow, never quite measuring up to her no matter how hard we tried.
“No, I don’t. Our parents aren’t perfect people. They did their best. We had a home, food, and clothes. We all got to go to summer camp. I know they weren’t warm and fuzzy emotionally. We can’t change that, but we can work it out with our therapists.” She smirked at me.
“You always know what to say. How do you do that?”
“Because I am brilliant. And beautiful. And completely right about all of it.”
I threw a dry tea bag at her in disgust, and she ducked just in time. Austin chose that moment to enter the kitchen, and the tea bag hit him in the arm.
“Hey now! The tea bag toss isn’t until two o’clock,” he shouted.
I burst into a fit of laughter, and Abby followed suit.
He shook his head and clucked at us. “Fantastic. I’ve accidentally walked into the looney bin. ”
“Oh hush. You need a straitjacket, and you know it,” I sputtered, still laughing.
“I thought you were in here talking to yourself. You both sound exactly alike.” He came over and gave Abby a one-armed hug. “What brings you out here to La La Land, anyway?” He made his way to the coffeepot.
“I had a feeling Sydney felt a little homesick. Here I am — surprise! I lied and told my boss we had a death in the family. That bought me three free days to spend with you.” She sipped her tea and played with the tea bag sitting in the water.
Austin leaned against the counter while he waited for his second pot of magic bean water to percolate. “Have you ladies concocted a plan for mischief and mayhem already?”
“No, we have not. But there are no boys allowed on our adventures. Except for Samson. He’s better behaved than most people.” I didn’t want to share Abby with anyone. But then I remembered. Brooke.
I sat on the stool next to Abby and faced her. “Did you tell Brooke you were coming?” I loved Brooke, but she always took over and sucked the fun out of everything.
She flinched. “I had to tell her, Sissy. She mentioned brunch on Sunday before I fly back to New York. We can do that, can’t we? You know I don’t play favorites.”
Abby always tried to keep everyone happy. When I was born, Abby still had difficulty pronouncing certain letters. She couldn’t quite say “Sydney”—it came out like “Sissy”, and it stuck. She’s the only one who’s allowed to call me that. I still felt sour from Brooke cancelling on me multiple times. If there were mimosas involved with brunch, I figured I could behave. “Yes, brunch. Austin, do you want to join us?”
“Not a chance. Have you seen the way the three of you interact? I have. That’s going to be a hard pass for me.” He shook his head and took another swig of coffee.
I smacked my hand to my forehead. “We don’t have anywhere for you to sleep. We didn’t buy furniture for the other bedrooms because we’ve been thinking about getting roommates.”
Abby waved her hand at me. “Hush now. I can bunk with you or Austin. I’m not fussy. ”
Austin closed his eyes and his face flushed. “I’m going to get a shower. See you ladies later.” He topped off his coffee and disappeared.
Abby giggled. “He left in a hurry. Was it something I said?”
I shook my head. Austin could be antisocial at times.
“Let’s change the subject. Have they given you a release date yet for this blessed movie? I’ve been bragging about you at work, but by now they probably think you’re imaginary.”
I swirled my spoon in my tea. “I wish. Venus gives us an update occasionally. Except it’s not an update because nothing is happening. There have been several delays in shooting, and it looks like it won’t come out this summer. Probably next year on Memorial Day weekend. If they can figure out which end is up before then.”
“Geez, that must be frustrating.”
“It is. I wish they’d release the song as a teaser for the movie, but we don’t get to control anything. At least we have a day job while we wait. Do you want to go to the beach today? I hope you brought a swimsuit.”
“Yes, silly girl. I sure did.”
“Then that’s what we’re doing. Do you need a beach towel?”
“I forgot that part. I can’t overpack with an airline-approved carry-on suitcase.”
“If anyone can do it, you can. I’ve seen how you pack. Let’s get going. The sun and the sand are calling.”
We spent the afternoon at the beach, reading smutty novels while we soaked in the warmth from the sun. Kites dipped and soared in the breeze in a multi-colored dance. Saltwater and coconut lotion perfumed the air. I loved that Abby and I didn’t have to do anything elaborate to enjoy our time together. Our similarities made it easy. I laid on my stomach on my towel, with my head resting on my crossed arms. Abby lay on her back, sunglasses shielding her from the potent rays. Samson loved watching the seagulls and sat entranced by their flitting back and forth over the waves.
“I could lay here forever, listening to the ocean and keeping warm in the sun,” Abby mused. “It’s more laid-back here than NYC, that’s for certain.”
“I agree completely. But I love the electric energy in New York. I always feel like anything is possible when I’m there.”
“True. But you’ve only experienced it in the honeymoon phase. Once you’ve lived there for a while, that sparkle fades. ”
I thought about that. “I guess that’s true whenever you live somewhere long enough. I’m still adjusting to the vibe here. I don’t think I’ll ever feel like I fit in, though. Everyone is thin, and I’m always self-conscious about the fact that I’m not.”
“You’re my sister, and I love you. It’s difficult to hear you say things like that. Even though I know your point is valid. This is a thin-centric environment. It must be challenging.”
“Yes, but I don’t want to talk about depressing things. Let’s change the subject.”
Abby brightened. “Sure! I’ve been dying to ask you, what’s it like living with a guy that’s not your boyfriend?”
“It’s not that bad. We eat dinner together most evenings. He has his own bathroom and I do too. There’s no bickering over who left hair in the sink. We carpool to work together. He does his laundry and I do mine. It’s not a bad arrangement.”
“And you two are just roommates? You can tell me, Sissy. I won’t tell Mom and Dad.”
“Yes, we’re just roommates. Why?”
“I’ve seen the way he looks at you when you don’t notice.”
“I don’t think he thinks about me that way. We had this one moment when I thought there was something, but he made it clear that we’re just friends. I’ve seen the women he brings home. Skinny, beautiful, and perfect. I can’t compete with that. Don’t want to.”
“Are you seeing anyone right now?”
“No. I have Samson, and that’s enough for me. I take him to obedience classes, and we go for walks with the instructor, Daisy, pretty frequently. Venus takes me with her to industry parties and we eat lunch together at least once a week. One of the sound engineers, Tori, and I come to the beach together. She doesn’t say much, but I enjoy her company.”
“I don’t feel lonely. Online dating is such a dumpster fire. I get tired of the games, and all the rude jerks who, within the first few minutes of texting, ask me my bra size and whether I shave or not. It’s degrading and eats at my soul. Do you have any luck with online dating?”
“Not yet. I recently broke my rule and started going out with someone at work. I thought things were going well. We went out to dinner, a couple of concerts, and I went to see his band play at a local club. We texted constantly. We’d been dating for three months, then one night after sex, he tells me he thinks we’re from two different worlds. I brushed it off in the moment, but he broke up with me the next day after work. I never saw it coming. And then I had to face him at work.”
“That’s shitty.”
“Tell me about it. That torture went on for a couple of weeks while I worked through my feelings. And that’s why they say you shouldn’t date people you work with. We’re friendly again now, but it took time. I haven’t gone out with anyone since.”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Abby. That stinks. Geez.”
“That’s okay. Live and learn, right?” She sat up. “I’m going to go play in the waves for a little bit. You coming?”
I put Samson in a down/stay and we raced towards the water.
Journal Entry
Abby’s visit was the medicine I needed! Three days wasn’t long enough, but I will gladly take whatever she can give me. I knew Brooke wasn’t going to show for brunch, but I didn’t say anything. I know Abby tries hard to keep the three of us together.
I keep thinking about what she said about Austin and the way he looked at me when I wasn’t aware. It made me think about that kiss at the shooting range. He was definitely kissing me back and pressing against me. I’m not imagining that. But then he said he didn’t want to complicate our friendship. How was I supposed to feel after that? I try to push it from my mind, but it keeps popping into my thoughts at the most inconvenient moments.
It’s one more scenario where I’m good enough to be a friend, but not quite good enough to fuck. The fat chick loses again. No surprises here. All I can do is move forward and pretend it never happened.
But it did .
And I can’t forget so easily.